[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

"This site goes down so often we oughta change the name to “Dating Nancy Reagan”" – Horatio

Log In

Your “Mele Kalikimaka” Christmas Evening Open Thread

theeWeeBabySeamus

/

, , , ,

I wouldn’t mind being in Hawaii right now, truth be told.  I wouldn’t be freezing my ass off.

But I’m not in Hawaii.  And I AM freezing my ass off.

I just finished wrapping a bunch of crap for people who won’t appreciate it.  I’m still fighting with a company which still has not shipped some gifts I ordered nearly a month ago.  So obvs they didn’t arrive.

But I do like Christmas in spite of all of the difficulties it can present.

Santa might need medical attention.

And a new windshield.

Anywhoooooo….

During the Christmas season, I have a few standards regarding viewing pleasure.  No, that doesn’t mean what you’re thinking.  Well, not completely.

I can’t live with myself if I don’t watch certain holiday specials.  Here’s a sampling of a few of my favourites…

It’s not a complete list but I can’t find clips for some of them.  YouTube is not friendly sometimes.

But let’s get something straight.  I DO NOT watch It’s A Wonderful Life.  That movie sucks ass.  Clarence can go suck a dick.  Lying little shit.

–

I do also usually watch Charlie Brown.  I even got my niece to watch it this year for the first time evar.

And the Grinch.

In fact, I can quote the Grinch beginning to end.  Hold my beer and watch this…

All the Whos down in Whoville loved Christmas a lot.

But the Grinch, who lived just North of Whoville, did not.

The Grinch hated Christmas, the whole Christmas season.

Oh please don’t ask why, no one quite knows the reason.

It may have been that his shoes were too tight.

It could be that his head wasn’t screwed on just right.

But I think the most likely reason of all may have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

But whatever the reason, his heart or his shoes, he stood there on Christmas Eve hating the Whos.

–

OK, that’s enough of that.

Anywhooooo…

What are your holiday traditions?  Be it viewing or cooking or just anything else.

Talk about it here.

(crap, now we gotta deal with New Years and I’ll have to act happy about that too)

–

Merry Christmas, everyone.  May you and yours be safe.  Peace be to all.

Love ya’s.

(be happy I didn’t post LDB)

((who won that btw?)

–

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Tags:

Leave a Reply

Subscribe
Notify of
74 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Beerguyrob

Merry Xmas everyone.

I just got BeerMom to watch the entirety of “Best In Show” while we drank Golden State ciders. She said the cider helped her understand some of the jokes. I have done my jorb.

3
Dunstan

Cider makes many things better.

2
Unsurprised

The Coen Brothers always find such amazing character actors. I’m kind of curious why John Goodman wasn’t in True Grit, though. Or Hail, Caesar, now that I’m thinking about it.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Goddamnit, I really should have done a “Guess Who’s Coming for Christmas” one starring Robert Kraft. Maybe next year.

3
Unsurprised

We’ll always have Kraft Singles in hand

0
Unsurprised

Well, at least I also get January 1 off next week

1
Unsurprised

RIP Bernie Mac.

1
SonOfSpam

You need a more current news source.

But yeah, he was a funny SOB.

5
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Die Hard looping on something called the Paramount Network. Why not?

1
ballsofsteelandfury

WHERE THE HELL IS WCS???

1
SonOfSpam

He’s letting Hans Gruber go from the 50th floor.

3
SonOfSpam

Hi and Merry Xmas to y’all.

Good day spent with my small family at my small abode, and that’s the best ever.

Have to work in the AM. Which is stupid. But I do enjoy the occasional paycheck.

Drinking a Stone beer from the IPA Variety Pack. Life is pretty good, and we’ll take it.

3
yeah right

Got a work day myself tomorrow.
Ain’t that some shit?

Best to yours and the Spam family.
Cheers!

1
rockingdog

Found a funny:
when i find myself in times of trouble / my friend ashley comes to me
texting words of wisdom “omg”

4
rockingdog

Hahahaha Warriors beat the rockets
Nice.

2
Unsurprised

In case you missed it.
comment image

5
Unsurprised

This is the alternate ending to Any Given Sunday

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

So full. Merry Christmas to all/most of you.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

I have never seen and will never see A Christmas Story.

