This coming weekend (phrasing), Saturday June 8th to be specific, the first annual DFO LA Metro Pub Crawl is happening. All DFO lurkers, commentists, stalkers, and authors are welcome! That includes YOU, so you should be there. But time grows short and you have to make your plans NOW!!!!!
The concept is simple: We will meet up at LA’s Union Station. From there, for the low low price of $7 for a Metro Day Pass or $10 for a Metrolink Weekend Pass, we will explore the best bars located within one or two blocks (that’s maximum LA walking distance, or so I’m told) of a metro station. For 2019, we will be exploring the Red Line:
In order to make it easier for our folks in surrounding counties to join us, we will all meet at Union Station between 10:30 and 11:00 AM at the doors of the Imperial Western Beer Company located within Union Station for a kickoff drink as soon as they open at 11.
We will then take the red line subway to the Hollywood/Highland stop where our crawl will begin. During the crawl, we will visit several bars on our way back to Union Station.
The confirmed stops are as follows:
Won’t you please join us? We are poor and we need someone to buy us drinks!!!!!!!
Also you might get to see me, tWBS, hit on several women and strike out repeatedly in multiple locations.
Everyone but me seems to think that’s amusing.
But just remember, getting that one “Yes” is worth going through the half dozen “No’s” before it. I wish I had realized that when I was younger.
For more information, go here.
You might even go home with some Sponch.
No that is not a euphemism.
–
Tonight’s Sportzballing Type Stuff
NHL Stanley Cup Finals
- Boston @ St. Louis (Game 4, BOS up 2-1) – 8:00pmEDT – TV: NBC
NBA Finals
- None. GS and Toronto tied 1-1. Game 3 on Wednesday.
MLB
- Houston @ Seattle – 10:00pmEDT – TV: ESPN
NCAA Baseball Tourney
- Michigan vs Creighton – (Regional Final, winner advances) – 7:00pmEDT – TV: ESPN2
- Oklahoma State vs UConn – (Regional Final, winner advances) – 7:00pmEDT – TV: ESPNU
- UCLA vs Loyola Marymount – (Regional Final, winner advances) – 10:00pmEDT – ESPN2
- Stanford vs Fresno State – (Regional Final, winner advances) – 10:00pmEDT – TV: ESPNU
Jeopardy!
SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!
According to certain internet leaks, James Holzhauer, after over a month and wins totalling nearly 2.5 Million Dollars….loses tonight.
It’s about goddamned time!!!!!!
And if my brain hadn’t been melting for the past several years I coulda beat him several times. Unfortunately, my recall is slower than it used to be. Meh. Getting old sucks.
But apparently Ken Jennings is still the King.
LONG LIVE THE KING!!!!!
–
Go make me proud
In the comments I mean.
I think.
And seriously, if you can get to the pub crawl, we’d all love to meet you.
I mean shit, I’m flying across the country to meet up with those assholes, so you know they can’t be too bad.
(ah crap)
((sometimes the middle seat is better))
–
This is cute. More above and in replies. I may have to make a version for Enter Sandman because it’s conspicuously absent.
https://twitter.com/QualiaControl/status/1135367482888187904?s=20
I knew it!
Yankees just took a lefty out of Missouri named TJ Sikkema.
Sorry to hear about your upcoming Tommy John surgery, TJ.
A lot of you wrote to me and asked for a picture of my notebook, so here it is:
There will be more photos in my newsletter.
What this?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HGaJHhUJR4
Blues got it done.
Here here.
Paging Laura Branigan…..
If I must, I must…
For the best announcer in hockey Doc Emerick really pisses me off.
He’s like Costas. Tries too hard. If they were truly great, it would seem effortless.
uttt ohhhhhh Bruins….
Just took a shower and the Bruins are down a goal.
/proceeds to spend rest of Cup Finals in shower
//wrinkles to death
You gotta do what you gotta do.
We’ll take turns bringing you shower beers.
O’Reilly should be playing fah us! It’s NAWT FAY-YUH!
Holy crap! St. Louis isn’t totally worthless.
That’s actually their official slogan.
I thought it was “Malaria Free Since 1993”
I thought that was Miami
They’d get sued for false advertising.
Fun fact: it’s actually “Fuck’em If They Can’t Take a Joke”.
What’s that?
a steampunk USB thumb-drive
Shouldn’t you be driving a truck through Prussia right about now?
Settle down, Napoleon.
I forgot all about that game!
found a funny:
him: you’re not like other girls
me, at the urinal next to him: how
You: That water is cold.
Him: Deep too.
Bruins fans be like….
We’re gonna have OT again.
Dammit.
The Blues will fuck it up long before that.
Blues, you ignorant sluts.
I intend to someday make a dfo event.
Now that you’re in a fun place (or will be soon), we’ll come see you!
And stay at your house!
And vomit on your family members!
Your neighbors are going to love hearing “ASS HERPES!” repeatedly shouted at 3am!
