Yay, it’s here! And now we have all sorts of tilts with playoff and/or draft position implications.
TO THE GAMES!
Texans/Bears:
Whar is Bears D? After not allowing qb’s to get even 20 fantasy points in week’s 1-11 they’ve given 25 to Rodgers and 26 to Stafford-this bodes well for Watson who is playing out of his mind right now. Keke shone last week in the absence of Cooks but the latter is back after solving his concussion issues.
Cowboys/Bengals:
If you’re looking to stream a qb for your playoff game you’re in a tough spot just like me and you could do worse that Dalton. Due to Cincy’s inability to generate any kind of pressure he should have all day back there to throw to his mighty triumvirate of wr’s. This is probably the most underwhelming ‘Revenge’ game you’ll likely ever eyeball.
Chiefs/Fins:
I’m kinda curious as to what Flores is going to do in this spot. Miami is top 5 in generating pressure and might have the league’s top pair of cb’s in Howard and Jones but Kelce and Hill are nearly unguardable. Stay away from the Chiefs backfield though, it’s a fat mess.
Cards/Giants:
While great strides have been made the Giants o-line is one of only two (Hi, Jets!) that allows pressure on more than 40% of dropbacks. Hopkins has struggled recently when shadowed by Ramsey and Gilmore and today he’ll get the same treatment from Bradberry who is making his own case for being a top 5 cb.
Vikes/Bucs:
Has Tampa fixed their secondary? They’ve given up 376/3 to Goff and 462/3 to Mahomes in weeks 11 and 12. If Dalvin can’t cook (sorry Russ) it could mean that Cousins gets beyond his usual 20 throws and that means good things for Jefferson and Thielen. Things is, Brady should have an easy time of it vs a Vikes D that is 25th in yards per attempt allowed.
Broncos/Panthers:
One imagines what te Fant could do with a consistent qb under center. Of Lock’s 14 games played he’s thrown for over 250 and had more than one score only twice. Robby Anderson hasn’t been talked about much but he’s one of only 6 wr’s that has a 27% or more target share.
Titans/Jags:
Henry needs to average 171 yards per game in order to join the folks in the 2,000 pantheon. Today he has the Jags and then it’s Lions, Packers and Texans. It’s doable. A.J. Brown gets all the press for his big days and his fumbling at the goal line/dropping open passes but Corey Davis should be a top 20 wr today. It’s a limited sample but nobody has a higher percentage of deep passes thrown than Giraffe’s 20%.
Join me in the funny papers, won’t you?
afternoon funny:
Diane Feinstein opposing dementia but only because it’s a progressive disease
Oh this is good as FUCK.
“I’ma haffta disagree here.”
-Porn Stars
Zac Taylor said he wanted to change the Bengals’ culture. Mission Accomplished.
THIS BEARS DEFENSE I CALL IT DELIVERANCE BECAUSE HICKS BEING IN THE RIGHT PLACE AT THE RIGHT TIME MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE
+1 squeal like a pig
[Downvotes BFC all to hell!]
-Ned Beatty
I always wonder if Gruden still talks like that now that he’s not a commentator. Like, does he yell at his players stuff like “THIS PASS COVERAGE OF YOURS, I CALL IT A DRUNK COLLEGE GIRL, BECAUSE IT’S ABOUT TO GET VIOLATED BY BEN ROETHLISBERGER!”
[Banjo plays softly in the distance ]
Squeals in agreement
DIMESFUMBLE!
Dimes assumes that EVERY SINGLE TIME he drops back to pass, the pocket won’t collapse. Wow.
Watching a Canadian station and they have a commercial for one of those old 10-10-321 long distance call numbers. It’s ok Cananda, if you’re that hard up for cash that you don’t even have cell phones you could have just asked, we’d be happy to help you out.
Send teh moneys, plz
I have some Canadian Tire money I can ship you.
(No, not really. That shit has probably got collector value now anyway.)
