I’m a horrible person. I’ve known this for a while.
For those of you who have met me, this is not news to you either.
Among other things I’ve been trying to get taken care of this week, one is cleaning out my fathers old workshop. I finished today. But under a pile of other things, I found a little wooden cross.
Now when I say “cross” I don’t mean it was a religious item. And frankly I don’t know what he used it for.
But it was about 4 feet by 2 feet.
My first thought was that it would be perfect for a midget Jesus.
And then I laughed for a while. My mother asked me why I was laughing.
You don’t want to know, Mom. Trust me.
But because I’ve been doing some cleaning, our theme this week is…..
(wait for it)
Sexy Maids!!!!!!!!!!
–
Sports Which Will Clean You Out 2Nite
NFL
- Bucs @ Stillers – 7:30pmEDT – TV: NFLN
- Vikes @ ‘Aints – 7:30pmEDT – TV NFLN (alternate)
(I guess that means you get what you get and like it….or not)
Little League World Series
- New Jersey vs Washington, DC – 7pmEDT – TV: ESPN
- Arizona vs NorCal – 9pmEDT – TV: ESPN
Pan American Games XVIII
- No idea what events are tonight – 7pmEDT – TV: ESPNU
Tennis
- Rogers Cup Quarterfinals – 6:30pmEDT – TV: ESPN2 (it’s in Canadia, Eh?)
–
Sexy Maids
Being clean and dirty at the same time is quite the conundrum, huh?
Enjoy…
Ummmmmm…..I think you missed a spot. No over here. Let me show you.
/unzips pants
(ahem)
Have a good weekend everyone.
Love ya’s.
–
found a funny:
ME: *hurries love*
PHIL COLLINS: What the fuck do you think you’re doing
I’m afraid to see if this Ron Burgundy podcast where he interviews Kamala Harris is actually Will Ferrell interviewing the next democratic presidential nominee as the dude from Anchorman.
I haven’t listed to it, but I’m pretty confident that it is.
Evening
My friend gave me a free case of beer last weekend and I’m finally breaking into it while watching the Dirt BOLTMEN take on the Dirt Donkos. Fernando Tatis Jr. has looked so good, it’s stupid.
Collingwood v Melbourne is about to start!
I still haven’t watched the replay of the GWS match, so no spoilers.
Um… ok.
This game reminds me of Brazil because there’s a lot of behinds.
Banner!
My old avatar!!
I always prefer when they self apply.
Been awhile Moose since I have wanted Balls to do a 25 questions about one of your posts.
K Y there is, hmm?
Great minds…
Damn
No safety screen in front of her fireplace.
2/10 would not bang.
OK, maybe I would after finding the fire extinguisher…. just in case.
The farts I’m generating tonight could be weaponized and sold on the black market. Also, howdy.
I don’t know the difference between hippies and hipsters but I know I like seeing either one of them getting beat up.
AMURRKA!
Evel Knievel has apparently gotten hostile.
The difference is cleanliness. Hipster groom themselves to look like assholes whereas hippies are just grungy.
Depending on which stereotype you prefer.
“Don’t define me!”, whines a hipster somewhere.
Hippies were actually really greedy dicks. Hipsters are dorks who’ve glommed onto the non-Internet twist in reality where dorkiness became cool.
v
https://youtube.com/watch?v=iGxGgsGVbOs
Finally watched “The Ballad Of Buster Scruggs”. Dark, dark shit. Even for the Coens.
That was a good ‘un. The miner and the chicken were two I remember liking. Also the only thing I’ve liked with James Franco.
And Stephen Root! “PAN SHOT!!”
Is that Topanga from Boy Meets World?
Yes indeedy!
My dog Frankie was like this. I miss him.
v
Gattaca is on in 1 hour on Epix.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAsslxKFIao
I can’t wait for everyone to realize, “Oh. He’s actually just an asshole.” so I can go back to drinking in peace.
You waking up early tomorrow?
Yeh. 7:30, baby!
Right. 530 here. I am sure someone will have me awake here.
Just got mine asleep. The wee ones truly are forces of nature.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLKSViTveuE
Oy Vey
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=niiNPH64Xv4
Okay. One minute in and I can tell this was the Dark Ages of SNL.
I never made it past the Jim Belushi thumbnail. Jim Belushi is the kiss of death.
So, who has two thumbs and is leading the DFO EPL pool with a perfect pick nailing the winner and final margin?
Aw, shit, 6 of us!
So are we sure all six have thumbs or are we just guessing?
I thought I told you to stop posting gifs of me
Still waiting on my gently used fleshlight. In fact that may be my FF team name.
You keep talking like that, you’re gonna have to explain a package in the Post to Mrs. Cola…
I will blame it on her brother.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGag1sjCpp0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcYv66g3vu0
Oh dear lord you just had to do that?
/where’s my lube?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kn-6yvCjVDQ
I watched this and he still makes me laugh.
