Jesus Bananacakes! I don’t even know where to begin. I guess I should welcome all you folks back from your non-self-imposed hiatus from the football. It’s nice to see you and my, that ‘no pants’ look really suits you. That chip dip stain on your wife beater should come out just fine, if ever you decide to do laundry again. Hey, I’m kidding. So yes, hello there all you swiggers, sidewalkers, ne’er do-weller’s, hellcats, harlots, schemers, backdoor men, railway cops, geezers, sneezers, dreamers, jive bombers, beard holders, machinists, taffy stretchers, Barbie dolls, tailpipe enthusiasts, shoe smellers, cis-goths, rhubarb lickers, Big Daddies, greasers and what have you.
I’d also like to give a shout-out to all the fellers that pitched in to make all that off-season content. (’cause I sure didn’t but I was very active in the comment section ) We learned quite a bit about soccer, cycling, tennis, golf, basketball, baseball and most importantly, each other. I mean, who knew that the mere presence of a 19 or 20 year-old competitor in the Women’s World Cup could so easily bring out the inner creep in all of us. Maybe some of us. Okay, a select few of us. Whatever, that’s in the past-we’re looking forward now. I’ll never forget you Becky…
Unlike the NFL. Did you hear it’s the 100th season of that little underdog league that morphed into the goliath that it is now? If not, you will and you will be sorry-at some point. My guess is that tonight there’ll be some Walter Payton shots accompanied by the delicate plucking of strings.
Enough of this. You know the drill. TO THE GAME!
Packers/Bears:
I don’t think I’m much wrong perspicating* that this tilt holds a fair bit of weight, even this early in the season. The Vikes as well as these guys will be jostling for position in a ‘should be’ competitive NFC North division all year long. I larfed a bunch when rook coach Matt Lafleur (no relation to Guy Lafleur) said that qb Rodgers would be ‘allowed’ to audible plays as though Mr. New Head Guy had any choice in the matter. The Chicago D is good but if you’re in a deep league and have 6′ 3″ Geronimo Allison, go ahead and play him. He’s up against 5′ 7″ slot corner Buster Skrine. Not only is Skrine small, he’s also lousy! Given that Bears te Burton is out your touchdown vulture tonight will be a certain Adam Shaheen. Prepare to shout his name to the heavens.
That’s it. Comment like you’ve commented before!
*perspicating is not a real word. Do not use in real-life situations unless trying to fuck with someone. Continued use of this ‘word’ may result in quizzical looks, disparaging comments behind your back, a sit-down with HR, divorce, indulging in necromancy and chronic back pain.
The fuck brain who inspected the house we bought missed a major problem with the circuit breaker and how it was wired, and the amperage of the main cable going into it.
Anyone every had this happen? Do I ask for money from him or threaten a lawsuit?
If it’s the kind of thing that a competent inspector should notice by all means ask him to pay for the repairs, and sue his ass if he doesn’t. But you’ll need to establish that he should have and could have found it.
I was thinking of having the certified electrician who found it write up something and sign it, so that it’s a professional opinion. I will sue his ass because I’m fucking super pissed off that it was missed. Fucking sloppy, lazy ass shit. He hasn’t returned my calls and I’m about to bring the hammer down.
Most inspectors have a clause limiting damages to cost of inspection. But in at least some states that clause is unenforceable. Bigger threat may be having your agent poison the local well, since that’s the biggest source of business
Good point, since we paid the fucker to inspect a house that we didn’t buy. What a racket.
yeah, give A.A. Ron the 2-minute drill. THAT will work out just fine.
Hmmmm. No this isn’t good
Saw a license plate about an hour ago:
R8R 4EVR
Didn’t know Rikki moved to the OC.
We know that wasn’t Antonio Brown’s car.
Slick of Jameis to drop the P in that first set of characters.
Could be a vanity plate for a Rolling Stone record reviewer, though.
“i like that white football.”
Way to go, you fucking racist.
Hello my nubile friends. How in the motherfucking hell are you?
HOLY FUCKING SPACEBALLS! IT’S JJFOZZ IN THE MUTHAFUCKING HOUSE!
the world “nubile” also instantly triggers porn thoughts
If it doesn’t there’s something wrong with you.
There is almost as much scoring (4-4) in the dirt varietal of this game.
The NFL just started and you want to promote the NHL? Da fuq?
I guess violence is violence?
I miss Suh
I thought Donkey Kong was still playing?
He is, for the Bucs somehow.
I’m sorry but I can’t imagine this Joker movie being good in any serious way
but, but, but, it’s gonna be so TwIsTeD, you guyzzzz
At first I thought it was going to be another Pennywise movie. Maybe DC and Stephen King could collaborate on a mashup.
Joaquin Phoenix replaced Jared Leto so gradually I never even noticed.
Seriously, I didn’t.
Wait, those are two different people? I always assumed that one of them was a character that the other one was playing.
I’m not ruling that out.
*leans in, clown makeup smeared across face*
I’m the god danged joker
“I like the hand cuff of your jib.”
-John Wayne Gacy
That bounce was so favourable to green bay that collinsworth is jealous
Bear Cuddle party on Rodgers head.
Aaron Rodgers buried under a bunch of Bears. Who wants to take this one?
A BLACKED production
My favorite comment about the Democratic Presidential debates so far was someone describing Tim Ryan’s expression that of the white husband in a Blacked video.
I didn’t get that reference but now I have enough of an idea that I’m gonna go ahead and not google it.
