Few things make me feel my age MOAR than counting the years between “Mellow Gold” (which every fuckhead, yours included, owned) and his recent career renaissance. This is his latest earworm, which I like very much:
And with waaaayyyyy too many JV NFL sides picking up on the SEC “play a cupcake before season finale” – it is very much an unfortunately timed, uneventful slate. Thank fuck the international break is over.
Of course, the Lesser world is a-titter about Spurs trading their best manager in EVAR for washed-up, mega-douche Jose Mourinho. Will they even get the short-term “new manager bump?” A decent early test, away to West Ham to start our weekend (7:30, NBCSN). Maybe I won’t wake up in time for the excellent pre-game, but I want in on the action itself.
I am not surprised that my beloved Toffees don’t get teevee coverage, but home to Norwich (wow, did their early spark ever fade fast) leads off the 10:00 window (NBC Gold). It’s a must-win for the embattled Marco Silva, but he also needs to work harder at integrating Moise Kean into the attack. Our long-term project can’t easily take Kean getting unsettled.
Saints/Arsenal (blech) is your NBCSN offering, with Wolves away to yeah right’s Cherries the best of the rest of Gold/streaming options.
Downright proper spotlight dance this week, as the Battle for Second Position heats up with Chelsea invading the Etihad (12:30, NBC). Pep seems like he might be a bit out of sorts with this edition of City, but no reign of terror/contention window lasts forever. As everyone (especially me) is sick of hearing, Chelsea do feature a Murrican player. But the main story remains that Frank Lampard is a cunt.
Team Knifey hosts Man United in the only Sunday offering (11:30, NBCSN). It’s funny, now that the Mancs no longer need to pay off Daniel Levy for Pochettino’s services? Word is filtering out that the board is content to play the long game with Ole. Things sure change fast in this here sport.
Of the many other Euro-offerings, I might be most interested in Atalanta hosting Juve (9:00, ESPN News). You don’t even need “+” for a change, so gve this’un a look-see.
Now, for that subpar JV spread…
Paedo State (+18.5) at tOhio State (Noon, Fox)
Hey, I’d like to enjoy the Paedos getting their teeth knocked in…but it just locks the tree nutz deeper into the playoffs. Meh.
Illinois (+15.5) at Iowa (Noon, BTN)
It’s a crap window, and I will mostly watch City/Chelski. But this is my upset special, with Team Cornpone SUPER vulnerable to a letdown after sinking Row teh Boat’s championship dreams last week. Hobo Lovie Smith is a hilarious sideline watch, too.
Texas A&M (+13) at Georgia (3:30, CBS)
To my thinking, UGA has first claim on the 4th playoff slot, if they win out (including LSU for the conference title). I have a hard time seeing the Dawgs pulling it off, though. But they should breeze past Jimbo’s Aggies – though they already have an inexplicable “home loss to a moe-ron (Duschamp’s South Cakalaky)” on the ledger.
Michigan (-9.5) at Indiana (3:30, ESPN)
Holy cats, this makes THREE B1G fixtures I have highlighted. I really don’t like this Timeline. This would have been super interesting had the Hoosiers not lost their starting QB, but they still had a good showing away to the Paedos last week. So, don’t rule out another Lesser Harbs embarrassment.
Texas (+5.5) at Baylor (3:30, FS1)
Oh, the Consent Abstinent can most definitely continue their plummet back to earth, after that devastating 2nd half collapse to Steerfuckers North. Steerfuckers South come in with 6-4 leaving a nasty taste in their mouths.
Temple (+10) at Cincinnati (7:00, ESPN2)
With God as mah witness, this “I thought a turkey could fly” fixture is likely as competetive as you’ll get.
Oregon (-13) at Arizona State (7:30, ABC)
The wheels fell off the Herm Edwards bus fast (duh), but he gets a national spotlight tonight anyway. Quack Attack needs to win out, including against Troy Boiz or more likely Team Secular Big Love for the Pac-12 title. Then, they likely squeak into the playoffs. This team bores the shit out of me. GO UTES!
