Dudes, it’s all Belarus’ world now, we just livin’ in it.
All of the various second and third world-ish football associations might be late to the cancellation party – but even Brasil state torneos and Ukraine have gone dark now. The only thing remotely approaching first division footy? The Belarus Premier League!
We’ve got two matches on tap today, two more tomorrow. It’s the first week of League action, so pretty hard to know what will happen. BET ON CHAOS!
FK Vitebsk hosts FK Gorodeya to start us off (7:00a EST). As of this writing, you can bet the home side at +107, visitors at +284, or Draw at +214. That’s not great odds for a visiting foe, given that I don’t have much in the way of GAMBLOR talisman status with either. I suppose I would lean Draw here, though watching the flow on LiveBet seems the more prudent course. But am I waking up at 7 for this? PROBABLY.
It’s much the same story with Neman Grdono away to Isloch (9:00), though Isloch has some faint talismanic value. Looking at -103 home, +266 away, +253 Draw. Surely, I will be awake at this point, and betting like it’s a compulsion or sommet.
Other than this? Just waiting to die. We almost surely won’t even have further Diamond Joe primary vote massacres in the coming weeks. You can bet on who his VP nominee will be, though. Kamala Harris is the current clubhouse leader, odds-wise. I don’t think Liz Warren wants it, but at 12-to-1 betting odds, she is the value play.
So, here’s the thing. The reason we’re undergoing all these measures is because of two things: 1) We are trying to protect those with compromised immune systems and 2) We’re trying to ensure the health care system is not overwhelmed.
The disease itself has a very low mortality rate. If healthy people get it, we will get thorough it and fight it off.
Let’s not panic and make things worse. Tom Hanks and Idris Elba are NOT going to die!
Well, not of COVID 19 anyway and not yet.
This is hilarious.
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
It’s like people expected a politician to actually keep a promise.
*wealthy asshole.
I have also discovered Pluto TV. They have a 007 channel.
BREAKING NEWS: Taco Bell has an item called a Tripleupa. I repeat, a TRIPLEUPA!
I have eaten it and it is good.
You may resume your regularly scheduled social distancing.
Coronavirus is the least of your concerns when eating taco bell. Seems like a smart play.
Instead of getting Mexican Beer Flu you end up with Mexican Butt Flu.
I’m Mexican. I have immunity.
“Not in ‘Merica, dagummit!”
As a Mexican I would expect you to consider Taco Bell a hate crime.
I don’t consider it Mexican food. It’s Frankenstein Food.
Stoner Cola is intrigued. What is in said TripleLundy
It is the stretch limo of chalupas. Three different sections with three different flavours all connected in one long bit of goodness.
All tasty.
The Reaper Ranch whatever is mediocre at best. Too much ranch, not enough reaper.
So there’s been 1 reported case in my county while Michigan’s overall count has tripled, with the vast majority coming in around the Detroit area where there’s just more people being actively tested. There’s zero percent chance this shit isn’t spreading like wildfire while nobody’s getting tested for it. Whitmer doesn’t want to do a statewide lockdown, but she’s going to run into a wall like California did at this rate.
She can slap me wherever and how ever she wants.
HEATHER GRAHAM: [slaps WCS with a restraining order]
I laughed.
I heard she’s making these easier for those who think this is the Rapture by letting the churches stay open.
We truly live in the dumbest country where leaders think “No testing = no problem”
If I go out and get in my car and drive around the L.A. freeways alone and don’t stop and don’t talk to anybody, am I violating my 14-day self-isolation (which I am respecting because I flew on a packed 757 and there were Chinese people aboard so I almost certainly have some of those Cordoba death germs now) or am I violating the “stay home” directive issued in and for the County and City of Los Angeles, or am I violating neither because I’m still isolated and oh so all alone?
As long as you don’t have human contact, you are good.
That applies in most circumstances, not just this crisis.
What if I drive naked? I’ll keep clothes on the passenger seat in case of emergency but otherwise I won’t get out and I’ll just drive around. Would that then be a sin?
It’s Saturday, so you’re safe. Try that on a Sunday though and you’ve got some ‘splaining to do to your Lord and Saviour.
It would be a crime not to use those highways, amirite? Hello? Hello, is this thing on?
/raps mic, which is indeed on, but it doesn’t matter because everyone is dead.
And wash your ass!
I can feel my pants stretching now.
Seconded
Pants?
Watched the GWS game. So weird to have no crowd house and then artificial cheers after the goals.
It was cool to hear them call for the ball and give themselves direction, though.
Just made myself a Canadian Coffee: coffee with Maple Crown Royal.
Oh, sourry.
My boredom has lent itself to Cherry Sparkling wine, vodka, soda, apple juice, lime juice. Delicious
Just reading this made my mouth clench up like I had just bitten into an unripe lemon.
Oh she is a tart beast.
