Your Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

It’s seems like just 48 hours ago we were doing this very thing! It’s as though days just blur into one another, amirite? I’m right. Let’s get at it.

Newsy Notes:

-LSU is pre-emptively kicking themselves out of the Bowl Game carousel because officials have come to realize that OBJ handing out cash to players after last year’s National Champeenship Game is not a good look. There’s far more to it than that of course but that’s a good start. OBJ is truly a full-of-himself, grandstanding idiot isn’t he?

-IU/Purdue, (oh no, we don’t get to find out which is the best team in a lousy football state) Okie/WVU and Texas/Kansas have been canceled among the nine (and counting?) other college games that have suffered the same fate. Parking lot drinking stats are definitely showing a steep decline.

-Paolo Rossi, the fella that led the Dirty Italians to a World Cup title way back in 1982 has passed away. I have some vague memories of watching him and there being some controversy regarding a match-fixing scandal (I had no clue what that was) and his fitness to play. He seemed like an underdog so I cheered for him. I’ve got nuthin else.

-Them Cowboys are getting flexed out of the week 15 Sunday Nighter so that the two-games-under-.500 Giants (as of this writing) can be featured. Oh, did you think that 9-3 Cleveland was the eye-catcher? No, you see, the Browns will be playing their third ever game on Sunday night. The Cowboys have played a mere 47 times.

-Is it too early to do a mock draft? Hell, yes but that’s never stopped anyone, including Walter Football. (I guess he’s obligated, what with that last name) So it’s Jets/QB Lawrence, Jags/QB Fields, Bengals/OT Sewell, Cowboys/DE Rousseau, Chargers/DE Barmore, Eagles/WR Chase, Panthers/TE Pitts, Falcons/DE Hutchinson, Fins/LB Parsons and Broncos/CB Horn.

TO THE GAME!

Pats/Rams:

-Hey it’s a replay of the most boring Super Bowl in recent memory!

-The Pats have been held to under 100 yards passing in two straight games but both were wins. In their last 5 they have all of 545 yards in the air.

-I must say, that’s an awfully cheeky way of nullifying Jalen Ramsey’s impact on a game. Oh, you think he’s going to shut down our wr’s? Nah, we’ll shut them down ourselves! 

-You may see the Pats blitz more often than usual given that Goff is 1-4 when facing that tactic more than 20 times a game. The Fins blitzed him 39 times and he rewarded them with a 53% completion rate and a W.

-It’ll be interesting to see if New England can reign in Aaron Donald’s impact as they did two years ago. They did it using the old double team and some outside zone runs.

-I forgot to look at player props but I wonder how many catches te Izzo might get. He gets the vast majority of the snaps at that position and has been targeted all of 5 times in the last five games.

-Earlier in the year I recall reading/typing that the Pats could be had by attacking the secondary but things might be fixed there. They’ve allowed only 4.4 yards per pass attempt and have not allowed a passing TD in their last two games.

Gimme that good stuff down below.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Where’s the chambord man? What if I made the french martini with gin instead of vodka?

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Unsurprised

It’s funny how the Disaster Artist film is a bigger pile of self-indulgent dogshit than The Room.

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, I’m gonna spend the next couple hours streaming episodes of “What’s My Line?” on Amazon Prime

herodotus450

Is this related to the cheez ball cocaine from earlier?

Senor Weaselo

Why do an 8 ball when you can do a cheez ball?

yeah right

Not to be confused with “Where’s my Line.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Don T

Prep for the interview. When they ask you “What’s your passion?”, answer “Following orders”. “Biggest weakness?” “Spandex cheetah print”.

Horatio Cornblower

References: A Bunch Of Invisible Friends On A Dick Joke & Football Blog, One Of Whom May Be A Serial Killer.

Unsurprised

Yes. Only one.

Horatio Cornblower

I was trying to order my father some vintage baseball sweatshirts to commemorate the Eastern League games we used to go to at the old Municipal Stadium. During our years going there they were affiliated with the Giants, Reds, Indians, Athletics, and A’s. Which of those teams was I able to find clothing for? That’s right, the Indians.

