Well, well, well. After complaining about ‘squirrels running circles inside my helmet’ and ‘constant rain falling off my body’, Jets team physicians diagnosed Unfrozen Caveman QB Sam Darnold with mononucleosis. Asked by reporters how he contracted it, he replied, “It was a girl from The Clan of The Cave Bear. She lives beyond the pine trees where the snow is always angry. You wouldn’t know her’.
Not all is lost… actually quite a bit is lost. Wr Enunwa is done, lb Mosley has got “The Groins”, rook dt Williams has an ankle owie, rb Bell had an MRI on his shoulder today and wr Thomas has hamstring issues. Help is on the way though-enticed by a stick slathered with honey, qb Siemian has descended from the trees and will camp behind center for as many weeks as needed.
TO THE GAME!
Bucs/Panthers:
Rb McCaffrey had a mere 29 touches last week. All his fantasy owners are yelling ‘huzzah!’ but that’s not really sustainable, is it? He’s going to be so beat up at the end of the year, if he makes it that far. Still, what are you going to do, hand the ball off to (checks roster) Reggie Bonnafon 10 times? Newton has to get the passing game flowing and according to PFF, wr’s Wright and Samuel match up well to the covering cb’s-D.J. Moore not so much.
The Tampa backfield started the season as a mess as there was no clear leader but last week Ronald Jones (I maintain he’s a bust) showed some signs of life and has now edged a few hairs ahead of Peyton Barber. (sorry)
It can’t be worse than last week, right?
How is this game still in the 3rd?
A lot of pitching changes and penalty time.
We’re in Hell
The Lord tried to Kill Bruce Arians with a lightning bolt but the officials stopped the game to let the storm pass.
Bucs Bemoan Bad BLEERGH, Ball becomes Bucs beginning.
COME ON!!!! i JUST PLANTED THOSE!!!!!
/Home Depot, here I come.
Hey babe, nice bush.
throw it to Evans
woohoo!
I had him two years ago. He couldn’t catch a cold in an elementary school cafeteria.
It’s like he’s allergic to the ball
OK, who has two thumbs, just brewed some tea with honey and is READY TO FUCKING PARTY!!!! WOOOOOOOOO!!!!
I mean, someone probably fits that bill but not me; I’m tired.
Hot toddy?
Yeah….It’s difficult to brew tea with no thumbs.
Ball Don’t Lie
But will stretch the truth within the limits of the law and ethics.
Bailout BLEERGH Buys Back Bad Ball
Somewhere Blake Bortles’s ears start burning.
I’m glad you didn’t say “urethra”.
That too
Is Evans hurt?
Checked one of my fantasy teams and Kuechly is out scoring him. Wtf
BAILED OUT WOO!!!
I’ve got a weird relationship with rich esien,
I just feel like i should hate him and find him more annoying than i should
Obligatory glove comment
Whoa.
She seems nice.
why is Lexus doing this weirdo soft-sepia ad campaign? Just say suck it, poors! and be honest about it
Isn’t what their holiday ads are about?
No, the holiday campaign is about selling giant red bows
Tiki’s still got it.
if they go for 2, could still be 18-18
I’ll say it again: this is how the second butthole was created.
You have Balls’ attention.
I would be happy with a 12-12 tie
I approve.
Ohhhhh safety. Me likey
nae, Hippo must have MOAR KickerPOINTZ
I’ve made it this far. I’m going to finish watching this game. I’m going to pull out a few nose hairs to stay awake.
Your effort is appreciated
We can help.
THAT’S MY FETISH!!!
Guys, the Panthers might not be very good.
#FreeHuey
Hold my beer
-Bucs
Hippo got Courtland Sutton ahead of me.
DAMN YOU WAIVER WIRE!!!!!!!!
Eat your heart out Chi***!
/ICRM begins chugging bleach
Begins?
20 fantasy points for my kicker!!
Bar down. Wow
Olsen is slower then Witten. Bucs secondary is ass
Just sitting down to watch some of the game. Bucks and panthers.10-9 in the third. Can we just stop the Thursday games
“I’ve felt a slight disturbance in The Force, like tens of Jaguars and Titans fans screamed out suddenly, and were silenced.”
Good boy
That is funnier than shit!
C’mon Safety Dunce!
My week has been shitty enough that this game is the second best thing that’s happened to me since Monday morning
I hate to ask, but what was the best?
You got laid didn’t you?
Nah, I had a really good horseback lesson on Tuesday. I usually ride 3x/week, but Monday was cancelled because of the show Sunday and today was cancelled because of the heat advisory.
Well dang. I didn’t even get to play with a horse this week.
You lucky devil.
This is my barn, it’s the bestest place: http://www.sevenoaksfarm.com/home.html
Throw it to Evans, that works out well
Oh no. It’s already been a week since the last Fuckening. The fact that everything except yesterday afternoon is just gone means I didn’t do shit.
LOL at even suggesting that someone might call roughing the passer for a hit on Cam
What a miserable shitshow
Cam Newton just got crushed
Biden can’t come up with an answer to “what did you learn from a professional setback,” so he fumbles around for a bit and resorts to pimping out his personal tragedies again.
It was a golden opportunity to say “I really wish Brack and I could have accomplished X, but we couldn’t get it done then, but now I’m determined to make it happen.”
Always makes me laugh.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_bW4vEo1F4E
Bloody Vikings!
I DON’T LIKE SPAM!
Or he could have said “I wish I’d run for President in 2016 because I would have won.”
Well Helloooo ‘dere.
Good God.
WTF is Irvin wearing and who is the new blonde?
Cocaine and… well, cocaine.
It’s from the Zoltar collection.
No idea and Colleen Wolfe.
New Blonde?
/changes channel quickly from Gameshow Network
Steve Harvey can go it alone for a few minutes
Tits-Jags is the prototypical Thursday Night Football game, isn’t it?
“Tits Jags” is my Pornhub search suggestion
Nah, it would just send back a bunch of deepfakes of Catherine Bell.
WTF is Biden going on about?
Depends.
I turned that shit off an hour ago.
Let me know when it’s November.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kI6MWZrl8v8
That would have been good from 70.
AND 69.
YES!
Joey Slye it not go to West Virginia.
At least he’s carrying Mead and not a Bud Light. That counts for something.
These two teams suck. Saints going to the playoffs. That is all.
Yikes ,Cam looks like he wants to retire.
Was thinking this could be his last season. He would pull the plug if he is too banged up.
He’s more banged up than Sasha Grey.
Aaaaand we’re right back to damaged rims.
That’s a mere car crash away from a banner.
Hey, I got mine fixed yesterday! Story in a bit once I get into the house.
Crab legs for everyone!
no thank you
What is, Senor Weaselo’s Thursday night gig?
/The short rib wasn’t half bad
That’s not Mike Evans
Could be worse. See Howard, OJ.
This game is gonna be 6-6 at the half isn’t it?
Let’s go bowling.
Finally a pass thrown to Mike Evans. Praise Jesus!
Yeah, that’s enough debate. Until they get this herd thinned out to five people, it basically nothing but repeating 60 second commercials that slowly turn into white noise.
Aren’t there still like 11 people qualified for the next debate?
And then it still will because they’re 60 seconds and we live in a world where you have about 8 seconds, max.
Cam Newton can’t throw a football.
Nope.
it’s kind of painful to watch. Shoulder injuries are a bitch.
Preach!
Doesn’t help that this is basically a preseason game in terms of practice and live reps.
Cam Newton died two years ago, and now his embalmed corpse is powered by genetically engineered super hamsters, who are doing very well considering that they’re hamsters thank you very much!