Kobe Bryant does not approve.
There’s a whole lot of folks not taking this “stay at home” order very seriously. These people are basically thumbing their noses at it.
Am sure that the powers-that-be don’t want to go all Big Brother about it, but they may have to?
Yep, they called this initial rollout soft enforcement and these fucking idiots are going to make them crack down.
And if they are actually fucking idiots that will ….. spread it even faster.
….and that would also be ignoring the suggestion to not touch your face.
The day they tell us not to touch our penises is the day society ends.
and if you can touch your face with your penis….. well, damn it.
Well, in that case, you never left the house even before this coronavirus thing
[dies from dehydration]
Afternoon funny:
sitting on my hand till it goes numb and then giving myself a handshake
“Handshake” sure sure
Wink wink
Nudge nudge
DAMN! Beat me to it.
[he said “beat.”]
Not only do I have no place to go I’ve also been told to go no place.
Let’s make nachos instead.
…Let’s play Hungry Hungry Hippos!
/ears prick up
I received a pair of shoes in the mail from China. They are Lutai’s, I have never heard of them before. I do not remember ordering them. They fit perfectly. I have no record of payment on any of my credit cards. It is an Isolation mystery.
Thing is, I would never buy them but I wore them for a walk, and I love them.
“It turns out I have severe schizophrenia.”
Shipped from Wuhan….. next to the wet market.
Cover your cough
It’s more the drool I’m concerned about. Sorry about that.
I have to drop off my tax docs, because I still can. And since Capital One changed my checking account type I can no longer access my transactions from mid-November and earlier. In bird culture this is considered a dick move, or at the least a pain in the ass and I guess I have to go to the won’t be closed because it’s considered “essential” bank at some point.
Yes I know I have until July, but the appointment was already made.
my appt is 30 March, considering whether to move it
Full-length concert for #ShutInLyf:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xkd0hAHxSm0
Constance Wu lives down the street from me. I am going to go pitch her on the idea of a movie called “Crazy Sick Asians” which is basically the same as the original except modified for life under coronavirus. Like, they are wearing masks the whole time and they have to have their temperature taken before they go into any buildings and all the restaurants are closed and also they never go to Singapore in the first place because there are no flights.
Would still watch it
Just delightful:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWSz_PAfgNc
Scarlett Johnasson in Match Point. Not unattractive.
v
There’s a reason “Lost In Translation” works on so many levels. Her ass in the opening sequence? JESUS WEPT.
If I were drunk enough, I might try to pull a Joe Namath on KSK stealing a kiss on her.
AND SHE’D LOVE IT!!!!!!
You know she would. The beatdown I got from security proves this.
I think that was peak hotness, for her.
though she strikes me as one who will be jaw-dropping well into her 50s
Yep, and beyond [age appropriate] Helen Mirren-esque.
Oh, for sure. She’s gorgeous and will remain so. I just meant this was when she was at her 95-96 Jordan levels.
100% co-signed! Good way to put it.
She didn’t need no Pippen!
John Salley is confused.
Watched part of The Island and she is really ugly in that…….
[even my keyboard wasn’t fooled]
Is there poker tonight?
if y’all get started at a reasonable hoUr, I’ll play. I sucked much less last night, at least. #FalseConfidence
I was asleep or else I could have given you all my fake money.
For some reason it didn’t show up in my home games last night, but of course was there this morning.
She pertty, btw. Well done my Hippo bruthah.
Made $15 in simulated basketball last night. I’ll take it!
OK, I know I’m old but…
WTF IS SIMULATED BASKETBALL????
One of the DFS apps I use has been simulating games. The one I won the $15 on was the 2015 Warriors vs. the 1986 Lakers
Who won?
Lakers 133 GS 123
oh yeah, the Showtime Lakers were REALLY good.
Ha!!!! Take THAT Steph Curry!!!! That’s what you get for going to Davidson.
Mychal Cooper would have shut him down pretty effectively. That’s what peoples forget, good NBA teams USED TO PLAY DEFENSE.
Cooper was a beast, indeed.
as a kid, whenever we assumed “identities” playing pickup ball? I was always Coop.
And I’m not joking. If they’re not playing and there are no real stats? Aren’t you just relying on a CPU some jerkweed programmed to tell you if you won or lost?
Exactly. The entries are free for this at least
I am up $1700 for the week. Truly, a Christmas miracle.
/so far, have resisted betting on weird kids playing video games. But it’s coming.
Yeah, if I wont bet on Belarusian football (I wont) I’m not betting E-sports. My bank account/wife thanks me for that decision
I have bet 5 of last 6 Belarus matches. Made money on all 5, outright wins in 4 (other was a Draw cover bet on a big underdog, 3 of my 4 wins were underdogs).
How long would it have taken Dayton and Gonzaga to go down in flames?
