With the way things are these day my diurnal rhythm is completely messed up. I’m lucky if I know what day it is, let alone what time it is most of the time these days.
Now part of that is due to the fact that my mother fell a few weeks back and when she did she somehow managed to knock my big clock off the wall and break it. I was going to go get another one but it didn’t seem necessary all things considered right now. I’ve still got the time on the microwave and the coffee maker.
Then we had a power outage. Well shit.
And frankly I’ve been too lazy to reset them. If I want to know what time it is I either have to find my phone or boot up the computer.
Not that it matters anyway. I have no particular place to be on any schedule currently.
–
Time For Sports…Or Maybe Not
NFL
Of course the big sports news this week is the NFL Draft. Well, I suppose it’s almost the only sports news. At least that which anyone cares about at the current TIME (see what I did there?).
NFL Draft Round 1 Results (with CBSSports Pete Prisco’s grade)
You’re On The Clock!!!!!
(Hehehehe)
- Cincinnati – Joe Burrow QB, LSU (A)
- Washington – Chase Young EDGE, OHIOST (A)
- Detroit – Jeff Okudah CB, OHIOST (B)
- NYG – Andrew Thomas OL, UGA (B+)
- Miami – Tua Tagovailoa QB, BAMA (B)
- San Dieg….errrr… LAC – Justin Herbert QB, OREG (B)
- Carolina – Derrick Brown DL, AUBURN (A+)
- Arizona – Isaiah Simmons LB, CLEM (B-)
- Jacksonville – CJ Henderson CB, FLA (B+)
- Cleveland – Jedrick Wills Jr. OL, BAMA (B)
- NYJ – Mekhi Becton OL, LVILLE (B)
- Oakl…errrrr…Los Ang…errrr…Oakl…errrr….Las Vegas – Henry Ruggs III WR, BAMA (A)
- Tampa Bay – Tristan Wirfs OL, IOWA (B)
- San Francisco – Javon Kinlaw DL, SC (B-)
- Denver – Jerry Jeudy WR, BAMA (B)
- Atlanta – A.J. Terrell CB, CLEM (C+)
- Dallas – CeeDee Lamb WR, OKLA (B+)
- Miami Again – Austin Jackson OL, USC (C+)
- Vegas Again – Damon Arnette CB, OHIOST (B)
- Jacksonville Again – K’Lavon Chaisson EDGE, LSU (B+)
- Philadelphia – Jalen Reagor WR, TCU (B)
- Minnesota – Justin Jefferson WR, LSU (A)
- LAC Again – Kenneth Murray LB, OKLA (B)
- New Orleans – Cesar Ruiz OL, MICH (A)
- San Francisco Again – Brandon Aiyuk WR, ARIZST (B+)
- Green Bay – Jordan Love QB, UTAHST (D)
- Seattle – Jordyn Brooks LB, TXTECH (C+)
- Baltimore – Patrick Queen LB, LSU (B)
- Tennessee – Isaiah Wilson OL, UGA (B+)
- Miami with the hat trick….ooops wrong sport – Noah Igbinoghene CB, AUBURN (A+)
- Minnesota Again – Jeff Gladney CB, TCU (B)
- Kansas City – Clyde Edwards-Helaire RB, LSU (B-)
There you have it. And of course rounds 2 and 3 are tonight. Rounds 4 through 7 tomorrow.
But you know what I say? FUCK ROUNDS 2-7. Won’t be watching. Last night was boring enough And I feel like I wasted my TIME (Hehehehe).
MLB
MLB is now discussing a new plan. Previously they were going to try to play a full season with all teams in Arizona. Now it’s expanded to include not only Arizona but also Florida and Texas.
The TIMING of their plan is up in the air (Ha! Boom!).
Also, A-Rod and J-Lo (come on you twits it’s TIME to start using your real names) are trying to buy the New York Mets now (man I am on fire).
–
What Time Is It Anyway?
TIME foar teh sexy I guess?
If there’s a clock of some sort visible, it’s fair game this week.
Enjoy…
Not gonna lie. I still don’t know what TIME it is.
Oh, that might help.
–
Have a great weekend everyone. Remember to wind your clocks.
Love ya’s.
–
PS: Aren’t you glad I decided not to post Green Day’s Good Riddance (Time of your life)? Well don’t get too excited too fast…
Be well and stay safe everyone. Tell those you love that you love them while you still have TIME.
–
Whoa. Former Mormon Girl™️ Looks an awful lot like a blonde version of her.
