Testing… Testing… Is This Thing On? Your Thursday Night Football Eyegasm Open Thread

Damn right it’s on! Whew, what a frickin’ ride to get to this point. I just want to thank all the hardcore commenters that kept this thingy of ours afloat when there was so little sports going on that we resorted to Korean baseball and made the best of it. Things aren’t normal-far from it, but a veil of normalcy in the form of the return of NFL football has dropped on our collective heads. I’ll take it. I’ll take it and run with it, thankyouverymuch.

I’m curious, perhaps like many of you, about how the crowds will look/sound, the response to kneeling, coaches interactions with refs, the quality of play, how Covid will be managed, and a hundred other things. Let’s tackle all that shit down below but for now we need to go…TO THE GAME!

Texans vs. Chiefs:

-the spread is 9.5/10 which seems about right (because Vegas does what it does). The game script to me looks like the Chiefs getting on all their horses early and Watson and Co. struggling to keep up. I think he’s got a shot at it because KC’s secondary is not quite the same unit that came together at the halfway point of the season.

-Both David Johnson (play him while he’s upright) and Edwards-Hilaire should get plenty of touches in the form of catches out of the backfield. The rookie will get some because coach Reid is a master of putting his rb’s in space and DJ will do the same because even a coach like Bill O’Brien knows that the Chiefs gives up tons of yards (100 catches for 951) to them guys wandering out from behind the qb.

-what of the absence of Hopkins? What does it really mean for the Texans O? Well, in the two games they played vs. one another last year Hopkins came up with 12 first downs. That’s huge for a team. Right now Cooks is a game-timer and I would think the medical staff wouldn’t take the chance. What’s left? There’s Fuller, Cobbs and Kenny “He’s still in the league?” Stills-not much to look at. They’ll put it together as a unit over the course of the season but tonight is not the night.

-Players props, you say? Take the over on everything regarding Kelce. Due to injury he’ll be defended by Lonnie Johnson Jr, the owner of the very worst PFF score for a cb with 30. No one else was under 40.

As I always say, if you’re new to the site please say hello-we have a shit-ton of fun here on game days. If you happen to already have an account and haven’t said ‘boo’ in a while, we’d love to see your smiling text. Have at it, one and all. We’re back and I’m real fucking happy.

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ballsofsteelandfury

We’ve got OT hockey!!

ballsofsteelandfury

That was almost a colossal fuckup at the death…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

This is fine.

Unsurprised

Choking to death in August and September is just the price of living in this Pacific wonderland.

Brick Meathook

I CAN SEE MY HOUSE

Viva La Tabula Raza

Were on track to have the Yellowstone Caldera blow it’s gasket by Xmas.

King Hippo

MOAR CEH-downs!!

Spur

Someone on the Houston roster must know how to use a Tor browser, get on the dark web and hire a cleaner to take care of O’Brian.

ArmedandHammered

For some reason as Coach/GM he reminds me of Whyl E Coyote from Bugs Bunny cartoon.

Spur

Crap, now i have to watch Robocop this weekend.

Redshirt

All four. Even the new one that sucked, but bless their hearts for trying their best.

Spur

new one?

Redshirt

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/RoboCop_(2014_film)

If RoboCop didn’t exist, it would be an okay movie. But since it does, it fails in comparison. Imagine if RoboCop was done, but not in a quasi-self-parodic glorification of violence and 80s.

Last edited 4 years ago by Redshirt
Porky Prime

The scene where Murphy sees all that’s really left of him was way better than the rest of the remake.

Horatio Cornblower

Can check: comment image

Unsurprised

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Porky Prime

Santa Fe Brewing Co.

Edit: it says my pic is too big. Whupever.

Last edited 4 years ago by Porky Prime
Porky Prime

B&W works tho…

IMG_20200910_204922996~2.jpg
Dick E. Phuck

NBC is lying. The best medical show is clearly my 600lb life.

