I’m not the biggest soccer fan on the planet. That’s no secret to any of you if you’ve been paying attention. But I do like me a nice toned and athletic lady. So I fake it sometimes. So….yeah.
The USWNT took the World Cup which surprised….no one.
One of my best friends in the world happens to be a youth soccer coach. And he’s quite good at it. I’ve watched him, and he knows his shit.
He’s also a DFO lurker (you know who you are!!!!!)
But that aside, he also has a little bit of a thing for Alex Morgan. So in his honour, that’s what we’re doing tonight.
–
Sports Which Will Fill Your Cup 2Nite
MLB
- Washington at Philadelphia – 6:00pmEDT – TV: MLBN (regional split)
- Toronto at NYY – 7:00pmEDT – TV: MLBN (regional split)
Soccer
- New England at D.C. United – 7:00pmEDT – TV: ESPN (who gives a fuck?)
NBA Summer League
- All night on ESPNU and NBATV (again, who gives a fuck?)
Wimbledon
(lol, when I first typed that, I typed Wimbledong and now I can’t stop laughing)
- No Idea who’s playing – 6:00pm – TNNS
Cupcake Wars -7:00pmEDT – Cooking Channel
Hopefully they’ll all get pissed and start throwing cupcakes at each other. Otherwise it sounds boring as hell.
–
Speaking Of Cupcakes
Alex Morgan evahbodeh!!!!!!!
Can’t say I blame my friend. If she wandered by I’d probably follow.
Ummmmmmm…..you have a little something on your cheek. No the other side. Here I’ll get it for you…..OWWWW!!!!! I was just trynna help!!!!!
/would eat THAT cupcake
//is that frosting? Never mind don’t care
Have a nice weekend everyone.
Love ya’s.
–
Anybody else getting hammered?
I wasn’t, until the whiskey presented itself.
Well, considering how it was dressed.
I was more thinking about doing the hammering. But yes.
High as fuck.
Why can’t I plus 1 this twice!
FYI, Ralphs Coroner Van does not have compartments.
That’s an SUV (or a mini-van!); the Ralphs Coroner Van was a quality GMC light truck.
Good eye. The van fits two side by side.
“My roommate is a stiff.”
I assume that’s your van? Looks nice.
See all the frost inside? That’s the power of mechanical refrigeration. It’s physics, pure and simple. Hop inside I’ll give you a ride.
You’re a great friend, Brick. Don’t mind if I do!
Just hangin’ out.
Just roll them up……… unless Brother Rigor has arrived.
Anyone else watching Sydney-Carlton?
How could you tell Lady BFC was out of town?
Need to slap a bitch?
Skaggs is having a night. .440 BA, 1 HR, 10 RBI, 10 R.
And pitching a shutout through 5.
Dying was really good for his career stats.
Goddammit, you’re good!
Per Herodotus’s suggestion of a Pale Ale, and courtesy of my trip there with Horatio, first* beer of the night will be a Treehouse East Hill American Pale.
*First if you don’t count the two Stone and one Widmer at the office or the blonde ale at the Polish restaurant.
Frank cannot look away.
Scotchnaut contemplates yet another clean-up.
Ingrid Pitt.
Pierogi were tasty. Who wants to pick a style of beer for me to grab out of the fridge? I don’t feel like making any more decisions.
I’ve heard of pierogis for decades, but you know what? I have no idea what a pierogi is.
It’s basically Polish ravioli, but with a potato filling.
Where’d you get the pierogi, BFC?
Solidarity in Santa Monica.
That used to be called “Warszawa” but I believe it is still the same management. Very good. I worked on the back side of that block and we had a balcony overlooking it and many VFX parties were had there. There are whore houses across the street, you know.
That’s a CVS, sir.
ha ha they’re behind the CVS
Dang! I’m looking at Google Maps satellite view and they might be gone! Oh well. It was once a thing.
Wait! Maybe not!
Man that old building is still there! I’m sure it’s not a whorehouse anymore. Rooms probably rent for $2000 a month now. It’s all single room units with a shared bathroom down the hall, built in the 1920s. This building is old school.
This Sketches of Sound is quite tasty.
