Hopefully the banner image doesn’t get us blacklisted as porn by search engines in Canada.
Beer Guy Rob is still off tonight, and in the absence of adult supervision they decided to let me drive the DFO Virtual Party Bus this evening.
My heart is broken, because the rumors that Curt Schilling was arrested for his involvement in Steve Bannon’s Big Wall Fraud appear to be untrue.
On the other hand, I discovered that a rescued baby sea otter has his own livestream on Youtube. YOU WILL WATCH IT NOW AND FEEL THE COCKLES OF YOUR HEART GROW WARM.
NFL Nuggets:
Very little “news” today- with the truncated nature of training camp, we are mired in the “X is lookin’ real good” stage of puerile NFLspeak much later in the calendar than we normally are:
- Cleveland Browns’ cornerback Kevin Johnson suffered a lacerated liver during practice Wednesday and had to be hospitalized. Johnson, a former sixteenth-overall draft pick in 2015 by the “Texans”, was considered the front-runner to win the nickel cornerback spot before rookie Harrison Bryant landed on him. Can’t wait to hear some Grizzled Fake-Tough Assistant Coach try to pin this on the lack of off-season workouts and full-contact drills. Johnson gave a Zoom interview Monday, talking about how overcoming an extensive injury history provides him motivation. “I have faith in God and a belief in myself. I want to win. I want to be the best teammate and player for this organization. The rest of the things will just take care of themselves from there.” While the Browns have not given official word, he is expected to be designated on the Injury List as (Out- Tragic Irony).
- Today in misleading headlines: “Rob Gronkowski of Old is in Training Camp”. Bruce Arians said Rob Gronkowski “looks to me like he was five or six years ago.” However, he went on to clarify that he means Gronk is moving without the stiffness exhibited in his final years caused by his myriad injuries. “Hey guys, turns out that corpse we traded for is only MOSTLY dead!” Regardless, I am going to enjoy seeing my fellow Buffalonian struggle mightily this season. We saw how poorly he performed when the league was Mad at the Patriots and wouldn’t let him push off defensive players to make space– I don’t see refs being quite as accommodating to the Glazers as they were after Roger and Bob made up.
- Dez Bryant apparently will not be a Ratbird this season after he left a tryout with no contract offer.
- Matt Nagy still needs more time to see if Mitch Trubisky has improved over the last two years. “He’s only kicked 30 field goals from 43 yards in total silence. I need at least 250 more reps to really make a judgment,” said Nagy.
- Georgia State quarterback Mikele Colasurdo is fighting myocarditis arising from his COVID-19 infection. Myocarditis is a deeply fucking scary condition where your heart muscle gets inflamed, potentially throwing off your heart rhythm and/or weakening it to the point where it either can’t pump enough blood or you start throwing clots. I bring this up under NFL Nuggets because COVID-related myocarditis is one of the biggest concerns voiced in connection with the resumption of both pro and college football. It can damage your heart for the rest of your life, and there are reportedly more than a dozen instances of COVID-related myocardial injury in college athletes. This danger (and the attendant lawsuits it will bring) was allegedly one of the driving forces behind the MAC, Big (More Than) Ten and PAC-12’s decision to cancel fall sports. While the NFL has provided itself somewhat better legal cover, both PR flacks and the Legion of Lawyers have to be sweating blood hoping to make it through the season without a dead player.
In Dirt Football “action,” Thom Brennaman has been suspended by the Cincinnati Reds for a bit of hot-mic bigotry during yesterday’s double-header against the Kansas City Royals. The audio came on to Brennaman remarking on somewhere as “one of the [redacted] capitals of the world.” In this case, [redacted] was a word that Brits use for cigarettes. Brennaman then issued an apology on the air while still trying to call play-by-play, which is either pitiful or worthy of grudging admiration.
I’ll leave you to judge the apparent sincerity of the apology. However, I will note that he ticks at least 3 of the Standardized Bullshit White Guy Apology boxes:
1. Apologizes “if” he offended anyone
2. Invokes his “faith,” as if no one with sincere religious belief could POSSIBLY be bigoted (Leviticus 18:22).
3. “That’s not who I am.” Well, by the only objective measure– it is.
Seriously, Cincinnati- you JUST washed the Marge Schott stench off. In case you missed it, Brennaman’s sainted father Marty had his own issues with public homophobic language in the long-ago less enlightened times of…uh…2010, when commenting that Marshall University’s president must be “queer” for softball at the university’s baseball banquet and fundraiser. Brennaman stated, “I probably could have made a better choice of words, but in no way does that reflect my opinion about gays at all. It’s just a comment I made about the president of the university.”
