Your “Ten Years?!” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • Daniel Jones has agreed on his rookie contract with the Giants.  
    • Ahead of rookies appearing at camp Monday.
      • Veterans arrive Wednesday, with the first team practice scheduled for Thursday.
    • Per nfl.com, the only rookies left to sign their entry-level deals are:
      • Nick Bosa – Niners
      • Quinnen Williams – Jets
      • Brian Burns – Panthers
  • One reason Bosa hasn’t signed yet is the “shitty nature” of the 49ers contracts.
    • According to player agents Doug Hendrickson and C.J. LaBoy, the Niners structure their contracts to roll over on April 1, not the first week of March, buying the team 3-4 weeks to evaluate current talent and decide if they want to fish or cut bait.
      • They note that the Colin Kaepernick situation came about because of this scenario.  
        • When they made the decision to release him, they had three weeks before his next yearly structure came into effect, allowing them to survey the available talent.
          • A brilliant decision which led to the glory years of Blaine Gabbert & Brian Hoyer.
      • Under their current set-up, Jimmy Garoppolo’s rolling guarantee structure delays the conversion of $15.7 million of his $23.8 million 2020 base salary until April 1.
    • The PFT version of The Athletic article notes that it’s also coincidental that the 49ers haven’t been to the playoffs since 2014.
    • Not for nothing, but Big Daddy Drew has his “Why Your Team Sucks – 49ers” edition up today.
  • The first day of training camp got Atlanta Falcons safety J.J. Wilcox.
  • Forbes has come out with its annual ranking of the 50 most valuable sports franchises.
    • The Cowboys top the list at $5.0 billion.
      • Followed by the Yankees ($4.6 billion), Real Madrid ($4.2 billion) and Barcelona ($4 billion).
      • According to Forbes, Cowboys fever helps owner Jerry Jones generate an estimated $340 million in sponsorship and premium seating revenue at AT&T Stadium, twice as much as any other team.
    • Thanks to Florio, who did most of the reading, more than half of Forbes‘ top-50, though, are NFL teams, each of which received more than $260 million in media-rights deals last year.
    • According to Forbes, the highest-ranking franchise outside of the NBA, NFL, MLB and European soccer was the New York Rangers at 72nd with a value of $1.55 billion.

Finally, after 10 years in the NFL, we lost one of the greats today.

How do you choose just one angle?

Mark Sanchez has decided to hang up the cleats.

He retires with 15,357 yards on a 56.6 completion percentage, with 86 TDs, 89 INTs and a 73.2 passer rating. One assumes he will spend his time pursuing spiritual goals

or hunting puss. It could go either way. But given he’ll be joining ESPN as a “College Football Live” analyst, (he is replacing Mack Brown, who left to coach *North Carolina) I think we all know what’s what – especially if he gets to go on location.


Tonight’s sports:

  • MLB:
    • Red Sox at Rays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Yankees at Twins – 8:00PM | Sportsnet1 / MLBN
  • Futbol:
    • International Champions Cup Soccer:
      • Real Madrid vs. Arsenal – 7:00PM | ESPN
      • Guadalajara vs. Atlético Madrid – 9:00PM | ESPN
    • 2019 Leagues Cup:
      • Quarterfinal #2 – LA Galaxy vs. Club Tijuana – 11:00PM | TSN
  • WNBA Basketball:
    • Seattle Storm at Las Vegas Aces – 10:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN3
  • WWE:
    • Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

Televised nights like these make me glad for the beer selling job.

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Brick MeathooktheeWeeBabySeamusFronkenshteenMr. AyoMoose -The End Is Well Nigh Recent comment authors
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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Sometimes, the Piñata wins….
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Fronkenshteen

Napoleon Dynamite on Broadway

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

How attainable are the pillar goals of The Squad? Eliminating college debt, Medicare for All, Green New Deal. Are these things realistic from an economic point of view? Or are these proposals simply pipe dreams for a downtrodden electorate with no hope of coming to fruition?

Fronkenshteen

If you are sitting in a chair, looking straight ahead, and turn your head side-to-side in an exaggerated “no” motion, is it silent? Or do you hear grinding?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ok, first … I first read that as Shitting in a chair so I didn’t know where this was going.

