I’ve been rather busy and stressed and, yes pissed off, over the past couple of months. Allow me to explain.
When I filed for divorce from my ex-wife, now more than six years ago, I prepared and filed the documents myself. And also when I prepared my will a few years ago, and also my late grandfather’s will as well a few years ago. He’s ded now. I didn’t get anything.
But seriously….sort of…
I’m not a lawyer but I play one on TV. Well at least while sitting next to the TV usually.
Anywhooooo….
A few months ago during the summer, we had a family get together during which several of my cheapskate family members somehow learned of this and asked me to help them with their legal stuff. Which loosely interpreted means “We don’t want to pay a real attorney and also we’re not gonna pay you”. How did they learn of it you might ask?
(THANKS MOM!!!!!)
One divorce. Three wills. Zero Billable hours for tWBS.
(there was also talk of taxes, but I ain’t doing that shit….I ducked the IRS successfully for years now and I’m not stopping now)
((yes, that is a joke))
Anywhoooooo….
Meh, what else do I have to do? So I said yes against my better judgement, to draw up these documents. And I began asking them how they wanted things structured, etc. Boy did that go wrong in a hurry.
One draft after another. Always changing their minds about certain things, then changing them back. I’ve never been closer to a murder/suicide moment in my life. And some of the things they wanted to change, I honestly wasn’t qualified to know if they were technically legal. Fortunately a friend of the family is an estate attorney in town. He graciously allowed me to access his law library pro bono. But he did laugh at me more than once for taking this on. Can’t say I blame him.
So I finally get all these documents finished after about one and a half months. Which all things considered I thought was pretty good considering what a dumbass I am to begin with.
But I did still have to coordinate timing so the subjects can sign the documents, they can be witnessed and notarized, and then filed in the courthouse. And besides being general idiots, they live in three different counties. (Translation: Three different courthouses) …. But still, I’ve agreed to do this and I’m going to get it done. So I go to print the documents, after which I’ll make the necessary phone calls to coordinate the timing of the court filings.
The documents print out….
(wait for it)
….in very light pink ink.
My black cartridge was ded. The color isn’t far behind. And I’m supposed to meet one of these folks at the courthouse later that afternoon. And there’s no way in hell I’m going to try to file legal documents at the clerk of court printed in light pink ink. So off to the store I go.
So now, not only am I not getting paid, I’m spending my own money for these assdicks. But I hit the store and buy a new HP 61 two pack (Black and Color) and come home and install it. Then try to print again. While the pages are printing I figure I’ll go eat lunch. And I did. New England style Clam Chowder and a grilled cheese. ‘Twas good.
About a half hour later, I go back upstairs to organize the different documents. Easy peasy lemon squeezy from here on now and….. AAH FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!
The black cartridge was defective. It had spewed black ink all over every page, and even a little bit onto the desk.
But in for a penny, in for a pound. What choice do I have now? Back to the store I go.
To their credit, they did exchange for a new set of cartridges FOC, even though I didn’t actually bring the color one back. So now I can print twice the number of pretty colorful pictures I guess.
Sadly, to me at least, they didn’t laugh when I asked them to come clean my desk off. I guess they didn’t think it was funny. I did though. And I did also have to buy a new ream of paper.
The last of the court filings was completed earlier this week. I’m free. But let me tell you something.
You lawyerly types have a very tough job. When I was drafting briefs for myself years ago, it was simple. But dealing with other people and their stupidity? You have my respect. But at least you get paid for it. I hope.
But at least I know my printer cartridges work now. I think.
/checks printer
Yep we’re good.
I now return myself to my normal life of being a lazy asshole who drinks too much and watches too much TV.
/falls asleep
–
A Very Random Thing
This video was sent to me earlier today by someone whose name is totally NOT Brocky ….as far as you know. We both thought it was funny. So even though it doesn’t fit the theme, I’m still forwarding it to you sickos. As Brocky pointed out to me, pay attention to the dog and his wanting the sandwich. If you can. But I bet you can’t!!!!!
–
Sports To Add Color To Your Night 2Nite
MLB NLCS
- Washington @ St. Louis – 8:00pmEDT – TV: TBS
NHL
- Anaheim @ Columbus – 7:00pmEDT – TV: NHLN
NBA
- Utah @ New Orleans – 8:00pmEDT – TV: NBATV
College Football
- (20)Virginia @ Miami(FL) – 8:00pmEDT – TV: ESPN
- ColorAdo State @ New Mexico – 8:00pmEDT – TV: CBSSN
- ColorAdo @ (13)Oregon – 10:00pmEDT – TV: FS1
College Hockey
- Air Force @ Notre Dame – 7:00pmEDT – TV: NBCSN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qO98KrXW7GM
–
Sexy Ink
Yep, in case you hadn’t figured it out yet, this was all heading towards sexy girls with tattoos the whole time.