JFK has his little doggy lipstick on display.
Hayata!
If Drudge of all Trump-felchers is posting shit like this, you might wonder if the scales are starting to fall from at least some eyes.
“Oh, they’re there, all right,” Orr had assured him about the flies in Appleby’s eyes after Yossarian’s fist fight with Appleby in the officers’ club, “although he probably doesn’t even know it. That’s why he can’t see things as they really are.” “How come he doesn’t know it?’ inquired Yossarian. “Because he’s got flies in his eyes,” Orr explained with exaggerated patience. “How can he see he’s got flies in his eyes if he’s got flies in his eyes?”
https://twitter.com/MattDoran91/status/1253533966973300739?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
Hippo is betting the girl’s name is Peg.
At least she must have big thumbs.
Bigger than Trump’s, anyways.
Andy has TWO Hawaiian shirts! He is a fun guy, dammit!
Those are the only two non-Chiefs branded shirts he has.
/was hoping that the Packers picked another qb in the second round just so they could fuck with Aaron Rodgers some more…
“C’mere boy, who’s a good Cthulhu?”
Minds…..
All hail Canine Cthulhu!
Great…..
Sorry, but I don’t think she even owns a ranch.
Her name is Bunny-she’s half way there!
Well, it won’t be in Wyoming then.
Slogan:
“You thought you made bad chili?”
False advertising. Every time I say I’m a queen in Cincinnati I get beat up
That’s what you get…… for wearing a Big Ben jersey.
“Stop that shit, will you please, Cincinnati? That’s our gig. Cease and desist letter to follow.”
—Victoria, Elizabeth II, and Wilhelmina.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQ_wDKpFeK4
[your MOM joke]
“Not funny.”
-Mothers Of Museums
Boring!
Okay; that’s fucking good.
All I’ve had today has been craft whiskey, beer, and Taco Bell.
PRAY FOR WCS’ TOILET
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.” — Ford Prefect, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
Appropriately enough, the end of the Earth was nigh when he said it.
The towel has a lot of uses…..jussayin’.
“The Patriots are on the clock!”
/Belichick calls timeout, sets clock back 10 minutes while no one is looking
“……. oh CLOCK.”
-MILF
Funny for Brick:
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
Aarghghhh
The Steelers picked a Canadian wide receiver. I am confuse.
CFL or does he use a lot of u’s and is extremely polite?
Build a wall.
To keep you swine out? I’m in. This time the other country would be fine paying for it.
Wait, Canadian Bacon?!?!?
Actual Canadian from Canuckistan. He played for Notre Dame. Ranked 21 best wr in Lindy’s draft magazine.
That’s why BC high schools play four down football. That and it’s easier and closer for most teams in BC to travel south to Washington for exhibition games rather than east to Alberta.
Does he have a Green Card?
Rumor has it the league is converting over to meters. This kid will be way out in front of the other rookie receivers.
Like a tonne out front.
It would be metres, technically. Kid from BC. Coquitlam I think. NFL.com listed his hometown as simply, “BC”.
There’s another Canuck, Neville Gallimore, who should go soon. Hometown: Ontario.
This comment made me tyred.
Oh good try but we get to pick and choose. We’re on the i team for rubber vehicular support and traction structures.
If his hometown was Quebec, odds are he’d be dead already.
On the inside for sure.
3.37 inches ahead. Pretty impressive length.
Don’t try to intimidate us with size, Mr.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EWaBSlsU0AARb8x?format=jpg&name=900×900
Somewhere…….
Over the rainbow…
Somewhere upskirt…*
*Moose
That’s under the rainbow.
…or escalator…. pretending to be really interested in xmas decoration clearance table.
Where we’ve been beforororor…..
Found a funny:
A hot air balloon ride? Sure. What could possibly go wrong with fire and wicker at 15,000 feet?
“Lol I have every idea what I’m doing”
Census taker? I hope she’s got a knife planted in his belly.
And takes his house stuff.
Dear Penthouse Forum:
I took a temp position with the US Census Bureau during the last census. I never thought this would happen to me, but…
*painted by Georgia O’Queeffe.
This comment just let the air out.
Juicy orange
VERY.
I wonder if all these protesters are wanting everything opened because they are spending so much time with people who think just like they do and they have no one to yell at in person or terrorize on the streets. The other thought is that after being shut in with people who sound just like them they are worried about the other people’s sanity, because they are positive they themselves don’t sound crazy at all, but everyone else in the house is nuts.
