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Your “Hey – I Thought We Fired That Guy?!” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

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NFL News:

  • Ryan Fitzpatrick is the scheduled starter for Miami in their first pre-season game this Thursday against Atlanta.
    • Josh Rosen seems to be doing well.
  • The story of Antonio Brown’s molting feet (not going to post the pics) got stranger today when it was disclosed they were effectively burnt in a cryotherapy machine.
    • He got frostbite by not wearing proper footwear when entering the machine, and the cold burnt off a later of dermis.
      • How you may ask? Well, it could be a nitrogen burn, if what I cribbed from Wikipedia makes any sense:

Cryotherapy is used in an effort to relieve muscle pain, sprains and swelling after soft tissue damage or surgery. It can be a range of treatments from the application of ice packs or immersion in ice baths (generally known as cold therapy), to the use of cold chambers.

  • Zeke is threatening to sit out the whole season if he doesn’t get a new deal.
    • Meanwhile, the Cowboys have “generous” offers on the table for Dak Prescott, Amari Cooper and Ezekiel Elliott, that would put each one in the top five at their positions.
    • And the guy who helped set all this up has opinions:

Hi guys,

Just thought I’d stop by to do some laundry & check my mail between holidays. I’ll be here today & tomorrow, Thursday afternoon for my Falcons 2019 preview, and possibly Thursday night if there isn’t a Live Game Open Thread. Then it’s off more more down time with the relatives.

I spent last week gallivanting around Ohio with a buddy who has gone through Stage-2 colon & lung cancer and 24 low-dose rounds of chemo. He’s a huge Cleveland baseball fan, and so to celebrate his 50th birthday I arranged a road trip that would cover all the farm teams plus the big league club. I’ll produce a more detailed synopsis for my annual “What I did on my summer vacation” post.

Also, we went to Dayton.

Now, before anyone goes “Whoa!”, we were there Tuesday, and drinking about a block north of where the shooting happened. So nothing bad happened to us. Also, to keep my wife & mother happy, I also post whereabouts on Facebook, because my wife thinks I’m always talking my way into fights, and my mother once thought I’d been killed in an IRA shooting in Belgium whilst backpacking Europe.

To be fair, I was supposed to be on that ferry.

If people had bothered to check the date & location stamps, there would have been no issues. But this one was a little closer for most people’s liking, and with today’s media it didn’t matter that I was 180 miles away. For Canadians – that’s too close. So I spent a good chunk of Sunday morning telling people we were fine, and assuring my mother that we were in no danger watching baseball in Cleveland.

There’s no moral to this story, just an observation about what you gotta do when something happens in proximity to you.

Tonight’s sports: wow – there’s nothing on

  • Baseball:
    • MLB:
      • Jays at Rays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Little League:
      • Southwest Regional semifinal – 7:00PM | ESPN
  • WWE:
    • Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
      • The “go home” show before SummerSlam this Sunday in Toronto.

In the absence of any compelling sports on TV, may I interest you in signing up for the [DFO] EPL tipping pool?

A link to the site can be found here, and the password is “doorfliesopen”. It’s just another way to keep things interesting on Saturdays and in that time between waking up on Sunday morning & watching the early NFL games.

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Unsurprised

Since I already gave up the fact that as much as I try not to be I’m still a bit of a comics nerd … I think I may have been the biggest Carol Danvers/Captain Marvel fan online before 2012. I also held since the mid-2000s that my ideal fan casting would’ve been Charlize Theron. I do not like Brie Larson as Carol. She’s fine in general, I guess, but whatever. But the character has been around for 51 years and has always seemed to hew closer to 40 than barely being of drinking age. This is all to say that I watched the trailer for The Hunt the other day out of boredom and I was immediately sold on Betty Gilpin being the physical embodiment of the character as I’ve seen her, and for some reason I keep coming back to think of that because I guess I’m just that weird.

Anyway, The Hunt is Blumhouse’s entry in The Most Dangerous Game, so “Eh.” But I figured I’d share because I can’t sleep now even though I was dead tired all afternoon at the office.

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Unsurprised

This dog rules.