Not wanting to be responsible for another old white guy wandering around with an offensive sweatshirt, I fudged it and got a Waterbury Dodgers one, as we missed them by a year.

Senor Weaselo

BRING BACK THE TRENTON THUNDER!

JimU

I think you should put “Posts Females in Various States is Of Undress on a Football Dick Joke Blog” on it.

Doktor Zymm

Are you applying for a job operating the skirt-blowing machine at an amusement park?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQdZyi6fozY

Horatio Cornblower

Well shit, is he isn’t, I will.

Doktor Zymm

I feel it’s been too long since this was posted, and now that embedding is not only fixed, but better than ever….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZO8Zeye5K0

Doktor Zymm

If there’s one thing the NFL could do to rehabilitate their reputation, bringing back hype videos would be it

Doktor Zymm

“Ghengis Khan” rhymes with “Stacy’s Mom”
While Ghengis Khan could legitimately be said to have “got it goin’ on” I don’t think that Stacy’s Mom has raped half of Asia

Don T

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Doktor Zymm

That facial hair configuration never should have gone out of style

Sharkbait
Doktor Zymm

New time travel mission: Take this back to Ol’ Ghengis to teach him about disco

Doktor Zymm
Cecil Rhodes

It also rhymes with “lebensraum”. Hmmmmm…

Horatio Cornblower

Netflix had a show, ‘Marco Polo’ that was mostly about Khan. The actor playing Khan was Benedict Wong, and he was great. Show was so-so, but I was surprised they didn’t bring it back for a 3rd season. Then I realized Harvey Weinstein produced it and did the calendar math, and it made a lot more sense.

Sharkbait

This is bad.

Horatio Cornblower

Look, you’ll finally get that better draft position you need.

JimU

At least Cam got over 100 yards passing! The whiz kid Josh McDaniels has done it again.

litre_cola

Oh Cam will get his garbage time td too.

JimU

Or not! It’s Stidham time!

Doktor Zymm

Poor Cam has fallen a long way from the time he carried me through the fantasy playoffs by dropping 50+ points a game

JimU

That’s what usually happens to QB’s. When they’re done, they’re done.

Col. Duke LaCross

Nita Strauss fucking shreds.

Doktor Zymm

If there’s ever a collab between the cocaine people and the people who make the orange Cheez-balls dust I am SO IN

litre_cola

It will definitely make the balloons more tasty!

Don T

I’m not saying the Pats O is bad. But there’s more scoring in a Walk-Ins Welcome orgy.
During the pandemic.
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litre_cola

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Doktor Zymm

I am fully supportive of the trend towards Puggle pics

Don T

Mariota jersey = reservation in a farm upstate.

Senor Weaselo

HyperShock better win its first fight or else there will be a very worried Senor for the second fights.

Viva La Tabula Raza

24-3? Time for an old Top Gear on Motor Trend or some game warden shows on Animal Planet.
Later gators.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Guess the Rams are going to avenge the 45-0 score from the Sunday game in this very same stadium. “You beat up my autistic baby brother? I’m gonna fuck you up!!!”

Doktor Zymm

There are enough markets with split fanbases that I think the NFL has really missed an opportunity to foster some rivalries. It’s an event when the Cubs play the White Sox, or the Mets play the Yankees, and even moreso if it’s a World Series. I give zero shits about baseball, and even teenaged me knew something notable was going on when I was in NYC during the 2000 Subway Series

Game Time Decision

Thanks…lol

Doktor Zymm

Greetings and Salutations, fellow Commentists!

Sharkbait

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litre_cola

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rockingdog

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I don’t expect or want any sympathy, in fact I anticipate ridicule and worse, but it’s going to be hard for us NE fans to get used to being mediocre again.

SonOfSpam

Your expectations are realistic.

Viva La Tabula Raza

As a fan of the P*ts since 1968, I have experienced a lot more seasons of shit than seasons of success. Just glad the success happened while I was alive.