I think Dayton could make the FInal Four. Zags be lucky to make Sweet Sixteen, as usual.
Not the first time Dayton* was done in by the National Guard**
*: Dayton and Akron are the same thing ppl forget that
**: National Guard, National State of Emergency, same thing
25 or 6 to 4 ,, amirite??
Kent State goes and sits in the corner and tries hard to not be noticed.
galdurn hippie commies
FC Slutsk plays tomorrow morning, total value play at home and +149.
I prefer my sluts on the road; less likely to get in trouble that way.
this is FARE POINT
NC State is about to win their 1st round game vs Kansas.
Seriously, in my mind. It could have happened.
you mean 2nd round? First round would have been last 48 hours, and to play them Round 1 would have required us to be an at-large 16 seed.
STOP CORRECTING MY STUPIDITY!!!!!
And yes, at best we were last four. So that would have been yesterday. Assuming we didn’t lose to NC Central again.
which wouldn’t have put us in 8/9 game, neither. SO NO KANSAS.
OK, KU was up as a 1 seed. Granted, being in a power five, our play in would have been for an 11. I know this.
STOP CORRECTING MY STUPIDITY!!!! I’M TRYING TO LIVE OUT THE FANTASY.
JUST ONCE IN MY LIFETIME I WANT US TO TAKE KANSAS OUT IN STYLE.
FUCK YOU TOO, UCLA.
Plus I still find it funny we lost at home to NC Central last year.
NC STATE ppls must get they maths right. We have a reputation to uphold.
Given Kansas’s history in the tournament I wouldn’t bet against that.
In truth, they have always had our number. One of the worst days of my life was in Greensboro when they kicked the living shit out of us.
Fuck you Danny Manning.
@Brick
I know you posted it last night, but I want to reiterate that right now is the PERFECT time for you to do a daytime version of your freeways in LA video!
Agreed. I love that video. But I think Brick might be a vampire sooooo….wellll….
You can also make NFL “futures” bets, which is likely the next “mainstream” sportsball we have more than a 5% chance of seeing on our teevee boxes.
I went with P*ts ($26 at +2000) and Humps ($19.60 at +3300) to win the Superb Owl.
Sucker bet is clearly Team MRSA Dreamboat, at a mere +1450.
If you like ridiculous things, you can get 5800 to 1 odds on your pick of Jaguras or Bungles, to face the mighty Redacteds in Superb Owl LV. Don’t even have to pick the actual winner, how easy moneys is that??
Thanks for supporting the industry.
Stupid hoes. Errrr….I mean hose.
Betting the Humps is smart as hell. They’ve only needed a QB and old man Rivers has only needed an O line. Expect some noise.
As much as anything, I am betting on coaching. But Old Man Rivers behind that exceptional OL, with some backs who are good working in space?
I could see them winning 12+ games. And the P*ts will easily win that division again, assuming they get a caretaker like Brissett or Red Rocket into the fold.
I don’t buy it, in a way. They have some talent, but not exceptional. The OL is better than Bolts, but “exceptional”? The skill positions? I guess with Bill O’Brien GM in the division will help.
Buttchinski trading TheAndre really fucks the 500s. I was under the impression that the Humps had a Top 3 (or at worst Top 5) OL.
TY Hilton is an excellent, well-rounded WR. Like I said, it will be utilizing Marlon Mack and Nyheim Hines that will really make that offense tick.
Inside they are better than average, tackle…. I guess if healthy. Hilton is about it outside. The run game is better than average, but not roll over good. River looks very old to me at this point and not that much of an improvement. Meh, a twenty spot….. I guess, but I’d buy coffee or beer with mine from a local business.
Saturday Night Nicaraguan Lights:
Sat 3/21 401 Walter Ferreti (NIC-P)
+212
9:00PM 402 Jalapa (NIC-P)
+122
403 Draw
+230
Real Madriz at Real Esteli – Nicaragua Primera Division Clausura
Sat 3/21 404 Real Madriz (NIC-P)
+977
9:00PM 405 Real Esteli (NIC-P)
-401
406 Draw
+435
Deportivo Ocotal at Diriangen – Nicaragua Primera Division Clausura
Sat 3/21 407 Deportivo Ocotal (NIC-P)
+752
9:00PM 408 Diriangen (NIC-P)
-269
409 Draw
+319
I’m thinking Walter Ferreti, in solidarity with some sort of Eye-Tie bastard stuck in the country when the flights shut down. Maybe he’s some sort of drug mule?
Real Madriz sounds like a Big Lots knock-off name, but I can’t yet decide if that’s good or bad, GAMBLOR-wise.
I’ll take the other side. How’s one guy named Walter gonna beat an entire team?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHKrCs1rFRI
I can’t even explain how nice it was to sit down last night and watch some good old sports (Essendon-Freemantle).
