JV NFL Sabado Open Thread

Alas, no Lesser Footy (outside the minor league/GAMBLOR realm).  Doggone international breaks make my arse chafe.  But we have a reasonably decent September slate to keep one sane-ish.

Cincinnati (+16) at Theeeee Ohio State (Noon, ABC)

As much as we would all like to see JV WKRP do a thing…I wouldn’t bet on this being competitive after Q1.  But Redshirt will no doubt keep us updated.

Syracuse (+2) at Maryland (Noon, ESPN)

The Orange might be the 2nd best side in the ACC.  Though that might be damning with faint praise, I still think they’re better than B1G cannon fooder like the Turtles.

West By God Virginia (+13.5) at Missouri (Noon, ESPN2)

Another spread I don’t get.  Yes, Fuckers du Cousins looked pretty anemic Week 1, but they didn’t lose to fucking Wyoming (though my GAMBLOR balance appreciated it).  Also, this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZoWc6WRHKEE

Texas A&M (+17.5) at Clemson (3:30, ABC)

Yes, sadly, Son de Clem is indeed that good.  Even I can’t talk myself into betting Bonfire Cult here.  Depressing.

Nebraska (-4) at Colorado (3:30, Fox)

Ah, the memories of the old Bill McCartney “crips v. bloods” game.  Go watch that 30 FOAR 30 if ya haven’t already.

Illinois (-20.5) at UConn (3:30, CBSSN)

No respect for the Fightin’ Horatios, I tells ya!!

San Diego State (+7.5) at UCLA (4:15, PAC-12)

Chip Kelly is failing so hard in Westwood, it’s hard not to masturbate to it.  Aztecs are always a tough out.

BYU (+3.5) at Tennessee (7:00, ESPN)

Prior to Week 1, this looked like a pretty good matchup.  Now, Team Big Love gets to feel the vengeance of a Vols squadron that’s mighty embarrassed.  Seriously, Georgia Fucking State??

LSU (-6.5) at Texas (7:30, ABC)

Look, I hate Steer Fuckers South as much as anyone.  But last weekend showed us that no non-Alabama SEC PAWWWWLLLLL side out to be laying points on the road to a legitimate opponent.

Arkansas (+6.5) at Ole Miss (7:30, SECN)

I will end up watching lots of Pig Sooey/Johnny Reb.  FOAR REASONS (see banner pic).

Cal (+13.5) at Washington (10:30, FS1)

Nap strategically, they’s two interesting tweaker matchups.  The Golden Shower Bears are always a weird team, and UW is replacing lots of talent.  At home, they should still pull it out (PHRASING!).

Stanford (line pending) at Southern Cal (10:30, ESPN)

This was more intriguing before Troi Boiz’ QB done had his leg tore off, but it’s highly likely they have another dude MOAR capable than whatever shitmonkey the Trees trot out.  Plus, quality pervert times.

 

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Redshirt

What the fuck was that Chex Mix commerical I just watched?!

Spur

Boring ass Big 10 games on a Saturday morning, a tradition like no other.

Spur

If Army wins today, Trump is going to change the Army mascot to the White Knights

Redshirt

Army never beat Michigan with Obama as President!

JustStopDude

Syracuse made a good offensive play. Good job!

JustStopDude

And they promptly miss the extra point…

Redshirt

UC player’s mom says has a history of seizures. He may have had one of the field. There was no cast or brace.

JustStopDude

Not sure if you can really take her medical opinion….

She let’s her kid play football…. Not exactly mom of the year territory.

Redshirt

Good point. He already has something in his brain that cause it to perform an illegal operation and shut itself down to reboot. Why would you want to add concussions that that?!

JustStopDude

I fully admit, I think any parent that let’s their child play football is crazy, prior medical condition or not.

Spur

Folks

herodotus450

Michigan must think it’s the nuclear football they’re playing with, cause they just gave it back to Army again.

Senor Weaselo

They’re not allowed to go into the victory formation because people will think they’re disrespecting the troops.

JustStopDude

Syracuse QB colorblind?

