I quote from a synopsis of Oedipus Rex, “His self-punishment (blinding himself) reveals that he believes his suffering is deserved”. That sounds about right, doesn’t it? Perhaps that’s a bit dark and melodramatic but on the other hand I might be preaching to the choir. (snorts) Well, this is where we are. This is lining up as a derpy, sloppy, turnover-heavy slopfest that folks should only tune in to if they are 1.) fans of the respective teams or, 2.) have fantasy guys involved or 3.) are Gambloring on said tilt. If you’d like to learn about the extent of the suckitude of each of these teams you should follow me…
TO THE GAME!
Broncs/Jerts:
-There’s a massive amount of mouth-movers saying that Gase gets the axe if N.Y. is 0-4 after this game. The silver lining here is that puts them in the driver’s seat in the Trevor Lawrence Sweepstakes. In related news, way-too-early mock drafts have Denver picking up Patrick Surtain II.
-Brett Rypien, the third qb to give it a go this year for the Mile High horsies, is the nephew of Mark, a Boise State product and the possessor of a Chad Pennington-like noodly appendage. If that’s the case maybe look for wr Jeudy to have himself a game out of the slot because Jets DC Gregg Williams loves to blitz. At 6’2″ 202(!), Rypien might get injured if someone nearby is breathing heavily.
-Both these squadoos have filled out multiple stat sheets in not-good ways. The Jets are last in the league in (takes deep breath) total yards, scoring, passing yards, first downs and red zone efficiency. The Broncs o-line has allowed 13 sacks the last two games-their special teams are worst in the league with respect to DVOA and they have the most number of injured players out by a good margin.
Let’s mock this sure-to-be ugly, “only-a-mother-could-love” game together, down below.
That was precious Darnold face too.
Oh Jets!
Donks may have found their latest mediocre QB
THESE JETS I CALL THEM A 787 AIRMAX, BECAUSE THEY JUST FELL TO PIECES!!!
https://youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=9JhsUFuqbCM
Darnold face!
He just saw a ghost.
Gritty QB block
I have found several element of this footballing match quite vexing. I repeat, quite vexing.
Bradley Chubb, though. Righteous.
Aaaaaand exhale.
Ah, so very Jets.
Dammit, kick a FG Donks! Cover dammit.
Praise Gamblor!
Cmon. 3 yard rush for gordon. Thats all I ask
!!!
That ought to do it.
One more mcmANUS field goal is needed.
Not anymore.
Regardless of the outcome, this is going to be the only good TNF all season.
If someone actually had ice water running through their veins they would be dead, as water of any temperature lacks the ability to deliver oxygen to the body. Even blood of the same temperature as ice water would indicate a dead person. So everyone take note, McManus is not actually dead, just capable of concentration in high pressure situations.
Thanks, Neil deGrasse Tyson.
What if they were only mostly dead?
Also, on a semi-serious science note, have you factored in the decrease in O2 consumption that would result from the body temperature being chilled by the ice cold blood?
I’m pretty sure you could kill someone just by chilling their actual blood, either through shock or through eventual hypothermia. It might take longer, but I’m pretty certain there’s no scenario where you have anything ice-cold running through your veins that involves living for as long as a game takes.
It’s the NFL, evil will triumph and Wesley will tear his ACL while failing to protect Buttercup
Banner this.
Now now, the patriots only won half of the past 10 superbowls. So i think Wesley’s odds are 50/50
Science!
Explain the white walkers then!
Somebody should; Beinoff & Weiss sure as fuck didn’t.
thanks for clearing that up; I was thinking that could not work for him to be dead and yet be able to kick the FG. But you are a doktor, so I have complete faith in you.
Lost in all the other ineptitude on display, whoever designed the Jets uniforms should be keelhauled.
I already said that!
I refuse to believe that two of us used the term ‘keelhauled.’ You, sir, are a liar and a scoundrel.
Okay, maybe not those words…
wat
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zybtiJ6MbeA
chaser
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPZoKttPMOM
KICKING DUEL
Actually nailed it.