Fire the fucker and move on.
Tonight’s sports:
Holy fuckballs, I’m not used to any actual sports taking place. Let’s see…
- NHL:
- New York Islanders at Washington Capitals – 8:00PM Eastern/ 7:00 God’s Time | NBCSN / Sportsnet
- Game 5 – Isles lead 3-1
- I have nothing against the teams, but their fanbases can all die in a tremendously large fire.
- Game 5 – Isles lead 3-1
- New York Islanders at Washington Capitals – 8:00PM Eastern/ 7:00 God’s Time | NBCSN / Sportsnet
-
- Dallas Stars vs. Calgary Flames – 10:30PM Eastern/ 9:30 Real People Time| NBCSN / Sportsnet
- Game 6 – Dallas leads 3-2
- Dallas stole their team from Minnesota, and the resulting angst warped my best friend permanently. They can jump in that Islanders-Capitals fire as well.
- Game 6 – Dallas leads 3-2
- Dallas Stars vs. Calgary Flames – 10:30PM Eastern/ 9:30 Real People Time| NBCSN / Sportsnet
- NBA: Portland with a 1-0 over the Lakers at 9:00 p.m. Eastern/ 8:00 DFO Daylight Time on ESPN
- MLB: Just one national game today- Brewers at Twinsies at 8 Eastern/ 7 DFO on Fox Sports 1.
Fact: anyone that spells Tom with an H is an asshole.
1) Yes
2) Yes
3) Probably not
4) Nah
Totally agree on 3. The guy probably works in HR…
Evening
Yes, thus the dark.
Prove it
Given: It is 9:22 PM
yadda yadda yadda
QED
You forgot: live in LA.
If this was Oslo, there’s still at least one hour of daylight left
Very well said.
“You know the bottle ain’t to blame and I ain’t trying to
It don’t make you do a thing it just lets you”
lol Calgary
Then how the fuck am I supposed to ask for Fig Newtons???
Can’t wear London Fog either, Mr. Cancel Culture.
Everyone in DFO: Asshole
Wait, I’m a slut!
Yes, clearly Biden is not sharp.
I wonder if Trump will quote Kierkegaard too.
Or maybe it was Dick Van Patten.
Let’s take a poll amongst the Canadians/Canadiens here:
Who are you voting for in November?
Geddy Lee eh
Ten bucks is ten bucks, eh?
Yeah I’d take a poll for 10 bucks. Poll, pole, whatevs.
John Candy or conservative, depending on the leadership vote.
When I read the indictment of Bannon and friends, it had one of the companies listed for the asset freeze and seize as “White Knights and Vultures LLC”. White fucking Knights?! That’s shit sure sounds Klan assholes to me.
Klan isn’t white enough for Bannon. I’m interested to see what his show on Newsmax was today.
Knowing Bannon:
He’s still scheduled to speak at the RNC!
Baio will determine the speaking order.’
Bannon will either precede or follow the little shit from Covington.
Maybe they can do a tag-team kinda thing.
If they didn’t allow criminals at the RNC, that thing would be over in 20 minutes.
Fucking hogs all of them just snarfing down as much as they can. We need to bbq those fuckers and eat them head first.
Life is short; eat defeet first
The Capitals and getting knocked out by a New York team in the playoffs. Name a more iconic duo
Okay fuck that stupid zoom chat it was Steph Curry’s kids taking the MVP tonight.
If you haven’t seen Lena Dunham’s tweet of her dancing in a one piece bathing suit with the word “Sex” on the front. Don’t. Please. I love all of you too much.
I’m so fucking hungry I could eat a piece of firewood. Fucking cleanse.
https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/232be0d2-1c17-437c-8243-b0650ff86edf#Gnl_ghT7BkY.copy
Just last night I realized that there is like a 95% chance that I will never eat at Arby’s again in my lifetime.
Re-issue of Tom Petty’s Wildflowers album announced today for 16 October release, all kinds of extra songs and stuff (it was supposed to be a double album but a lot of stuff went unreleased when they scaled it back to a single. I was figuring I only had to stay alive past 04 September when the new Grand Tour episode is released; now I have to make it to the end of October (so I can listen to it for a couple weeks).
https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/tom-petty-wildflowers-box-set-reissue-1046920/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2OFxeg4spU
You need to stay alive until at least Christmas. I’m your Secret Santa!
This Zoom chat with all the also-rans is actually one of my favorite parts of the convention.