Its still a thing. Mainly digital now, like a points thing, but still going
I keep my CT Bux in my old, spare wallet which sits in a drawer in my night stand. No idea why I do it, but old habits die hard, I guess.
You Can Pry My CT Money From My Kitchen Drawer Beside The Stove Anytime You Feel Like It!
I have never seen one. What channel?? Where I mean?
Prob the local CTV ads. Some of the ones is see are for very local places
Something called CTV, not sure on the location; probably PEI though amirit? Those hosers.
/Guys I think I’ve infiltrated the Canadaisn and they’ve accepted me as one of their own.
Just apologise for everything and we’ll never be the wiser
I would like some money, please.
Other than the soccer ads, I love the canadian ads on this questionable stream
Bring on the Loonies!
Famous last words from local strippers
Did that stag go when you guys were here?
Honestly, I genuinely don’t remember. I want to say no but maybe we did and I was too drunk. I don’t have memories of throwing coins at strippers if that answers the question.
Andy Reid keeps hearing about turnovers and wonders who’s hiding them on the sideline.
Pre Game Wish: Tits pull away early and I can glide into Red Zone.
Reality: Even if I finish this bottle of wine, the early slate will still suck.
/lights candle foar Raiders @ Clots
Who ever wants tits to pull away?
Would you prefer that they shake things up in a big way?
Just get right up in my face and show me who’s boss
Xhaka, or however he spells it, gets a red card and Arsenal are down to 10 while tied 0-0 against Burnley.
I can’t wait to dominate the Championship in two years.
YOU HAVE 1 JOB!!!!
Well, if his job was to make a clear yellow card tackle and then throat punch someone who was trying to break things up, thumbs fucking up, mate!
These days, Dan Bailey is better suited to doing kabuki theatre than kicking footballs.
There was an early FG attempt that almost went out the sidelines
— B. Walsh
Where Al Michaels sees a “nice effort” fom the Chiefs RB, I see it as a complete LACK of effort by the Miami defense.
Currently working on an “Air Michaels” logo that shows him reaching across the bar for a bottle of The Glenlivet.
I expect the Chiefs to “take the air out of the ball” and play a low risk offense for the remainder of the game. This is not a bad strategy when you are up 20. The problem with the Raiders is that Gruden runs this strategy when they are up 3.
Also worth noting that the Chiefs are NOT doing this.
“Take the air out of the ball,” you say? Interesting. — Tom B., Tampa FL
I was going with “Way ahead of you”, Brady, T., but I can see I’m not needed here.
So thanks to bk109 my new YouTube rabbit hole is German Dialect videos!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n02VNp8QKlc
Yes I am also very interested in the… dialects, in that video.
Same. What’s the German phrase for “tons of cleavage”?
Buxomfrauden?
Tonnen von Spaltung
Also, the First Baron der Pornografie
Someone’s been using gTranslate without actually paying attention – Spaltung is Split/Chasm (aka the geological term)… quite coincidentally where your wife would bury you if she catches you “studying German” without yer pants 😉
It works if you use the slang term “boulders”
“lebensraum”, I think. I know they’re always going on about that word, whatever it means.
“Manifest Destiny”
Odd, I thought “Manifest Destiny” meant “Thank fucking Christ for the natives’ lack of gunpowder or immune system” … It’s latin or someshit 😀
riesig Dekolette…why are ya asking?
“Mom, you’d tell me if you were in a German dialect video, right?”
You’re welcome, lol, though I must warn you that I am not liable for any brain freezes induced by Plattendeutsch, lol
Btw, the good thing about the whole language group is that with German and (some) Swedish, you can get by without a problem in Denmark, Norway and even in a pinch the Netherlands (…except that all of the above also have insanely high levels of English fluency … 😀 )
I know roughly ten Swedish words, but one of them is öl and another is folköl, so I’m good
All mine came curtesy of the Muppets
Unfortunately for my family that’s also where I got my cooking skills from.
https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/34e39768-e658-4fe5-8224-bb4594658f20#jabaHZunAU9.copy
Could be worse… thanks wifey’s love of hockey (and hatred of the zebras), our eldest kid’s first word was an excited Fitta… which she decided to blurt at a family dinner with both sets of parents… repeatedly…
Hey, that’s a baby that knows where she came from!