I have no idea what he could have been thinking…

Redshirt

Prayers to Columbus. A Cincinnati player just go hurt pretty badly (convulsing on the field).

Redshirt

He’s standing up. TV really creeped me out saying “we’re not going to show it” and “he was convulsing on the field”.

Senor Weaselo

I read the first sentence and was going to make an Age of Exploring Colonialism joke, and then I read the second sentence and said “well fuck.”

herodotus450

I for one applaud our nation’s top minds for somehow managing to cram even more commercials into college football games. China who?

Redshirt

BLEERGH is rooting for the Republic of Cincinnati.

herodotus450

Not sure if “watch list” is the best term to use for the best student sections in the country. Unless you’re talking about Sovereign Citizen U.

JustStopDude

Even before the whole decade long pedo ring story came out, I always found Penn State’s “white outs” shit creepy as fuck.

Like we get it… Central PA doesn’t like minorities… You don’t need to wear your klan outfits on TV…

Senor Weaselo

Unless you’re the student section of *Googles* Islamic American University, in which case calling yourself that would be pretty funny.

herodotus450

Michigan NOT RESPECTING THE TROOPS by recovering an Army fumble, smh

Redshirt

Army now has to hitchhike to away games because Trump used their travel budget for 3 miles of WALL.

herodotus450

nvm, they gave it right back to Army on the first offensive play.

Redshirt

Believe it or not, I’m finding myself rooting against Ohio State today.

rockingdog

finally got around to watching The People vs OJ Simpson.
This was nominated for a comedy, right?

JustStopDude
Porky Prime

Screw it I’m switching fandom this is too much. Starting next year, I’m rooting for that expansion team in Las Vegas.

Redshirt

At this point, they might be better rebooting with an Expansion Draft.

herodotus450

Army has guys named Hopkins, and Slomka. Meanwhile Michigan has a guy named Charbonnet.

bk109

Honest question: Which teams can actually afford to sign AB to a comparative contract at this point of the season?

tomsellecksmoustache

I think it’s safe to say that he won’t see the money that he could have in Oakland, so probably most teams.
https://overthecap.com/salary-cap-space/

bk109

That’s if he’s looking at things reasonably. The problem is, if he was in the same zip code as reason, he’d have kept a low profile until he played a snap to ensure that he gets paid and then mouth off… I’m looking at the table, AB money can only come from like Jim Irsay on a bender and the Browns. Maybe the Dolphins too… WAIT, 50 MIL IN DEAD MONEY?! THE LITERAL FUCK ?!

JustStopDude

I seriously think AB is having a nervous breakdown. He needs a brain scan. This is the kind of scarey change in behavior and poor decision making I’ve seen so many times in fellow vets.

I really think he has severe CTE.

bk109

Or is just the asshole he always was. That said, if I were his agent AND a prospective club, first thing I do is have him do a scan (just in case) and then go to through a psych eval, because pissing away a 30 mil contract (and the status as THE GUY for the franchise) are serious red flags

Redshirt

I was thinking the same thing. Maybe the Burfict hit knocked something loose.

Porky Prime

No, see the Pats will sign him for less money than he would have received suiting up twice for Oakland, and he’ll be a model citizen with 80 catches for 1200 yards in 14 games. That’s how Satan works, if you recall.

yeah right

He’s getting the blacklist treatment. You can’t treat your GM like that and expect any other GM to welcome you. I agree that he needs to be mentally evaluated.

herodotus450

Is this Maryland’s annual “surprise win against an overrated non-conference opponent” ?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I never expected to say this in my life but….

GO ‘CUSE!!!!!!!

JustStopDude

I think it’s more of the realization that the ACC is that bad.

Clemson should join the SEC and the rest of the schools relegated.

herodotus450

ppl forget they beat texas two seasons in a row

JustStopDude

107-7 scoring difference is SEC “Fuck you HBCU” territory…

herodotus450

Antonio Brown to the Jets would also be great. Or back to the Stillers.

bk109

Well, it happened, lol

The #Raiders have released WR Antonio Brown. Wow.

— Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) September 7, 2019

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Soooo, over/under on how many days until Jerry Jones or Jim Irsay go on a bender and sign him for ALL OF THE MONEY?

herodotus450

“If you sign with us, that’s one less word of our playbook you’ll have to learn.”
-The Browns

bk109

Oooh, OBJ and AB under the same roof… That would make every hot take auteur cream his pants!

blaxabbath

“Imagine what our coach could do with AB in their system!”

-Every AM Sports Radio Hack

JustStopDude

When did the Terapins start looking like a successful program?

This QB transfer from VA Tech is something…

Wakezilla

Komrades, I’m looking to buy Troubled Nephewzilla football gloves for the upcoming season. What are the good brands/the ones where the ball practically sticks to the hands?

On a related note, Calgary kind of sucks for finding football gloves

ArmedandHammered

Find ones made from gecko skin. They stick to anything.

blaxabbath

Can’t you get something at the Stampediers team shop?

Wakezilla

AB made quite the heel promo last night.

Gratliff

I think I speak for all of DFO when I say I stand in solidarity with working class hero Antonio Brown in his principled stance in the face of corrupt ownership.

herodotus450

If the NFL keeps changing the definition of “means of production” every year, how are we to seize them?

Gratliff

comment image

blaxabbath

Banned from all Robert Kraft massage parlors.

bk109

Yeah, I think the working class doesn’t look too kindly on someone who doesn’t show up for work, acts like a cunt, demands he gets special attention and consideration AND feels ENTITLED to get his 30 mil REGARDLESS of how he acts… No, the people would stand with Incognito and Burfict burrying him in the desert!

Plus let’s be realistic, at this point Mark Davis probably has less money to his name than AB XD

JustStopDude

I see you have never worked at a US Steel site….

bk109

Worked every summer in Eastern European factories every summer since I was 13 until I went to college, lol, it should count, lol. On the plus side, how many of you have performed testing and calibration of a working industrial oven .. from the inside @200+ F 😀
Fun fact: I was working as a goddamn tech (in the EU) for 250-300$ a month, pre-tax, with overtime… and I wasn’t underpaid “for the sector” 😀

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

how many of you have performed testing and calibration of a working industrial oven .. from the inside @200+ F

I think it’s safe to assume that JustStopDude has, at some point.

bk109

Seriously? Nice.. and awful… I hope he’s not come the other side as cynical and well, asshole-ish as me 🙂

Gratliff

I used to work in wood kilns where in the winter I’d routinely bounce between -20 and 160 degrees. The job also included cleaning out boilers that were still running and climbing stacks of lumber like some sort of bored mountain climber. It was a massive upgrade from stacking 50-150 lb boards for 10 hours a day for barely above minimum wage which I was doing before. JSD, brick, and probably others will have much more horrific stories.

bk109

Eh, wasn’t meant as a criticism, rather as a way to gauge who’s been similarly fucked over (and use it as a meter stick to see if I’m just being too hard-ass/cynical, or if I’m par for the course. So far, I am on the asshole side of the scale) Honestly, I’d have preferred a “no one”, because I don’t wish this sort of job to anyone 🙂

bk109

You mean the union that’s been oddly quiet on this one? 😉

JustStopDude

I was making a joke about how USW members are notorious for behavior and actions just like Antonio Brown so they should like him.

It’s tongue and cheek because naturally they would hate him for being an African American.

ArmedandHammered

Or any American union shop, there is always one the union protects for some reason even if they clock in, go to the parking lot, stay there all day drinking and toking up, then come in to clock out, curse out management when they call them on their bullshit. Saw that one summer working at the local paper mill. Decided I’d rather work at the dump next year, it smelled much better.

Gratliff

Love too side with Richie Incognito on literally anything

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And that’s why we call ourselves the Commentist Party, comrade.

bk109

A FALSE PARTY OF FALSE … THIngs? All must band against the real enemy! JOIN THE FIGHT AGAINST THE TYRANNY OF PANTS! JOIN THE NO PANTS PARTY!comment image

bk109

UT finally woke up…

– Go to bed thinking I'll have an easy day of working on long-term projects and errands
– Antonio Brown proceeds to happen… again
– Raiders fine him, thus voiding all of his guaranteed money
– AB demands his release from the organization

What the hell did I just wake up to?