TCU (+18) at Oklahoma (8:00, Fox)
Bloodeyes have quite the giant-killer reputation, and are 100% catching Boomer Sooner at the right time. Perhaps this gets a litttle interesting.
Tweaker Time!!!
Utah (-22.5) at Arizona (10:00, FS1)
This is who Hippo WANTS as that 4th playoff side. Secular Big Love have an incredible defense, and an under-the-radar efficient offense. They could really win the whole thing. Desert FITBAW continues to struggle.
***
Balls’ La Liga Minute
Actually, there’s not much to discuss other than to mention that UCLA will win me an apple pie if it stays within 30 points of USC. Also, I’ve got a USC 2 and a UCLA 3 in a squares pool.
Wish me luck and tell me you’re counting on me!
***
There goes Paedo State scoring from behind with good rhythm again.
Ohio State was asking for it.
The yard is now presentable. No squirrels hijinks but the local tom cat let me pet him while my dogs were eating.
That roughing no call looking like a 7 point penalty
Or not.
Penn State is right where they want to be, behind a 14.
BANNER HORATIO YET AGAIN
He’s definitely got 14 on the brain.
Hey, Penn State likes them young AND at-risk or missing chromosomes……. never mind, Ohio is Penn State’s type.
Thank God for Penn State and their incompetence.
Quoting Jerry Sandusky?
Boston College vs. Notre Dame in the ‘We Think Boiling Is An Adequate Means Of Preparing Meat Sponsored-By-Jameson’s Bowl’
Penn St making this’n a game.
Just as I thought, the Northwestern football program is directionless.
They should try heading a little more North.
Squirrel 1
tWBS 0
/where’s that fucking shotgun?
A squirrel chewed up the wiring of my car costing me four thousand dollars. A shotgun is too fast and painless.
Have you thought about flirting/texting with the squirrel? I’m sure it would ghost you sooner rather than later.
/runs away laughing
Uh, Scotch. When tWBS said he going to fuck that squirrel up, he didn’t mean it that literally.
Screw this. am going to go clean up the yard. it rained for the last three days in Vegas.
That’s right folks, cold November Rain
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SbUC-UaAxE
Axl Rose got dumped for a muppet, albeit a really rich muppet
http://www3.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Stephanie+Seymour+Peter+Brant+Dennis+Basso+We_YNZU-qC_l.jpg
Describing Chase Young as “fresh” is a good way to avoid the issue.
Jenny Taft is no “Girl” sir. lots of lines in the smiling face.
molest student wrestlers < molest children ?
I guess since the wrestlers are use to have fingers up their butts already?
Welcome to the one day of the year where everyone here roots for Ohio State.
I mean there’s a perfectly good meteor option…
I guess, its not like Michigan is going to do anything next week. oh well, just we’ll just wait till January for Clemson to blow out Ohio St.
Is this a literal apple pie, figurative apple pie, or innuendo apple pie? If the former, can we have some?
Literal and Yes!
DIssapointed his name isn’t actually “Friar Mooth”
Things to watch out for in my upcoming “Fuck you I’ll do what I want” CFB Rankings: All SEC teams are deleted from the rankings because at least two of them are playing Div II teams in late November. THE WHOLE CONFERENCE MUST BE PUNISHED TO SET AN EXAMPLE.
Anything from Ohio i associate with Gym Jordan now. Ohio thinks it’s ok to say this guy speaks for them?
Is it ok to root for Pedo State Football?
NO.
But the Buckeyes need a reality check. If not today, they’ll take a spot from someone more worthy in the playoff.
If the Paedos win, the post-Condi Committee will put BOTH tOSU and the Paedos in.
You think there are 4 better teams than osu?
Save it for Michigan. It will hurt us more.
