Good evening, all! Your normal evening thread host, Beerguyrob, is off somewhere in British Columbia celebrating the end of the school year. That means you get me today and tomorrow.
I did check with the authorities and they told me in very clear terms that I could not do two straight days of Tik Tok girls.
So, instead I’m going to bring you some images that will bring smiles to your faces. But more on that later.
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In AFL news, the St. Kilda Saints beat the Carlton Blues earlier this morning at Marvel Stadium by 17 points. Also, this weekend’s excellent matchup between the GWS Giants and the Hawthorn Hawks will be televised LIVE and IN COLOUR on ESPN 2 Saturday night/Sunday morning at 1 AM Pacific.
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So, I’m watching Éibar take on Osasuna and I notice something:
No, it’s not the same guy. I don’t think…
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Today is the start of the 4th of July Holiday weekend here in the States. Most people will get a long weekend out of the deal as July 4th falls on a Saturday. Many people are taking Monday off too, making it an even longer weekend.
Here in LA, fireworks shows are being cancelled, the beaches are closed, bars have been closed too, and more restrictions have been put into place. I suppose people can drive to Vegas, but that’s just lunacy with the spikes in cases throughout the Southwest.
As you know, though, dumbasses gonna dumbass.
I myself will take advantage of the time and get some much-needed rest. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’ve found that I’m working more from home than I used to at the office. It’s hard to “switch off”. This weekend will be the perfect opportunity to do just that.
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TV Listings
Let’s see, what can you watch tonight?
- AFL – Collingwood v Essendon – 2:50 AM Pacific
- American Top Gear – FYI network – You know, they’re no Jeremy, James, and Richard, but they’ve kinda grown on me.
And that’s about it. Seriously, I checked the listings and there ain’t shit on.
I suggest grabbing an alcoholic beverage, making some cheesy snacks, and settling down on the couch/sofa/loveseat/recliner/bed to comment on this here website.
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Litre_cola sent me this video. I shared it with my staff at work. I suggest you do too:
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Without further ado, here are the non-Tik Tok girl images that I said would bring smiles to your faces:
I know. I couldn’t resist. Now get with the typing!
I’m watching the St. Kilda-Carlton replay. Saints are playing really well.
I need to find my gin signs from walking by the local distillery
More bookshelf? More bookshelf!
They made “Gag on this” into a book?!?
Usually it’s the other way around…
How was the Chuck Barris book?
The book is AWESOME! The movie not so much, because it’s an unfilmable book.
Rocky mountain oyster martini
Lady BFC has rejected all of your suggestions. We’re going to watch Ford vs Ferrari
Ooh, is there a high-speed chase going on in LA?
https://deadline.com/2020/06/mel-brooks-remembers-carl-reiner-obituary-1202974378/
You were looking for a movie suggestion? Any one of their’s would be great.
I meant the collective you, or in the language of my people, yinz.
You guys being entertaining as hell right now is going to make my 5:30 EST wakeup (after working a 14 hour day) a living hell. Well done…
Airplane! turns 40. I’m bingeing Futurama.
https://film.avclub.com/surely-you-can-t-be-serious-an-oral-history-of-airplan-1798279218
“What method should I use to butcher this…uh, ha ha, flank steak tonight?” – scotchnaut
Scots are #Top. Dynamite video.
Apparently they have their own version of Reno 911
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIiNbBQM_Go
They are the best, aren’t they? I lived there for three years, and I have a Scottish sister in law.
I got the good pizza
Just read PFTs response to Barstools racism and… Man I thought PFT didn’t believe in punting?
PFTC sucks
I never found him funny. His shtick got old after about 5 minutes
I support this message. Never liked him.
Well he definitely became exactly what he started out making fun of
What porn should I pleasure myself to? My mood? #feelingfrisky
Vore
Eva Green reading the phone book.
Benoit
What movie should we watch tonight?
Big trouble in little China
Kelly’s Heroes. woof woof.
Seconded.
You’ll have to give us a general mood first. Let’s narrow down the millions of options.
Two gin cocktails deep and it’s been a shitty week. So uplifting or funny, I guess
Maybe repost with these qualifiers? (that would also buy me some time to think)
No
No time to think, huh? Maybe Idiocracy?
Orgazmo
Best suggestion so far
Andy Warhol’s Empire (1964), an eight hour movie featuring the Empire State Building.
Here’s a nine minute teaser:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sSsWj2HWk0
BORING! I prefer SLEEP to watching that!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8vaLgiSWQg
Here’s a 90 minute teaser from Paint Drying (2016), a ten hour film featuring a freshly painted wall.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvW5KXDOIx8
Apocalypse Now. With itinerant elbow nudges while exclaiming “Right there, a female character!”
That’s the best part about Apocalypse Now and Lawrence of Arabia: no chicks to fuck up the plot line (well, except for the bunnies).