Now, full disclosure, I am not a huge fan of tattoos. I have no ink personally and don’t expect I ever will. But I don’t judge. If that’s what you want, that be you.
A girl with a small bit of ink on the ankle or wrist? Maybe the hip. Or even the shoulder area. I can deal with that. But when it gets overdone, then it becomes…. Well …. overdone.
And I know that’s only my own opinion. I also know some of you disagree. Which is totally cool. We’re all different. And this week’s theme is for you weird freaks who like that shit.
Enjoy…
As I said above….
To each his or her own. But if I have to spend hours reading and interpreting and listening to the explanations for why you’ve done this to yourself, I’m gonna lose interest no matter how attractive you might otherwise be. Just me.
OK, perhaps I misspoke earlier. At least this guy has principles. Though I seriously doubt he eats at Subway particularly often. I also kinda wonder what’s on the other side we can’t see.
Have a nice weekend everyone.
Love ya’s.
–
After checking records and receipts, over the last 15 months I’ve seen Tool, Clutch, Primus, Crystal Method and others at Glen Helen Amphitheater up in the Cajon Pass with our own Low Commander. Two months later I saw David Byrne at Red Rocks. Flash forward to this year and I’ve seen James at the Greek (GODDAMN GREEK THEATER WITH RIKKI TIKKI DEADLY!) Vampire Weeekend at the goddamn Hollywood Bowl and In November we’ve got The Last Campaign!
11-30-2019.
Slayer – final (sure) tour
Primus – yep
Ministry – Uncle AL!
and Phil Anselmo doing “A Vulgar Display of Pantera.”
And I’m hungry for more.
Discussed earlier but out of every “event” you could spend money on; I’m talking NFL, MLB, NBA, MMA, boxing whatever…
The best thing I’ve personally witnessed in life has been music.
Every time.
This is true. I don’t remember hardly any games I’ve been to, but memories of concerts are ingrained in my head.
Balls gets it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9x-eSNKbbM
I feel like it’s a lot easier for a concert to be special. Lots of games are pretty humdrum affairs, even if you love one of the teams playing.
Weather definitely plays a part.
And vibe.
You can tell by the vibe.
And the weather
Consistency is important.
Joe Morgan
I guess I should say “Greetings fellow miscreants, reprobates and ne’er-do-wells!”
Next week is my last 5 day work week for the motherfucking year!
Unless.
Every Monday off starting October 28th.
When you reach a certain age that extra day off is like vacation. Nine weeks at a time!
It’s my own mini-rebellion.
I take a half day every Wednesday.
Mainly to golf. But sometimes to watch a movie. It’s a good life.
It’s perfect for movies.
Just me and the retired folk.
Plus my theater has a full bar and OK bar food.
Jesus, the air smells like a camp fire and it tastes like a burnt marshmallow.
But for once that is a good thing.
Hello marine layer!
You see, it blows all that burnt up shit that blew out over the ocean during the Santa Ana winds back over the land and is tampered down with a nice damp blanket.
My car is covered with ash though.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DU_ggFovJNo
Westchester Parkway in Los Angeles, this evening. Looking west, the Pacific Ocean is just beyond the ridge at the end of the road, and LAX is to the left. A bloody red sunset due to a major wildfire.
The full moon from the East was evil as well.
I walk that shit. But closer to the beach.
Much safer.
Westchester Parkway and Pershing Drive are the two best streets in L.A.
50 mph speed limits with no traffic. When I exercise I like to do it while I’m driving.
Fuck yes! My favorite drive ever!
Is it too late?
It’s too late isn’t it?
Oh Goddammit!
It’s too late. Although you can probably smell the beach bonfire smoke wafting in with all the wildfire smoke.
What was the message?
Take it easy. She has hip issues.
Missed a perfect opportunity to have a Rascal off on the side.
Took a while to find a picture with her clothes on…
If Joss Stone says “So we do one more, yeah?” you will goddamn well do one more.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IiG69YDLMbM
2/10 no ink would not bang
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TU3-lS_Gryk
You’ve been watching The Deuce!
Just like with Hardy’s acting, I can’t understand a word he’s saying here.
If you’re ever in CT Fox Farm Brewery makes some of the best beer around, and I currently have 18 of them.
17.
16.
Ever seen Inception on 4k and Weed???
lets do it
Well fuck.
Well, so much for finding material for you all.
“A match-up of Venezuelans here”
/Patiently waits for food riot to erupt
Holy shit Zimmerman.