GOAL – Arsenal 2-2 Southampton
And our gentle descent into irrelevant and infuriating mediocrity continues…
thanks for that, I was kicking myself for not betting Saints at around 70′
/am too on tilt right now
Yay! We didn’t lose! We tied! The second worst team in the EPL!
BUCKNELL! SILLYCUSE! WHO YA GOT?
Morning Folks
Does it bother anyone else that anytime Santa’s workshop is portrayed they ignore the fact that the North Pole is in total darkness throughout the month of December?
Ooh, “north pole total darkness” porn search for Balls, please.
WEll obviously thats because the workshop is underneath the north pole inside the hollow earth where Sun 2 is shining normally. It’s like you haven’t even read my second manifesto geez.
Eh, given that there’s no land on the North Pole, I’d worry more about where/how Santa procured a floating manufacturing complex or … worse … an underwater lair that’s somehow missed by every spy sat there is …
goddamn Norwich have their first away goal since mid-August
Arsenal: Hold our beers!
Emery won’t survive the day, I bet
It’s Arsenal, He’ll be here on the 1st of January… 🙁
OK, Squirrely McSquirrelface, still trapped in my fireplace (hey that sort of rhymes) has worn himself out. At least I hope so. He’s moving more slowly now. I am about to open teh doors to the fireplace and try to catch his little ass and toss him out the door.
I am soon to be armed with a butterfly net (not joking), gloves, and several fairly thick towels. He’s lucky I can’t find the pepper spray. Or maybe I’m lucky. Hard to say for sure.
Having said that, I do realize that if he gets past me on my first attempt, it’s going to become a long fucking day. Anywhoooo…..
BONZAI !!!!!!!
(maybe I need to find Julius to intervene as a hostage negotiator?)
Dinner always tastes better when you catch it yourself out of your fireplace, I’ve always said that.
Try catching it with a .22
a squirrel is a glorified rat. Just kill the fucker.
Everton meme #2:
/Turns on TV
//Sees Arsenal tied with goddamn Southhampton
Yep, checks out.
/does the same
Now Dorsett is OUT. New England is trotting out N’Keal Harry, Jakobi Myers, Edelman, and Large Personman at TE (I cant be bothered to look it up). They also can’t run the ball. They’re 6 point favorites!
For good reason
Juve/Atalanta is bananacakes, especially with the weather
STOP ME IF YOU’VE HEARD THIS ONE BEFORE – Everton look a bit shit
Uh, Denise Richards is in a movie by the name of “My Adventures with Santa”. That is all.
DeNice.
Sorry but I gotta throw a flag on the play – she’s nowhere near as hawt as she used to (and that’s why you pay for the good bolt-on upgrades, not the Pep Boys-grade ones), so do yourself a favour and just fire up Wild Things and rub one off in her memory 😀
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_vOvlAqZpI
Amazed they kept the line, “Looks like Christmas came again this year.”
/May have blacked out halfway through watching
I’m not surprised they edited out that pool scene with Santa and Mrs. Claus.
I could actually feel my brain starting to shutdown from the sheer godawfullness of this piece of shit… Also from shame, because I recognized the “generic male lead” as the asshole flight instructor that wanted to bone Denise Richards in Starship Troopers… Y’know, the one that got skullfucked by a BrainBug. Y’know, this scene
https://youtu.be/suFHU_JSLos?t=50
Heh, #ThatsMyGooners … Can we like fire Emery now and see if the team won’t be better-managed by the ghost/spirit of Tommy Mitchell? Or, y’know, just admit we suck and re-hire Wenger?
holy cats, y’all are home too – right?
Yearp… Why? You could sense the despair, resignation and burnt effigy smell from your telly?