I think you give them far too much credit.
https://www.itv.com/news/2020-04-20/the-anti-lockdown-movement-a-very-american-protest-amid-coronavirus-pandemic/
I was just typing “I think you are giving them credit for a self-awareness that they will never possess” when your comment popped.
Not really self aware, more like an animalistic instinct that something is not right.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9X0F1Qjn0Ac
DANG! She’s old she still looks god
https://twitter.com/RightWingWatch/status/1253737360510128133
Yeah, I ordered from the local pizza joint again because their hot sauce is so friggin’ on point. It’s a sorta Buffalo wing thing with a pepper/vinegar punch on the back end. But it’s subtle. But then your throat is sorta burning. A solid punch that eventually wears you down? I’m calling this sauce, “The Muhammad Ali Jab”.
Do you think this meal will…….. work out in the end?
“Come onnnn ice cream!”
I call you “Commenter #144” because you’re so gross. Me and all the other girls in the math club totally agree!
CHUG CHUG CHUG!
Ook.
(Did I do that right?)
Maybe three Os, depends on how much you are into it.
I’m lucky if I can deliver one “O.” Three is out of the question.
I’ll give you three weeks.
Do me a favor and post whatever the fuck you want to.
you do that son
“Son” thanks for you guidance DADDY.
?iv=115
shaddup
Fuck off.
i liked your “fuck off” comment, on general principle
Sorry, should have said “Die in a fire.”
well then you should have
DAMN, I was hoping that would have been Wil Smith right after Wild, Wild West.
That Grover is so cray cray.
If anybody should know it’s you; Grover is bipolar; you’ve seen it before, man.
So the branch chief I work for has asked that we all send her an email to let her know we are up and about every morning when we get online. My habit is to wake up and send her an email at about 6 AM, and then go back to sleep for an hour or two know that nothing is going to happen at all for a while.
Usually I just put something in the subject line, like “On Board” or “Here” or “Up and At ‘Em.” Today my subject line read “I feel like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day.” She apparently was already on line too, because a couple minutes later, before I could even get back to sleep, I get a response that says “Me too.” Then a couple minutes later, I get another email from her that says “Me too.”
I responded “thanks for the early morning laugh.” She’s okay by me.
Sorta like wake-n-bake, but different.
Sorta like morning wood, but different.
It’s Friday and it’s been a long long week.
Can I ask a favor? Can you bring on the funny?
You’re not being paid by the post, so let’s not swamp ourselves with photoshopped titties, unless they score a ten.
And I’m sure we all know that Trump sucks and the Republicans suck and Justin Trudeau sucks blah blah blah . . . if you want someone “fired into the sun” (the physics on that are impossible) or “to die in a fire” (much more possible) at least have the guts to go out and do it.
So bring on the funny. Like these lazy road workers who are leaning on their shovels:
I have learned about the coffin dance meme.
So, that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIvv6GGWJ3s
That’ll buff right out.
Seamus knows what I’m talkin’ bout.
Looking at the posts that followed yours above, I am put in mind of a scene in Heinlein’s Stranger in a Strange Land wherein the protagonist, raised by Martians, and whom when brought back to Earth as an adult is totally out of touch with the human condition as a result, is trying to figure out what humor is. Long story short, he realizes that humor is that thing you get when something bad or unfortunate happens to somebody other than yourself.
I don’t think that is an all-inclusive definition, but it describes a lot of funny situations.
That and “That was a learning experience.”
“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.” — Mel Brooks
I like Trudeau.
-Mick Jagger
“All these picks don’t result in six points for some other team? Whoa!”
-Brett Favre, watching the draft
Hypno toad defensive back was an an All Pro for three straight years back in the 90’s. ppl forget that.
Well, he lulled QBs into relaxing.
“None of his pics every amounted to 6”
— Jenn Sterger
I am pretty sure I have heard of at least a half dozen of those players taken in the first round.
Today was up in the mid-90s, but tomorrow is supposed to get up only in the 70s with sunshine. So it’s going to be a yardwork Saturday.
For tonight, it’s gonna be scotch, and Doctor Don’s Magical Coronavirus Elixir and Miracle Cure, consisting of a UV light bulb up my ass and a Lysol IV drip. The scotch part is my own addition to his recipe.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KD7p1dyF7x0
¡BAILA!
https://giant.gfycat.com/EssentialBelatedHypacrosaurus.mp4