-Mexico, ca 1940
There it is. I knew I was missing something.
$Really want to watch El Camino tonight but can’t stop watching the Cardinals play a game in which they have played seven innings without a successful at bat that didn’t involve leaning into a 70 mph breaking ball.
God I loathe Yadier Molina.
You and me?
We’re the same!
” It had spewed black ink all over every page”
Whether it’s a woman or a printer, a spitter automatically is a 2/10, would not bang.
When I first read that line I pictured the printer as a squid, which would be cool since they make their own ink.
Started to read The Stand again (for my semi-3 year reread). I wish the Outbreak was longer or King would expand on the collapse in a new novel. he can call it Capt Trips
I would read that without ever putting it down.
I just bought King’s ‘The Outsider’ on a whim while in a bookstore on one my monthly expeditions to buy enough books to ensure that I die with a pile of them unread. I’m not sure why, because I haven’t liked much of King’s recent stuff and I will never forgive him for fucking up The Gunslinger series. That said, he wrote ‘It’ and ‘The Stand’, so I’m probably gonna give him the benefit of the doubt more often than not.
And his short stories almost never disappoint.
Always did think Badger and Skinny Pete were some of the greatest side characters in television history.
Animal Control for Park & Rec and the Lone Gunman ( they need another season)
I’ve got some bad news about the prospects for Animal Control spinoff…
Stern is on Bill Maher.
Wish they would’ve gotten into the health stuff. Both of them are certifiably insane in that regard.
da Duq is Trea Turner wearing around his neck?
I think I’m ashamed he’s a Wolven sort now.
Okay, time for Breaking Bad: The Flim
Assuming BFC’s Risk game is the standard length, by the time these arrive in 4-6 weeks he’ll be ready to close out victory
https://www.thediceshoponline.com/dice-sets/569/loaded-and-cheat-dice
Aging blows. Seeing my Dad ask me to help him put on his socks sucks. i buy him the finest whiskey Lee’s had. Let him drink!
Yep, helping my mom take my dad to the bathroom was extremely upsetting with how frail he was.
Yup.
Folks
In attempting to make what would have been a pitiful joke, I learned a group of lizards is known as a lounge.
Taking a HBP THE RIGHT WAY
Evening. Playing Risk for the first time in like a decade. Someone remind me of the strategy.
Australia.
Racist
Funny enough, I started an earlier reply with “Is it racist to….” and immediately stopped.
Lose early on purpose so you can just sit on the sidelines and ridicule every one else’s moves.
Never under estimate the strategic importance of Kamchatka.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzLtF_PxbYw
Cut a deal with one of your opponents to gang up on another one then, when the initial victim is too weak to help your ally, stab your ally in the back.
I call it ‘The Godwin’.
Hippo please yell at your team to fucking do something here.
Seahawks funny…
https://twitter.com/CableThanos_/status/1182439515236917248
Such a good follow.
Although he’s now working for Russell, so I assume things will get odd.
found a funny:
date: I like it when guys know what they want in life
me: *megaphone right in her face* ham
Nobel Prize-worthy
Miami Fl runningback’s name is DeeJay but he goes by DJ because his middle name is James.
Mario Mario and Luigi Mario are….The Mario Brothers!
Hmmm, Krysten Ritter and now Famke… do I have a type? Is this some kind of subconscious Oedipal awakening? …No, no I don’t think so.
/Googles “courtney cox friends nude fake”
Did you not read this morning’s Pornhub search results post and the mention of the Friends porn parody clip?
“He Used To Be A Caveman…Now He’s A Lawyer…”
/Otto’s head perks up
Just caught the end of The World Is Not Enough and heard the “I thought Christmas only came once a year” line.
Still laughing. Now it’s on to Goldeneye and Famke Jannsen’s deliciously dangerous thighs.
There’s a VHS tape of Goldeneye in a landfill somewhere that starts to get very scratchy and glitchy around that scene in the movie. I KNOW NOTHIGN.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__2nsNz1Vek
That’s pretty much where I work if we ever do a fire drill.
Are you the guy panicking and running in circles, or the one who smacks coworkers with the fire extinguisher?
Origin Scene of “I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.”
Evil aside, the availability of the complete Simpsons collection on Disney+ is one of the things I’m looking forward to. Imagine it, my brothers and 2 or 3 female DFOers, multiple decades of ten good seasons!
If I ever start a religion, it’ll be based on the jocular perfection of Smithers’ “Checkers Query.” We’ll call ourselves the Queryers, or maybe just “Queers” for short.
Was the Breaking Bad movie worth watching if only to see 30 seconds of probably recycled footage of Krysten Ritter? Yes.