TheRevanchist

You need to lose ter-tee pounds…

Horatio Cornblower

“I don’t know why I’m not losing weight as fast as the doctor wants me to, but I hope I can still get my ‘too lazy to walk laps for exercise’ surgery” says that week’s ‘star’, while making yet another slow-motion trip to the refrigerator for “just one more” Frito pie.

litre_cola

What is a Frito pie?

WhyEaglesWhy

It’s the culmination of all human civilization.

WhyEaglesWhy

Fritos with chili, cheese, and diced onions on top.

litre_cola

Not going to lie, I would eat that.

Dick E. Phuck

The purest piece of Americana

Horatio Cornblower

comment image?crop=0.668xw:1.00xh;0.241xw,0&resize=480:*

They’re reidiculously good (see what I did there?) and so, so bad for you.

Viva La Tabula Raza

My parents like that Dr Pimple Popper show. Egad.

Horatio Cornblower

My wife loves that show. I have to admit, more than once I have had to sit down and watch it the way I would watch a slow motion car wreck.

Brick Meathook

WHO IS WHITER:

Barack Obama (very good US President who I voted for twice)

or

Patrick Mahomes (very good QB of the Kansas City Chiefs who won the Super Bowl?)

ballsofsteelandfury

Patrick Mahomes’ sixhead.

Brick Meathook

Balls, you manage this site but I’m being sarcastic. Yet after six months of quarantine I’m coming out swinging. We all need to meet up. I’m tired of pandering, which is phoniness.

Last edited 4 years ago by Brick Meathook
ballsofsteelandfury

Sounds good to me

Wakezilla

Obama because he soothes the masses whenever there’s a massive protest

Gatoraids

Andy Reid ready to use a blowtorch to make the ideal Philly cheese steak

King Hippo

that was a GREAT throw

Redshirt

In other 2020 news, we’re getting a RoboCop series without RoboCop.

https://moviehole.net/exclusive-mgm-working-on-robocop-series-focusing-on-young-dick-jones/

jjfozz

Fuck Hollywood in the ass with a rusty nail studded dildo

Dick E. Phuck

Gotta be at least one exec whose into that sort of thing

Spur

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ArmedandHammered

I would prefer a prequel that centers on Clarence.

Horatio Cornblower

They did that with ‘That 70’s Show’: after too many years putting up with Kitty and Eric, Red finally snaps and turns to a life of crime.

Spur

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Horatio Cornblower

I laughed so hard at that scene.

Porky Prime

Sweet, maybe we’ll get a prequel to Total Recall (original) that explains how fake Danny Devito got the job shadowing Quaid.

Dick E. Phuck

Verhoeven Cinematic Universe

TheRevanchist

Maybe we can get a prequel to Battle Beyond The Stars, because why not?

Porky Prime

Space Cowboy origin story featuring the cast of Solo.

jjfozz

The KC crowd might sound like 15,000 but they look like 25,000

ballsofsteelandfury

It’s the fat

King Hippo

oh yeah, league BMI champs every season

TheRevanchist

Big Ben is an overpaid puke pile.

Spur

How much pull does NBC have? I thought those middle America bakeries dont make gay wedding cakes

Porky Prime

Well, there’s Ohio, and there’s O-HIIIIIIII-o.

ballsofsteelandfury

Vegas ties it up!!

Viva La Tabula Raza

I don’t know shit about TikTok, but Trump hates it so I must like it. They just showed an ad.

TheRevanchist

Trust me. It’s terrible. The mind of tweens being “creative” and “expressing themselves” by all doing the exact same fucking thing as the next person. I had to delete it. It was so painfully dumb.

rockingdog

TENET

its james bond on acid

ballsofsteelandfury

Mahones had a sixhead when he was young!

King Hippo

Was about to say – we finally found his week spot. He was an ugly baby!!

Spur

Rootbeer float was a great choice.

