Your “My Eyes, My Freakin’ Eyes!” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

I quote from a synopsis of Oedipus Rex, “His self-punishment (blinding himself) reveals that he believes his suffering is deserved”. That sounds about right, doesn’t it? Perhaps that’s a bit dark and melodramatic but on the other hand I might be preaching to the choir. (snorts) Well, this is where we are. This is lining up as a derpy, sloppy, turnover-heavy slopfest that folks should only tune in to if they are 1.) fans of the respective teams or, 2.) have fantasy guys involved or 3.) are Gambloring on said tilt. If you’d like to learn about the extent of the suckitude of each of these teams you should follow me…

TO THE GAME!

Broncs/Jerts:

-There’s a massive amount of mouth-movers saying that Gase gets the axe if N.Y. is 0-4 after this game. The silver lining here is that puts them in the driver’s seat in the Trevor Lawrence Sweepstakes. In related news, way-too-early mock drafts have Denver picking up Patrick Surtain II.

-Brett Rypien, the third qb to give it a go this year for the Mile High horsies, is the nephew of Mark, a Boise State product and the possessor of a Chad Pennington-like noodly appendage. If that’s the case maybe look for wr Jeudy to have himself a game out of the slot because Jets DC Gregg Williams loves to blitz. At 6’2″ 202(!), Rypien might get injured if someone nearby is breathing heavily.

-Both these squadoos have filled out multiple stat sheets in not-good ways. The Jets are last in the league in (takes deep breath) total yards, scoring, passing yards, first downs and red zone efficiency. The Broncs o-line has allowed 13 sacks the last two games-their special teams are worst in the league with respect to DVOA and they have the most number of injured players out by a good margin.

Let’s mock this sure-to-be ugly, “only-a-mother-could-love” game together, down below.

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ballsofsteelandfury

That was precious Darnold face too.

ballsofsteelandfury

Oh Jets!

Recovery Whiskey

Donks may have found their latest mediocre QB

Horatio Cornblower

THESE JETS I CALL THEM A 787 AIRMAX, BECAUSE THEY JUST FELL TO PIECES!!!

Gratliff

Darnold face!

clint greasewood

He just saw a ghost.

Horatio Cornblower

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Recovery Whiskey

Gritty QB block

King Hippo

I have found several element of this footballing match quite vexing. I repeat, quite vexing.

Bradley Chubb, though. Righteous.

Senor Weaselo

Aaaaaand exhale.

WCS

Ah, so very Jets.

Mr. Ayo

Dammit, kick a FG Donks! Cover dammit.

Mr. Ayo

Praise Gamblor!

Sharkbait

Cmon. 3 yard rush for gordon. Thats all I ask

hippofant

!!!

Viva La Tabula Raza

That ought to do it.

ballsofsteelandfury

One more mcmANUS field goal is needed.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Not anymore.

WCS

Regardless of the outcome, this is going to be the only good TNF all season.

Doktor Zymm

If someone actually had ice water running through their veins they would be dead, as water of any temperature lacks the ability to deliver oxygen to the body. Even blood of the same temperature as ice water would indicate a dead person. So everyone take note, McManus is not actually dead, just capable of concentration in high pressure situations.

Horatio Cornblower

Thanks, Neil deGrasse Tyson.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

What if they were only mostly dead?

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the Alpha and the Amoeba

Also, on a semi-serious science note, have you factored in the decrease in O2 consumption that would result from the body temperature being chilled by the ice cold blood?

Doktor Zymm

I’m pretty sure you could kill someone just by chilling their actual blood, either through shock or through eventual hypothermia. It might take longer, but I’m pretty certain there’s no scenario where you have anything ice-cold running through your veins that involves living for as long as a game takes.

Doktor Zymm

It’s the NFL, evil will triumph and Wesley will tear his ACL while failing to protect Buttercup

Horatio Cornblower

Banner this.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Now now, the patriots only won half of the past 10 superbowls. So i think Wesley’s odds are 50/50

Recovery Whiskey

Science!

Mr. Ayo

Explain the white walkers then!

Horatio Cornblower

Somebody should; Beinoff & Weiss sure as fuck didn’t.

Viva La Tabula Raza

thanks for clearing that up; I was thinking that could not work for him to be dead and yet be able to kick the FG. But you are a doktor, so I have complete faith in you.

Horatio Cornblower

Lost in all the other ineptitude on display, whoever designed the Jets uniforms should be keelhauled.

Senor Weaselo

I already said that!

Horatio Cornblower

I refuse to believe that two of us used the term ‘keelhauled.’ You, sir, are a liar and a scoundrel.

Senor Weaselo

Okay, maybe not those words…

rockingdog
rockingdog
Recovery Whiskey

KICKING DUEL

Viva La Tabula Raza

Actually nailed it.

Doktor Zymm

Mustachio for the lead!

Mr. Ayo

Kershaw hasn’t given up a 20 runs yet? Maybe his powers aren’t activated until the next round.

hippofant

WELP HE DIDN’T TAKE A SACK

ballsofsteelandfury

There you are!

