NFL News:
- If the rumours are true, Ezekiel Elliott should have a new contract by the end of the day.
- He has left Mexico & flown back to Dallas.
- One would think this is on the advice of the agent negotiating for him, which means it has to be close.
- He has left Mexico & flown back to Dallas.
- On the sidelines of a Zeke deal, this will impact the Melvin Gordon situation.
- At present, the Chargers are done talking about it, and coach Anthony Lynn gave a Belichickian “On to Cincinnati” response to queries:
- “My concern right now is on Indianapolis,” Lynn said. “We’ve talked about that for a long time. I’m just ready to move on — we’re playing games.”
- At present, the Chargers are done talking about it, and coach Anthony Lynn gave a Belichickian “On to Cincinnati” response to queries:
On the subject of acting like the Patriots, the Colts have done that just two years removed from their failed Josh McDaniels quest.
- They have signed surprise number one QB Jacoby Brissett to a two-year, $30 million extension.
- They have signed Brian Hoyer to be his 2019 backup.
- Hoyer was cut by the Patriots on Saturday, leaving only rookie Jarrett Stidham as TB12’s backup.
So, the day most dreaded has arrived – school started anew today. And boy, was I pleased to see all those bright, new faces.
Why, it was all I could do to keep from bubbling over with excitement at the concept of all those fresh, young minds looking to me for education and guidance.
Good thing I’m going to Iron Maiden tonight.
Nothing like clearing the mind for the long task ahead.
Tonight’s sports:
- U.S. Open Tennis:
- Men’s and women’s quarterfinals – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
- MLB:
- Toronto at Atlanta – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
- Twins at Red Sox – 7:00PM | MLBN
- Women’s International Friendly Soccer:
- U.S. vs. Portugal – 8:00PM | ESPN2
- WNBA Basketball:
- Washington Mystics at NY Liberty – 7:00PM | TSN2
- Seattle Storm at Phoenix Mercury – 10:00PM | ESPN2
- WWE:
- Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
Even though it’s a school night, what time will I be home?
Maiden was awesome.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_nJ5ksFVbg
HAHAHAHA
I just realized there’s FOOTBAW tomorrow. Ah, perfect timing for heartbreak. Woooo frivolity!
Wait..you’re in the Eastern zone? Do we let you people share that time zone?
Whatever. Happy Wednesday to you!
It’s Atlantic, you boor.
/flosses teeth with cover of “Crimen y castigo”
Oh, that’s like a Canadia time zone.
And I may be a boor. (That’s all)
Keeper league draft tonight. Good beer and good picks.
BFC tonight:
SCORE!!!! I just totally sold my Instant Pot for FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS!!! KA-CHING!!!!
I’m gonna go buy some crack. I’m tellin’ ya it’s the next new thing all over again.
Crack is whack is black don’t crack is whack is black don’t crack is
/smokes more crack
Don’t do crack. It’s a ghetto drug.
Choose meth and I’ll be there tomorrow
Federer choking. 5th set about to start.
YOU SHUT YOUR FILTHY WHORE MOUTH!
At least he had the self respect to win one game in the final set.
And unlike some people I could mention, he doesn’t quit just because he doesn’t have it that night.
True. Djoker quit which means he lost, while Federerererer played all five sets and lost, which means he lost. Who’s the quitter now???
No idea which player I was trying to insult.
Where’s Brick’s autoerotic asphyxiation macro?
He’s on a bit of a crack bender. Give it a few days.
“Brick’s Cat” really should be a macro. It would save me a lot of time. One of you nerds should make this happen.
Belichick and Saban: The Art of Coaching, the Delight in Misanthropy
Enjoy the metal, Prof.
LOL I haven’t seen the Mets Mets like this since… the Triple-A team earlier this afternoon. Score 5 in the top of the 9th, give up 7 in the bottom of the 9th.
is the first thing listed on google in the search results in that “People also ask” section. Google doesn’t even have the decency to give a punchline.
The New York Mets, leading 5-4 going into the ninth inning scored 5 runs in the top of that inning to take a 10-4 lead.
They then gave up exactly seven runs to lose the game 11-10.
lol
“Eh, it’s been done.” -Syracuse Mets
Well why would the home team keep batting after taking the lead in BOT 9?
They would not, but every run scored on a homerun above what is needed to win scores.
Not the Ny Mets!
My favorite squadron
Right now Terry Bradshaw is facing off with a sumo wrestler on the NFL network. I want him to die so bad.
sorry it was Mariucci, I can’t root against him as he is Italian.
