Let’s jump right in.
Fallout:
-Jalen Hurts has been announced as the Eagles starter next week. Funny how a bit of mobility upends a D that had a playbook predicated on blitzing the hell out of Wentz. Carson was the most sacked qb in the league when he was pulled. Hurts wasn’t sacked once and averaged 11 yards per scramble. He missed a few wide-open guys but Wentz was doing that anyway. At least this rook brings ‘watchability’ back to the position again. Any Eagles fans that screamed bloody murder when he was drafted care to backpedal?
-Guenther gone. The Raiders Defensive Coordinator (in name only) was in charge of a unit that had surrendered 29 more points than the 4-9 Chargers, including an average of 32.5 over the last four (1-3) games.
-Team is now fronting the most entertaining, fascinating and incompetent division in the NFL. It’s going to go down to the wire in the same way that “The Upper Class Twit of the Year” race did.
-Thank You For Being A Friend, is what I hoped Hassan Reddick tweeted to Danny Dimes after the former finished with 5 sacks and 3 fumble recoveries.
-[grumbles under breath] Stupid rook rb’s are finally getting their shit together after languishing on various benches. (in the league and fantasy) Jonathan Taylor and Cam Akers had themselves games yesterday and I’m sure Dobbins will bring the thunder tonight. [“sons a bitches”]
TO THE GAME!
Ravens/Browns:
-This won’t settle anything in the division but if the Ravens win they can muddy the picture a bit and if the Browns get the W they’re but one game behind the faltering, run game-less Steelers.
-Ravens will bring the heat because that’s what they do and because Mayfield struggles mightily in that scenario. Of the 32 qb’s with the most playing time Mayfield is ranked 31st and he’s had a 21-39 for 189 (1-1) line vs the Ravens and a 10-18, 119 (1-2) line vs the Steelers.
-Kareem Hunt is slowly being phased out of both the run and pass game as the season progresses. The under on his prop bet 46.5 rushing total looks tasty.
-If Marquise Brown is in your lineup things are looking good. He’s scored in 2 straight games and had the most receiving yards this year vs the Browns
-The Ravens Brandon Williams is back and he is essential to the Ravens run D. With him playing no team has gained more than 150 yards. When he’s been out the D has given up 194, 173 and 173.
-Also keep an eye on te Andrews if he’s a go. The Browns have given up 10(!) TD’s to opposing tight ends.
Make with the wheezing sounds and the jibber jabber, why don’t ya.
The ball slipped right out of KHunt and they scored anyway!
This is not the Factory-brand sadness that I am used to. Reminds me more of the Shitty Clippers.
They’ll regret switching from Classic Sadness to New Sadness
Sure didn’t pay off for Coca-Cola.
Believedown
Fuck this Challenge-TV timeout-1 play-TV timeout bullshit
I love that they’re basically challenging the official’s ability to count to 12 with their shoes and pants on
NFL is so much better with all these 4th down attempts.
And missed kicks. Shanklor be praised.
Woohoo! Landry catch. Semifinals beibeh
Sad Hippo is sad.
/Price Is Right horn sounds
Blocking a kick must sting like hell
Nothing stings like pinkeye – O Beckham Jr.
Are you not entertained????
SHANK’LOR FEASTS BY LAKE ERIE TONIGHT
The Butcher, The Baker, The Turnover Maker
What is, the top three spots on Andy Reid’s speed dial?
/this joke brought to you by speed dials
Excellent.
#ThePauls!
Oh Baker
ODB being used for selling washing machines and dryers. Good lord.
I would watch a Lamar/Andrews buddy comedy where they battle their arch-nemesis duo of Brady/Gronk
Took leftover brisket and latkes, ripped them apart, threw em into the frying pan with some eggs, having breakfast for dinner. Now if only I could retire before 40 life would be grand.
That sounds delicious
If only I could go back to 40. Or at least drink a 40.
Oh man, it just hit me that these are both potentially playoff teams. What a world
2020, man.
“That video that captured exactly what I did doesn’t show who I am.”
Gonna disagree with you there, Cream Hunt
No Cody, you can’t.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7D_JwgIM-y4
Cody Parkey is going to crush the already soulless masses of Believeland, too.
Every team should just go for 2 every time
Wrong runningback
Parkey!
