Just over the horizon I can see the fantasy playoffs looming and those of you at 5-6 better get your collective shit together sooner rather than later. Perhaps you should take a flyer or two on some high upsiders, I mean what you’ve been doing so far hasn’t exactly worked has it? Just a thought…
TO THE GAMES!
Bucs/Falcons:
Tampa has given up an average of 3.5 scores thru the air over the last four weeks. They’ve had all year to fix this and nothing has been done. I don’t get it. Rb Brian Hill went busto last week and will likely do the same again vs. a Bucs squad that is stout against the run. Atlanta’s D has shown signs of turning it around lately but I think Evans and Godwin are going to remind them of some hard truths today.
Broncos/Bills:
Let’s get these youngsters the frickin’ ball, shall we? Both Singletary and Lindsay have distanced themselves from their backfield competition using their their lively legs. Let them run, damnit! It’s a small sample size but qb Allen seems to trust te Fant these last two weeks and that fantasy position is a wasteland. You could-and probably will-do worse than him.
Giants/Bears:
Hopefully Daniel Jones used the bye to get more comfortable with the O, increase his pocket awareness and solve his fumbling issues. Perhaps he even suggested to his dull as a 10-year-old knife OC some plays like RPO’s, jet sweeps, swing passes and pitch-outs. You know, the kinds of things that would allow the team’s most dynamic player to operate in a bit of space. Ah, whose kidding who, none of these things happened.
Steelers/Bengals:
Juju and Conner are out and this game has a dismal 38 over/under. It’s got ‘ugly’ written all over it. Rook qb Finley’s on-going troubles mean that Mixon will get all kinds of carries straight into the teeth of Pitt’s stellar interior D that consists of Heyward, Tuitt, Alualu and McCullers. Put cotton-eyed Joe down for 20 carries for 62 yards.
Fins/Browns:
All of the yakkers on the Sirius fantasy football channel are guaranteeing that OBJ will go off this week so you should probably fade him. I’ll bet his opposite number Davante Parker has the better numbers by the end of regulation.
Panthers/Saints:
Wr Chark is the sexy upside play here but Kyle Allen’s security blanket is D.J. Moore. He’s the one getting 35(!) targets over the last three weeks. Is Cup of McCaffrey on a roll? In his last 20 games he’s racked up 30+ points nine times. So, ‘yes’.
Raiders/Jets:
Guess who has been QB5 over the last two weeks? Yeah, it’s our own Unfrozen Caveman. I picked him up when I saw his cupcake, down-the-stretch sked but I didn’t have the balls to play him. Maybe you do?
Seahawks/Eagles:
Philly follows the Bucs lead in that they’re strong vs. the run but their secondary is a “Must Fly” zone. That means that a quality DFS stack is Wilson/Metcalf/Gordon. On t’udder side, you must think that the Eagles will be playing from behind but their receiving corps is a dropsy, non-handsy load of garbage. Ertz has been gold on first down so maybe the sneaky play here is Goedart? Did I spell it right? It’s early.
Lions/Potato Skins:
Rb Peterson’s toe owie caused him to miss practice but he figures he’s good to go today. That point is a bit moot because he’s ceding carries to Guice who is infinitely more explosive with the rock. I wouldn’t watch this one for quality qb play.
Let ‘er rip below.
Already, this has been a good bears drive. What does the wheel of fucking things up say will come next?
Torn groin spiking the ball after a first down?
Safety?
“Brian Piccolo died so that Doug Flutie could live.”
For the love of christ shoot everyone involved in these awful State Farm commercials
Gruden about to go 1/9 on challenges
Last time gruden lost that many challenges was at a Tampa Bay Hooters and involved where he could put drumettes
TD, Quack Attack.
Trying to do a little research: Lady Maestro was in VA for sales training with her company for 10 days this past month. When she was there, she met some native Panthers fans (!) – can anyone here verify that these folks’ habit of referring to NFL Sunday as ” ‘Thers-Day ” is an actual thing? And if so, how can we get Panthers fans the mental health assistance they clearly desperately require?