Redshirt

Your run(s) does put you up there with the best dynasties in the NFL. At least you were able to enjoy your time in the sun.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Yeah, and I have always expected it to come to an end some day. I’ve always told my young nephews up there that are in their 20’s and never knew anything but success that the sun only shines on a given dog’s ass for a given amount of time and then moves on, so here we are finally.

Sharkbait

Yup. Had to happen eventually.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I just hope that the fall humiliates the people that rate humiliation. Fans mostly, like Tawmy from Quinzee, I guess.

Dunstan

No person disputes that proposition.

Cecil Rhodes

My runs can be found clogging some of the finest toilets along the Trans-Canada Highway.

Sharkbait

I fully expect Mrs. Sharkbait and her brother to ridicule me when the Gmen make the playoffs and New England doesn’t.

Doktor Zymm

Everything has an end, only the sausage has twocomment image

SonOfSpam

Aaron Donald is terrifyingly quick.

Gumbygirl

You have to feel like a deer in the headlights when you see him coming at you. More like a gazelle that’s been cut out of the herd. Scary.

rockingdog

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LemonJello

Nice imitation of a turnstile there by the Pats O-line.

litre_cola

Guys, I think Cam Newton is done.

Mr. Ayo

Well, pull him out and tent him. Don’t want him to dry out.

Gumbygirl

Hopefully he was basted.

SonOfSpam

How long’s he been in the oven?

Redshirt

How did you end up back in 2019?

litre_cola

Off to China to kill the guy who ate the bat I guess.

SonOfSpam

Lemme buy a couple cheap jerseys before you nuke the place.

Redshirt

No! You’ll make things worse and get Trump reelected!

Don’t you know the first rule of time travel?!

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
Cecil Rhodes

The crazy thing is that Trump likely would have gotten a second term if none of this had happened. The Pats probably would have won the Super Bowl as well.

litre_cola

I reckon if he got on the mask bandwagon he would have won.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Fortunately (unfortunately?), too stupid.

Unsurprised

Unfortunately.

rockingdog

LOL

tonight is the night the hanukkah cat flies through the air and brings gifts to all the jewish children. we’ve been doing this with great success for the past several years

Viva La Tabula Raza

So, Santa Claws?

Sharkbait

Fox drops the Stat McVay is undefeated when leading at halftime.

Comeback confirmed.

Cecil Rhodes

Only if it was 28-3.

herodotus450

Also undefeated in Oklahoma.

SonOfSpam

Take your +1 and some fertilizer.

Last edited 3 years ago by SonOfSpam
Sharkbait

His motto must be Ryder die.

Viva La Tabula Raza

That’s Stidham’s music they’re playing!!!

rockingdog

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Another pick six or a field goal?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Field goal it is

Horatio Cornblower

Gotta keep that “not getting shut out in the first half” streak alive.

Dunstan

In my personal head-canon, I assume that Aaron Rodgers really does hang around with his State Farm agent because he thinks it gets him a discount, while Mahomes just does it because he’s a nice friendly guy.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I thought Rodgers did it because no one else would talk to him.

ArmedandHammered

The agent is the closest thing to family he has or that he admits to.

Senor Weaselo

If so he would ignore him.

litre_cola

Head cannon? Sounds like my kind of party. – R. Grossman

SonOfSpam

“Damn, that would’ve been much cooler.”

-R. Budd Dwyer

SonOfSpam

Rodgers does it because he has no family.

Mahomes? The man just got engaged, and damn, she’s annoying full time.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I always look to the NFL Network for the latest news about rock and roll music.

Horatio Cornblower

The Beatles broke up!?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Buddy Holly and the Big Bopper died in a plane crash.

litre_cola

Big Bopper is a very underated nickname.

Horatio Cornblower

Good news, it’s available.

Dunstan

Right, but it’s the Little Bopper that always points north.

SonOfSpam

lol Disney’s starting a new series called Lightyear (origin story) and boning Tim Allen out of the voice gig. Haha fuck you Tim Allen.

Dunstan

Hey it was the 80s, everyone was ratting out their coke suppliers.

SonOfSpam

If you didn’t you were SO lame.

Viva La Tabula Raza

And accepting welfare money. Which he is against now. Fucking asshole.