Like they don’t already.
Zymm isn’t invited.
Yet.
I’m joking of course. Of course Zymm is invited as always.
I’m just going to keep my ass to myself this time.
NO MOAR ASS HERPES!!!!!!!
WHere is Zymm lately? She’s the only one of you I’ve met.
LOL, I’m just laughing at how loud she kept shouting it in that bar.
We sure showed those people behind us to ask us for a picture!
The funniest part was that they were drunker than us.
I honestly, as God is my witness, didn’t think that was possible.
I damn near slapped that pompous tool on general principle.
/Raises hand
St. Louis’s power play is as bad as their “pizza”
And their bagels
Who looked at those things and decided “doughy things should be a lot crunchier.”?
I read the George Nader filing.
Castrate that mother fucker.
3 year olds doing sex acts with goats.
KIDS FUCKING KIDS.
Seriously — kill him.
Tuuka Rask is the only kind of immigrant Boston loves: white and on skates.
I have had a day and I am having a beer that is what I want to be right now: hazy.
You rang?
?format=1500w
8.2% ABV. Good start.
https://www.gocomics.com/pearlsbeforeswine/2019/06/02
Well, 11 am is kind of a late start, but I guess that’s what pre-gaming is for.
Looks like the UConn magic is ending where it usually does; in the regionals against a much better team.
Northeast baseball is tough.
Shit I gotta wash clothes and start packing.
Fuck.
Shit I gotta wash clothes* and start packing**.
*hide the body
**burn the evidence
Shit I gotta wash clothes* and start packing**.
*beat off
**beat off with butt plug inserted
YOU CAN’T PROVE THAT!!!!!!
I read about it on the internet. It has to be true.
Nothing goes in my ass. Other than maybe a pinky on good days.
I can’t believe I have to tell you people this.
YOU PEOPLE?????
Oh dammit.
You and I have very different definitions of “good days” but I look forward to drinking with you anyway.
Seriously cannot wait.
Ha Ha! I already did laundry this morning. The whites need to be bleached or have the oxy clean shit dumped on them or something. I’m sure I’m doing laundry wrong.
Anyway, I’m just taking a backpack full of tees and socks.
For the last time tWBS, the telemarker is lying and can’t send you to jail!
Did I just see a Jaegermeister commercial on NBC? A liquor ad on network broadcast TV? Is that legal?
No YOU shut up!!!!!
Also, how is pizza insurance a thing ?
JUST DON’T FUCK UP MY PIZZA AND WE WON’T HAVE A PROBLEM I’M NOT PAYING EXTRA FOR THAT!!!!!!!!
You just royally pissed off Warren Buffet with that remark, bucko.
Fuck him, he’ll be dead before me.
Probably.
I win.
No, that’s for people who drop their pizza or let it slide out of the box while driving. If you can’t your pizza home safely, you don’t deserve pizza!
Thank you!!!!! YES!!!!!!!
It’s legal, but it’s just not done.
Boss: “Hey, Redshirt? Can you show up to work tomorrow at 3AM?”
Me: “Ha, ha, ha. Good one! Ha, ha, ha…”
(taking sleeping pill at 9PM with the Sun still shinning)
Me: “…ha.”
https://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/dunkin-donuts-commercial-shoot/n11033
That guy could be my ex wife’s father’s twin brother.
Seriously.
Rod and Todd Flanders have been in bed for three hours already.
Shit. Angels drafted some shortstop from some shitty “Wolfpack” school back East.
Made Hippo angly.
I guess you would know…is this choad (chode?) any good?
He’s very good. Not #15 money good.
At least not yet.
Let’s see. Reds bats are as limp as cooked spaghetti. No help coming in the farm clubs.
OF COURSE, WE TAKE A GOSH DARN PITCHER!
Sounds like a shitty tech school.
Anytime a bruins hits the ice half the bar starts screaming for a penalty. TAWMMY is out in full force this evening
Just like me, the scoring in this game seems to only come on the rebound.
Shakespeare should’ve never invented elbows all they do is get hurt and injured, a pox on his house.
I’m listening to Craig Mazin’s (writer of Chernobyl) main podcast, Scriptnotes, and he and this other host just described the framing of stakes of Endgame as being done well and now I have zero respect for him because everything about that movie is fucking garbage.
I had a nice biscuit with gravy and fried chicken breast and it was tasty. I never go out. I still eat the same kind of shit that the tweekers and crust punks who go to my Krogers eat (judging by the overflowing garbage cans I see around town), so that’s really fucking sad.
Crust punks? Those bad kids who don’t have mommy cut the crusts off their PBnJs?
– Elisha M., Manhattan, NY
Go for a walk!
Kill these campers!
Two clicks from Archer gifs to boobs.
“It’s A Couple Of Bocci Balls! It’s My Wet Dream Come True! It’s, it’s… [cums].”