Also: Only watch the original 1979 version of Apocalypse Now, not any of that Redux crap.
no chicks to fuck up the plot line.
John Carpenter’s The Thing waves hello and sez Don’t forget me!
I’ve never watched the Redux version. Apocalypse Now is long enough as it is.
Thank you for validating my decision, Brick.
Redux is merely a “director’s cut” curiosity. If you watch the amazing documentary Hearts of Darkness (highly recommended) about the making of Apocalypse Now you see them filming scenes that weren’t in the original, such as the “French Plantation,” and you hear Coppola saying how much he hates the scene as he’s filming it. The “French Plantation” scene is in Redux, and you realize why he hated it. It is boring. Also there’s a scene with the bunnies that is pointless and never ends. And worst of all, Willards character, through editing, is changed from a brooding burn-out to a mischievous frat boy. That’s Redux.
That’s what I say, but the money!
-Peyo
How many times have you watched “12 Angry Men” with your pants down around your ankles?
I love doing that! Who’s your favorite?
Bill. Definitely Bill.
This is so fucking stupid that of course it would happen.
https://twitter.com/thehill/status/1278534620712185858
NYC, 2018 (courtesy me)
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Of course. All right, link only I guess.
“I made fun of it awhile back but I’m really starting to like this Blueberry Hard Iced Tea beverage thingy!”
-excerpt from ch. 37 of my forthcoming book, “Functional Alcoholism: A Cry For Help”
You’ll find it in the ‘Dark Humour’ section of the bookstore you no longer go to.
You need help.
Getting better alcohol to your house.
Dan Rather (88 y/o) just tweeted:
Cause if you like it, then you shoulda put a mask on it
Not drunk enough yet to properly judge this.
“Soooo, you can’t quite get the frequency? Huh.”
-Kenneth
That is definitely in my top 25 of “Weird Shit I Have Seen.”
Is it a brown bag joke or a Beyonce joke?
Oh let me get your hands on your mammary glands…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAHk-M2k5mM
I think if I had a time machine, Id use it to go back and wallop the Oasis brothers on the head and steal their songs during the three months of their lives when they could still make good music. Then I’d do it again and again, and again and again and again, until we have at least 10 good Oasis songs instead of 3.
So you’re saying you’d go back, in anger?
Ok change in plan, go back in time to bonk SonOfSpam on the head and steal his joke. THEN on to Oasis.
I just ordered a Manhattan and a crab and artichoke dip which I will drink on a beachside patio while listening to live bagpipes, fuck yeah! And it’s breezy and people are being good about distance and masks so it’s even pretty safe!
I’ll be there in 10
Did anyone else see Man City give Liverpool the old, ‘how’s your mother?’.
“Tell me more about this ‘Man City'”
– Lindsey Graham
Made myself an aviation, got a little purpler. Out of lemons so need to switch it up.
http://alcoholinfusions.com/recipe/blackened-soul/
It’s kinda ridiculous how excited I am to be at a hotel. I’m gonna be like a kid at Christmas if I ever get on a plane again 😛
This may or may not be related but the first thing I do when I open my hotel room door is drop my bags and take a running leap onto the bed.
I do that too but only if the room’s already occupied.
The one time I did that the maid ended up with a concussion.
Her fault for lacking situational awareness.
She’ll never make first string if she can’t stop a runner
Better and more likely to heal than a spinal, dude.
Help the local economy and order a gigolo.
I want room service!
Is this related to the gigolo comment?
Why not?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSwyMHvXsuU
Where’s Hippo? I want to know the action on how long Ghislaine Maxwell is expected to survive federal custody. I’m leaning towards 3 weeks.
I predict she’ll come down with a sudden illness that will be described on the coroner’s report as “definitely not poison”.
Cause of death: Hardly murdered at all.
I am optimistic that the SDNY will make sure she can testify.
Also, I am an idiot.
I dunno. A girlfriend who will not only tolerate your extracurricular sex life but also provide underage girls to go with it is a keeper in my book. That’s devotion. If that guy wasn’t dead he should marry her.
They definitely shredded the shit out of the Mad TV seasons to get streaming rights to it. The first couple years have almost every episode, but by the time you get to season 5, you’re only getting half the episodes, mostly losing ones with big name guest stars.
Also annoying is that HBO Max doesn’t autoplay the next episode when they’re out of sequence.
Everyone at the store was masked. It’s a Godless miracle!
People are skeert now. At least in your store and my store today.
In Michigan, I’m seeing the masks become less and less prevalent even as our numbers begin to rocket back up. Time is a very small, very stupid, very flat circle.
It’s the weekend. I got beer. I’m ordering pizza. I just can’t decide to get good pizza or garbage pizza.
It’s a holiday weekend. Get the good stuff
Aziz when he sees a young female comic in the room
Ideally that’s the same thing.