Second, yes, my neck makes noises it didn’t used to.

Fronkenshteen

Mine too. Getting old sucks.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sadly, that’s not the only body part that does.

/farts loudly
//opens window

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Are you asking about the grinding, the ringing, or the voices?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Sweet, sweet silence.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hell no.

A loud popping noise to the left. The right is about 85% of what it should. I’m sure it’s fine.

theeWeeBabySeamus

If your leg didn’t just go numb, I’m sure it’s nothing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Her follow thru seems….flawed.
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Fronkenshteen

I SHOULDA YELLED “TWO”!

Fronkenshteen

Good chance we begin the season with Gordon AND Zeke holding out, Gurley…hindered(?), and Lev Bell…well, quite frankly, a Jet. Seems like a good fantasy season to go receiver heavy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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INTERNET FIIIIIIIIIGHT!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL, it’s Balls and tWBS all over again…

COME BACK HERE YOU ASSHOLE.

Fronkenshteen

Hippo won $125 on this fight.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, but lost it the next day on Everton.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Does this mean you automatically get to first base with her?
I’d take that pitch.
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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I’m already at third base with myself, so yes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

SOON

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

BARK DUST

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

Great. He had my double quarter pounder.

theeWeeBabySeamus

DAMMIT FRONK!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Makes me want to go to the McD’s drive thru.

Doktor Zymm

Why do people have children? We have the technology, they aren’t an inevitable side effect of sex anymore.

Fronkenshteen

gotta serve somebody

theeWeeBabySeamus

/frantically searches for condoms

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

SNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!

Dunstan
Dunstan

But who will carry on my legacy of commenting on a dick joke blog?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

Play it pretty for Atlanta!

Don T

✊🏼🇵🇷
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Now do the White House

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

Holy shit! Pedro Martinez is Barkley fat!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Dunstan
Dunstan

Next week on CSI: Metropolis

“Yep, this pubic hair definitely came from Superman.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I like deeeese.

Senor Weaselo

Aaron Motherfucking Hicks. Complete with the savages in the box quote in the postgame.

Fronkenshteen

Aaron Hicks with the catch of the fucking SEASON. Fuck the red socks. Good night!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Got a lead on a job tonight. I still want the job I applied for last week more than anything, though. Although there’s another one that I need to finish applying for that’s close. Point is that I’m the biggest impediment to everything in my life.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Also, how the fuck can you watch baseball?

Fronkenshteen

It’s like reading books. Tough to concentrate for the first couple pages. But once you get hypnotized by the rhythm and pace, it’s nice. Beautiful game.

Senor Weaselo

Can someone beat the everloving tar out of the sound guy at Target Field?

theeWeeBabySeamus

In spite of the HP umpire being a complete assdick on balls and strikes calls tonight (both ways, admittedly), the Baltimore Orioles won in Arizona 7-2 tonight.

31-68 Baby!!!!!!

Senor Weaselo

Hey, they only need to go 19-44 to get to 50!

theeWeeBabySeamus

I have an idea for a t-shirt giveaway day.
“Almost not as bad as Detroit anymore”

Senor Weaselo

At least we’re not Detroit!

theeWeeBabySeamus

HA!!!!!!!! Great, minds.

Senor Weaselo

Wait, there was an updated one for the All-Star Game!

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO

Dunstan
Dunstan

I thought the Orioles’ official slogan was “We Make Blue Jays Fans Feel Better”

Senor Weaselo

Holy ass, Chapman had absolutely nothing and only blew the one-run lead and not the entire game.

Fronkenshteen

I knew we were fucked when he was flipping curves at the first two batters. He sweats like Patrick Ewing.

Fronkenshteen

This ump sucks.

Fronkenshteen

Nothing left to this defeat but the details. Mariano Rivera must be grinning and shaking his head.

Fronkenshteen

And now Chapman is turning into Doug Sisk.

Senor Weaselo

Chapman’s gonna give up a walkoff shot, isn’t he.

Fronkenshteen

Not bunting?🧐

Fronkenshteen

Sad Fantasy Football news: Evan Silva has left Rotoworld and embarked on his own venture. So starting this season, the fantastic content he provided for free will now cost the princely sum of two HUNDRED American dollars for the season. Thanks for the memories mister Silva.

ballsofsteelandfury

I haven’t seen someone overestimate their own worth so much since the Octomom put out a masturbation tape.