/advantage of being in an 8 team fantasy league
Went to the waiver wire looking for a qb and freaking Winston is sitting there. The last time he didn’t throw for 300 yards was back in 2015 at his family’s Thanksgiving get-together. (to be fair his one niece is a helluva corner-intercepted him twice that day)
Btw, on a scale of 1 to 10, how weird is it for me to own multiple armoured vehicles with 1 as “why not” and 10 as ” RUN “
1 unless one of them is this:
Nah, MT-LB (ex-DDR), BMP-1 (ex-DDR,Ex-Swedish Army), T-55M (something or other, Ex-USSR Naval Infantry), Alvis Stormer, Chieftain Mk10 and some others, but the others are part-owned shared with my dad in law 😀
Just more proof that Elon Musk is an empty vessel possessed by the spirit of John Delorean.
It turns my stomach to know that Grimes has touched his wee-wee. Just criminal, that.
Also, the fuck is this?!
That is Tesla’s newly announced electric truck. I am not joking.
The stock went down 6% in one day.
I honestly thought you were joking and used Google Image Searched it… Wow, this looks like a project rejected by John DeLorean as too ugly and unworkable … Bleh, I can’t wait for VW/Ford/GM/Everyone else to ramp up their EV production and taint-punt Tesla into bankruptcy
Now with bulletproof glass!
/Glass is not small metal ball proof
You is one interesting cat, even by Gooner standards!
Testing…
“Fuck, again?” – LeVeon Bell
Better job security: Premier League manager or NFL FG kicker?
Manager, hands down. A stupid kicker ™’s career is a couple of doinks away from the unemployment line, regardless of previous performance (excluding Vinatieri, but he’s got those 3 Superb Owl rings to shield him). Meanwhile manager can suck for ages yet still somehow manage to hold on to his job for years on end and can actively turn his entire fanbase AND squad against him and still bullshit his way into a contract extension…
NFL too. Marvin fucking LEWIS is at the top of everyone’s HC list these days.
… Uhhhhhhh… At least that’ll undermine the collective belief that the NFL is actively colluding against athletes and staff… They can just point to Marv interviewing and getting a new job with “YOu see, assholes!?YOU SEE THAT?!? … We’re not eveeeeeeel, we’re just really, really, REALLY incompetent”
I’m really stoned and staring at the banner image. I love the testicles in the middle of the face, the giant coke booger in the left eye socket, and the bottle opener on the side of the head.
Original Art By Hippo’s Kid! I was impressed too.
Fridge worthy for sure
Man, I hate waking up so goddamned early, even when I didn’t go to bed until after midnight. To make things worse, I finished one spot out of the money at poker last night to a guy who had cancer twice. TWICE! What kind of an idiot catches the same exact disease twice?
/FWIW that was a running joke all evening.
Some guys have all teh luck ,, smgdh
/I went to bed at 1:30, wide-assed awake by 7
He doubled up like three times in a row when he was on death’s door – he was so low that even that only gave him enough for one more blind and with four players left and a very short stack of my own I couldn’t walk away from the KJ that ultimately ended me. He got knocked out one hand later.
Seriously, I can’t recall a single goddamned hand I ever won with Kojak. It’s a poison chalice.
Oh, I forgot – I was to his left and when he was in the little blind (and forced to go all in cause he was so low) the hand I drew was a fucking 2-8. And he had nothing – all he needed to beat me was the J in his hand.
Jack in my hand has always been good to me.
Heard this in the car last night, had forgotten how badass it was:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6p3GnxBYOQ
Time to flip to ESPN News, y’all:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZP5U6SW_08
Hippo! You taking fantasy footy questions yet, or trying to keep your brain wired to the Lesser and Colleged Footed Ball?
Lay it on me, Imaginary Hammer buddy-guy
Right on. Firstly: your thoughts on Benny Snell. It doesn’t seem like Jaylen S. is a between tackles runner like Yinzburgh needs.
Secondly: Choose two WR:
Amari Cooper @ NE
Mike Gallup @ NE
Deebo Samuel @ GB
Dede Westbrook @ TEN
Thirdly: Choose one RB
Jay Ajayi vs SEA
Latavius Murray vs CAR
Derrius Guice vs NYJ
Fourthly: Pick one FLEX from the heretofore unchosen.
My confusion/ concerns lie in
A) Deebo being QUESTIONABLE and playing Sunday Night. Danger.