How about a First Tribes Pale Ale
Was thinking more genre than brewery, but I’ll start with a Pale Ale in your honor.
The Back Breaker is a damn good move.
Happier times.
http://thedarksidemagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/peter-cushing-mary-madelaine-collinson-twins-of-evil-hammer-films-23.jpg
Mary and Madelaine Collinson, the twins in Twins of Evil.
“Eh, I’d take my chances.”
-Epstein, J.
http://pre04.deviantart.net/1263/th/pre/f/2012/081/2/7/mary_and_madeleine_collinson_by_sneakycheeky-d4tl9wb.jpg
They were 19 when they made that movie, well beyond his tastes you dipshit.
Lust for a Vampire lesbianing.
They knew how to do tits back in the day when they could no show them.
That’s me, behind her, with my usual awkward approach to women in bars.
Rusty?
After 24 years of mawwiage, yes.
Drinking one of these, courtesy of the good BFC and the joys of trading beer cross-country.
Fun fact, he sent it more than a month ago and, thanks to his superior packing job, my wife just found it yesterday while moving some boxes around. This has led to several jokes about how my wife knows her way around a box better than I do.
I suppose I could drink one of those now in solidarity with you.
Also plenty of fodder for jokes about my superior packing skillz
Cavemen were big on proper use of foundation and eye-liner, and not being eaten by sabre-toothed tigers.
Also known as “Faded by DeLuxe.” But who cares; look at them big ol’ titties.
That chick don’t play soccer.
Well duh; she’s a statue.
She could totally play foosball.
Let’s go.
I LIKE THE NIGHT LIFE BABY
(that’s what we’re doing right?)
So do these guys. The geekiest of whom landed Paulina Porzikova
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gr4QhKt8XY
More research indicates that they’ve split after 28 years.
?ve=1&tl=1?ve=1&tl=1
Finally, my time to shine!
That’s a great scene.
For several reasons.
Pancake mix that makes waffles too? We do indeed live in a marvelous and futuristic space age. This is proof that exploding the atom bomb was a good thing.
“Goddamn right.”
– B. Parcells
We need to get this to NCIS to increase the resolution.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d1vSlNz0PaA&ab_channel=AnnaKalaa
Evening. This week sucked. I’m going to get some pierogi and call it an early night.
Update: Angels batted around in the first inning, and Trout doubled in two more. We’re up a touchdown.
And an extra point. Should have gone for two, imo.
DON’T CHASE POINTS EARLY IN THE GAME HURR DURR
They should honor their dead more often then!
/Too soon?
I think the last time they made the playoffs was when Nick Adenhart was killed by a drunk driver.
So…yeah.
Tyler Skaggs just hit a home run!
Ok, it was Mike Trout, wearing Skaggs’ jersey to honor him, and he hit it about 8 Mile.
Pretty fucking cool.
P.S. The dong was measured at 454 feet. Quality dong.
Is there any other kind?
Not 100% sure his character would pass muster today.
AU-TO-MO-BILE?
Why? The Donger is the only guy who gets laid (well except for that rich fuck who has everything and who probably got laid twice).
That movie made me hate rich guys. Well, that, and every experience I’ve ever had with one.
Married?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGJfruLLiyk
Ok, I’m slow (duh). The whole team is wearing the Skaggs jersey.
Even the boss?
No, he’s wearing glittery Spanx.
He’s got lacy black women’s panties and a brassiere under the Spanx
He crushed that. Go Ners!
Welp, this game is over. Orioles-esque effort here in the first.
HEY!!!!! The Orioles only lost by 12 runs today and….ummmmmmm….
Never mind.
Mike Leake could totally pitch for the O’s. Did not get to finish the 1st.
Here’s a close-up of the Ralphs coroner van. The corpse has gotta be in the back; look at the size of the refrigeration unit on the roof. That van is a mobile freezer.
This is the most exciting thing that’s happened to me all week.
Why is the phrase “Ralph’s Coroner Van” making me laugh?
Sells ice cream too.
Yes. “ice cream”
I wonder if it has individual body slots so they only have to freeze occupied compartments and not waste gas. I bet they do.