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Unsurprised

Video with sound: https://giant.gfycat.com/WarmWeeAgouti.mp4

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yeah right

I’m going to the Greek theater tomorrow night!
Thinking metro rail to get there.
Full disclosure to follow.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Vermont station and then the shuttle? We are thinking the same thing minus the Metro ride.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Gonna need a bigger boat.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That was the Today Show’s intrepid on the scene reporter, Bill Nothergast in the shark’s mouth.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Teen TV Tit Thwack.
Teen TV Tit Thwack.
Teen TV Tit Thwack.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Which apparently was not in the script.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Home defense.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Dental bills.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sometimes missing front teeth can be a financial windfall.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

In prison….. with cigarettes.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Men’s prison.

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Horatio Cornblower

Lisa needs braces!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So looking through the various posts on LinkedIN selling, conveying or boasting whatever mild mannered items and what do I run across but a YouTube/ Boston Globe-esque (or sometimes here) racist rant. WTF? I used to think it was just a terrible dating site!

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King Hippo

it IS always nice to find really hot professional ladies in “Ppl u Might Noe”

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Now THAT’S a nice resume, Ms.”

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

First of four preseason games, 14 year veteran, 141 games, multiple offenses, multiple teams, is ahead of single year player that played behind the worst offensive line in the league. “SAID SECOND YEAR PLAYER SUCKS ASS AND WILL NEVER BE ANY GOOD!”

Seems legit.

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King Hippo

I almost wonder if MIA starts the pimp because Chosen Rosen might die behind that OL for 16 weeks

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I have a feeling The Magic will start and look good for maybe a five game run, then do his usual downfall when other teams have the film of the offense, then Rosen will start behind a now depleted line and add some injuries that will really hurt in his older years.

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King Hippo

that team is such shit, they would really like to see if they have a QB or not, but I don’t see how you can judge things at all. Plus, he had how many concussions at UCLA?

/still, if there are calls for him to replace BloodSugarFitzMagic, we can always make Great Replacement jokes

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

But they are competing with two teams in that division to be one of the three teams in the division that qualify for the No Problem for the Patri*ts.

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King Hippo

It blows my mind when I stop to think somebody has to finish 2nd out of that slop.

I’m not saying Belicheat and Dreamboat aren’t HoF material, but being spotted 6-0 every damned season can’t hurt.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

YUP.

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yeah right

New TV is here. Samsung 65 inches 4k smart TV. Fucking hell! I synced the remote, Amazon video and Netflix and the streaming is INSANE!
Holy Jesus I’ve seen the light!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Don’t sit that close or your eyes will stay like that!

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yeah right

TOO LATE!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Go to your room!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right

This is the greatest TV ever.

EVER!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

EVEEEEEER!

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

That doesn’t look like Joqueen Fenix

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Isn’t Fenix that new drug all the kids are addicted to?

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Unsurprised

GREAT CEASAR’S GHOST!

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Senor Weaselo

Holy shit, Dirt Ex-Chargers have a no-hitter through 6
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8k5oAaXINX8

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ve been watching the Game Show Network all night. Not sure why, just kinda got stuck there. Family Feud is on right now. And the last question was…

“We surveyed 100 men and asked them what would they rather do than be with a woman?”

And I shit you not, one of the answers was… “Be with two women”.

I was so proud. And I wasn’t even in the survey.

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WCS

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Senor Weaselo

I want, nay, demand Chance the Rapper to do an interview with Brady Skjei on MSG.

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WCS

That’s three consonants in a row. That’s a nope.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Let’s do that hockey.

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Senor Weaselo

“I don’t know what you mean, it’s really easy to remember Brad Chase.”
https://twitter.com/jcutroni/status/829176108713127937

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Unsurprised

That’s Welsh

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King Hippo

I’m mediocre-to-bad enough with ONE, thanks

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’ve been watching the Game Show Network all night.

I’m jealous of how high you are.

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Gratliff

Starting to write a bit about the Vikings upcoming season, but keep getting stuck after “Kirk Cousins is garbage, will always be garbage, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” It’s the only strong opinion I really have about the team, and also the only real spiritual belief I hold.

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King Hippo

Captaaaaaain Dingleberrrrrry! AHOY!!!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You are wrong! He is perpetually average while getting big time starter money!

*It was big time starter money until the market price was reset.

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Unsurprised

Cut & Paste until you hit the minimum wordcount.

