Your “We Can Have Shootouts, Please?” Monday Night Football Open Thread

Feels like the beginning of the season for some reason. Thank The Covid for that. As we move forward and things get less and less predictable, I want Wednesday night games. I want Friday morning games. I want Saturday midnight games. BLOW IT ALL UP, NFL! Maybe listen to someone in marketing that is under 45 years-old, for once.

Fallout:

-Listing injuries to stars is something I fear will not be a thing that goes away at any time this year. This is Agatha Christie’s “And Then There Were None” (original title was “Ten Little Washington Teams”) played out on the field. Anyhoo, Ekeler, Chubb, Drake and Darnold will likely miss (insert number here) weeks. It’s cool perusing one’s fantasy teams, reacquainting oneself with the “IR”, “D”, “O” and “Q” parts of the alphabet.

-The Colts D is a thing? With the exception of the Bears last drive (when Indy was likely in ‘prevent’) the Colts gave up only 170 yards. I’d heard before the season began that Ya-Sin and Blackmon were impressing and that cb Rhodes had regained his form. With this on top of above-average play from Buckner and Leonard, is the team modeling itself after last Year’s Pats? What with the lockdown secondary and the aged qb dinking and dunking to his heart’s delight?

-Feasting on wonky O-lines tends to inflate superior defensive players numbers-Myles Garrett and Aaron Donald share the league lead in pressures with 27.

-Shoutout to the many rookies that are flashing right now. The smartest of the smartest NFL jaw-waggers insisted that this would a very tough year for them. Apparently Herbert, Burrows, Lamb, Jefferson, Higgins and more than a few others didn’t bother listening.

TO THE GAMES!

Pats/Chiefs:

He’s so frickin’ entertaining! Patty sees the field so well, can make any type of throw, responds to texts in a timely fashion and can fold a fitted sheet! The latest rumor is that he’s going to carry the baby for his partner because he doesn’t want to burden her too much. So many of us thought that this 2-4 year window of Chiefs play would be them outscoring everybody and giving up mega points. The game vs. the Ravens and halftime adjustments last year on the run to the Super Bowl have put that notion to the side. Belchick will take one of Kelce, Tyreek or CEH out of the game and it won’t matter because Hoyer is bringing his talents to the starting spot.

Falcons/Packers:

What with Rodgers flinging the ball like his 27 year-old self again and Matty Ice in the late prime of his career, I don’t think that’s a big ask. Brian Hill acquitted himself well last week which automatically pings back to questions as to whether Hurdy Gurley is on a snap count. If Quinn loses another high scoring game and goes 0-4 he’s got to throw Raheem Morris to the sidewalk, right? Both Jones and Ridley were assessed as questionable but are ready to go.

Tell me something I don’t know, below.

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Recovery Whiskey

only starring himself.

Don T

Scoring update on a Monday night!
Yeeeeeeaaahhh

litre_cola

Jesus, you are destroying fools in the Freezer Vodka league.

ballsofsteelandfury

The Pats getting screwed on calls again?!?

WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING????

King Hippo

I have a bet on the P*ts. You’re welcome, humanity.

Viva La Tabula Raza

2020

jjfozz

Fucking KC is now getting all of Tom Brady’s calls.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Black QB getting favorable calls? What the Fuck?
–Cam Newton.

The Maestro

iOS 14 finally lets me watch the game picture-in-picture and shitpost on here simultaneously. Not bad at all.

blaxabbath

How dumb is cbs to never capitalize on their nfl deal to crossover all they’re crap shows? Having the big brother gang at the Rams game or have the amazing race like hit the tailgate of a rams game or collect some ncis semen samples from a rams game.

ballsofsteelandfury

Raiders game on the semen, but yeah.

clint greasewood

Young Sheldon shooting up a player with cortisone.

jjfozz

Even though I don’t have a new job, I’ve been practicing on my two week notice to my current employers.

A few samples.

“Dear guys, suck my balls. I quit.”

“Hi boss, shove a fucking weasel up your ass. I quit.”

“This email is full of ricin. Die you cunt.”

Let me know if anyone has any suggestions.

Gratliff

Big Otto and George energy on that last one. That’s the best bet

Doktor Zymm

Sounds like those lines will also be useful in rejecting shitty offers, I dig it

Don T

Thank for the opportunity.

Sincerely,

NEVER!
Eat shit and get fucked by an uncle.

Unsurprised

This is going to make getting unemployment insurance much harder.

Doktor Zymm

I need 70 points between Jones and Gurley, so good start!

Gratliff

Lol state of Massachusetts is a great song about a shitty mom who can’t get her kids back from the state

Gratliff
blaxabbath

I mean, who wears 32?

Mathieu is unique but he’s not a bad dude at all.

litre_cola

He likes wed, and dogs, if dude is into wine he is my new favoUrite player.

clint greasewood

OJ Simpson, Marcus Allen?

King Hippo

You can run
Run with the Chefs tonite
Stid-ham suburbia!

Gratliff

Oh the dark ages have come to foxboro

blaxabbath

If it means the nation must follow; honestly,

…let’s roll.

Viva La Tabula Raza

The announcer fellatio has shifted from NE to KC. Changing of the guard.

jjfozz

Today’s question: What does Aaron Rodger’s beard smell like?

Mr. Ayo

Wait, who’s he dating now?

blaxabbath

Papyrus

Don T

Just for Men

clint greasewood

Like NASCAR tires and GoDaddy domains?

blaxabbath

Like McConnell….

jjfozz

CHEESE. BRATS.P LAYERS RIDING BIKES. FANS OWN THE TEAM. LOMBARDI. FAVRE

Okay, that’s it for tonight’s color commentary

Dunstan

HE WENT TO JARED!