-that old Superman narrator
I just remembered that Mallory implied she got double-teamed by the Dulles boys.
I want to like Ryan O’Riley, but his name is so deliciously, tantalizingly close to Riley O’Riley that I have no choice but to to dismiss him with prejudice.
we got a hockey game folks!!!!
[stuffs ten Sunny Bucks down his cleavage]
I’m so fascinated by Sunny Philadelphia “bloopers/ad-libs” that evolve and become part of the script. She starts at 7:14 or so-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BtqqeaKY2vY
I’m coming.
I enjoy the new Archer concept, though I still want them to do a law firm season.
L.A. Law or Boston Legal?
YES!
Archer’s already the Spader character if we’re doing Boston Legal. So who in God’s name is bombastic enough to be DENNY CRANE!?
Oh! Bring back Len Trexler or the head of the KGB if Jeffrey Tambor is still toxic.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYJvlBemMMQ
Subtle.
Sadly will not be able to make the pub crawl. I expect stories from your adventures
What happens at Pub Crawl stays at Pub Crawl.
Unless someone contracts ASS HERPES!
Here’s the best thing you’ll watch this week:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAws1Z_GA68&ab_channel=SweetDee
goddamn that was funny. How does she keep getting better looking with age AND kids??
Follow along with Hippo! Pitch condition is “poor”
https://www.livescore.com/soccer/argentina/primera-b-metropolitana-promotion/acassuso-vs-all-boys/1-3042796/
WOOO!!!! All Boys score in 2nd minute!
Soccer became Bangkok porn so gradually, I didn’t notice.
they just scored again! Somebody alert Marc Trestman!
Looking forward to seeing if/how Chernobyl plans to be even MOAR depressing this week.
Give Perdido Street Station a go if you want to wallow. I was looking for a curve ball novel and this beauty is that and a Eephus pitch and more. Give it a go.
going on the list!
Wasn’t Sunday’s episode where they kill all the dogs?
uh…yeah. That was dark even FOAR Hippo. All the vodka you can drink, comrade!
I like how there was no mention of the MLB Draft tonight. Even basedball fans don’t care.
The Orioles picked a Beaver catcher, so that’s all you need to know.
heeeeeyyyyy, nice Beaver!
/sit in corner and says nothing
//giggles uncontrollably however
Beaver catcher.
COME ON MAN!!!!!!
That’s what she said.
I see yet another Wolven Sort is being mentioned for the #BFIB pick at #19.
I know absolutely fuckall about college baseball, but this does make me feel especially valued as a fan.
Probably a gritty tryhard.
name is “Will Wilson” which certainly sounds like someone who does things The Right Way.
I think he’ll go first round, but probably fall further than #BFIB.
Cleveland is my guess.
Maybe Arizona.
Better pray for death then.
y’all cocksuckers done took him
Wow, can’t believe he went that early.
Shoulda scrolled down to see you call us cocksuckers. NICE.
From Hippo, that’s a term of endearment.
And I swear I have probably never sucked his cock.
I think.
There were some nights when things were a bit hazy the next day and….
I should stop talking.
I tried to get something started in the last post. It went over like a fart in church.
Sorry, I was napping.
Sorry, I don’t watch drafts.
— Brian Kelly
I assume Hippo is joining us on the pub crawl and just doesn’t know it yet.
Hippo started at noon today.
If you can get him on a plane, I’ll drag his ass there.
Lure him to the airport with a trail of pills.
“The Frolic Room? Seriously?”
-The Gallivanting Space (formerly The Traipsing Spot)
Is this also the off-season for Hobo killin’, what with them being able to safely live in the woods and such with the brief lapse of winter in Canadia?
This is the time when the more experienced of us prepares for The Hobo Draft.*
*61 year-old Harold “Who Done Stole My Crutches?” Pathetic-Loser is the consensus #1 pick.
Reading the cover story of the NW Portland monthly paper, it seems there are some nice people who could really use your help A-Team style.
My current #HAILGAMBLOR tour of Scandinavia and Sudamerica stayed alive today, with Zulia’s comeback win over Caracas ($28 at +470). We also has $50 on Sandusky 2nd favourite All Boys (+230) v. Accusoso.
COL and ARG, respectively.
/oh yeah, and $20 tomorrow morning on Finland’s EIF, for the sole reason of making me giggle at Everything Is Fucked
Every day I suspect Hippo more and more of being some kind of deep cover sleeper agent who’s sending coded messages to his CIA handlers about where he is in the world and who he thinks he can assassinate within the next 2 weeks.
My ‘Hippo To Plain English’ app just gave me a middle finger emoji and melted my phone.
Every Metro Pub Crawl participant WILL receive a sleeve of SPONCH!
Is that a euphemism? Because it sounds like a euphemism.
I hope the Sponch! sleeves are nice and tight and not all loose and hanging down and fish-odor-y.
“Not all loose and hanging down and fish-odor-y.”
Those are the tacos.