Your “Middle Child Day” Monday Evening Open Thread

Seriously, I’m not joking.  August 12 is “Middle Child Day”. It’s official and everything!!!!!!

HEY LOOK IT’S THE NEW JAN BRADY!!!!!

marsha, Marsha, MARSHA!!!!!

OK, enough of that stupidity.  I was delayed today and I’m running out of time so I gotta write this fast.

  • As I mentioned last night, Antonio Brown wanted to continue wearing a model of helmet which had been banned a year ago or else he was threatening to not play the 2019 season.  The NFL stood their ground on the issue, and he caved.  I guess it’s better to get used to a new helmet than not make millions of dollars a year.  Can’t say I blame him.
  • Dak Dak Dak thinks he’s worth $40mil a year.  He’s good, but he ain’t $40mil a year good.  Sorry buddy.
  • Philadelphia is still Philadelphia, in spite of what you might think.  BROTHERLY LOVE BABY!!!!
  • Nevin Lawson misbehaved a little apparently.
  • Chad Thomas suffered a neck injury in practice, but apparently will not suffer a “Ryan Shazier”.  Ryan Shazier had this to say …  “Fuck That Guy!!!”.  (OK, I said that, not Shazier, but only because I thought it was funny).  Thomas is expected to make a full recovery but he is now listed “day to day” as far as returning to the field, diagnosed with a neck sprain.
  • And shockingly, the J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets, have absolutely no clue what to do with Le’veon Bell.
  • How ya doing over there, Yinzers?
  • Ravens’ fans laugh quietly.

 

Heheh, speaking of a sprained neck, I sprained my neck once while….well, never mind…

Sports Which Will Make You Feel Left Out 2Nite

MLB

  • Boston @ Cleveland – 7:00pmEDT – TV: ESPN

Full Schedule

(and yes, the Orioles already lost once today to the Yanks….they’ll get another chance at 7pm)

NFL

  • Redacteds @ Cleveland – 7:00pmEDT – TV: NFLN

(again, spoiler alert, this game is four days old and the Browns rolled in this one 30-10)

((Like I said a coupla days ago, gon’ be a long year in the AFC North))

Little League Softball

Yeah, knowing you perverts I shouldn’t even tell you where to find this one.

It’s on one of the ESPNs you sick fuckers.

And as an aside, I could get a hit off of Jennie Finch.

OK, maybe not.  But I’d still be willing to buy her dinner.

Oooooof.

Time To Get It Going

OK folks, it’s Monday night.  Not much to watch.  You’re gonna have to talk it up and entertain one another.

Make me proud.

(and if you’re a middle child….I’m sure you’ll be just fine)

(Unless you’re THAT kid)

((He’s screwed))

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theeWeeBabySeamus
An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it's a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles. When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.
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Unsurprised
Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

Hey tWBS, I’ll make you a deal:

We’ll split helicopter pilot school. I’ll take half the classes, you take the others;
We’ll split the cost of buying a helicopter;
The helicopter has two sets of controls. You do your part and I’ll do my part.

What could go wrong?

Brick Meathook

We’ll be extra drunk and coked-up too.

Brick Meathook

WE DON’T NEED NO STINKIN’ PARACHUTES

Unsurprised

Do you guys need someone to man the kegerator?

Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

Plus extra kerosene in the wing-tip tanks only for the jet engines.

Brick Meathook

Jet Fuel is kerosene with some anti-corrosive additives.

Brick Meathook

Piston engines (cars or planes) run on gasoline, which is a fractional distillate cocktail. Kerosene is very easy to make.

Brick Meathook

You know it now.

Brick Meathook

So is Saturn V rocket fuel. Half HIGHLY refined kerosene and half liquid oxygen. The Russians never figured out that part.

Brick Meathook

They were trying to make it go faster, to keep up with the new jets.

Brick Meathook

Also, those aren’t turboprops they’re R-4360 piston engines, which at that time were fueled by 150-octane leaded aviation gasoline.

Brick Meathook

Ooooooooh, yeah!

Unsurprised

The drugs kicked in?

Unsurprised

I’m a pervert but at least I didn’t make a post that’s on the front page of reddit about how this looks like a sex toy.
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Unsurprised
SonOfSpam

First time I heard of that was in “Nuthin But a G Thing” because of my overwhelming whiteness.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You know what’s always an accomplishment? Holding in a fart through a yoga class.

SonOfSpam

Bigger accomplishment: Letting it out, slowly, loudly, and informing the class, “I call that Floating The Biscuit” while keeping your eyes shut and exhaling evenly.