Mustachio for the lead!
Kershaw hasn’t given up a 20 runs yet? Maybe his powers aren’t activated until the next round.
WELP HE DIDN’T TAKE A SACK
There you are!
Holy shit. Rypien isn’t exactly cracking atoms in his spare time, is he?
Intent shun all fall. Groud in.
“International browning?” -Emmitt Smiff
Blessed derp
But inconsiquential. The gods remain unsated.
Whale’s Vagina holds on the scrape by the Cardinals.
Their German founders would be proud
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJtiepwpKFw
/cries
Yard Goats
NOT TO ME IT ISN’T!!!
OMG OMG OMG
Padres just won a playoff game
holy shit
yay baseball!
Never a doubt!
Beat the GFIB kudos
Gotta say we got another TNF game with shit teams playing a decent game.
Jets Fail Prediction: Denver drives down the field solely on Jets penalties.
That’s been the entire game.
Sounds legit
WTF Hamilton that was in your lap
/Aaron Burr, referring to where the bullet went.
I’m impressed at the quality of the fake boos!
It’s a grand old flag it’s a high flying flag
Person All Foll. Face Mass.
Fired Penal Tea
Bailout flag
How bad is the San Diego bullpen that they haven’t made a change from the guy who’s gone HR, walk, single, 2-0 count?
they so bad
They need Jonathan Loaisiga! But I believe he’s their closer.
still sucksss Kirby Yates got injured
like 2 months ago
dude was legit
Looks good to me — David Ross, probably
Theological question, is BLEERGH the god of all penalties, or just stupid penalties?
All penalties are stupid.
I suppose it is only a question of where the stupidity lies, with the referee or the offender
Rules in elections are stupid, too.
—DJT
BLEERGH simply requires yellow flags is his name.
Probably like the Greek Gods, BLEERGH is Zeus of all penalties, but has a staff of sub-gods responsible for the various and sundry subsets of all manner of stupid penalties. Or saints in the Catholic Church. St. Patrick is the patron saint of offside penalties that give an opposing team a first down when they were going to have to punt, that kind of thing.
So BlEERGH fucks?
Two beers and you’re in, amigo.
The god of OPI has fantastic nails
I’d love to meet her tailor.
Gahhhhhhh
The stage is set
If St. Louis makes their dicks like they make their ribs, I am in. If they make them like they make their pizza, I am out.
Play the baw down and re mesure
Runner is short
Reports are Trump is now* going to quarantine because of exposure to Hope Hicks. Remember, is this is all a liberal hoax.
*edit: Fat Finger Syndrome, sorry to kill the humor
So another way Trump is toxic.
No one wants to be alone with Trump, not even himself
Can we get an Over/Under pool going on how long before he breaks quarantine?
Before you place your bet, consider that he interrupted about once ever 24 seconds of Joe Biden’s speaking time during the debate.
If it’s at the White House… tomorrow evening. If it’s at one of his clubs he’s fine, and will charge for it.
Under tomorrow.
Who had negative 2 hours?
Hoax Hicks
Isnt that what they called her when she was hooking up with Cory Lewandowski
Dicks probably have some nutrient value when you eat them
When you’re a Jet you’re a Jet even if you regret from your first signing day
Hashtag GFIB
Battling like two 0-3 teams would
It’s like watching two drunks who can’t breathe, but are still trying to fight.
3 outs left
come on padres pitching+def
please dont blow this
OMG. Great start.
I’d realize Goldschmidt was still alive.
Followed by a walk. Good effort so far.
I have been properly set up for the inevitable fail.
I am Jets fan.
Yes but if this saves Gase’s job and prevents them from the top pick, then the victory ends up being Pyrrhic, itself the fail.
Gordon: Questionable for return. Injury – Scrotal trauma
He’s got 67 rush yards. I would be OK with him sitting out the rest of the game
Darnold was supposed to be throwing INTs.