Oh, crap. When my family cut the cord and gave up Sling, we lost NFL Network. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Wait, you cut the cord AND gave up Sling? Do you even own a TV anymore?
Hulu, Netflix, DC Universe
Hulu allows for DVR, live channels, has multiple episodes of some shows ready for viewing and its user interface is better than Sling.
Really not having NFLN was the first point against Hulu.
I use Hulu TV too, and I mostly like it. I have to supplement Comedy Central and AMC elsewhere, but I’ve found it very serviceable for everything else.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgE4yuPGmJU
Learning is a wonderful thing. I’ve learned quite a lot this week.
Yesterday, I learned that Gale Sayers is still alive. I thought he died 50 years ago.
What did I learn today?
I learned that the Mississippi Delta is not the same as the Mississippi River Delta. The Mississippi River Delta is the mouth of the river at the Gulf of Mexico, below New Orleans. It’s predominantly Creole and Cajun, and fishing is big business there. So is oil and gas exploration and refining. The Mississippi Delta is a 7000 sq. mi. area of rich bottom land, between the Mississippi River on the west to the Yazoo River on the east, south of Memphis TN and north of Vicksburg MS. It is considered the most fertile soil in the United States, and was big cotton plantation country. It’s the home of “Delta Blues” and is still predominantly African American. It’s sometimes called “the most southern place in America” based on its culture. So if you want to be a real bluesman and sell your soul at the crossroads, don’t go down by the Gulf of Mexico because you’re 300 miles away from where you want to be. In April 1863 General U.S. Grant crossed the Mississippi at Bruinsburg with 17,000 men and supplies (the largest amphibious military operation is U.S. history until the Normandy landings in June 1944) and then fought across the Mississippi Delta to Jackson MS and then to Vicksburg, which fell on July 4 1863, the day after the Union Victory at Gettysburg (where Meade beat Bobby Lee (not the Asian Bobby Lee)). I already knew most of that last part.
The other thing I learned today is that there’s an almost invisible little switch on the top of my stove that turns on a light inside the oven. I never noticed it before; like a fool I’ve been using a flaming newspaper torch to see if my delicate cakes had risen. No more! I’ve found the switch!
I thought a “Flaming Newspaper Torch” was ….
Never mind. It’s not like there’s anything wrong with that.
Something Buddy could probably explain in painful detail.
Even when I was writing it, I knew everyone would make fun of “flaming newspaper torch.” I should’ve cut all that part. It’s a slightly good idea but I wasted it as an non sequitur (I just had to google “non sequitur”). Anyway, the Mississippi Delta is 300 miles north of the Mississippi River Delta. Ciao Babe.
You mean Adrian Peterson used to use torches?
Grant was a superhero of logistics.
As opposed to Pershing, who could fuck up leading two horses in a straight line.
(French door slides open)
Do you guys remember Maitland Ward who played Rachel on “Boy Meets World” in the later seasons. She does porn now. I’m not talking Playboy, soft-core late-night cable TV or a stolen private sex tape. I’m talking hardpore cornography.
Topanga when?
Currently no, but if I find evidence to the contrary, I’ll let you know after I regain consciousness.
This is important information and thank you for providing it!
I thought everyone knew.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wF_xbCQuxA
Apparently my dad’s friend knew the guy who did Tarbash the Egyptian Magician.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQBKUPwG_Gk
Was there lighter fluid next to the cross?
OK, that’s just wrong.
But now that you mention it, there is still a big jug of kerosene in there.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yq2jJLswL8I
she looks like a biter
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9CD-lmCFtWg
So apparently I became a part of the “number neighbor” trend today, which I didn’t know was a trend, because old.
If the pic she sent me (which I did not request) is accurate, she’s about 16, and hoooo boy i do not need that kind of trouble, because old.
She asked for a pic, I sent her a picture of Tom Hanks as Forrest Gump, to which she replied “zaddy,” which I had to look up, because old.
I said goodbye and blocked the number.
In summary…I’m goddamn Methuselah.
And likely on a goddamn watch list.
Must be a Friday.
did you save the pic? – Mark Chmura
“Can you send that too me Mark?” – M. Sanchez
I understood a quarter of that.
I’m old too.
I guess I spoke too soon because I definitely read the REDACTEDS WYTS today. I’ve also spent the last three hours badmouthing myself and torturing myself online so even when I went out to eat and walked back (4.5 miles total) I still felt like shit. Hopefully hanging out with the neighbors in a sec will help me feel better.
Anyway. Fuck the REDACTEDS. Fuck Dan Snyder. Fuck the NFL.
But, hey, we have a new good long gif of Alison Brie jiggling her boobs from this season of GLOW. So things are looking up.
Boobs
h
ttps://gfycat.com/chillywiltedcirriped
She lost too much weight from her Community/Mad Men days. Still cool.
Sexy maids?