Unsurprised

The one goddamn thing Trump didn’t do after the debate.

blaxabbath

I like Romo. That he was kicked around for having the audacity to try and bring a championship to the most unreasonable — and clearly blind — fan base in the league makes him all that more likable.

jjfozz

Dear The Entire World Media,

I don’t give a wet tissue about what some cunt-headed celebrity thinks about politics. Or anything.

They are vermin and should be stomped to death with hobnail boots.

Thank you
Fozz

Viva La Tabula Raza

The defenestration begins.

jjfozz

Every night I go to bed, I pray that an anvil will fall on Edelman’s head. And every morning, I am disappointed in God.

Recovery Whiskey

Turns out, being a top tier NFL QB is a fairly rare skill.

Wakezilla

This Hoyer kid is having a tough game. He’s a rookie, I’m sure he’ll learn from these mistakes

King Hippo

Somebody forgot to set the sundial in their head.

Recovery Whiskey

This is not a repeat of 2012 — Mayans

litre_cola

CHOCO – TACO?

Dunstan

Last week I bought and consumed my first Choco Taco. I have to say, it’s pretty damn good.

Gratliff

Ahahaha fuck your Patriots

Unsurprised

Evergreen

blaxabbath

Mathieu is such a fun player and really interesting guy. Seems like a real good dude and just everything he’s ever been criticized of — for his college pot use (like THAT was an institutional crime not too long ago) to his injuries/tears — is all because he’s like a fairly tough free-willing young black man. I mean, you make him a little tough white guy from NFL stock who both won titles at UCLA and had “a couple setbacks “ but always gives it his all, is good, and has titles — shit, we’d name the “NFL Character” trophy after him.

I hope that kid makes the hof and just blows it off— like sends in a FaceTime video to say high and stay cool.

litre_cola

He locked himself in a care at 120 degrees to show how dogs feel. I have really liked him ever since.

blaxabbath

Mark my words — whatever tax avoidance foundation they’ve set up in his name….it will go on to accomplish something amazing.

blaxabbath

IS BRIAN HOYER THE ORIGINAL DUAL-THREAT QUARTERBACK?!

Dunstan

A threat to fumble and a threat to throw a pick? No, I think that was Mark Sanchez.

Dunstan

Buuut, Hoyer is quite proficient at both, as he just showed.

blaxabbath

Funny how quick NFL coaches neutralize young players. Sanchez was alright but he didn’t expand his game much in the pros. And he actually had more than one good season, which I feel like a lot of people can’t say.

Recovery Whiskey

Butt Fumble is NFL HOF.

Viva La Tabula Raza

IS BRIAN HOYER THE ORIGINAL DUAL-THREAT QUARTERBACK?! VOTE!!!
—@realDonaldTrump

Recovery Whiskey

IDK, did Aaron Hernandez ever throw a pass?

Must be Michael Vick then.

Horatio Cornblower

Chris Berman is 65-years-old and looks like the Crypt Keeper.

blaxabbath

Seasonal.

blaxabbath

Is Watkins considered a bust? 4th overall pick. Playing WR3 for a sick offense. SB champ?

Horatio Cornblower

Bust is strong. He’s had a decent career while not living up to being drafted that high.

blaxabbath

So is that really on BUF? A kind of Heyward-Bey/OAK scenario?

Recovery Whiskey
Viva La Tabula Raza

Let’s have a 9-9 tie.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

Damn Tracy Wolfson! That’s some Zoom call make up job.

blaxabbath

sooooooo…..what’s everyone thinking about RE in the next 6-24 months?

ballsofsteelandfury

You looking to buy or sell?

blaxabbath

Buy. Mrs enjoyed southern Utah and was kind of starting to poke around.

ballsofsteelandfury

Should be a good market. The whole working remote thing should continue post covid, so smaller towns will have better appeal and amenities.

I’m guessing St. George will be on your list, but be aware it’s pretty red.

blaxabbath

Looking more vacation cabin — prolly in between st George and cedar city. I wish I knew more about land speculation bc st George will be getting a bump soon. For just us though, I don’t know anything about the action on second homes (though I know of more than couple seniors looking to the white mountains and utah mountains for retirement).

ballsofsteelandfury

I see a big shift from commercial to residential.

Viva La Tabula Raza

At least one or maybe two per team.

blaxabbath

Wait – so “It takes all of us” is now a slogan the NFL is using for all their little promotional stunts?

I thought it was their nod to BLM (the kind Wells Fargo is okay with, not the terror group).

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

Not to kick Bill O’Brien but I’ve felt HOU has had the tools to dominate the South (at least) but was, for some reason, lacking.

I think BO’B may be that reason very much.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

Kind of a shock to switch from the coverage of Obesitard McChildRapist to CBS talking about the importance of “smarts’ for, not the leader of the government, but a football coach.

#priorities

Unsurprised

Being a bad coach has consequehahahahaHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

blaxabbath

I had this Mohs surgery today. I thought it was a little removal operation thing. No sir — I’m fucking Omar over here.

Gatoraids

Highlight Reel Hoyer

rockingdog

Coach not happy with that
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Unsurprised

We have the same fashion sense.

Recovery Whiskey

Once Bill realized the mask makes him look even more evil, he was all-in.

Dunstan

Veteran savvy from Hoyer there…

blaxabbath

What’s Bill gonna do? Trade for Rosen?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blaxabbath

Colts really dodged a bullet with McDaniels reneging on that deal.

blaxabbath

DO IT HOY-YAHHHHH!!!!!

rockingdog

LOL

Stat of the Night: Odell Beckham Jr has scored more touchdowns than the Giants offense this season.

rockingdog

Marshan Lynch doing chips commercials
thats rockin

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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