— Schlasser (@UrinatingTree) September 7, 2019

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

– Go to bed thinking I'll have an easy day of working on long-term projects and errands
– Antonio Brown proceeds to happen… again
– Raiders fine him, thus voiding all of his guaranteed money
– AB demands his release from the organization

What the hell did I just wake up to?

— Schlasser (@UrinatingTree) September 7, 2019

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Senor Weaselo

Oh, it’s going to be good.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…and Duchess’ banner comment just made me laugh again.

bk109

Moments like these make me wish (again) for an official DFO chat or slack … or something 😀

Gratliff

So do the Raiders even play football anymore or do they just exist as some sort of comedy web series?

bk109

At least we’ll be safe in the knowledge that urinating tree will have more than enough new material for Sportsball, Days of our Steelers AND now Raiders of the Lost season

bk109

Or an overinflated ego that always got placated by the people in charge, which is being confronted for the first time (possibly in his lifetime) of the concept of consequences?

Gratliff

So what you’re saying is he’s going to New England to break Randy’s TD record?

bk109

Gawdno, not sure where people still come with this shit. WE DO NOT INVITE ACTIVE HEADCASES. We take the underutilized reclamation projects – the KVN’s, the Dion Lewis’ … hell, even Randy Moss isn’t a good comparison, because he played out his year in Oakland and cashed in at NE, where he balled his … ballz out, until he started acting out little bit and he was gone. Wes Welker? Gone Hell, Chandler Jones acted up a little bit with A LEGAL DRUG, and he got banished to the Cardinals. Why do you think for a nanosecond that Belichik and co would take AB’s shit… Unless the NFLPA agrees to lobotimize him a bit first, then we’ll re-evaluate

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“We do not invite active headcases.”

I mean come on.
comment image

bk109

Firstly, he’s not guilty (seriously, how’s that a law?!)
Secondly: Ahem “He was a con guy. Very believable. Spoke well. A lot of things inside of you hoped you’d turn him around, but people that I talked to said they didn’t trust him, that he’d burn you.” We were duped, just like we got duped by most early round picks the pats made the past 20 years 😀
And thirdly: Unlike other teams (*cough* Baltimore *cough*) we didn’t cover for his murders and dumped him!

JustStopDude

Lewis plead guilty.

The guys accused of murder where not found guilty.

bk109

That’s what reality and facts and a convenient coverup by (*spins wheel of conspiracy*) The Clinton Foundation! want you to think.

Senor Weaselo

His head is clearly not active anymore.

Gratliff

They voided his guaranteed money. There is 0% chance he’ll play for them no matter what at this point.

bk109

Again, time and again he did the IMPOSSIBLE for Gruden and Mayock to find their spines. HE TOOK HIS OWN CONTRACT AND SHAT ALL OVER IT. Sorry, but Life has consequences. If he doesn’t want to deal with them, he can always check out like Carmazzi (go in the boonies and raise goats).

bk109

Well, KH, I’m rooting for the meteor that hits dead-centre on Wembley… Failing that, I’m picking a norovirus outbreak courtesy of some questionable kebab meat!

ArmedandHammered

Speaking of kebabs, I’ve often wondered if these racist hooligans have ever thought about who is going to cook their kebabs after all the “foreigners” have been kicked out of the country.

bk109

Or who’ll do the tonnes of other (quite often surprisingly well paid) hard and/or dirty work that no local could be arsed to do… Oh well, we’ll find out soon enough, eh? 😀

scotchnaut

“SEE!?”

-Steelers Organization

herodotus450

“SEE!?”
-Also almost every Division 1 NCAA football program that didn’t give him an offer.

bk109

Hell, AB should be given a lifetime ban from the league for making Tomlin seem competent (for once)!