Unsurprised

I’m legit crying. Oh, wow. That’s amazing.

Also, mmmmmm … Biscuit.

Unsurprised

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Senor Weaselo

Hey, some of that worth was the Tumblr equivalent of camgirls! Or so I’ve been told…

Unsurprised

And BDSM gifs.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Carrot crotch.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

I wonder what happens from here.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Incest.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Ince$t.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Yeah, when I did the same thing….. maybe it was because I was wearing a different helmet.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Dunstan

When is Inner Child Day?

herodotus450

Never now that Epstein is dead.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

We’ve still got priests.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

Never now that Meghan McCain self-aborted hers.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Too soon?

Not soon enough.

blaxabbath

– Meghan McCain, regarding her post=appetizer dessert.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

This is just a wonderfully delicious layer cake
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nomonkeyfun

Wait… Chris is the dumb Cuomo brother?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Tallest man on Pygmy Island?

BC Dick

“Pure racism” is a bit of a stretch. He’s probably just confused. We all know guineas ain’t too bright.

King Hippo

No #BFIB and I am now tired of Colorado. Though I did drive by a mountain town store called “The Lazy Moose”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Tired of Colorado? What the fuck is wrong with you?

Errrr….. never mind, JK, take off, this is a TERRIBLE place; you shouldn’t visit. You’ll just hate it. Anywhere else is better, nothing to do, just avoid it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

h

ttps://media.giphy.com/media/AR84ZS673UsqQ/giphy.gif

litre_cola

Hmmmm, when I have visited I have had weed, beer, punk music, and skiing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

QUIET!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He’s lying folks, just another Big City Council Stooge.

herodotus450

Maybe he just needs to turn off Rio Bravo

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Speaking of legal weed.

King Hippo

My oldest child was born 12 August. Fuck off, Unnecessary “Days”

Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

No one ever mentions the Schweddy Weiner bit, where one of them does break character. Probably because you can’t ever fucking find a video of it. I have an mp3 of it, though, which seems appropriate given that the premise is a deadpan NPR show.

As an aside, another bit that is criminally forgotten featuring Christopher Walken: Colonel Angus

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3l2oi-X8P38

Unsurprised

I guess you’re going to have to suffer through the NBC site.

https://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/the-delicious-dish/n11456

Gratliff

Not watching WWE shows anymore, most of the news I get from it comes in meme form, and frankly, it’s a significantly better product that way.

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blaxabbath

This should be a Yes Yes No.

blaxabbath

I hope tomorrow’s Cardinals preview communicates through prose the metamorphosis of my anger and hate for the Cardinals to a mature despising that I will never otherwise verbally communicate as I continue to follow the team while silently rooting against them, their fans, etc; all while not at all letting it otherwise impact my life, thus not allowing that franchise to win.

Not that winning has ever been their strength.

litre_cola

But will you still listen to the hot taeks on Phoenix radio? I do enjoy your stories.

blaxabbath

You know, I always streamed that so I can honestly say it may very well happen. In fact, it may be the only content I’ll actively enjoy consuming.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Nothing on? So I have to do work?

blaxabbath

House in PHX closed.

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Buy low sell high, that’s what I always say.

Now I just get to be neighbors with everyone bailing from beingYeah Right’s and RTD’s neighbors.

I just assume no one ever leaves San Diego then.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Congrats! Enjoy the Vegas meth.

Brick Meathook

Everyone wants to be my neighbor.

Unsurprised

I want this but there’s no way in Hell I’d wear it. I hate shirts with logos already.

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rockingdog

found a funny:
[when faced with a stressful decision]
I will need to eat some cheese about this

Unsurprised

Solid decisionmaking process.

scotchnaut

All this talk of plus and minus ones. Is there no one that can fix this mess? [light bulb brightens]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOiZP8FS5Ww

herodotus450
scotchnaut

Where does it go from here? To Love + 1 by Haircut 100, of course.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_msHpEa3_Y

King Hippo

ya ya ya ya YA!

litre_cola

Dirt Argos and Dirt Cowboys is fun….

Gratliff

Seeing this going around Twitter and laughing at the idea of Jerral crippling his team because the only thing they can do is cherry pick a handful of stats
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Redshirt

> BENGALS: UNDEFEATED IN WILD CARD ROUNDS SINCE 1978 PLAYOFF EXPANSION (EXCLUDES 2005, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015 AND THE STRIKE SHORTENED SEASON OF 1982)

litre_cola

I hope you guys beat the 500s this year.

ballsofsteelandfury

Once again, Bob’s Burgers reruns are the best thing on TV tonight.