I still re-listen to a couple of Sam Kinison’s concerts because as right-wing and homophobic and blah blah blah blah BLAH his sets were, he was also fucking hilarious (this sounds familiar) . He was originally a preacher. He had an immense amount of charisma and he sold the FUCK out of his jokes. I remember when Bush was President how I wish he was alive because I figured he’d either be funny as a conservative, unlike the Blue Collar dipshits, or scathing and fearless as a critic like Carlin, or most likely a combination of both. He’d have loved McCain and would have torn W and Rove new assholes over how they ratfucked McCain during the primaries. And then Obama becomes President. Jesus, dude.
YOU LIVE IN A FUCKING DESERT. NOTHING GROWS HERE. NOTHING’S GONNA GROW HERE. GET YOUR SHIT GET YOUR KIDS AND WE’LL TAKE YOU TO WHERE THE FOOD IS! WE HAVE DESERTS IN AMERICA, WE JUST DON’T LIVE IN THEM ASSHOLE.
Fucking dude was the shit.
We built FUCKING GOLF COURSES in our deserts, but, yeah, no one actually lives there.
/SIDEEYES BLAXX
This was my mother’s favorite bit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJ0sNZ5M1nE
A time when there was more than The One Joke? Sounds made up to me.
“We’ve replaced Michaek Irwin’s coke with Comet cleanser let’s see if he can tell the difference.”
Irwin destroys the set of NFL Network, kills 3 people with a penknife. Comes back for more.
Alright, inconclusive so far. Going to have to wait this one out.
Nothing of value was lost. He’s immediately given a Cousins-level TV deal where he guts at least three dumbshits a night and the show where he kills Skip Bayless is the highest-grossing PPV ever.
I would sell one of my sons to be front row at that PPV. Skip bayless is a worthless cunt stuffed full of roaches and maggots.
I’m watching Return of the King and I gotta say, Samwise and Frodo gotta be the gayest dudes in Middle Earth.
Yeah.
NTTAWWT
Not at all, but the relationship in the movies is radically different from the books – or I never picked up on it. Christ the last few scenes of those two trying to climb Mt Doom is excrucaiting. Not to mention the 7 different ending scenes. Peter Jackson went full retard on that part of the trilogy
There really isn’t that much decent male friendship depicted in media, is there, if even that one becomes “Oh, they have to be gay?” I’m sure it’s more clear in the books but even if it wasn’t, I think people are grasping at nonexistent straws because they’ve never seen nuance on this issue.
This isn’t even directed at Fozz. It’s just a gross generalization of people.
That’s so gay
I see what you’re saying – it just seemed like it was overdone for all of the wrong reasons.
I don’t doubt you.
Oh, when I said “more clear” I meant their relationship as friends, practically brothers even, is more clear. I’m a little drunk.
I think it went past “nuance” when they started sucking each other’s cocks up there on that mountain. That seemed pretty gay to me.
We have small wire traps over the drains at kitchen work sinks. None of those fucking tit headed millenials will empty them. 30 years in the biz, masters in marketing from Hopkins (impressed?), three kids at home, and i’m picking up after these squalling little shits.
Fuck every parent who raised these weeping asshoels to think they were above manual labor, that the shits they took were gold plated and smelled like roses, and never whooped them up the side of their fat fucking heads.
Kill one and make an example of them.
I made three of them watch me break down a cardboard box the other day. It was like showing fire to a Cro Magnon.
Have you gutted anyone who has called it “John Hopkins”? Or to be more accurate, how many?
/They liked my suit at Peabody!
Ohh. JOHNS Hopkins
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0poaNBtk1s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLKSViTveuE
This hold music is killing me. It’s basically two lines of smooth jazz just looped over and over.
they answered!!
Woohoo!
Ok, I’m in!
If any of you here are in the draft tonight, my fucking ESPN login wont work. After an hour of getting bumped off of their live chat help, I’m now on hold on the phone. So if I’m not there, that’s why.
just logged in. You’re picking 11. Dont worry , it auto selected Melvin Gordon for you.
Hey, could be worse. You could have drafted Andrew Luck 1st overall!
Watch JerBear50 and the Madden Autoselect AI dominate Fantasy Football this year.
Let’s hope. Still on hold.
Good luck dealing with the WWL…
Women’s Wrestling League?
Boooooo ESPN fantasy footballlll!
Fuck. Any luck yet?
Still on hold.
Hey man if you’ve got a sub that you can give my spot to, I completely get it. It sucks drafting with people who are autodrafting.
Well I started my first day at a new music shop teaching lessons in the back. It pays substantially less than last year’s job of teaching a classroom fulla string instruments last year but I also don’t hate my existence and still have my voice after work and that probably means something. Does fuck with some rehearsals though since I’ll be there Thursdays.