2
litre_cola

Same here.

2
Gratliff

I have seen every scene at least 20 times. I have never watched it from beginning to end. It exists as background noise while wrapping/sleeping on the couch to prevent assholes from opening gifts early.

4
Redshirt

I watched it once in a futile search to see what all the fuss was about. The search was unsuccessful.

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

I read the Jean Shepherd short story when I was a kid and loved it. There are elements of a number of his other short stories incorporated into the movie as well (i.e. the Bumpus’s dogs eating the holiday meal, which actually took place in a different story and it was the Easter ham). A lot of them were originally published in Playboy in the late 1960s; my dad loved them so much that he had to share them with me even though I was still in elementary school. Naturally, I peeked at some of the other pages in those magazines. My old man was pretty cool in some ways, anyway. I revisited Shepherd’s stories a couple years ago and they still hold up.
https://www.amazon.com/Jean-Shepherd/e/B000AP1TK0?ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_2&qid=1577329480&sr=8-2

2
SonOfSpam

likewise

1
ArmedandHammered

The beef tenderloin, Yorkshire pudding, and gravy have been consumed. Going to annoy the family by reading while they play Trivial Pursuit and me randomly shouting out the answers.

5
theeWeeBabySeamus

Yell ‘MASTURBATE!!!!! randomly.
Trust me, it cleared my house out last night.

2
ArmedandHammered

Unfortunately they are staying here til Saturday, plus they can be a fun bunch.

1
Senor Weaselo

The answer is The Moops!

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

NSFW
h
ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLODGhEyLvk

1
Gratliff

Still grinding through games as I got 16 fucking days off work and am extremely lazy when I’m on vacation. Recently finished Horizon Zero Dawn. That was the big robot dinosaur post-apocalypse one from a few years back. May be my favorite apocalypse scenario. It’s Matrix if the machines were dumb, basically. Dipshit billionaire builds an automation empire, specializing in “peacekeeping” robots. The last line was the most advanced with the ability to replicate, and convert biomass into biofuel in emergency situations that would cause loss of human life. Group of machines gets disconnected from the network and begins indiscriminately converting all living things into biofuel to the point where it just slowly crawls coast-to-coast consuming all biological life while replicating exponentially. Long story short, machines win real easy like, and the only successful solution humanity comes up with is to build another AI to automate terraforming the planet 50 years after the last robots run out of fuel. World’s dead, and the only people left are the scientists who pulled it off and the dipshit billionaire who started the whole thing sealed inside a bunker until they die. Dipshit billionaire decides he doesn’t like the idea of giving their knowledge to a new wave of people and destroys that part of the system and murders the scientists. Something something cave people fighting robot dinosaurs. It felt just the correct amount of stupid to be plausible in our hellworld future, aside from the part where they actually figure out what to do about it.

2
Unsurprised

That sounds all too plausible

0
Unsurprised

My God. Men. MEN! Carol Kane in Scrooged is such an incredible performance. She’s a national treasure.

7
theeWeeBabySeamus

The bitch hit me with a toaster.

3
King Hippo

But you deserved it, didn’t ya?

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Can I plead da FiF.

2
yeah right

While the New York strip roast was roasting in a mire poix and a bath of veal reduction, beef stock, red wine, garlic and fresh rosemary the 4 right brothers played a 3 hour game of poker.

A got a 2 on my last card in 7-card stud to complete the 10’s over 2’s full house.

It was all four of the brothers playing.

We had some latkes with the roast over the top and some bordelaise sauce reduction, served with an amazing cabernet sauvignon and homemade pecan pie is next.

Hell yes.

It’s been a good year.

Cheers!

4
Unsurprised

I envy you. You fuckers are solely responsible for me feeling bad that I don’t have family or friends to celebrate with. But also because my situation has changed, it makes me think that won’t be true next Christmas, and the hope is fucking with my head.

Anyway, that all sounds delicious and fun.

1
yeah right

We’re going to take pre-orders for next year for pecan pie.

Mother of God that was immaculate. I would say the best part was the crust because I made the pastry dough but it was a perfect sum of its parts.

Magnificent.