This has been a really good football game. With 2 unoffensive announcers to boot!
CREAMHUNTDOWN!
Shouldve bet on the Gus Bus
Don’t need to discuss much.
“I was told someone would drop off a key?”
-Lee
So apparently according to Disney and Pixar, the souls of black people are white.
Not in my book.
Oh hey, there are actual RBs on the Ravens too!
I’m not going to lie. I honestly believe I deserve priority in line for the vaccine and instead I’ll be lucky to get it before August.
Part of me is hoping that enough idiots will refuse to take the vaccine, at least at first, that us low-priority people will be able to get it sooner than expected.
The entire country deserves it after the year of fuckery we’ve had
Another Oxford man! What college did you read at?
This is a preview of the Browns playoff game.
Doesn’t matter if they are 4-12 or 12-4, the Factory always delivers.
I’m looking to buy a sofa for the first time. I am very confused how they can range from $300 to $3000. Please provide any advice/tips/recommendations you may have.
They’re all fine
Buy leather, not fabric. Way easier to clean. And when you rub your penis on it, it feels way better.
Napping on a leather couch always makes me wake up sweaty. This may just mean that on fabric couches, my sweat is soaking into the fabric, but I see that as a problem for my guests and not for me.
Depends how long you want it to last.
If it’s just you, and for a few years, go cheap.
If it’s long-term and for a family, go LaZBoy or whatnot.
Long enough to nap in
It’s the shoes!
Barring some 2nd half Chubb heroics, I, like BrittFaar, am going to come up a little short.
i know you’re not supposed to laugh at the down trodden, but there is something truly funny about people in my league screeching at browns players to save their fantasy seasons
These two Chubbdowns have me in the position of going “stop stop he’s already dead” to my opponent.
quitter!
Dry drunk uncle alert
Jack Nicklauses grand daughter or some rich spawn got married to a dude named TODGER STRUNK. Soak that shit in.
His parents should be turned in to CPS for that name. And the eternal wedgie he’ll carry with him to the grave.
Should have gone for Mergatroid Skittle.
You really need this.
No woman south of Bloemfontein ever said no.
Marianne Faithful approves
Ooooh, the crawl just said Captain Bluebunny isn’t getting fired. There go Horatio’s IPA reserves
YEEEEEEHAAAAWWWwwwww I don’t want to take the dead money hit!!!
Just tuning in now. Where’d all these points come from? Santa’s workshop?
Not Khunt goddammit.
I hear that one of these teams can produce a certain commodity better than any other team in the world…
That’s gotta be on quotables, right?
Almost threw for the FG!
Is that a rouge?
TOTES should be.
TOuTES you mean
Careful for that post
Cody Parkey would have missed that completely.
I had “Oedipus Complex” texted at me in anger this morning. Man, that’s drunk texting fodder! God I miss normal people.
Even weirder, it was your mother texting you.
That’s a bold texting strategy
Crap like this is why you should never mix Psych degrees with Architecture courses.
“We see here the scale model of our proposed open-plan Oedipus shopping complex. Note the Freudian slipway leading to the subconscious and subterranian parking garage”
M.C. Escher: “Hmmm. Thinking about making that slipway circle back around…”
Kafka: “Interesting. Can you make it lead to nowhere?”
J. Lacan: “Gotta say, love the way you guys think.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQiOA7euaYA
https://youtube.com/watch?v=n0quUM-Nr2c&feature=youtu.be
I’d say you dodged el bullet-o with that one.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mScdJURKGWM
Credit where credit is due-this tilt is far more entertaining than I thought it would be.
Needs MOAR Hollywood
LAMAR!
Looks like they unlocked Jackson
LAMAR doing LAMAR stuff. Enjoyable!
Every Penn State alum just orgasmed
Mrs Sharkbait has finished making cookies. Only 13 dozen this year.
To be fair, the cookies are “snap” size. But still.
Jarvis Landry needs to start shitting his guts out during the half. And not return to the pitch.
NAWT officially ded at teh half WOO!!!!!
IT’S A FIELD YOU FUCKING PRETENTIOUS CONTINENTALIST FANCY BOY
I am going to have to side with Spam on this one.
r u drnkk too?
Comfortably buzzed. Been a hectic day.
Bench Hunt and put in Chubb for the rest of the game.