Redshirt

So we’re in agreement? The Houston Texans only touchdown drive was when Bill O’Brien was in the bathroom and the players quickly called their own plays before he could come back?

Gatoraids

Houston’s only deep threat now is the next storm surge

Viva La Tabula Raza

Re: this game. 2020’s legacy continues.

Horatio Cornblower

Down 24-7, Bill O’Brien confidently turns to the running game…

Mr. Ayo

And when that doesn’t work, he bravely punts from mid field.

King Hippo

Brave, Brave Sir Robin!

King Hippo

#ButtChinWisdom

clint greasewood

I need some Watson 2nd half magic

ballsofsteelandfury

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Gumbygirl

I have to roll a doob, dinner will be ready soon.

litre_cola

Ooh la la, how very European of you.

Gumbygirl

I am quite sophisticated. That’s why I hang out here!

Redshirt

What the hell LA logo was that?! That’s like a logo from a football game that’s not licensed by the NFL so they have stupid made up logos.

Porky Prime

You mean the Denver FairyCorns weren’t real???

tecmobowl_denver.png
litre_cola

Like KHunt a couple years back Andy like his rooks to get confidence, expect another CEH td.

King Hippo

Hippo likes this

Spur

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Gumbygirl

Hungry Hungry Hippo.

ballsofsteelandfury

Shit. Bad goal let in by Vegas. Stars up 2-1.

Mr. Ayo

Woah that was terrible.

King Hippo

RESPEK teh footy, and at least call them Goddamned Stars!

Horatio Cornblower

CEH is gonna be great until the CTE sets in.

King Hippo

I’d take 3-4 years and be happy, like with Terrell Davis in non-fantasy

SonOfSpam

When you combine CEH and CTE it’s gonna dehydrate Mayock.

King Hippo

I thought KC relied so much on timing in the passing game, that they’d be a little off. Oopsie doodle.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

Vegas ties it up!

jjfozz

Me: “CEH kind of reminds me of Ray Rice.”
Fozz Spawn: “Let’s just hope he stays out of elevators.”

King Hippo

Edwards-Hellaire is going to run for 120-150 yards every week, but catch no passes nor score TDs. GODFUCKINGDAMNIT

SonOfSpam

Bet you feel stupid now. Right stupid?

King Hippo

stupid, but also better!

Horatio Cornblower

Just like when that 3rd pill over the limit kicks in, amirite?

Mr. Ayo

Not so fast!

litre_cola

Hippo wrong.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

You have somehow offended the FF gawdz, my friend. Amends must be made, blood sacrifices must be…well, sacrificed.

Redshirt

…and Hippo loses on the Don’t Pass bet.

Redshirt

Hippo, can you say that my lotto numbers will never hit?

King Hippo

BUHLEE DAT, Magical Pony!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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jjfozz

There’s nothing or nobody worth doing in Baltimore

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Pretty sure it was written, produced and filmed in north LA.

ballsofsteelandfury

/Mrs. Fozz looks at Fozz intently

jjfozz

And then sighs and falls asleep

Porky Prime

Both my opponent and I have Zero fantasy players in tonight, so I’ma be all bougie and pretend this game don’t count.

clint greasewood

Has anybody had any success with Air Fryer Wings?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Oh man, I forgot today was Thursday but am glad I started sammy watkins

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

That GIF is giving me flashbacks of the actual “movie.”

Rifftrax version, obviously. I’m not a complete masochist.

rockingdog

last funny:

winnie the pooh’s full name is wincent the poop

Brick Meathook

Who is whiter: Greg Gumble or Tony Dungy? Or me?

This is a sarcastic comment to point out how stupid that argument is.

Redshirt

My race is already responsible for all that is wrong with the world. Don’t besmirch it further by adding Gumble and Dungy to our ranks.

Porky Prime

He was once a little green slab of clay…

Porky Prime

Holy shit I just realized if you combined Gumble and Dungy you actually get Gumby.