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Horatio Cornblower

What’s all this about EPL tipping?

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Mr. Ayo

It’s no cow tipping, but it’s still good clean fun.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Join the fun!

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Horatio Cornblower

A while back I bought a sign from Fenway Park at an antique store, (read “junk shop with high prices”) that I stumbled across while taking an alternate route home from work due to a bad accident on the highway. I’m driving by and the guy has two signs that look exactly like the signs that hang outside the entrances to Fenway. I, being a sucker for baseball memorabilia, and knowing many Red Sox fans, hang a U-turn and stop by. After being asked repeatedly if I’m a cop, I eventually agree to pay too much for a sign that is either a) not what it purports to be, or b) stolen. Whatever, it looks cool, I’ll appreciate it or know someone who will, and I’ll have a good story.

When I bought the sign the Yankees were something like 7-1 or 8-1 against the Red Sox. In their first series since I bought the sign the Yankees were 0-3 and lost those games 19-3, 10-5, and 9-5. On the morning of the 4th game I put that sign into the car, drove an hour to a friend’s house, gave him the sign while telling him that it was clearly cursed and therefore belonged in a Red Sox fans house, and then went and bought a bunch of beers.

The Red Sox just lost to Kansas City and are 1-9 since I got rid of the sign.

I’m going back to the junk guy tomorrow and I’m not leaving until I’ve found a monkey’s paw.

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Unsurprised

Don’t forget the frogurt, too.

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blaxabbath

Stephen King ain’t even trying anymore.

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King Hippo

that’s GREAT hustle

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Senor Weaselo

The Red Sox have lost 9 of their last 10 and are now on the cusp of being 15 1/2 out and 17 in the loss column, and 6 1/2 out in the Wild Card?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-fraAN7in4

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King Hippo

After 2, #BFIB are…not losing WOO!!

/think we should take the point here

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Unsurprised

I don’t recall who’s what kind of nerd here, but odds are at least one of you might be interested to know that Marv Wolfman is co-writing the CW’s Crisis on Infinite Earths crossover event among all its DCU TV series (and I think a web series. I just skimmed the article).

Also, Kevin Conroy is playing one of the live action Bruce Waynes/Batmen.

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blaxabbath

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nN6VR92V70M

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Senor Weaselo

Batman fan Senorita Weaselo approves.

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Senor Weaselo

It’s just another way to keep things interesting on Saturdays and in that time between waking up on Sunday morning & watching the early NFL games.

You mean, people do things that isn’t wake up at the crack of noon?

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Horatio Cornblower

Sure was nice of the Orioles to let the Aberdeen Iron Birds take a shot at the Yankees. Played them pretty close so far, too. Something these Low A Ball player will be able to talk about for the rest of…hold on, I’m getting something from my producers.

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Senor Weaselo

Hey, the left fielder might not remember it.

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herodotus450

I don’t know why they’re called “tips” and “tipping,” and I don’t understand how a new EPL season (table?) is starting already, but I’ve done… something.

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blaxabbath

Don’t click on Flex!

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litre_cola

You sir are now a tipster.

A tipster is someone who regularly provides information (tip) on the likely outcomes of sporting events.

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blaxabbath

Where’s my suspenders and ironic glasses?!

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Brick Meathook

Wow did I have a meta-day today.

I went and saw Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, and I saw it in Hollywood. In fact, I saw it at the Cinerama Dome in 70mm. At one point, the front entrance of the Cinerama Dome is shown in the movie. I was looking on the gigantic screen and there was a picture of the building I was sitting in. As you may know, on Saturday I bought an October 2019 MAD Magazine, which led me to buy a bunch of old magazines. The October ’19 MAD contains a parody of the fictional show that Leonardo DeCaprio’s character stars in. At his house, in the movie, the October ’19 issue of MAD Magazine is framed and on the wall. Also, I was high while watching the movie, which added greatly to my meta-feeling because everyone in the movie was high or drunk or getting there.

Anyway, I liked the movie a lot. Also, since the Cinerama Dome has assigned seating, I was in the front row mezzanine on the aisle. Best seat in the house. Also, the tickets cost more but there are no ads and usually none or maybe one preview (today there was one for the new Batman movie with Joaquin Phoenix as The Joker). The Cinerama Dome and the Uptown Theater in Washington D.C. are the two greatest cinemas in the United States.