Horatio Cornblower

Right-wing Twitter has opinions on that.

Dunstan

TIM ALLEN HAS BEEN CANCELLED FOR HIS VIEWS! THIS IS NOT FAIR!

/goes back to vowing not to watch NFL games if players kneel

Viva La Tabula Raza

Are you channeling Mike Pence?

SonOfSpam

Well, he does have a cock in his ass.

ArmedandHammered

Worn by Mother.

Redshirt

…and replaced by Chris Evans. I’m sure its probably because of age, but that’s a nice touch.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Not Chris Evans the annoying British Top Gear guy?

ArmedandHammered

Look Tim Allen is already taking part in one fantasy with lots vocal fans, he does not have time for another even if it is more grounded in reality.

Redshirt

Is this Belichick being exposed for only being good because of his QB, or were they completely ill-prepared to life post-Brady.

Horatio Cornblower

I think it’s a little of the first, and a whole lot of the second.

Dunstan

I hate to “be fair” to them, but don’t the Pats have a number of injuries/COVID opt-outs this year?

SonOfSpam

Haven’t seen Kevin Faulk this season, so maybe.

Horatio Cornblower

They did. Especially in defense.

But I will never, ever, be fair to the Patriots.

litre_cola

That was an absolute shit parade of drafting, however please see Eagles, Philadelphia for worse WR picks.

I remember being so diluted that I though Billy McMullen could work out.

rockingdog

LOL dat face
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Last edited 3 years ago by rockingdog
Horatio Cornblower

Actor: How should I prepare for this sex scene?

Director: Ever seen someone drown?

Actor: Uh, no?

Director: Well, just imagine it and try to go with that.

SonOfSpam

“Or just eat beans. Lots of beans.”

Redshirt

Maybe the actress to the words “blowjob” too literal?

Horatio Cornblower

I didn’t realize that Los Angeles was letting fans into games, but it looks like a typical LA crowd tonight.

Cecil Rhodes

They are all stuck in traffic in I-5. Oh wait…

SonOfSpam

It’s not even the 3rd quarter yet.

Redshirt

Its is so painfully obvious that Cam Newton is done as a NFL QB, its virtually guaranteed that Cincy takes a flyer out him until Burrow gets back.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m not sure Steve Belichek is the answer as the defensive coordinator.

But I’ll guarantee nobody asks that question.

Viva La Tabula Raza

The only person that could ask the question is busy getting his crank yanked,

SonOfSpam

15% off Thursday nights.

jjfozz

I like Cam, but fuck the Patriots.

I am drinking Belichek’s anger like fine wine.

Unsurprised

Same

litre_cola

The 4th down play was a complete brain cramp by Cam.

rockingdog

LOL
Rocking Dog spotted
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litre_cola

Pugs are always the answer.

Gumbygirl

Mighty Mike is the best cartoon in the last 30 years or so. I will cut a bitch who dares to disagree!

herodotus450

Got a new light bulb today, and it seems a little brighter than the old one. So yeah, some pretty riveting stuff going on over here.

Don T

I bought new bed linens. Got so excited after putting ‘em, had to take sone acetaminofen.

Game Time Decision

Whats the thread count?

Don T

1,400
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Game Time Decision

Nooooiiiice

Sharkbait

New & clean sheets are the best

hippofant

I kinda hate how many types of light bulbs there are nowadays. Total choice paralysis at the store. A million different colours, a million different technologies, a million different wattages, help me god.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Time to get back to candles and kerosene lanterns.

rockingdog

pats fans rite now…
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Game Time Decision

NAWT FAIR. HE WASN’T O PEN

litre_cola

Well this looks like lost money and an early bed time.

LemonJello

What did my Dad say about me on my Prom night? I’ll take Anal Bum Cover for $600.

Last edited 3 years ago by LemonJello
Dunstan

Overheard on the sideline:

*grumble grumble* this didn’t happen with the other guy

SonOfSpam

*grumble grumble* someone’s mom’s gonna pay later

jjfozz

“this didn’t happen with the white guy”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Holy shit, Cam. I was more open.