Also, I wonder if they recycle that police-line tape, you know, roll it back onto the spool for future use? Maybe they just throw it away? I should ask, and maybe set up a police-tape-respooling business. I’ll hire illegal immigrants and minors but I’ll charge the city big bucks.
https://www.amazon.com/Petra-Roc-BT-POLICE-Barricade-Printing/dp/B01L7ZD3Q4/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=police+tape&qid=1562983918&s=gateway&sr=8-3
Police Line Do Not Cross….even though we can’t figure out which way is up.
I always walk right up and do an exaggerated sign of the cross.
WHATCHA GONNA DO, PIGS?
That’s cheap police-line tape. Quality police-line tape (the kind I’m going to sell) has the words alternate directions every other instance. Please buy my product.
Oh, bi-directional police tape.
Look who’s the smarty pants over there.
I’ve had a horrible headache all day. I thought it was from not eating.
I ate, took an assload of advil and took a nap.
Woke up, and it’s fucking worse.
It’s really pissing me off.
It’s your own fault for not being drunk.
Holy shit. Like no, seriously, I’ve been out all day and didn’t think of that.
HELLO FREEZER VODKA!!!!!!!!
Drink water and Gatorade. When in doubt, flush it out.
No offense, but gonna try the vodka first.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fG9xzaFvz6s
I’d watch. And probably totally without taking out my penis….as far as you know.
Thank Heavens the All Star Break is over. With the NL Central being completely average, all the local radio has been saying the same thing “Reds are only 4.5 games back. 19 days to the Trading Deadline. Are the Buyers or Sellers? What do they have to do to be buyers?”
Its was like they were doing an homage to the “Get Swiftly” episode of “Rick and Morty”.
In a perfect world, everytime you turn on basedball that clip of Homer saying “I never realized how boring this game is” would play.
If this was a perfect world, Donald Trump would be a used car salesman in a New York Suburb.
I like this.
Is “Alex Morgan” a rare quadfecta name? Two first names, and both of them are both boy and girl names.
I suppose her full name is Alexandra whereas a guy would be Alexander, which kinda throws a spanner in the works.
Does that make him Morgantown? I have heard about that place.
Yeah, everybody knows Morgan is short for Morgantown for guys, and Morganlafeyville for girls.
Not necessarily. Some people aren’t named the full versions. I’ve met people named Betty, Mark and John who weren’t short for Elizabeth, Markus or Johnathan.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIRE6iw-ws4
“Alex Morgan? Whatever. Isn’t she, like, 30?”
Jeffrey Epstein, probably.
Jeffrey Epstein lost interest in girls’ soccer after he wore out his videocasette of “Ladybugs”.
“Mr. Kotter! Mr. Kotter! My mother wrote me a note to allow me to work with the 3rd graders.” – Jeffery Epstein – from Welcome Back Kotter the younger but less ethnic years
My eye kept getting caught by Kosovare Asllani.
Well that image evokes a blast from the past…
She must be a lesbian though with that hair, no? That’s like porn with a condom.
But what about the other one?
Sue Bird, former UConn sweetheart.
Now I don’t know if Serena is playing. She’s best at Wimbledon with the all white tennis clothes. I see tennis on tv but then when I change to it it’s mens tennis. Who wants to watch goddamn men’s tennis? Might as well watch gentleman’s knitting or women’s comedy.
I’m OK with women’s comedy.
A stiff prick knows no punchlines
Interesting…
Can’t decide which is the spicier taek: that Alex Morgan “isn’t even that hot” or that Alex Morgan “isn’t even that good at soccer”. Time to A-B test them on twitter.
So I went to do some grocery shopping this afternoon at the super-deluxe Ralphs in glamorous El Segundo and what do I see?
It’s the L.A. County Coroner, busy in a taped-off corner of the not-very-big parking lot!
I couldn’t see a corpse, so maybe it’s in the van!
The L.A. County Coroner is the coroner to the stars!
Indeed! Not only that, they have a gift shop!
http://www.lacoroner.com/
Is it just the two items? I was hoping for a bone saw.
Inexpensive human meat? Bonus!!!!!!
Grass fed.
Who knew Scotchy made it all the way to LA
LMFAO
He was with me the whole time. We were…….playing lawn darts.