Good pizza, garbage toppings
I plan on getting up at a decent time tomorrow to attempt beach day and get a spot before the beach fills up. I’m guessing we’ll be pushed off the beach by encroaching groups by noon.
I’m going to Huntington Beach next weekend.
I am quite preparing for a shit show.
Beach as in beach, or beach as in beach community?
How are you feeling? Get any good painkillers? I wasn’t going to tell you this before you got the chop, but Gumby had a BAD experience with his op. The doctor said 9 out of 10 patients don’t feel a thing, but the other one feels something like a horsekick to the nuts. I heard him scream out in the waiting room!
Smooth sailing actually. They gave me Valium and I liked that.
You’ll be fine.
(You’re white, right?)
Stop by and say hi. I live in, let’s say, Southern California.
Oh yeah — I don’t know what defines “LA” where you all live.
Most of the crew here are actually in/right near LA proper. I think I’m the lone OC asshole.
But I’m nowhere near HB, so that’s best for both of us.
Stay safe and tell everyone there how horrible they are. You’ll be right most of the time.
LCSS lives in San Diego, a suburb of Los Angeles.
Found outside of a bar in Quebec City when I visited 3 years ago:
Sorry, but every time Dead Tom Petty plays this on his Buried Treasure show, I feel obligated to post this. One fucking incredible tune.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_MqfF0WBsU
Waterloo Sunset’s fine!
Sports-related, though in a Jim Jordan-Jerry Sandusky kinda way, rather than a good way.
https://www.rawstory.com/2020/07/gop-senate-candidate-suspended-football-player-for-one-game-for-allegedly-raping-a-15-year-old-girl-report/
Alabama in ’99. I assume the punishment is for getting caught like a Spartan who gets spotted murdering a slave during their rite of passage, or like a Spartan who gets caught covering up for a rapist.
He got punished for not inviting the coach
So, Michigan’s fucked
When exactly was this not the case?
For about 5 minutes, we were the least stupid state, but those minutes are over, and now we’re gonna kill all the olds
I thought GM killed the Olds a while ago.
Here’s something that should make you smile: the The word “penguin” in Mandarin directly translates to “business goose”.
I really hope that’s true and upon reflection I don’t care
Happy Weekend if you are in that particular situation.
Brian Johnson looks better than he has in years.
My bad, I thought that was Butt-head.
3 day weekend Woooo
The second I was off work, I cracked open a beer. I shortly took a nap and I just woke up.
It’s a good start to the long weekend!
As I am WFH, and since tomorrow is a holiday, Scotch-thirty o’clock happened about 2 hours early today.
Did you eat yet?
So, Governor Abbottoir mandated mask wearing in public places in all counties with more than 20 cases effective at noon tomorrow. As might be expected, the RWNJs are flipping the fuck out, calling him a tyrant and a RINO and even (gasp!) a Democrat:
https://www.rawstory.com/2020/07/texas-conservatives-lose-their-minds-after-gop-gov-greg-abbott-mandates-masks-in-public/
I’ve got my weekly HEB/package store run scheduled for tomorrow, but going early, so I won’t be able to gauge compliance. They’re saying you’ll get a warning for the first violation, and a $250 fine for the second. Not sure how they are going to be able to know, at least not from day to day.
Welp….
https://twitter.com/StephBuffamonte/status/1278424931798331395?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1278424931798331395%7Ctwgr%5E&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fdeadstate.org%2Fflorida-county-residents-chant-my-body-my-choice-during-anti-face-mask-march%2F
Welp Welp II…..
https://twitter.com/RightWingWatch/status/1277688988887900162?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1277688988887900162%7Ctwgr%5E&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fdeadstate.org%2Fchristian-activist-id-rather-be-beheaded-than-be-a-slave-who-wears-a-mask%2F
In the meantime, The Lincoln Project keeps hitting them out of the park.
https://twitter.com/ProjectLincoln/status/1278028522863427584?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1278028522863427584%7Ctwgr%5E&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.rawstory.com%2F2020%2F06%2Fthe-lincoln-project-keeps-whacking-trump-over-russia-bounty-scandal-when-will-president-trump-condemn-putin%2F
There is some good responses on that; usually I regret reading responses.
Yeah, not a whole lot of chuds leaping to Trump’s defense in there…
What’s the endgame here?
Enthusiastic supporters of euthanasia. I’ll play.
What is a MAGA Life Coach?
Maybe I have answered my own question.
https://twitter.com/RightWingWatch/status/1276209501222420480
Who’s bringing me some of their cheesy snacks?
I only have fumunda cheese.
Is that like head cheese?
Very close, I’d better shower…..
Just read that irregardless is a word now? Pacifically speaking that is irridiculous.
NO IT ISN’T!!
Well, if you insist.
Miss North Carolina.