1
Redshirt

I got a weighted blanket and I had the greatest nap I’ve ever had. If it could feed me, bathe me, dispose of my metabolic waste by-products and service me carnally, I would have no reason to leave bed.

5
Unsurprised

mailorderbrides.com

1
King Hippo

I got that too. Sometimes I love it, sometimes I feels trapped.

0
Gratliff

Yeah, I got super anxious trying to use one due to the restrictiveness of the weight. Got one of those for the woman last Christmas. Also learned that you can fuck up your shoulder moving bedding aside if you’re not expecting to be throwing aside a 30 lbs blanket.

1
Senor Weaselo

Italian Christmas. I brought Senorita Weaselo. It has… actually gone okay, I’m happy to say. She still likes me, I think.

3
Don T

comment image

8
theeWeeBabySeamus

A gift card and some drugs seems pretty generous.
Just saying.

1
litre_cola

Fucking genius. Here is a gift card to 7-11, get high, munch out.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Good point, I do gotta get some chips before I get high.
Fuckers are prolly closed.

0
litre_cola

Is it because you live in Lickspittle County Carolina? All non believer businesses are open here. Kebab shops, Sushi restos, convenience stores, shisha lounges etc.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

If you weren’t a heathen you wouldn’t have to ask.
Wait, I’m one too.

What were we talking about?

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

Now shush, I finally got everyone out of the house, my niece asleep-ish. I gotta find my grinder.

1
litre_cola

Grinder, ooh la la, look at the bourgeoisie we got over here lads. Too good to use some scissors and a shot glass like the rest of us plebeians.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

I actually have two grinders. And I cannot find either one.
STOP DISTRACTING ME!!!!!

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

One has a picture of Bob Marley on it.
Can’t remember my thought process for buying that.

1
litre_cola

Must be nice to get that fancy weed that isn’t dry like dust, while us working class ARE MORE THAN HAPPY to get seeds and stems!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djZkTnJnLR0

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh, don’t you even try that. I haven’t smoked in six months. But you get it mailed to you.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

Found my 8-ball grinder btw. It’s bigger than Bob Marley.

So to speak.

0
litre_cola

Yeah, that and there are more dispensaries in my city than any other city in this frozen country…

2
Porky Prime

Besides torturing my son with Christmas music (my daughter fucking LOVES it, that’s my girl) I try to make a point every Christmas morning to fire up some sort of way to play NES games, particularly the original Castlevania, which was the first game I received back when Mom and Dad gave me and my brother the best goddamn Christmas ever. It’s a very Burtonesque choice, but I like to at least knock off a boss or two before the kids wake up.

Also, my gf decided to make our relationship public on Facebook today, so she’s now officially the best thing to happen to me in years. Never counted on happiness. It’s rather sobering.

Merry Christmas, Hail Bleergh. Thanks for letting me vent for all these years.

7
King Hippo

Glad some good Karma finally circled around your way. Always glad when ya visit the Clubhouse. BLEERGH be with you.

3
Don T

Merry Xmas, man. Best wishes to you and your family.

3
Fronkenshteen

[door swings drunkenly open]

Three cheers for Christmas!!!

HIP HIP!!!

/ staggers into fireplace
// is hilariously engulfed in flames

4
litre_cola

Good on you Mr. Prime. Good to hear someone here having a good stretch.

4
yeah right

So glad to hear this. Happy holidays, Porky. You’re an inspiration.

3
yeah right

And I fucking loved Castlevania.

4
Gratliff

If you haven’t seen it, go watch the Netflix series. It’s extremely good.

2
King Hippo

which is why it has a Matt Cassel meme! I miss that dopey fucker.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

So happy to hear this! Merry Christmas, Porky!

3
King Hippo

I absolutely LOVE Bad Santa. But I’ve seen it enough times. Booky-book flies open.

2
litre_cola

I got the Amy Trask book from Mrs. Cola. Should be done by the end of the weekend.

0
King Hippo

I read her stuff on The Athletic, is usually quite good.

0
litre_cola

It is the Al Davis stuff I am really interested in. Also got the USFL book by Pearlman. I will read that next.

0
Unsurprised

comment image

2
Unsurprised

comment image

1
74
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x