Horatio Cornblower

I am preparing to leave for the tailgating at the UConn massacre…I mean “game”, in about an hour, so the fightin’ Horatios might be more than a funny comment by game time.

Stay tuned!

herodotus450

Raiders fans:
comment image

Horatio Cornblower

I guess you could say Brown got…
/whips off sunglasses
cold feet about playing for Oakland.

YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

bk109

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[A sleazy Hollywood producer’s ears perk up]

litre_cola

Soooo AB to the Pats where Brady will have Gordon and AB and win the Superb Owl?

Horatio Cornblower

What’s wetter, Hurrican Dorian or a bed where Mike Mayock has been performing oral sex on a squirter?

bk109

Firstly, I hope the Raiders block his ass from even playing this year for anyone, as for him coming to us… You realize that we do reclamation projects (Gordon, Moss, KVN, ), not actively seeking out cray-cray’s?!

bk109

Racism is bad, mkay? Topic thoroughly discussed and exhausted… How about we switch to something ALL of us could get behind, like “SUCKS TO BE A RAIDER FAN, EH?” 😀

Porky Prime

I love being a Raider fan.

Of course, I love to complain. It’s like a hobby.

Plus, if you say you like a bad team, you seem like more of a fan than you really are. “Does St. Louis still have a team?”

bk109

It’s just that this drama could’ve been resolved earlier, without your team getting dragged into this circus, without wasting a roster spot and burning some draft capital for someone that is acting up as locker room cancer incarnate.

bk109

The fuck does #BFIB means? Libtard… ehhhh… by American standards, sure, here I vote Sinn Fein (and depending on the candidates Fianna Fail) 😉

bk109

Hey, nothing wrong with using even coarser words at me, lol. I iz a big boi and can take a joke or naughty word… Hell, I’m married with 4 kids, lol. You can lob a frag at me and I’ll grinningly accept it with open arms XD

bk109

Serious as a heart-attack I’m courting with two meat feast pizzas and mini keg of beer (both home made 😀 ) … Also pro tip for all you young and happy lads and lasses out there, PAY attention to the docs when he’s explaining when you can have sex with your spouse after birth (and when they can conceive again)… I learned that the cute way (on the plus side, we enrolled all 4 in school together, so it’s fun to see them stick for each other 😀 )

Porky Prime

Oh, Antonio…

bk109

I’m almost afraid to ask… Almost… What he do now?!
Edit: Nevermind, my morbid curiousity took over… Also… wow, I assumed it was just the video thing, but no.. went further…
Also, I guess this is already outdated XD
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HI3jocqgHac

ArmedandHammered

I kind of don’t blame him after they took away the guaranteed money (I think the Raiders need to look up the definition of guaranteed). Everything before that, yeah, that is mostly on him.

bk109

I kind of… Seriously!? You realize that he bitched up a storm for getting a WELL-DESERVED fine (as per the CBA) and decided his best shot at avoiding this pesky thing called “consequences” is by threatening to attack his boss and posting inreasingly unhinged social media posts? Yeah, funny thing, really, that despite the Raiders giving him about as much slack as possible in a vain attempt to placate his ego?! Fuck that. I hope they block his rights so he’s out of the league this season . Hell, you know how deep down the rabit hole you’ve got to go to make Gruden, Mayock and goddamn Vontaze Burfict seem like the adults in the room!?

herodotus450

I don’t feel bad for him, but I equally don’t feel bad for the raiders as a team. They would cut him in a second if it was expedient for them. I guess that’s just because I support middle america small business owner little guys more than giant corporate juggernauts; why do you hate america?

bk109

You both are entitled to your patently wrong opinions :p Seriously, though, when you taze yourself repeatedly in the dick, you can’t reasonably be expected to whine that your pecker’s gotten somewhat crispy and expect the world to emphathize with ya

bk109

Again, when it is self-inflicted, I don’t feel an ounce of sympathy for this fucking cunt. Guess what, he voided his own contract week after week after week.
Showed about as much loyalty to his contract as me to a fresh turd? Smell ya later, Yinzers!
Skipped preseason? Yay
Self-inflcited (alleged) injury? Cryotherapy’s cool, yo!
Picked a fight after fight with his employers? YEAH, BABYYYYY
When confronted with a pittance of a fine, just to show the other 52 professional players on his team that rules are for everyone? GO NUCLEAR, I IZ DA STAR, YO..
When given a chance (yesterday) to show even a semblance of goddamn remorse… hell to just EMULATE it for a couple of days until you take a single snap.. FUCK Y’ALL, I AM CANCER INCARNATE!!!!!!!!