At this point it’s just an educated guess. I’d love to be around when the kiddos are old enough to recognize the significance of some of their onesies … like “Mommy only wanted a backrub” 😀
Btw,I’d come as a shock to everyone here, but I’m actually the more responsible parent (to the point of watching my words so much, that I still occasionally call refs doo-doo heads), her brother’s first words were – car and Audi… The younger twins were sadly traditional and went with “Mom and Dad” respectively
Although, as I learned from Top Gear, “kar” is not as innocent in Albanian
Uh… if it’s the same as in the slavic languages, it should mean хуй (huy) , right?
spot on
I can get by anywhere, just by insisting in speaking English as LOUDLY. AND. SLOWLY. AS. NECESSARY.
/gets beaten to death in British Columbia.
Brandon Allen ain’t got time to die.
These Voice of Reason ads from the Canadian government are genuinely fantastic and we should have them in this country. It’s literally what the ad council should be for.
THE MSM WANTS YOU TO BELIEVE THAT REASON IS A GOOD THING!
Slips on yellow vest.
Shit, I hope Watson is ok. I’d be alright if he takes the rest of this game off to rest but hope he can get back to form next week.
Having to call this Cincy Dallas game is the worst thing that has ever happened to Chris Spielman
“Wow! That’s a bit, you know…”
-Darkwing Duck, during a blackout
Broncos TD’s have been scored by Hamler, Patrick and Vannett. Leading receiver for the team is…Troy Fumagalli. So happy I picked him up on the waiver wire in my 36 team league!
The first three guys are a decent white collar law firm. The last guy owns a meatball sub food truck and is cosplaying as a mobster.
Synopsis of CBS’s new show
Crime drama or Rom-Com?
Fake characters on their attempt to rival Fox with “I bet you thought we couldn’t dance while doing our day jobs, didn’tcha?”
Musical crime drama.
In masks.
Not COVID styles masks either
Kabuki? You sonofabitch. I’m in.
Look out, Laszlo Paniflex!
Bullshit that’s a touchdown, he was down and fumbled it into the end zone
DON’T THROW IT TO STONE HANDS
Safety dance for KC
Safety Dance in Miami.
Did they take their hats off too?
Is it too much to ask for a Bears pick 6 since I’ve got the Bears defense and my opponent has the Shaun?
Thanks for that Reddit link, Rikki. Read through it over the course of the afternoon.
Which one, the nosleep stuff? There’s some fun stories in there.
Dion with the Giants rush TD. Gallman owners are pissed!
Gallman owners are used to this by now
Giants just had their first offensive (haha) play in Qards territory. Its half way through the 3rd
And now they got TD. Lol
And Jones just put on his Confused Eli face to complete that Giants fan wet dream.
I’ll wager neither one of them could point to “OMAHA!” on a map.
The Super Mario Star that the NFC East somehow got ahold of last week has worn off
This KC game is getting bad enough that I might switch back to Cardinals-Giants.
You could nap…
I have decided to join team nap.
I’m in the middle of working out.
Show off
Or did your birthday heighten your awareness of your mortality?
12oz curls?
Gotta build up those napping muscles.
2 Td’s in 62 seconds for KC.
Check please
[Petr Cech walks into room]
“Where we going?”
I SAW THAT ALREADY GOD CUT IT OUT YOU JERK
BOW WOW
thats ROCKING!!!!!
KC with 14 points in 62 seconds to start the second half. Wow.
I suppose I shouldn’t complain, the Raiders could use a Miami loss if they are going to…oh who am I kidding the Raiders are not a serious wild card contender.
We’ve so much in common! Let’s be pen pals!