I was trying to think of a social-distancing-compliant version of soccer for my nephew and his friends to play. Soccer golf is the best I’ve got so far. But I need to think of a way to spice it up a little bit.
Frisbee golf.
I do not recommend watching rugby with your half asleep and elderly mother who has never watched rugby before.
So, ummmm…. how’s Italy doing?
No numbers yet for today.
we noe u got teh inside dope on pasta futures smh
No meatballs? Well now I feel cheated.
“To be honest? Not good, not good at all.”
-Germany, 1939-1945
I’m eating the leftover St. Joseph’s mafaldine from the bag, so can’t be that bad, right?
h
ttps://66.media.tumblr.com/b065bd6a1584fb7f5698cbda00a9e5b8/tumblr_npzy7d1Uqq1sa11jco1_540.gif
Something to do for ten minutes.
Isloch have played the entire 2nd half on the power play, yet is still nil-nil. DUE SOMETHING!!!!
this indeed motivated my Isloch ninjas, 1-nil BABY!!!
Liz Warren would be as wasted in the VP position as I am in a Thursday night DFO poker room.
agreed, that’s why I say she likely doesn’t want it. But I still put $20 on it. VALUE MUTHAFUCKA
Well, if she was as active as Dick Cheney, who functioned as president, it would be a good thing. She would be a tad better than Pence The Science Denier at managing the COVID19 fiasco. But in general yes, a strong cabinet position suited to her strongest knowledge base (another novel concept) would be better spent talent.
That’s a fair point. Warren would make an excellent Cheney doppleganger, working behind the scenes for good rather than evil.
…..and far less likely to shot someone in the face.
“Yep. Can’t pay her back if she shoots you in the face.” kneecap shooting victim who was a former customer of Warren’s from her loan-sharking days
ooooh, someone should write a Breaking Warren series…
Before she started the Consumer Finance Protection Bureau, she ran a little organization called the Consumer Finance “Protection” Bureau.
numbers, racketeering, she had a little piece of EVERYTHING…
That pizza joint GAVE her the money voluntarily!
The is Nicaraguan footy today. Is there zn O/U on fatalities in the stands?
The O/U on ‘bags of urine thrown’ is set a 372.
Started watching ‘Sunderland Til I Die’ last night. It’s fantastic.
Their goalkeepers kinda suck.
It is such a roller coaster. Fans had such hope when Coleman became manager, then results just fucked em harder.
It’s hard to tell who the villain is; they keep alluding to the owner not spending money to get the necessary players, but then show that he’d spent hundreds of millions with shit results in the years before.
I’m about 5 episodes in and my guess is it’s as simple as a team in a sliding industrial area stuck in a downward spiral. Bad results=less money=lesserplayers/managers=worse results=even less money=even worse player/manager options.
Rinse and repeat until you’re fighting to stay in the top 10 in the 3rd division.
All that said I’m probably going to start following Sunderland. Reminds me of my hometown of Waterbury, CT, which is also a post-industrial shithole, but without a gorgeous soccer stadium.
Umm, *you’re* the villain
Well, yes, but that has nothing to do with soccer.
Like winnipeg when the jets left.
STAY TUNED! FOAR bonus Nicaraguan coverage.
Found a funny:
the human has been working from home the last couple days. and every so often. they let me participate in the video calls. all the other humans cheer when they see me. i am the only thing holding their company together
Guess who obviously didn’t fall asleep before writing out the Ice Milk Eight post and doesn’t have to push it a day now… definitely not this guy.
Kenny Rogers has decided to fold’em.
In accordance with his last wishes, he will be cremated at the flagship Kenny Rogers’ Roasters restaurant in Kuala Lumpur
There are reportedly plans for his ashes to be rubbed over Dolly Parton’s boobs. That’s gonna take a lot of ashes.
There’s a law firm in Manchester, CT that is in an old Kenny Rogers’s Roasters restaurant and I never fail to crack up when I walk in.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKVMo0K9u_s
It occurred to me the other day that 99% of my life has remained unchanged, and that’s a good thing.
Life is weird.
Thank the Lord Groovy Jesus for those saucy Aussies. I will watch the bargery out of this flizzbang game!
Holy lord Bulgarian soccer. Or similar.
The VP pick will be terrible. Everyone knows it. The political version of poochie. Who’s the oldest guy in Congress? Just to be weird. Or a young guy who looks like mayor Pete without the husband but believes in a flat earth. They’ll jam it up so good it won’t even know what jammed it up so good.
Just put Michelle on the ticket. Who cares if she’s been neglecting her poli sci textbooks. She’ll get the vote out. It’s not like the other guy is a policy wonk.
Just win, baby. It worked for the raiders until they started testing.
To re-use my stale joke, everyone in the Party would kill for Michelle on the ticket (the living ambassador for “black don’t crack”). But she’d rather lick every Milanese in the face than serve in any political role.