Sorry, but only thing I’ll stand behind is Gruden giving Burfict the nod to finish the job and/or block this fucker from playing this season.

ArmedandHammered

I said everything else was on him. I watched Hard Knocks and the man is not all there. He should have shut up, payed the fine and shown everyone he was a team player. The Raiders should have cut him after the second helmet grievance. I just think that taking money that is guaranteed away sets a dangerous precedence for other players having their guaranteed money taken away due to a GM or owner having a hissy fit.

bk109

Ah, spelled out like that (I may be slow on the uptake today, sorry!) I agree with your point. The problem is that without knowing the precise wording of AB’s contract, we wouldn’t know how big of a precedent he’s setting. For all we know, conduct detrimental in this case may be limited, to, well.. repeated examples of him acting up like he did in Pittsburgh. I did find a list of things that fall under this definition and honestly, it’s a cut and dried so far (I’ll just copy the ones that are relevant):

 Actual or threatened physical violence against another person, including dating violence,
domestic violence, child abuse, and other forms of family violence;
 Assault and/or battery, including sexual assault or other sex offenses;
 Violent or threatening behavior toward another employee or a third party in any workplace
setting;
 Conduct that undermines or puts at risk the integrity of the NFL, NFL clubs, or NFL personnel.

ArmedandHammered

Well, he did at least did the 3rd one, but with the number of fights during training camp, that one could be used a lot. And the last one is a huge gray blanket that can mean so many things. Hell you could include speaking out in favor of Kap and the owners could use that last one to get you, as it undermines their decisions to keep him out of the game (whether he deserves to be in or not).

JustStopDude

Is there some US federal law that the comped breakfast Always has to be shit?

I have had good, buffet style, comes with the room breakfasts overseas.

herodotus450

Embassy Suites has always done me good. Plus free beer in the evening.

bk109

Or you can blow a fuse in your brain somewhere like me and just munch on an MRE, while staying at the goddamn Ritz-Carlton New York on the company’s dime (and safe in the knowledge that any expense under a midsized beemer won’t be scrutinized).

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Our hotel breakfasts in Portugal were spectacular. And it wasn’t even a particularly fancy hotel.

herodotus450

Acccording to 506, there are a few games today only available to watch through Facebook? Is it time to activate sleeper agent Dok?

herodotus450

BOTG report for the OSU-Cin game: it’s kind’ve cold and windy here. If the game were starting now, none of the players would be at the stadium yet.

ballsofsteelandfury

The UCLA-SDSU game is the pinnacle of quality pervin’. That’s the game to watch today.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Game Show Network shows too many infomercials.
I WANNA PLAY FAMILY FEUD GODDAMMIT.

herodotus450

Gus Johnson announcing the Army game, everybody prepare your butts

Unsurprised

Why am I awake?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m gonna presume the same reason I am.
Touching yourself.

litre_cola

This is why we can’t have nice things.

Unsurprised

Were it so simple.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Golden Shower Bears

OK, that made me giggle.

scotchnaut

Got a ‘B’ for my draft because I grabbed Derrius Guice too early. They had him as a 10th rounder and I drafted him bottom 6th/top 7th. I looked at his ADP at other sites and well, well, well-he’s at 7.2. You didn’t do your homework, nor did you adjust your rankings when his coach said that he was the starter. I demand satisfaction!

/yeah I’m bored. What of it?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I feel like Chris Berman is going to come out of retirement just so he can make a few “the Guice is loose” jokes.

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