Alas, no Lesser Footy (outside the minor league/GAMBLOR realm). Doggone international breaks make my arse chafe. But we have a reasonably decent September slate to keep one sane-ish.
Cincinnati (+16) at Theeeee Ohio State (Noon, ABC)
As much as we would all like to see JV WKRP do a thing…I wouldn’t bet on this being competitive after Q1. But Redshirt will no doubt keep us updated.
Syracuse (+2) at Maryland (Noon, ESPN)
The Orange might be the 2nd best side in the ACC. Though that might be damning with faint praise, I still think they’re better than B1G cannon fooder like the Turtles.
West By God Virginia (+13.5) at Missouri (Noon, ESPN2)
Another spread I don’t get. Yes, Fuckers du Cousins looked pretty anemic Week 1, but they didn’t lose to fucking Wyoming (though my GAMBLOR balance appreciated it). Also, this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZoWc6WRHKEE
Texas A&M (+17.5) at Clemson (3:30, ABC)
Yes, sadly, Son de Clem is indeed that good. Even I can’t talk myself into betting Bonfire Cult here. Depressing.
Nebraska (-4) at Colorado (3:30, Fox)
Ah, the memories of the old Bill McCartney “crips v. bloods” game. Go watch that 30 FOAR 30 if ya haven’t already.
Illinois (-20.5) at UConn (3:30, CBSSN)
No respect for the Fightin’ Horatios, I tells ya!!
San Diego State (+7.5) at UCLA (4:15, PAC-12)
Chip Kelly is failing so hard in Westwood, it’s hard not to masturbate to it. Aztecs are always a tough out.
BYU (+3.5) at Tennessee (7:00, ESPN)
Prior to Week 1, this looked like a pretty good matchup. Now, Team Big Love gets to feel the vengeance of a Vols squadron that’s mighty embarrassed. Seriously, Georgia Fucking State??
LSU (-6.5) at Texas (7:30, ABC)
Look, I hate Steer Fuckers South as much as anyone. But last weekend showed us that no non-Alabama SEC PAWWWWLLLLL side out to be laying points on the road to a legitimate opponent.
Arkansas (+6.5) at Ole Miss (7:30, SECN)
I will end up watching lots of Pig Sooey/Johnny Reb. FOAR REASONS (see banner pic).
Cal (+13.5) at Washington (10:30, FS1)
Nap strategically, they’s two interesting tweaker matchups. The Golden Shower Bears are always a weird team, and UW is replacing lots of talent. At home, they should still pull it out (PHRASING!).
Stanford (line pending) at Southern Cal (10:30, ESPN)
This was more intriguing before Troi Boiz’ QB done had his leg tore off, but it’s highly likely they have another dude MOAR capable than whatever shitmonkey the Trees trot out. Plus, quality pervert times.
non-Serena wins, holds off Serena’s furious second set comeback.
Non-Serena’s mom is hot.
(Casually changes channel back)
Let’s go Bianca!!
+24 cans of Moosehead
I’m pivoting from Serena quitting to Canada bashing! USA! USA!
Dear America,
We’re very very sorry for winning.
Love Canada
Serena mounting a comeback not seen since Kim Cardashian.
Serena: (Quits halfway through the first set, plays a total of 16 games)
Men’s Final: (Guaranteed minimum of 18 games)
Also Serena: “Women should get paid the same as men because we’re equal.”
I don’t buy that argument. We don’t pay athletes based on how much time they spend on the court/field or in training, or else marathoners and decathletes would make millions and baseball closers would get peanuts.
It’s a business, and the women tend to draw roughly the same ratings and ticket sales as the men. I’m fine with them getting equal money.
Do we know that the ratings and everything are about equal? I suppose you don’t really know until after the match, and can only adjust things going forward. But I do think if you really want to make a difference, the only real way to do it is, as the most popular player, to boycott the tournament until they pay more. Otherwise what are you doing?
Well, it varies. In the 2000s, the women’s finals were getting better ratings than the men. I think that’s flipped back in recent years, at least in finals that involved one Big 3 male against another. It’s now dependent enough on the players involved that I’m fine with calling it even, and the governing bodies seem content with it, too.
OK and then she wins two game in a row…
There is equal pay at the US Open though.
All the Slams have since 2007
Hmm yes interesting, they are apparently equal.
https://www.totalsportek.com/tennis/us-open-prize-money/
So then what is everyone complaining about? Wimbledon? French Open? Don’t they have enough Marshall Plan money left?
Uh, you’re the one who brought it up as something Serena was supposedly complaining about, so you tell me.
The non-Slams don’t all pay equal money, but that’s a little trickier, as many of them don’t run the men’s and women’s events at the same time (or at all).
I thought I heard something about someone complaining about it relatively recently, within the last year. Maybe not Serena.
Antonio Brown to New England. Maybe Eli has a third miracle in him?
