[turns BEST BRA EVER! admercial off]
It’s almost too much football, isn’t it? Kidding! No, it is not. TO THE GAMES!!!
Jets/Bills:
Did the Vikes front office giggle a bit when they traded the league’s best downfield wr (% of passes caught 20+ yards from LOS) to the Bills so that he could be paired with the league’s worst downfield passer? Probably. Singletary’s usage last year befuddled me-a dynamic, breakaway type back, he was used behind Gore when the latter was clearly fading. Now Zack Moss is the apple of McDermott’s and Daboll’s eyeballs. It seems that this coaching staff is in ‘Back To the 80’s!’ mode.
Fins/Pats:
I’m forced to cheer for a Pats player because I want to see Cam do well. Please shoot me.
Browns/Ravens:
So many offensive weapons on the field in this game. Should be a fun game to watch and yes, that is the first time that word has ever been uttered in the context of these two cities. Sure it’s an easy joke but… I’ve got nothing.
Colts/Jags:
Lots of debate among conservative fantasy players as to whether or not one should start Taylor. Look, the Jags have one of the worst run D’s in the league-both Mack and Taylor will have about 15 carries and a score by game’s end.
Eagles/Team:
Sanders is a goner so play Boston Scott if ya gotta. One concern is that Team has a very impressive D-line now. As always (it seems) Philly’s wr’s are nicked up-play DeSean before he joins the wounded.
Bears/Lions:
Golladay tweaked his hammy and didn’t practice on Friday. The Lions would be stupid to play him, so he’s a go? Pivot over to Hockenson, he’s my candidate for 2nd year breakout tight end.
Pack/Vikes:
Dalvin got paid! Anyway… That Minny D that one could always count on to force the issue has only 5 returning players from 2019 playing today. Reportedly, A.J. Dillon’s thighs are in action this afternoon. The fellas on the Sirius fantasy channel were gushing like schoolgirls at a K-pop concert the day the photos came out. [rolls eyes]
‘Hawks/Falcons:
Gotta love the combo of Matty Ice/his receiving options and the lousy Atlanta D. Perhaps his first 5,000 yard season is in play? He’s been very close twice before. There will be no fans at this game. By choice.
Raiders/Panthers:
Everyone is jawing about Ruggs 3 but 3rd round wr Bryan Edwards did the wowing in camp. Them Las Vegans have quite a bit of young talent at the rb/wr spots-how long before they give Carr the old boot?
There’s your first slate. Have at it.
Damn, I have 20.40 TE points?! This season is already weird
Quinn has got to learn that there’s a difference between having big dick energy and being a Himbo.
This 4th down play calling is stupid
Colts/Jags game is heating up
Worst swing pass ever
I gots Pauls@BAL and Iggles@Team. Both at 3rd QRT, situational football calls for nap until 2nd game.
Not giving up on Ingram yet.
oh my cats, remember when we thought Baker Mayfield might be good?
Maybe he would have been on Not The Browns?
OBJ with a shitty attitude
Guess it was a good idea to start dinner at the half
I’m pretty sure that if you have kids and you’re still trying to save the environment instead of teaching them how to thrive in a post-apocalyptic Thunderdome, you’re doing it wrong
Homer’s theory:
Topology fun fact, a coffee mug is homeomorphic to a donut
When the jets score a 69 yd touchdown I still can’t manage a niiiiiiiice
Thank you.
Well, at least I will have the #1 waivers pick on Tuesday!
Am I doing that well?
Is based on 0-1 sides’ total points scored, nae the margin
Julio Jones still damn good
Crowder gets the td.
Football’s back. Damn it. Now I don’t have anything to post about.
Wentz is a dodo bird.
He Wentz extinct?
Tough but fair.
I think we’ve just hit garbage time in Notlanta
Dolphins establish the line of scrimmage like it’s the Maginot Line
Like an obsolete strategy?
Good to know they have the left 1/3 of the field locked down
Hey Genie, can I get a garbage time Ridley td?
Presented without hats
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zUUtf7gOe8&ab_channel=MenWithoutHatsVEVO
Chefs/Ratbirds is gonna be all sorts of fun. And get Superb Owl ratings.
Hopefully an Owl quality game!
On the cook:
. Chicken stock
. Chicken curry
. Tuna salad
. Egg salad
. London Broil
. Baked Potatoes
. Crust less Quiche Lorraine
my house smells amazing
For my moneys, a baking turkey breast is as good as it gets.
Tuna salad egg salad and curry good luck to your bathrooms
Making full use of all your oven and stove-type devices! Efficient!
London broil is underrated tho great call
You’re either meal prepping for the week, or you are very high!