Lol. Done.
Dinner in Perry Sound?
Someone say Perry Sound?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-WpsdC2-Cc
Brady-Gronk is a classic combo, like a cheeseburger and fries.
Or hobos and scotchy’s flensing knife.
Or like herpes and valtrex
Or STD’s and UTI’s.
Mitch Trubisky, Bears quarterback of the future!
[sees Tyreek Hill slip]
Please be hurt…please be hurt…
/I’m not like this with any other player, honestly
Phillip Rivers or Baker Mayfield, maybe? Both have punchable faces.
Jameis and Zeke for me. They are annoyingly healthy.
Some chef needs to invent a savoury dish by the name of “Clam Newton”.
“JUST AS LAWNG AS YOU LEAVE OUWAH FACKING CHOWDHA ALONE!”
Too late! I already submitted that idea to the Fig Newton Corporation and am expecting a reply soon.
Would that top the orange juice and toothpaste Oreos?
Buys orange juice futures
So it only shows up ever few weeks, doesn’t go into the bowl easily and gives you the runs?
uttt ohhh
AJ Brown injured??
THROW it 2 Corey Davis!!!!
How has no one tackled Henry by his hair yet?
Should be pointed out every week – same would be TOTES legal. El Tracorcito might murder you, though.
THIS BEARS GAME I CALL IT THE ALAMO BECAUSE A BUNCH OF TEXANS ARE GETTING SLAUGHTERED AND MOST AMERICANS WILL ALWAYS BE CONFUSED ABOUT WHO WON
There may be gaps/hallucinations in the Monday column. Hippo really needs (ok, WANTS) an opium nap.
I’m on Team NAP
I mean, has anyone EVAR chosen #TeamNap and regretted it?
Sunny Von Bulow?
“Oh, that’s a deep cut!”
-Murderer of the Black Dahlia
That one time when I was driving, it was a bad choice.
eh, I always woke up when I rumbled across the shoulder
Ended up in the trees, but my foot had fallen off the gas, glad cruise control was not on.
Early games are really meh so far, holding out hope for the later slate.
In principle the Miami-KC game is a good one, but we all know how it’s going to turn out.
Scribbles something on the wall in crayon
Not like snuff films usually have a plot twist, or so I have heard.
Lots of things are better with hallucinations
“How would I be able to tell?”
-typical reader
This Cards-Giants game should just be flexed to another year. I don’t know who let this game be televised. It was a mistake. Such a mistake.
It’s so boring it’s now being sponsored by 4 out of 5 dentist’s drills.
who would have guessed last week’s “QB-0” offense would be MOAR effective??
The fact that it’s showing in LA is a war crime
It has driven me to watch the Chiefs game. It’s that bad.
In Central Cal, we have this followed by the Raiders game opposite the Niners game. This isn’t going to get better any time soon.
I just saw Lovie got fired at Illinois.
another hobo eligible for Sunday nights!
So, you’re saying he’s available for a second stint with the Bears?
Ok, anyone think that the most unrealistic part of Eurotrip’s the idea that a German would go to study in the US (and accrue massive debts, ’cause yer higher learning system is as broken as my wife’s Cobra Jet) as opposed to getting a great education for (quite often) – free…
In fact, any of you lot care to guess a ballpark figure for a tripple degree in Economics, Politics and CompSci was in Dublin (either with or without accomodation)?
The two realistic options are 1) A one semester/year study abroad or 2) Grad school
Quite a few Germans do end up living in the US for a year or so. And then despite being essentially fluent, if you’re in Germany and ask them if they speak English they will always answer “a little”
One time some German high school kids offered to let me sleep on their floor in Prague so they could practice their English with me. But then it turns out there wasn’t enough room on the floor.
This sounds like the beginning to a very unpleasant story but it wasn’t. They were nice kids and took good care of me in Berlin.
Berlin is awesome. I stayed in a hostel in East Berlin that had a bar that was frequented by goths. All very friendly and also wanted to practice English.