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blaxabbath

I’m actually not against previews if they didn’t have all the other commercials at the movies.

Not entirely sure how I feel about Guaquin at the Joker.

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Brick Meathook

It looks pretty intense. Of course, Heath Ledger and Joaquin Phoenix are certainly no Cesar Romero, but they’re okay.

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blaxabbath

Mexian joker, eh? Coule be interesting.

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Unsurprised

Romero just had them put the white face paint over his mustache and never even tried to hide it. He was great.

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Unsurprised

Trailers are too long. The average time for pre-movie crap is 28-30 minutes based on the ~50 movies I saw last year with MoviePass and the two I’ve seen this year. It’s not like I’m going to use that time productively anyway.

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blaxabbath

How long if I cut out the Coke commercials?

I can do four previews. Especially because that’s when I like to get settled and start busting into my candy.

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Mr. Ayo

Did the crowd cheer when their theater appeared on screen? I heard that was a thing.

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Brick Meathook

No. We all sat in stunned silence, unable to truly process the information in real time.

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Horatio Cornblower

“Also, I was high while watching the movie,”

Spoiler alert, Brick never actually got to the theater and watched all this play out against the back of his eye lids while asleep at the end of the driveway.

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Unsurprised

I regret not seeing The Matrix at Uptown and instead going to Union Station because I was such a lazy fuck then. Funny enough I was so psyched coming out of it that I walked back to my dorm in Foggy Bottom, which may as well have been a cross-country trek at the time.

Anyway, I want to see that movie at a good theater. Unfortunately, I am nowhere near a good theater. But I have eaten at El Coyote and been to like every other still-standing location in that film that I know of.

I also want to see The Irishman in a theater, but I know that’s not going to happen either.

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blaxabbath

So I moved here to Vegas for work, right, and I am in a managerial position over everyone in the office except exactly one person here. I expected to come here tonight and complain that it’s making it hard to meet people in a new place because of the work structure. HOWEVA, I’d instead like to point out that one of my employees is a conspiracy theorist who is bought in on Q Anon. So when I came in yesterday and he was chatting with a couple other people in the office about the shootings this weekend, I heard, “Well if you heard it on the news then it’s just propaganda.”

It’s hard to find good help these days.

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Sharkbait

Can you fire them into the sun?

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blaxabbath

Only if he asks for a raise. But I’ll just counter with, “What are you going to do with all that FIAT money though?”

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Unsurprised

That’ll shut him up. Or he may think he’ll make less because of taxes, which according to Reddit is something that far too many people not just in the U.S. but everywhere with income taxes actually believe.

Please, bring on the apocalypse.

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Unsurprised

They’re already in Vegas

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WCS

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litre_cola

We are at 14 members (heh) for the footy tipping. There will be a prize for the winner. If a bottle of whisky can make it to Puerto Rico this should be childs play.

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Sharkbait

COYS

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Mr. Ayo

I’m still not happy that I missed out on the used fleshlight. This will be my revenge.

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litre_cola

So a Sheffield M.ayo 69 jersey then?

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blaxabbath

I got the email and joined. Don’t know what sport this is but that’s actually more fun than AFL where I know what it is, technically, but have no idea how to predict it.

Seems to work for chicks and March Madness brackets.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I got the email and assumed I’d be put on a watch list if I joined.

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Dunstan

Eh, joining DFO already put you on several watch lists.

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m in Nashville and it’s raining too hard for me to go anywhere but the hotel bar tonight

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Sharkbait

There are worse things. I stayed at a hotel in Chicago once that had 3 bars in it. That, for a period of hours, all were closed at the same time. There’s nothing worse than not being able to get a drink on the road.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yeah, this hotel has multiple bars and the one I’m in has live music. I’d stop complaining but I’m a whiny bitch.

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Sharkbait

Is it country music? Then bitch away.

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blaxabbath

That could be America’s next big star/Top Model!

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King Hippo

that’s when you find the twitchy fella and try heroine

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King Hippo

As I prepare for Clayton Kershaw to just the tip Most Glorious el Beisbol Cardinals, I am thankful that the Dirt ex-Raiders are doing a good.