A good rule of thumb: never watch any of the debates
One Bear was enough for me, TBH,
—Leo DiCaprio
If you ever want to have fun just tell my brother that DiCaprio really deserved the Oscar he won for that movie. “ALL HE DID WAS GRIMACE THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME!!!! IT WAS TOTAL BULLSHIT!!!”
By that definition, I should get an Oscar for every day I spend at the office.
That is some really good D-Line play, that series.
So, Soldier Field’s “visiting team has a 3rd down” music is the intro to Welcome to the Jungle, huh? Better than Hell’s Bells, I guess. Way to think outside the box, boys!
What’s up peckerheads?
Not sure if bears are bad or packers are a lot better than we thought they’d be.
Leaning towards the latter, TBH
Ha ha, “not sure if Bears are bad”.
problem is Chi****’s offense. I wonder if holding back for the 2nd half, so GB can’t adjust so readily?
Can we replace Collinsworth with Romo at half. NBC needs to pay for Romo now
I would take Dennis fucking Miller at this point.
you should be able to challenge that play clock ran out
“Aaron Rodgers is really two different players”
Would you say that one of those players is…closeted!?
/dramatic music plays
//thunder crashes in the distance
///lightning crashes, splitting Collinsworth in two
////there is much rejoicing
Bluff City Law is also the name of my only litigation strategy.
Hippo, what’s your take on this?
the only official appearance I’ve had in a courtroom was my swearing in. Back in 1998. I don’t even know how to handle my own speeding tickets.
You just yell a lot. 50-50 if the cop even shows up.
Come on! Safety for the safety gods
Brad Pitt had to have a space movie after Matt Damon scienced the shit out of getting off Mars to substantial box office success, I reckon.
Ad Astra actually looks pretty good, but I thought that about his WWII tank movie and hoo boy was I wrong.
McCarthy works at Chipotle?
Season 3 of Jack Ryan will be “Brexit and nukes” instead of the IRA and Patriot Games
The way things are headed with Brexit, it might actually be the IRA again.
Everything that is old is new again!
only good aspect, car bombs is TOTES FUN
As long as they’re done by white people. They aren’t as much fun when they are mixed by brown Mooslims in countries where you can’t even BUY a fucking drink.
Like Utah?
And many counties here in Texas.
Illicit romance with a North Korean leader (played by Maggie Q).
Look, it’s objectively insane to think a people as backward and dangerous as the Brits should have the bomb.
Fuck, I hate that I loved Patriot Games so much. Although, being a Pats fan, I guess there’s a certain amount of logic to this entirely illogical link?
Is number two on your list Blown Away?
Go for it
can’t believe they didn’t
I’d take that, they’ll go for it 4th and 2
Has Rodgers’ throwing motion gotten more awkward in the offseason?
If they were real, I would hope that Jack Ryan or Jack Bauer would rip the still beating heart out of that sentient orange colostomy bag currently infecting the White House first chance they had. But they wouldn’t. Fucking Jack-offs.
I can’t wait for the eventual oscar bait movie about Hillary’s emails.
Michael Bay’s stuck on trying to figure out how to get the emails to explode.
“CC: HOW AMERICA GOT A TARD LEADER”
AND THEY CLAIM THAT HOLLYWOOD IS FULL OF COMMIES AND THEY HATE TRUE CONSERVATIVE PATRIOTS – WELL SUCK ON THAT ONE, LIBTARDS!!!111!!
I don’t have the link to it, but a recently published article talked about how Hollywood defers to the wishes of the CIA and military way more than people had assumed.
So is season 2 of Jim Halpert: World Cop -Clear and Present Danger?
The great thing about Tom Clancy’s right-wing jack-off books is that he’s dead and can’t write any more of them.
And even he would have thought this Jack Ryan show is heavy handed.
Low key one of the best things about Can You Ever Forgive Me? is Lee Israel absolutely savaging Tom Clancy.
With nukes replacing the narco-cartels? Seems like it.
I’ll bet Toews had to order the cab that got him and Kane to the game.
Kane has drunkenly and angrily asked at least one female Uber drive to suck his dick.
Not enough Health Venezuelan latina ass
If Green Bay misses even one extra point, Nagy will fire his kicker.
I swear one of these years I’m just gonna snap and go on a personal mission to kill collinsworth. Guy just knob gobbled rodgers so much it’d make a certain unnamed quarterback jealous
managed to get some Brady action in there too. Midseason form.
I’m right there with you. His “golly gee, aw shucks we’re all just a buncha cornpones watchin’ the footbaw” schtick is a clear basis for a justifiable homicide defense.
Stupid basketball references make me kind of glad Jimmy Graham is washed
Jim from The Office makes right-wing fear porn now?
Great minds…
Now??? He was in Ben Ghazi: The Movie.
see, I don’t watch no movies
Threat Level Midnight
Those Poppers Rodgers took are kicking in.
This tennis match reminds me why women don’t like Fox News: they just can’t handle spin.
Oh hell yes. They made “BUT VENEZEULA!” into a TV show
Turning point: USA. A netflix original series.
Starring Jon Krasinski, Charlie Kirk and a bunch of crash test dummies with facial features drawn on with a Sharpie marker.
Oh good, Jim from ‘The Office’ is gonna explain Venezuela to us all.
What the fuck is this, basketball?
BASKETBALL REFERENCE! Drink!
I assume many of you already are.
Now the existential dread kicks in and Bears go 7-9
Jimmy Graham: Not dead!
Might as well be, sittin on my bench like a bum.
He used to play basketball I heard
That pass was so bad even the camera guy had no clue where it was going.
Marcedes Boy is still in the League?
I swear I thought this game started at 9.
And frankly, it doesn’t seem like I was all that wrong.
You’re just in time.