As a native Charlatan (though outside Raleigh now) I ain’t never heard of that
Oh, shit. They benched Rudolph! We’re screwed.
duck caller is in?
Quack.
good Christ, y’all suck
Hasn’t been a good weekend for ducks, though.
or Niiiiiiiiice Beaver
/I seriously had a ML bet on Oregon State
rip, brief Falcon competence
Agholor snuck on the field in a Chawx uni
Ryan Finley’s brief flirtation with competence has ended.
It makes the crushing defeat feel even worse.
He’s having a very NC State few games
Oh, men. MEN. And women. WOMEN. I am finally moved into my new place, which means I have the luxury of sitting and FOOBAWing hard all afternoon for the first time in what feels like two weeks. Bless. Up.
A touchdown? On offense? On a pass more than ten yards downfield?
I assume this will be followed by a pick-six, as per ancient Bears tradition.
Ah, THERE are My Raiders. I’ve missed you guys.
awwwwwwwww goes teh laughtrack
Dear Christ, Gigantes
WOW!
JETS do a good on the first dive coming out of halftime
That was alarmingly competent by the Jets.
This week, Rikki’s Raiders Get Self-Aware
Jets put Sullenburger in as head coach
REPENT!
No
I’ll repent if you get a half-decent haircut.
Cole Beasley is heat up for the Cowgirls.
Wow, this Giants kicker is going to have to commit whatever the Latino version of seppuku is.
el seppuku
chancla to the head
/makes sign of the cross
El muerto loco
Drinking the water.
“I will gladly take your money, CIA” (loudly, so that neighbors hear)
Letting another man sleep with your wife.
This Bears-Giants game is a classic Maddenism–the team that can score more is gonna win.
Yo
how does Tyler Lockett not have a catch yet?
wind
Game on.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XINAJ7jgg6Y
This looks fun
https://catscradle.com/event/hortons-holiday-hayride/
All these games at half at the same time everyone interested in getting these shit fests over as soon as possible
“Did someone say ‘shitfest’?”
-Two Girls
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGuJ3tvKgo8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czIGGIifxg0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCLzWwRGpcw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHd-PLgKlbs
this not guarding Black Panthers’ only good player…interesting strategery
Why would they shadow McCaffrey on that play? He never gets the ball.
Bears fans frustrated because the general manager/scouting department could have allowed the coaching staff to ruin Mahomes’ career instead of Trubisky’s.
Boo Birds make their migration to Philly
“Only the strongest of the Boo Birds survive the rigorous journey to Lincoln Financial Field. The Eagles Battery Squad has a good aim and an angry attitude.”
-Sir Richard Attenborough
Halftime jam!
https://youtube.com/watch?v=6oWf3lQS6dU
This is my jam.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvrG2hfkXaI
There’s some cool jazz piano going on in the background tho.
Nice to see dolphins trying to get on top of the draft again..good hustle
Fuck it. Just do go routes every down
Wentz REALLY wants to fumble
FATTEST GUY DOWN!!!!
OBJ has a lot of swagger for playing in like one career playoff game.
DK Agholor Metcalf
Seattle should be winning by 40
You get unnecessary roughness on the punter, and you still fuck it up?
Pittsburgh #26 coming Defensive Holding and Defensive Pass Interference on the same play.
That takes talent.
good hustle!
YOU GOT 2 FEEL GOOD 4 KHUNT, HUH?
Trubisky running a two minute drill like he isn’t an incompetent baboon
I’ll wait
holding his beer?
Unfrozen Caveman QB is 12/16 so far.
The PUNTER got called for unnecessary roughness?!
That’s a random drug test
BLEERGH forget how rules works.
Unnecessary roughness… ON THE PUNTER. Drink to BLEERGH!
EVERY KNEE MUST BOW