Or someone can coax Bernard Pollard out of retirement.
FINISH HER, BIANCA!!!!
Ah yes, a women’s tennis final between a black woman and a Canadian is the perfect place to advertise a Dodge Ram.
RAMMITTT?
I knew it. I made this call at 9:39 DFO time. Fucking world we live in man.
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/2019/09/07/jv-nfl-sabado-open-thread/comment-page-1/#comment-684431
But, will he ever play a game for the pats?
So much parity! Anything can happen!
Why does Serena look tired or sad or hungover or something every time I watch her?
She is a mom now so yes?
I remember the good ol days when the only sprots controversy was whether the Serena v. Venus matches were fixed.
Everyone is saying that AB has mental issues.
Has anyone considered that he got exactly what he wanted?
That’s silly; he’s getting paid SO much less money this way.
15.6 with OAK, vs 15 with NE. And he’s a free agent next year.
Exactly. Plus, he’s going to win a Super Bowl, which will drive his price up.
Gordon and AB. JFC.
Wait, what? I saw 9 mil.
9 guaranteed at signing. So you may end up being right.
Unless… well, you know.
He’s gonna get Smouletted his first night in NE.
Maybe they’ll run the same scheme they use to pay TB
Well it was a fun quarter of Clemzon-Texas AM, but it’s over no.w
Hmm. Serena can’t blame the chair umpire this year. (She couldn’t really last year, but she tried.)
Steelers get: 3rd and 5th round picks of a team that will probably pick in the top 10.
Patriots get: All-Pro receiver (albeit with MAJOR issues) at a pretty cheap price.
Raiders get: a handful of dead bugs to eat.
EVERYBODY WINS!
Mike Mayock wants ALL the dead bugs!
I got a rock
Clemson crowd booing an injured Texas AM player not once, but twice.
JV fandom is the best fandom
Well at least JD Martinez sucks at the outfield.
HAIL BLEERGH THE PATRIOTS GOT ANTONIO BROWN. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I AM INSUFFERABLE
And I’m over her fighting with Cuntlet…..
Oh for fucks’ sake…
https://twitter.com/adamschefter/status/1170441998391791619?s=21
No god, et cetera.
Holy shit, it happened. AB to the Pats.
Andreescu doing a pretty good job of holding onto the break she got in the first game of the set.
Yep. She’s not intimidated by Serena or the crowd.
Dabo should pray for a win now.
Nebraska QB got lit up
Nebraska just threw for a TD? Truly is the darkest timeline.
This is good twitter.
Well hello miss.
Shaq: [wonders how her ass taste]
Fightin’ Horatios LEAD!
I’m starting to think it might not be a banner season in Morganhole…
our DFO Derby will be a complete shitshow next week. We can’t throw. Like, AT ALL.
Neither can we! First to three points wins!
our kicker is really good, for a change
What about a Big XII-II Participant banner?
Colorado vs Nebraska, feels retro
crips v. bloods!!
Oh, well. At least I can take solace in the fact that Michigan has evolved to the point that defeating the Army Black Knights is considered a celebration-worthy moment for the team and their fans.
Can go ahead and put CLEM and tOSU in the playoffs. The UGA/Roll Damn Tide winner. Some 4th asshole who will have less than no chance.
It’s going to be Notre Dame. Start drinking bleach now.
I like TAMU chance here
Trust me. Son de Clem by 4 TDs easy. Though am too dum to have bet it.
Learning towards a nap now. 3:30 is nae the strongest window.
Can I interest you in some NHL prospect tournament games?
not even if I could GAMBLOR on it
/and I am in “time out” currently
There are dozens of people in attendance at this thing. Dozens!
Sure, MI still has a chance. If tOSU has a Marshall Moment.
Well watch out, they both still have to play Maryland*.
/Not sure if either actually has to play Maryland.
are they a Legend or a Leader??
I liked the non-geographical idea, but using two L-words was hella confusing. Maybe next time use GloryBoys and Lunchpail
They not going to review that fumble?
nevermind it was out
can’t kick. 4 down territory all the way
Didn’t even get there. smgdh.
Army just needs to pitch to Army around the left side, over and over
But Army was open.
yeah, throw it with that assdick of a QB
you aint taking me to Nebraska. NO SIR
If this Army-Michigan game is still going on past 4:00, I’m going to have to call my doctor.
Still probably have a semi though, right?
The 2019 Charbonnet? Not the finest vintage.
Highly Paid ABC Football Commentator: “Michigan still has a chance to win the Big 10. They just have to get past Army.”
USA USA USA
Found the South Alabama fan.
GO ARMY! BEAT NAVYish colored jersey guys
Army just needs to fall back on their superior intelligence, superior firepower, and that’s all she wrote.
just want to know how they recruited so many dudes named “Army”
So many recruits stolen right out from under Alabama’s nose.
We want the ball and we’re gonna derp!