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Mr. Ayo

It’s been a glorious watch.

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Senor Weaselo

tWBS… how do you watch these guys 162 games a year?

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Sharkbait

I’m guessing lots of booze and/or pills.

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Senor Weaselo

Outfielder with just a horribly timed dive, just way too early. Off the head, double.

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Mr. Ayo

It’s either that or contemplate his life.

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King Hippo

Dunno about y’all fuckwads, but Hippo Life Contemplation is absofuckinglutely out of the question

/why yes AH WILL have another V-profen, ur the best Other Hippo

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Horatio Cornblower

Holy shit you guys, they killed Herbert!!

https://www.theonion.com/white-on-white-violence-claims-life-of-accounts-receiva-1819569088

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herodotus450

He’s up there with CPA-ONE now, mourn ya till I join ya H-dog.

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rockingdog

found a funny:
Date: You shouldn’t be using a straw

Me: I know, I know, it’s bad for the environment

Date: It’s just a weird way to eat spaghetti

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Sharkbait

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scotchnaut

litre, tried to log in and failed. Should I have used a shrub instead?

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litre_cola

Do not use your espn login, create one there if you do not have one for the AFL tipping. They are both ESPN but run separately. Happened to Hippo to so he created a profile and was good to go.

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WCS

Use snrub?comment image?b64lines=U05SVUI_

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Sharkbait

Have the Canadians issued travel warnings to the US yet?

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litre_cola

More like a polite suggestion.

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scotchnaut

it didn’t matter that I was 180 miles away

-Begins pouring millions of dollars of research money into guns that can kill from 180 miles away.*

*The NRA

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

NRA GUY 1: So I looked into it and it turns out that the Nazis already tried developing something like this with little success.

NRA GUY 2: Well, that’s a shame. Do have the White House send over their research, though, maybe we can find something they missed.

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Senor Weaselo

First batter and Angel Hernandez fucked up a strike 3 call. And he’s not even behind the plate!

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scotchnaut

“Batter? Shoulda used panko bread crumbs in this situation. smgdh…”

-yeah right

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Senor Weaselo

In fairness there is danger watching baseball in Cleveland. But that’s river fire catching other things on fire.

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herodotus450

Typical Canadian elites, thinking Dayton and Cleveland are the same place. WE HAVE CULTURE TOO YOU FATCATS!

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Senor Weaselo

In Ohio? I don’t know about that…

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yeah right

If anyone was curious about all of the details of the Mueller Report but written in a clear, concise timeline as well as written in a style meant to entertain – with cool illustrations from an “Archer” artist – this is fantastic and informative.
Lengthy but worth the time.

https://www.insider.com/mueller-report-rewritten-trump-russia-mark-bowden-archer-2019-7

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LemonJello

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ballsofsteelandfury

We currently have 9 kids in the EPL Pool!!

One more and we can offer a prize to the winner!

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King Hippo

Is it chocolate??

/thankful I will not win

//EVERTON WOO!!!!!!

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litre_cola

We are now at 11, there will be a sweet Burnley jersey to the winner. If it is Scotchy you are god damned right it will have 69 on the back.

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scotchnaut

You sir, are a stinker. There. I said it.

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SonOfSpam

I still owe you a used Fleshlight. Did you decide on colour/textoure?

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litre_cola

Warty yellow, and lightly scabbed please.

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blaxabbath

Cryotherapy can cause guys to miss multiple seasons.

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

I should probably just start in the lower level pool so you dont need to relagate me at the end of the season.

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litre_cola

I feel this will be very difficult due to ties – D. McNabb

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scotchnaut

“What he said!” [followed by some sort of muffled sound that ends in silence]

-David Carradine

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Unsurprised

“…”

— Michael Hutchence

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BaldingSpiritually

Wonder if other RBs follow Zeke and force a new deal while they’re still young and their stock is up. Makes sense after watching what happened with Bell

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ballsofsteelandfury

They totally should. They’re considered disposable now, so get your money while you can.

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Happening right now with Melvin Gordon and the Heretics. My favorite theory being that the Spanoi simply don’t have the money to pay him the deal he wants.

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scotchnaut

17 year-old me used a significant amount of cryo-therapy when my girlfriend cheated on me so I know exactly what Antonio Brown is going thru right now.

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