Horatio Cornblower

Holy shit. Rypien isn’t exactly cracking atoms in his spare time, is he?

Recovery Whiskey

Intent shun all fall. Groud in.

Senor Weaselo

“International browning?” -Emmitt Smiff

Gratliff

Blessed derp

Gratliff

But inconsiquential. The gods remain unsated.

Horatio Cornblower

Whale’s Vagina holds on the scrape by the Cardinals.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Their German founders would be proud

clint greasewood
Horatio Cornblower

/cries

clint greasewood

Yard Goats

Horatio Cornblower

NOT TO ME IT ISN’T!!!

rockingdog

OMG OMG OMG

Padres just won a playoff game
holy shit
yay baseball!

Mr. Ayo

Never a doubt!

Recovery Whiskey

Beat the GFIB kudos

Viva La Tabula Raza

Gotta say we got another TNF game with shit teams playing a decent game.

ballsofsteelandfury

Jets Fail Prediction: Denver drives down the field solely on Jets penalties.

Mr. Ayo

That’s been the entire game.

Doktor Zymm

Sounds legit

Recovery Whiskey

WTF Hamilton that was in your lap

Horatio Cornblower

/Aaron Burr, referring to where the bullet went.

Doktor Zymm

I’m impressed at the quality of the fake boos!

Doktor Zymm

It’s a grand old flag it’s a high flying flag

Recovery Whiskey

Person All Foll. Face Mass.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Fired Penal Tea

Recovery Whiskey

Bailout flag

Horatio Cornblower

How bad is the San Diego bullpen that they haven’t made a change from the guy who’s gone HR, walk, single, 2-0 count?

rockingdog

they so bad

Senor Weaselo

They need Jonathan Loaisiga! But I believe he’s their closer.

rockingdog

still sucksss Kirby Yates got injured
like 2 months ago
dude was legit

Recovery Whiskey

Looks good to me — David Ross, probably

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Theological question, is BLEERGH the god of all penalties, or just stupid penalties?

ballsofsteelandfury

All penalties are stupid.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

I suppose it is only a question of where the stupidity lies, with the referee or the offender

Viva La Tabula Raza

Rules in elections are stupid, too.
—DJT

WCS

BLEERGH simply requires yellow flags is his name.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Probably like the Greek Gods, BLEERGH is Zeus of all penalties, but has a staff of sub-gods responsible for the various and sundry subsets of all manner of stupid penalties. Or saints in the Catholic Church. St. Patrick is the patron saint of offside penalties that give an opposing team a first down when they were going to have to punt, that kind of thing.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

So BlEERGH fucks?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Two beers and you’re in, amigo.

Doktor Zymm

The god of OPI has fantastic nails

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’d love to meet her tailor.

rockingdog

Gahhhhhhh

Recovery Whiskey

The stage is set

Horatio Cornblower

If St. Louis makes their dicks like they make their ribs, I am in. If they make them like they make their pizza, I am out.

Recovery Whiskey

Play the baw down and re mesure

Sharkbait

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Runner is short

Last edited 4 years ago by Sharkbait
WCS

Reports are Trump is now* going to quarantine because of exposure to Hope Hicks. Remember, is this is all a liberal hoax.

*edit: Fat Finger Syndrome, sorry to kill the humor

Last edited 4 years ago by WCS
Recovery Whiskey

So another way Trump is toxic.

Doktor Zymm

No one wants to be alone with Trump, not even himself

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Can we get an Over/Under pool going on how long before he breaks quarantine?

Before you place your bet, consider that he interrupted about once ever 24 seconds of Joe Biden’s speaking time during the debate.

Senor Weaselo

If it’s at the White House… tomorrow evening. If it’s at one of his clubs he’s fine, and will charge for it.

Mr. Ayo

Under tomorrow.

Last edited 4 years ago by Mr. Ayo
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Who had negative 2 hours?

clint greasewood

Hoax Hicks

Recovery Whiskey

Isnt that what they called her when she was hooking up with Cory Lewandowski

Doktor Zymm

Dicks probably have some nutrient value when you eat them

Doktor Zymm

When you’re a Jet you’re a Jet even if you regret from your first signing day

Viva La Tabula Raza

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Recovery Whiskey

Hashtag GFIB

Recovery Whiskey

Battling like two 0-3 teams would

ballsofsteelandfury

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Fronkenshteen

It’s like watching two drunks who can’t breathe, but are still trying to fight.

rockingdog

3 outs left
come on padres pitching+def
please dont blow this

Last edited 4 years ago by rockingdog
Mr. Ayo

OMG. Great start.

I’d realize Goldschmidt was still alive.

Horatio Cornblower

Followed by a walk. Good effort so far.

Fronkenshteen

I have been properly set up for the inevitable fail.

I am Jets fan.

Senor Weaselo

Yes but if this saves Gase’s job and prevents them from the top pick, then the victory ends up being Pyrrhic, itself the fail.

clint greasewood

Gordon: Questionable for return. Injury – Scrotal trauma

Sharkbait

He’s got 67 rush yards. I would be OK with him sitting out the rest of the game

Sharkbait

Darnold was supposed to be throwing INTs.