Brick Meathook

Judge people by the content of their character not the color of their skin. Therefore, I’m hating everybody right now.

Horatio Cornblower

Mario Lopez is doing a commercial for NASCAR, during a Stanley Cup play-off game, using strained bocci metaphors to hype up the NASCAR race-offs.

What fucking wormhole did I fall into, and how do I get out?

SonOfSpam

Alls I know is, Slater fucks.

jjfozz

Oh, he do. He do.

Horatio Cornblower

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King Hippo

see also, Wal-Mart trying to look vaguely woke

Redshirt

When you find it, let me know. I’ve had enough of the Mirror Universe and I’m ready to go home now.

jjfozz

BOCCI? STOP APPROPRIATING MY CULTURE! I’M OFFENDED AND TRIGGERED! I NEED A SAFE SPACE!

Just kidding.

SonOfSpam

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Wakezilla

Seeing how the NHL is content with really bad hockey being played in the conference finals, it’s nice to have the NFL return. Seriously, they should have Ice Cowboys/Ice Raiders game moved to tomorrow and tomorrow’s game moved to Saturday to give these teams an extra day of rest in hopes this inspires them to play better.

Speaking of the Ice Cowboys, is Seguin hurt? He hasn’t done shit all since, like game 1 of the Ice Stars/Ice Broncos series

clint greasewood

Should I feel guilty that I googled some random D-III athlete and used their info to get a student discount for NFL Sunday ticket.

King Hippo

That’s Good Consumer Hustle!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Only if the NCAA finds out and he gets declared ineligible.

Brocky

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Last edited 4 years ago by Brocky
Porky Prime

Please don’t post Jared in the Sting codpiece.

Brocky

Two things:

1. I’m guessing you saw the my accidental reposting of trump of the baron before I edited the link

2. How the FUCK you been porky? Feels like forever since i seen ya!

Porky Prime

Every time I get into it about my life i end up with a ten post sob story, so I’ll just say good. Things are good.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Awwwww, shit

ballsofsteelandfury

Dallas Vegas is in Intermission also.

SonOfSpam

Trump apparently walked into his nightly Nuremburg rally to the song “Fortunate Son” and the God of Irony turned inside out and disappeared.

Last edited 4 years ago by SonOfSpam
Porky Prime

“Well, That Just About Wraps It Up For God”

Horatio Cornblower

If I were the DJ I’d play The Strokes.

Porky Prime

If I were the DJ I’d try the Brown Noise experiment.

rockingdog

LOL

Beastmode Ate My Baby

We interrupt this halftime for a special announcement.

This week in HRTN: Brocky digs deep, Brick gets the banana and WCS pisses down the wrong leg!

SonOfSpam

Does anyone get with robot Debbie Harry?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Dude, she’s a clone, not a robot. Do you even HRTN bro?

SonOfSpam

I DUNNO MAYBE IF I WAS IN IT (runs off crying)

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Patience, my friend. Soon, very soon…

Cue evil laughter and dramatic music.

SonOfSpam

(sniffs, wipes eyes) kay

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

I’m getting decidedly mixed messages from these two.

SonOfSpam

The lesson is, always fist the butthole, just to be safe.

litre_cola

Ummm, sooo asking for a friend, but there was a weed plane? Lots of weed? Ummm seen that thing anywhere?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I get the feeling that weed plane is the most popular thing in the Summer Special…

Horatio Cornblower

Sounds like I have the week off, so I think I’ll head out and do a little camping.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EhmVPf-XYAAFdQl?format=jpg&name=900×900

litre_cola

UAB and Miami are in halftime too. This is unacceptable.

Porky Prime

I had to buy groceries, so no…I was not ready for some football.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

First half about as boring as one would expect from a TNF game.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

I’m slightly disappointed Bill O’Brien’s mask doesn’t have a built in dimple for his chin

Porky Prime

Bill Cowher probably needs the chin extender.