I haven’t worked out in a few days. Because it’s too hot, and the air quality is too bad, you see.
Laura got back…
Done and done. Top of the table.
PENALTY FOR CAVALRY! WOOOO!!
THERE IT IS! 2-0!
So we’re 11 days away from the (technical) start of the school year, and 14 until the first day of classes. I still have no answer to the following questions from my school board and principal:
God, what a fucking farce. Our minister of Ed is a 33-year-old private school snivelling fuck with zero experience in education, pedagogy, curriculum, or the public school system. I want to sock him right in the mouth.
ON A MORE SERIOUS NOTE: parents of [DFO], depending on what my schedule looks like (and hopefully I will have answers over the next little while), I may well have time on my hands to do private online tutoring over this school year. If you’re interested in support across just about all subject areas K-8 and English, history, social and world studies, the arts, and music K-12, let’s chat. I’m dead serious. Get in touch if you need help. We need each other right now.
And, as someone intimately familiar with both Mexican and American education systems, I fully endorse Canadian education/educational support.
Luckily I found an unemployed (voluntarily, husband lost fingers in a machining accident, awful story, actually) educator whom the kids already knew to come by grandma’s house 2-3 times a week and spend a couple hours pinch hitting for granny. She honestly doesn’t charge enough; Im definitely throwing in an extra 20 every week.
This going-back-to-school-in-person thing here in the US is going to be a death-clusterfuck of biblical proportions. All I can say is best of luck to all.
Cynically, one of the only things that pulls me out of the death spiral of thinking that I’ve been sometimes falling into when thinking about how fucked I am for going back to work in the fall is thinking about just how much more unbelievably fucked things are south of the border. And for that, I’m sorry.
No need to apologize. We brought it upon ourselves.
Baby Shark is a little too young unfortunately, otherwise we would.
Holy shit that was almost 2-0!
Amazing save.
Gah. Here I am butchering a side of beef (seriously). At least I have wine and edibles.
We should have scored at least twice by now.
Farsi is quite good. Came from Quebec, quelle surprise!
He is the one that got mauled and generated the red card. Yes, he’s good.
We are missing 2 of our imports! Luca from Brasil and a Peruvian striker.
Testing, testing, 1…2…3…
And we’re back! Had some issues trying to comment from my work Chromebook for a bit there.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-wFVpKYNvRU
It’s no Class of 1999, I’ll tell you that.
Capitals head coach looks like Drew’s brother from The Drew Carey Show.
/Cleveland rocks
Foar teh Hippo, halftime show cohost Laura Armstrong:
#shoulders
EDMONTON DOWN TO 10!
You’re watching CPL soccer? Damn. Even we don’t watch that up here.
SOME OF US ARE SUPPORTERS. SOME PEOPLE IN LA AND PUERTO RICO HAVE SUPPORTER SCARVES!!!!
That’s right baby!!
Sí
So we are officially 7 days into “Virtual Learning,” and I feel so goddamn sorry for America’s teachers. Seriously, they’re trying, but you cant force kids onto the 9-3 live school structure schedule when THEY AREN’T IN FUCKING SCHOOL, and it’s going to take at least a semester if not the entire year for the district to realize that and adjust accordingly. The interactions at recess, in the halls, at lunch, etc…they’re necessary psychological breaks. It’s why people like me could never fucking work from home and expect to be productive over a long period of time. Eventually it becomes a fucking drag and we zone out.
FFS, I zone out WITH human interaction, if I were working an office job from home I’d have some sort of psychotic Rube Goldberg/chimp/puppet/AI computer operation system rigged up that required far more work than my actual work-work, but was more tolerable work because it wasn’t the work-work.
Also, my 75-year-old mother-in-law, who can barely unlock her phone, is now de facto teacher’s assistant and is running the show for a first and second grader, respectively. She’s had a quadruple bypass, has diabetes, and approximately 40% function on her one remaining kidney. Needless to say, I’ve given up on saving any money this year and hired a tutor, and thank god one was even available to show up in person during the goddamn Trumpdemic.
Sorry, had to vent. No sympathy needed, just, yknow…2020 can fuck itself right in its stupid ass.
Yeah, it’s a shit sandwich for everyone. I have no idea how I’m gonna balance everythnig with having to teach in person and online all at once. The small solace is that basically every teacher is starting right back at square one so it’s gonna resemble that we’re all fresh out of teachers college. But yeah. I feel big time for parents. You’re fucked if you send your kids to school, you’re fucked if you keep them at home. There’s no real answer.