Dakota Jeebus keeping Dacteds in this’un
It’s so sad watching these talented people put up these heroic efforts for a shit team that will destroy them. It’s like machine gunning a samurai.
Called penalty for roughing the passer on Cam finally the immobile object succumbs to the unstoppable force of Pats favoritism
Well fuck, Harry.
-Sally, from the Director’s Cut
Is there any way for a top ranked college kid to avoid going through the draft?
Might be able to sign as a free agent in the CFL, since the Canadian draft only applies to Canadian players.
Join the military? Move to South America?
Depends, is his momma a whore?
Being convicted of sexually assaulting a minor might do the trick.
Have a famous dad and brother who were also NFL quarteredbacks
I think maybe Moses Malone had a lawsuit about that, many moons ago?
Greetings fellow lowlifes.
The Ravens’ secondary is grabby to the point of Papal blessing.
Russell Wilson? Still good.
Bird Bomb for Wilson on 4th down. Very nice.
Say what you want about the glitches, but the Madden NFL 20 Career Mode is pretty accurate. My guy got drafted by the Miami Dolphins and suddenly all the fun of the game and my hopes for his future just vanished.
We all float down here from the algal blooms
You Shanked, My Blankenship!
Right you are Ken
Patrick Queen is looking good
He’s a killer.
Guaranteed to blow your mind.
The fact that the [Redacted]s have to have “End Racism” painted in their end zones, after all that team history, is nothing short of hilarious to me.
Dunno if everyone knew this already, but the team has/had a strong following in the South, because their fight song used to end “fight for old DIXIE.”
Fuck them to fuck and back.
/sorry Dok
GPM actually changed the words in the song from “Fight for old DC” to try and broaden the team’s appeal.
Appeal to you know who, of course.
No worries, it’s really hard to care about a Snydely Whiplash owned team. And they have way more history with racism than just the fight song. They were the furthest south team for a long time, and they were deadly afraid of losing that fan base. That’s why they originally opposed letting Dallas into the league, that’s why the ‘Dixie’ in the song, and that’s why they were the last team to integrate. Incidentally, that last is why there are so many Dallas fans in the DC area, it predates the ‘America’s Team’ marketing crap, it’s a protest from the refusal to integrate.
Can I sue the Browns for abuse as a fan?
It’s America – you can sue anyone for anything! 😀
Parody is protected by law
Sure, but snuff films aren’t…
Just be prepared for your entire fan life to be trotted out by the defense. “What was he wearing? He was just asking for it wearing that Brown’s jersey and being sad all the time. Fans are so much more attractive when they smile. Why didn’t he just say,’NO MORE BROWNS’??”
Humps are well-coached, which we knew. They’ve molded an offense around what Laserface can still do. Plus, that OL.
So…DFO P*ts fans…what percentage of your favoured homer site is all “Meeeee-first GLOREE BOY” re Cam?
Not a capitalized U smdh
Ooops, almost forgot to change into my lightweight eating bathrobe!
The #NuAIDS era enlightened me on the bathrobe. It’s almost on “fuck off wearing underwear” life-changing level.
Nah – surplus cammo gear is better, ’cause you feel a bit less disheveled, yet you can have clothes that hide stains REALLY well
eh, as long as I wear dark-coloUred running shorts/sweatpants, I’m good.
The ref taking off his facemask to signal a facemask penalty O_O
Oh hey, commercials about trying to regulate Uber/Lyft drivers woo
Boomer Esiason sounding rough
Halftime food made, challah BLT (one side toasted with butter, the other with the bacon grease) and oven fries. Also opened a bottle of Cab
Very nice
Fuck this fake crowd noise shit.
Having watched some JV NFL without it? I am now grateful, plus NFL Films does the work.
Really, why? I wanna hear every little cuss these players make.
It sounded like the game was being played in a lunatic asylum. Maybe that was specific to the BYU/Navy benches, but still.
So you’re saying that the NFL is doing this to cover up CTE? Clever clever…
always with teh 5-D chess, yo
If they’re going to skip the crowd noise, I think they would have to go all out with an intense echoing silence motif, hire a Rod Serling soundalike to announce, and blackout everything beyond the field so it looks like they’re playing in the soundless vacuum of space
Oh so you watch Canadian Premierleague futbol?
… fuck, now a Trump political advert… Can you lads like move up your pointless elections?
Touchdown, NAWT-A-GOAT!
…maybe…
Well, yes, but no… I’m happy that the refs are still on our side 😀
Hockenson with 48 yards so far. Woo!
Marlon Mack is out?
THIS FACKIN’ RULES WOOOOOOOOOOO
Now I don’t feel nearly as stupid buying a Newton jersey (Always liked the guy, plus it was time to frame my signed Brady one and move on 🙂 )