Oy.
I did also mean to give a shout out, kind of a credit where it’s due sort of thingy, to both King Hippo and Balls of Steel and Fury.
Because I’ve been distracted with the things (and other things) I mentioned above, I didn’t do any work on the Goddess III series. I mean like literally. That was all Balls, and he killed it. Thank you, Sir.
And because of that, but also because I had to store those legal docs on my hard drive up until now; and also because for some reason I couldn’t get the Fantasy Baseball software to work right, but couldn’t screw with the drive without risking losing them, King Hippo ran my fantasy team all season. I’ll do better next year, Hippo. Well, unless I meet another crazy chick then all bets are off.
Seriously though, I appreciate you guys covering for me. Love ya both.
I plan to wipe and reformat my HD in the next week. Unless I meet another crazy chick. 😉
Here’s hoping… ??
You shush.
Back your shit up and get to work.
— Balls in the strip club
Documents are moved to a memory card just in case.
This ‘puter is getting a makeover soon. Just not sure how soon. I’m in the mood to be lazy for a while.
Have at you, Hippo! Our dc warriors will crush your #BFIB like hot grapes!
Navy tattoo story, this one’s a “no-shitter,” as we used to say.
The Chief Engineer on my ship, Mr Mac, was a mustang who had come up through the ranks from enlisted rating to Chief Petty Officer to Warrant Officer to a commission as Limited Duty Officer. He was covered with tats. He had some random letters tattooed on the second phalanges of his fingers, and one night I asked him what that was about while I was standing midwatch in DC Central, which also happened to be the CHENG’s office. He meshed his fingers together and told me he had got the letter tats when he got his LDO commission, and it was to fuck with the boot ensigns in the wardroom, the letters read DICKHEAD when he folded his fingers together which he would do when they were having meetings in the wardroom with the skipper.
MMFN Ferguson had come on board and he was a real tat freak. He got some big giant classic Japanese woodcut-looking tat over his entire back of some Samurai gutting a carp or something once when we had a six-month upkeep in Yokosuka. The weird thing was that he looked so much like Mr. Mac that we called him Mini-Mac (15 years before Austin Powers Mini-Me).
Once I found out about the DICKHEAD thing from Mr Mac, we started bagging on Ferguson to get that on his knuckles, but he said no way never man.
We made a liberty call at Subic Bay in the Philippines at one point, three days off and one day on duty.
Now, in the Philippines, the place is full of entrepreneurs, folks selling you sunglasses and cigarettes and headscarves and you name it, including table-side portable tattooists available at all the bars on Magsaysay Drive there in Olongapo City.
So this one morning in Subic, during duty section muster, Ferguson was looking a little peaked down at the end of the ranks, his eyes looked like two pissholes in a snowbank. Fergie was my #1 nozzleman on the in-port fire party for our duty section, which as R Division Lead I was in charge of. After we posted, I called him up front and center and asked him if he was going to be able to handle his fire party responsibilities, because we always had a fire drill on duty days and I was concerned because he looked like shit. All he did was say “Oh Zig, Zig, I can’t believe I did it” and then showed me his knuckles, meshed the fingers together and I saw that his fresh bar tattoo read, not DICKHEAD, but FUCKHEAD. Idiot. I told him he might as well re-enlist for 16, because he would never do much more than work in a convenience store with that shit on him.
Who knows, maybe he ended up as Master Chief Petty Officer of the Navy, for all I fucking know.
Looks like we got our NEXT acting DHS secretary.
This world is going to hell! There is a story on the local news about a seven year old boy who challenged a court ruling over who get custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents. The judge was going to award custody to his aunt, but the boy she beat him more than his parents did. The judge than suggested his grandparents, but he said they beat him too! After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody. After two recesses to check legal reference and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Cincinnati Bengals, whom the boy firmly believes is incapable of beating anyone.
Everybody beats the kid, huh? He must be a real pain in the ass if everyone wants to beat him.
Like Raylan Givens said, “If you meet an asshole in the morning, well, you met an asshole in the morning. If you meet assholes all day, then you’re the asshole.” Kid needs to look in the mirror.
That’s pretty much along the lines of what Robert Kraft told that slave who was forced to give him a handy.
That payoff was exquisite.
That’s damn near the level of The Moth Joke
I just bet on Hippo’s BFIB, adjust your bets accordingly
Whoa. Can you share your picks for Sunday?
I took Minny to curse them!
I think cousins already did that, but good to know.
“Already on it” – P. Rose
I tried to embed that video last night. It’s awesome!
DINNER TIME
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVcwKDzg5tU
I saw that Brocky gif last night and never noticed the dog.
See? Told ya.