Fronkenshteen

He just does what we’d all do if we didn’t have jobs and families. That Matchups column will be missed. But 200 skinoots? Fah Q.

Fronkenshteen

Holy CHRIST! 2 run bomb by Hicks! 12-11 yanks!

Senor Weaselo

Aaron Hicks, or as my friend calls him, BDH. (For Big Dick Hicks.)

Fronkenshteen

This dirt vikes/ dirt Saquons game is fucking bananacakes. Yanx put up 5 in the 8th to go up 10-9, only to have Sano jerk his second of the night into the seats in the bottom of the inning. 11-10 twinkies, and the twin cities have the reincarnation of David Ortiz.

Senor Weaselo

Fuck, you mean they’re gonna trade him to Boston?

Fronkenshteen

You watching this? He’s on the right side of the plate, but uppercuts MONSTROUS bombs.

Fronkenshteen

Mueller testimony open thread tomorrow?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It’s going to be a shitshow.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening. I’m tired.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

WYTS has to mention that it is no coincidence that ZODIAC MOTHERFUCKER dumped the Lions and immediately fell in love and is getting married while the Lions have a future as bleak as their past.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

This state has done one hell of a heel turn over the past two years. Is there something in the water in that state? Oh right.

Damn, Drew. He’s still breathing.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Oh, that was last year’s. Sadly, it’s still true.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

What the fuck. Why is WYTS already running? We still have 43 days.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Last season’s lone highlight for this team was Nick Mullens destroying the Raiders on a Thursday night.

Weaponized autism FTW.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I think she’s onto everyone’s infatuation with her boobs.
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

What? I wasn’t listening.

litre_cola

Hey there! The residents of my city are getting fucked over for an arena deal!

King Hippo

loosening those sphincters for an NFL future?

Redshirt

The Bengals and their lease with the county that grants Mike Brown the right to reinstate Prima Nocta laughs at your cute arena deal!

litre_cola

City council just had a hearing where they voted not to hear from citizens while cutting 60 mil from police, fire, transit, people with disabilities. Next day announce an arena deal.

Nice optics if you ask me.

King Hippo

the cripples would rather have good sportsball to cheer on ,, obvs

nomonkeyfun

Who would want to sleep with a Cincy bride?
That’s like bragging about Head Coach stability when you have Marvin Lewis.

King Hippo

#BFIB have rallied from an early nil-3 deficit to take a slender lead. The Right Way, of course.

Horatio Cornblower

A white guy hit the lead RBI?

King Hippo

no, twas the goofy Venezuelan. But Tommy Edman is starting every day, can’t get much scrappier than him.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I haven’t seen this many missed penalties since last year’s NFC Championship game.

Redshirt

1st inning. Two two-run home runs.

Redshirt

Confirmed. Dan Snyder is the shittiest shit that has shitted, is shitting and will shit of all time.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/nfl/former-teammate-agent-rip-[*Redacteds]-nfl-over-mason-foster-release/ar-AAEL1oG?ocid=spartanntp

King Hippo

at least with Marge Schott ded, agreed

Redshirt

Hey! Marge was way better than Snyder. Don’t get me wrong, she was a complete racist monster, and even if her philanthropy got her into Heaven, she would still have to spend every other weekend in Hell to make up for her time here on Earth.

That being said, she is still way better than Snyder.

King Hippo

She just went a little too far at the end, is all.

Redshirt

Best way I describe Marge Schott is an editorial cartoon that was written after she passed away.

God is sitting at his desk surrounded by two six foot piles of papers, one is labeled “Marge Good Pile” and one is labeled “Marge Bad Pile”. God looks at his angel assistant and with a very serious look on his face says “I’m going to need to talk to the dog.”

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The dog then shits on God’s desk.

scotchnaut

“I can see see this Sanchez dude developing an addiction to crack after his NFL days are over.”

-Ryan Leaf’s very first hot take in his new career as an announcer

ballsofsteelandfury

I an enjoying watching Arsenal kick Madrid’s collective ass.

herodotus450
herodotus450

*arse

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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