It could be worse. You could be jerking off punks under the Queensbrough bridge for $15 a head like this guy. youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ypbtIsHxb8w&w=850&h=478
I said $15 for an Old Fashioned and $10 more to be filmed. The son of a bitch only paid $15!
My luck with ladies (in GIF form)
The woman currently on NFL network has Witchy Poo face
Stripes is on netflix. my day is complete.
Folks
yoooo
Jesus, it took Serena less than 45 minutes.
“I’m taking ‘Muhammad less than twenty minutes with Venus’ at +450.”
-K.H.
A Wang hasn’t been beaten that hard at the U.S. Open since Anna Kournikova played.
A fantasy draft of hot 80s actresses would catch my attention. #1 pick?
Phoebe Cates is the first one that comes to mind for me.
Mia Sara
Jennifer Connolly
Oh and Michelle Johnson from Blame It On Rio.
Christy Canyon.
I would say Erin Gray, but no boobs. So maybe Markie Post.
Rebecca De Mornay
Demi Moore
Ally Sheedy would be a mid round pick.
Kim Cattrall.
1980s Teri Hatcher is a late round pick. She guest starred in the 2nd episode of Quantum Leap and a 2nd season episode of Star Trek: TNG. She counts.
Kim Cattrall was my first thought, too.
.
Jami Gertz isn’t on anyone’s board?
(checks Wikipedia)
Holy crap. Honestly, I would’ve guessed she was in her 20s in Twister.
I was thinking Less Than Zero / The Lost Boys, which were both 1987.
Meg Ryan. It’s helpful that she’s used to faking orgasms.
Lea Thompson
Elisabeth Shue and Kim Basinger are subsequent picks. https://www.imdb.com/list/ls064011479/
My dark horse late pick after a couple other picks I’m blanking on at the moment would by Lucy Deakins from The Great Outdoors.
Point of order: don’t meet your childhood crushes.
found a funny:
oh so you liked HOT GIRL SUMMER? well, buckle the fuck up for EXHAUSTED ADULT FALL. our drink of choice is a lukewarm coffee from earlier this morning, and we eat our meals standing over the sink. the tagline? “i think i’m getting sick.” our theme? whatever’s already playing.
key phrases:
“can i get a hot water with lemon?”
“i have to check, i have a lot going on that week.”
“maybe!”
*given tv/movie recommendation* “oh, i’ll add that to the list!” *does not*
“ugh, it’s so cold out.”
Part 3:
“can we reschedule?”
“who’s going to be there?”
“i have to make it an early night”
“ohhh we should go to that!” *does not go to that*
WE GOT LUCK! GONNA FUCKING RULE THE LEAUGE!!!!!
Woodrow Wilson thought the same thing.
I forget how much I love this place when I’m not around.
UP THE IRONS!
DFO repping and upping the irons? That’s what I’m talking about. \m/
One of my high school girlfriends was obsessed with this song, along with anything having to do with WWI and WWII.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mx3UPfzGeN4
Given what she is doing to this poor Chinese woman I think we should put Serena Williams in charge of the trade war.
“Trade war with China? There was no trade war with China. I never said anything about a trade war. We have the best relations with China. I was on the phone with their leader just the other day. We have the best relations. The best relations ever.”
Was this quote from right before Hurricane Dorian hit Alabama?
Did you tell your students that you were going to see Iron Maiden?
To them, “The Iron Maidens” might as well be The Benny Goodman Orchestra.
Ha, like they know who Benny Goodman is!
Ha, like they know who The Iron Maidens are either.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLFOuEoeZIU
I’ll be reporting from our draft this evening. I fucking hate fantasy football. By the way, did the lead actor in Back to School ever act again? Wait, he was in Christine.
The other guy from Christine was in My Science Project, Cougar in Top Gun, then he disappeared too, like a Chris Makepeace in the wind…
He also directed a sequel to Kickboxer a couple years ago that Van Damme actually put an appearance in.
It’s hot as hell here in my part of Los Angeles. I think I’m going to go into the garden and hose down my plants and also my armpits.
Get the taint, there’s always a lot of pollution down there.
No, that’s what the bidet is for.
It’s 90 degrees in San Diego, and I am about to walk out of work and just evaporate before I can even get into my car. Or as my coworker put it “It’s like a nice day in Phoenix.”
There’s no such thing as a nice day in Phoenix, if for no other reason than the tap water throughout the entire sprawl from Tempe to Glendale tastes like rusted dirt. It’s a not-too-subtle reminder from God that people aren’t suppose to fucking live there.
Also that Republicans can’t build infrastructure worth a shit.