B) Goddammit, I JUST DONT THINK THE P*TS DEFENSE IS THAT GREAT THERE I SAID IT. I think they have been FEASTING on bad quarterbacks making shitty throws. Good receivers have been having perfectly good days against them, they’re just not scoring touchdowns. I don’t see how Belichick can (presumably) sell out to take away Zeke, AND blitz the shit out of DAK (who can RUN), AND post Gilmore in Man on Amari, AND double Gallup. Sommet has to give.
C) Dede Westbrook. That’s the question.
Deebo, Gallup, Murray (PRESENT!), Guice. If you can’t pull trigger on Deebo, then start both Non-Gendereds.
Snell might be worth a waiver flier, but Stillers’ RB situation just confuses me to death. Plus, nobody respects their passing game which I think hurts Snell even if sure he will get carries.
Great point on Snell. Did you not pick Amari due to his knee, or Gilmore poss. shadowing him? Also, which way are you leaning on the game? Dallas +226 made my fucking eyes pop out of my head and my tablet went “CHUH”.
Combo of the injury/Gilmore factor. I am considering the Non-Gendered ML, but not quite there yet. I probably jump in at +250
Ah, how fun and pleasant day this is shaping up to be… Wifey and the kids are off to Sweden (I’m joining them come Tuesday), so guess where pants are suddenly optional AND one can smoke in the living room…. CASA DE BK! XD
After 10-ish years of divorce, I have grown used to it (also the lack of sexual congress), but if I think hard I can recall what a joyous liberty that is.
Eh, in my case it’s a glass half full situation… on one hand – NoPantsYAY!(yes, one word screamed loudly and in as high-a-register humanly feasible this side of a Gibb brother) and cigars in the living room, on the other – no quickies after we shove the kids off to school and … honestly, watching football without the wife cursing the refs is not the same 😀
Edit: Plus the Chieftain Mk10 I bought got delivered to the farm on Friday, so I WANNA PLAY WITH IT, DAMN IT
Sorry for jinxing y’all so bad, Fronk. Poor form, that.
Not at all! We stink.
America needs a 10am EST football game. C’mon guys, you invented The Baconator-you can do this!
“HOLY SMOKES!! WHEN DID WE HIRE MOURINHO??………ah, shit.”
– me, 10 minutes ago
About 5 mins after Arsenal arsed it up once more and decided to give Emery two more months to completely tank our season ’cause apparently no one told Kroenke and his toupee that relegation is a thing in proper footy…
Also… ‘Ello Y’all
Any rumblings about Pochettino to Arseholes? Would there be a cultural fit?
Well, he did sure say that the big boys are apparently not in the running plus … it’s a better commute than Munich or whatever, so … Of course not, we’ll stick with Emery until our stadium looks like a Bungles home game and only then we’ll get an off-brand copy of say … Diego Simeone or whomever the “hot new thing” is to replace our current “Actually Quite A Bit Worse Than Wenger” Manager…
Seems like Poch needs at least a few months off, anyway. Could work to yer Gooner benefit.
There is no phrase MOAR British than chance, that.
It is a nonsense. ?
I have yet another squirrel trapped in the fireplace. This shit happens way too often.
Currently, screen and glass door are secured so the little asshole can’t get out. Soon, when I’m awake enough (and maybe a little drunker) I’ll have catch and expell the intruder.
Man, I need to move.
Cheering for the Hammers affirmatively? Feels WEIRD, man.
It’s like riding a moped or banging a fat chick. Just have fun and don’t let your friends see you.
Beach soccer is weird.
Like beach volleyball…but less hot?
Brazil is way up on Oman. It’s like they have sand in their blood-which is good for soccer but seems like it could be bad for their overall health.
Speaking of, Oman was the first contestant on Nation-State or Masturbation Consultant?
Oman, oman, I’m so close…
Hippo is surely counting on ye, Balls. Apple pie WOO!!!