I am reading a Berlin-based detective series, the protagonist gets into how naturally non-Nazi-pre-disposed they were.
Somewhere in Kreuzberg?
It’s fun as hell (provided there’s no beer bug), especially nowadays when you can rent out a bike for peanuts and take in more than just the usual tourist traps .. In fact, the only place that sucks in Berlin to my knowledge is the “new” Berlin-Brandenburg airport (’cause I actually worked a couple of summers in construction there when I was in college and … by Jebus, litre’s kid would do a better fire detection system than the initial design)
Edit: HOLY FUCK, they finally opened that fucker after only … like 10 years of delays
They did need something other than Tegel for non-LCC flights, but yeah, the Schonefeld reboot was a disaster.
https://onemileatatime.com/berlin-brandenburg-airport-review/
I know, lol – I worked there like 3-4 years after the project first started, finished my education, had 4 kids and got my pilot’s license before they officially opened that place 😀
Oh, yeah, most Germans do English just fine, but I find it easier to first start with my rusty German (12 years in school studying that bloody thing :D) – that way I either practice my language skills or at least show ’em enough respect to speak their language in their country 😀
The Scandis are so much better – here people actually seem to be more willing to do English than their native ones (and quite a few places are “English-first” nowadays)
Also, since I’m an evil bastard (and no one tried to guess) – 5k $ in tuition fees (I wasn’t eligible to have those covered by the Irish State) and ~12k $ in room and board (with like half offset by grants and the like).
I had reasonable German for a while, but I guess my accent was off, because people would just switch to English after my first multi-word sentence
I think they do it more outta politeness (after you’ve made your own effort to be polite by speaking German), ’cause they have such horrible regional accents that you actually spot non-native speakers by their use of Hochdeutsch as opposed to the local dialects (the more South you go, the worse it gets with Swiss-German taking the goddamn cake)
This makes me feel much better! Thank you!
A quick little primer in how … fun Swiss-German is 😀
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89adaKKIkUw
Oh wow, they elide a bunch of stuff, which is not something I associate with German, and then other words are just totally different
Yeah, the real fun begins when they start speaking Hochdeutsch, but with the same sing-song cadence as normal Swiss-German, so you hear the occasional familiar word, but everything else goes in a blur 😀
At any rate – there’s really enough of a variance in regional dialects and expressions that makes one appreciate how simple English is even in its worst form (aka Drunken rural-Irish-English) 😀
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyuXjSZZj_o
I’ve managed a half hour pub conversation with an octogenarian in Glasgow, it’s my most proud linguistic achievement
I actually had a lot of trouble in Dresden, I’m wondering if they have something similar being so close to the Czech border?
Truth Biscuit is 16-18. This upside-down world perturbs me.
Just more proof Herr Orange ABSOLUTELY WON THE RIGGED ELECTION!!
What is the most confusing outcome of these games for the NFC East standings? I need to figure out who I’m rooting for
Can they all tie?
I’m in favor of this
… and some people just want to watch the world yawn ,eh?
Triple coverage = PI I guess?
Is the QB Tom Brady, if so yes.
I felt pretty proud of myself Friday morning when I decided to start Cousins over Goff
Danny Dimes game is so full of holes that the Swiss are thinking about re-naming a cheese after him.
There just need to be many of him on the field.
lol personal responsibilities what is this some sort of asian graphic?
government messaging and financial support THIS IS UNAMERICAN
It has Government messaging and financial support, so it’s clearly not the US
“Pretty comfy, nice high back, a little close to the table. Would prefer to be closer to the pie case. 6.5/10.”
-Andy Reid’s Booth Review.
I’m weirdly irritated by the pronounciation of Kelce. I feel like it should be Kel-chee, or possibly Kels
Chelsea.
I knew there was a reason I didn’t like him.
Everything is going to shit in FF and Gamblor, but Mightey Whitey got a pt against the Scum, so I am good today.