Well, there is, but that much alcohol will kill you extremely, extremely quickly.
Funny enough, I just bought some local Octoberfest brews for that exact purpose, then realized as I was fridging them that since I was dumped three weeks ago I have had zero desire to drink. None. It doesn’t feel like depression. Just weird.
Don’t think about it as a dumping. Think about it as you regained your freedom.
“Thanks, Balls,” he said, not for the first time, though not always to another person.
Ok, this is sour grapes, but this girl (35, 2 young kids) drank daily. At least 1 beer, often 2, to “take the edge off” of work/life stress and alleviate some of her migraines (brain surgery 10 years ago). On the weekends she would throw Bloody Marys into the mix.
Did I dodge a bullet that I’m just now noticing?
Yes, you did. Big time. Consider yourself lucky.
K. It actually makes me sadder in hindsight, and not for myself.
I get it. I went through something similar myself. In time, you start thanking your lucky stars…
Oh fuck, that’s a ticking time bomb right there. Sorry that you got dumped, but that sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Totally. A buddy of mine dated a woman like that for 8 yrs. She started hiding her drinking. Blamed beer cans near his hockey bag on him. He doesnt drink beer…..
It’s just funny, we NEVER had a fight, right up to the dump text. And it’s like I had this bubble of perfection around her when I looked at her…I fucking ADORED her, but as soon as the aftershocks subsided, I started deconstructing our relationship, and like I said, some of it is sour grapes, but…yeah, I haven’t put someone on a pedestal like that since my wife. But my wife earned that shit over the years, flaws and all. This relationship was 8 months. Maybe I should send the girl a thank you note.
Interview with the coach at halftime.
LOVE HIM!!
He regularly has pints at a place where you have a shirt of as well. He is a beauty
The Redacteds medical staff is so good they just gave Trent William’s cancer to Ron Rivera.
you get a cancer, and YOU get a cancer
So, to clear up the confusion, did Brennaman say that KC was a city of f*gs?
I’m more curious as to how he knows that. It’s not like we’re talking about San Francisco, Key West, West Hollywood, or a bunch of other cities with large gay populations…
CAVALRY FC 1 EDMONTON 0!
Just got the notification!!! Hells yes.
I can’t believe you can’t see it. It was a nice buildup and finish.
Who knew internet in the woods is shitty???
Especially against the scum, I want to see this one.
At halftime, it’s 1-0. I just got home ten minutes ago and tuned in. From what I’ve seen, we’re (Yes I have a scarf so it’s WE) dominating possession and playing well.
What is, “Things I say to my wife immediately after sex because she can’t stand to look at me with the lights on.” I’ll take US History for $1600.
Vin Scully wouldn’t resort to such crass language as that second-generation hack Brennaman. He’d find some charmingly corny way to say it, like “Those fabulous folk who enjoy their Dodger Dogs in all shapes, sizes, and colors.”
In all different ways…
He’d find some tasteful way to work in a mohel joke too.
CAVALRY FC IS ON FS2!!!!
Holy shit. Really???
Yup! It’s on in the States!
The “one soccer” feed, straight from the wilds of Canadia. Talking to Cavs’ Scouser manager now.
That girl is cute
He is one of u!
Thing that gets me, why the fuck was Thom Brenneman talking about Buddy’s New Year’s Eve party in the first place??
found a funny:
ranch hand: have u ever ridden a horse
me: *riding it like a skateboard* ya
ranch hand: thats not how u rid-
me: *kickflips horse*
ranch hand: holy fuckin shit
So today at the Post Office, I received a 8×10 1-Day Express envelope of cremated human remains, which required a signature. If you know a piece of grandma, or even a creepy uncle, is coming in the mail the next day, and you gotta sign for it, don’t you make sure that someone’s home to sign for it? Now I gotta be hainted by whomever sat on my dashboard all day.
Gonna be weird when a cartel lawyer signs for it Saturday.
So I can get DFO and Moose’s stuff. BUT I CANT WATCH FOOTY, OR SMOKE. STARTIN TO LOSE IT PEOPLE!!!!!
WIDE EYED OTTER!!
Happy Thursday.
I FUCKING LOVE OTTERS!!!!! IF I BELIEVED IN REINCARNATION I WANT TO BE ONE!!!!
The Dire Straits after seeing the hassling that Thom Brenneman’s getting
Ignoring context at least.
I should say completely ignoring the concept.
Related note: It took radio stations 30 years to notice and start playing a “fuck”less version of Who Are You?
The year: 2154
The place: Philately Bay, formerly Guantanamo
The sight: after a trademark “two ring raid” the USPS interrogates a prisoner on suspicion of “not including the address of the sender.” With a few well placed papercuts, he’ll soon confess to everything his captors ask, and more. One man’s heroic actions to dismantle this now tyrannical agency 150 years earlier are all but forgotten…
+1000 on the apology checklist. “If” apologies are like a bread and nothing sammich.
“Who ever the hell those people are.”
Ah, my “News Headline Mad Libs” is finished:
Postal Service arrests President’s Campaign Manager Who He’s Never Met on A Chinese Yacht for stealing Money from baseball player Curt Schilling for a GoFundMe meant for building a wall between the US and Mexico.
Triple Word Score!
Don’t worry about Brennaman. I hear he’s already got a new job lined up at the Travel Channel, for a show advising viewers which cities have a lot of, well, you know… bundles of sticks.
Provincetown, Fire Island, Key West. That’s all I got right now, because Thursday is my Friday and I’ve been drinking for several hours already.
What up Extra G??!?
LOL
Thom Brennaman is already out at Fox NFL games for this season, and the Reds players and manager have already distanced themselves, pretty well spoken by the way.
Brennaman has already written a letter to the local paper saying everything he said before plus saying he’s already reached out to those in the LGBT+ community to grow as a person. He isn’t unknown; he’s been around for decades in both local and national broadcast sports, so if he’s been saying homophobic stuff off the air, we would’ve heard about it by now. That’s what throwing me off.
This is 2020, if someone knew something, they would’ve said it by now to build the flames as his career crash and burns. That its been one day and nothing from his past has been spoken, sounds like this was a out-of-character moment (based on what we know of him, I know him even considering saying that word let alone actually saying it is a serious indictment upon his character).
“He isn’t unknown; he’s been around for decades in both local and national broadcast sports, so if he’s been saying homophobic stuff off the air, we would’ve heard about it by now. “
I don’t think that’s true at all. Even now, he’s got friends and colleagues insisting that he’s a great guy. What most of them really mean is that they’re not bothered by it.
He’s probably not dumb to say it around people he suspects of being (what he would call) “social justice warriors.” But when he’s around people who either (a) say shit like that themselves; (b) don’t say it, but show no signs of being bothered by it; or (c) are too loyal to ever tell anyone about it, he fires away.
I have definitely had conversations with people who I’m pretty sure were sizing up whether or not it was “safe” to use racial or homophobic slurs around me. I remember one long discussion about gay marriage many years ago, in which I’m pretty sure my then-colleague and then-friend was dying to say “BECAUSE THEY’RE F*****TS AND IT’S GROSS” but knew it wouldn’t fly. (We didn’t “break up” as friends, more or less just drifted apart as people do, but I’m sure that didn’t help — I know for my part I lost interest in keeping the friendship going.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uv_WGEHr4I
No; he spelled it with two Gs and is very used to using the term.
Reports are that Trump is working overdrive to be sure the Republican Convention outshines the Democratic Convention. Here’s a look at the stage, which he already had in Trump Tower.
There’s room there for the barefoot St Louis gun-wielders to sit with him!
Dept of Defense laptop ain’t havin’ it.
Access to i.imgur.com was deniedYou don’t have authorization to view this page.
HTTP ERROR 403
I don’t buy it; that doesn’t look like a Trump rapin’/ inc#$% couch!
Leather makes it easier to eradicate all the cum stains.
Heh. Black leather couch.
This is Redshirt’s sperm conditioned couch which is used as an artist’s conception, well not conception in that way….
I cannot help but imagine that they are fantasically disorganized. I need to not get my hopes up too much.
Strange as it might seem considering he has lived an insanely charmed life, but I believe that it’s likely that of all his life achievements, the Canadian kid inside Ryan Reynolds is most impressed with the fact that he had sex with a cast member from You Can’t Do That On Television, even if he had to settle for Alanis and not Moose.
The Moose from the banner pic, not OUR Moose, which would represent a different sort of Life achievement.
If it was me he’d be dead.
Movie reference:
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086618/
Yellowbeard:
She couldn’t be your mother. No woman ever slept with me and lived.
Better apology: “I’m half British, so I can say it.”
I’m just curious as to what city he was referring to…
Had he kept his wits, he could have said he meant Richmond, Virginia; home of the primary manufacturing plants of Marlboro. It would have been hilarious.
Had he kept his wits……
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPBAX9IuVvA