I’m talking about Saints running backs and Agatha Christie of course. If you’re looking for “If this happens, then that happens” playoff permutations you’ve come to the wrong small football-watching site. You’ll hear enough of that over the course of any game you watch and they’ll most likely get it right, unlike me. I’m only good for snark and semi-tepid taeks.
Before we head into the football, a shoutout to the soccer monkeys on the site that slowly get things going on Sunday mornings. If commenting early, try to use “cheeky”, “c-word”, (just can’t get used to that one, likely never will) “guv’na”, “crikey” and “penno” in your typings. It makes them feel at home.
TO THE GAMES!
Fins/Bills:
As odd as it may seem, these two team’s trajectories make this the “must-see” AFC East tilt going forward. Will the Bills rest some players, given that they’re nestled into the #2 or #3 spot? I looked around but could find no confirmation.
Ravens/Bengals:
Rashawn Slater or Ja’Marr Chase’s new team is going to get the ever-loving puss whomped out of them today by a Baltimore team that is “on form” at just the right time.
Steelers/Browns:
Cleveland is in the classic “win or go home” spot but has closed their facilities three of the last four days. Dudes that won’t be playing due to Covid include 2 starters at lb, one at safety and another at corner. That might not be as big a deal because the underwhelming Mason Rudolph is under center. This game, much like Ben’s penis, is going to be weird, ugly and off-color.
Vikes/Lions:
Dalvin is out due to his dad’s unexpected passing so Abdullah and Boone get the honor of closing out a forgettable season. I’m guessing there will be points scored here because these D’s have been waving the white flag all year long.
Jets/Pats:
I read somewhere that Belichick’s coaching record without Brady compares quite favorably to Rex Ryan’s. Ha! Don’t feel too bad for the Jetskis-they still have the 2nd pick in the draft, the Seahawks 1st and 3rd, the Giants 3rd and 5th, a ton of cap space and a soon-to-be ex-coach wandering the sideline making strange expressions.
Cowboys/Giants:
She’s another one of them ‘must wins’ for the Giants, a team whose D has 2 sacks and all of 6 qb hits the last three weeks. Guh!, I say Guh! This is why the return of Kyler Fackrell and his 3 sacks is viewed as good news. Jeebuz Christmas! I’ll be hella scared of Dallas next year if they draft nothing but defenders but they won’t, so I won’t.
Falcons/Bucs:
The “Is this *blank*’s last year in *blank*?” articles are already coming out and I saw one that inserted “Matt Ryan” and “Atlanta”. The thing is, he didn’t play that badly, he’s still 35, (getting there, yes) his contract makes him near untradeable right now and the new GM/Coach will want stability at the position while likely reaching for Wilson in the first or hoping that Jones, Ridder or Trask falls to them in the 2nd or 3rd. So no, this isn’t Ryan’s last year in Atlanta, dummies, it’s his second-last year in Atlanta.
One of my better TED Talks, thank you for saving the tomatoes in your pockets for the next speaker.
Oh hey, the Browns are ahead! How do you think they’ll fuck it up?
If you take the multiverse idea into account, all the way imaginable and then some.
Baker tears his Achilles on a meaningless garbage time drive, misses the playoff and all of next season.
CASE KEENUM BABY!
Oh wouldn’t it be loverly!?
It’s never actually occurred to me to wonder what a dolphin trampled by a herd of buffalo would look like, but I guess we’ll find out!
At least Mason is living up to his name, tossing bricks line that
banner!
Hippo already won the day.
ravens at bengals:
I missed getting bets in the early window. Kittle’s gonna go over 4.5 catches right?
Will he carry that last one to full term?
Cowboydown.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=NEfpoUuKFOY&feature=youtu.be
I’d rather it be Cowboy Down and it was about Jerrah overestimating himself at the Bunny Ranch and blowing out all his heart valves.
At least I got out of the house while it’s still sunny. Had a nice walk. Got some half-decent enchilada.
Time for a nap.
THESE BILLS I CALL JAPANESE FISHERMAN BECAUSE THEY ARE SLAUGHTERING THE DOLPHINS.
FUCK YOU, WHALE AND DOLPHIN!
me: i don’t get it, I’ve hardly done anything physical, yet my legs feel like shit.
dar: how in God’s name did you make it through two a days without realizing how important drinking water is?
man of biting wisdom
Finally turned own Browns-Stillers and am shocked Baker Mayfield didn’t immediately throw a red zone INT
It’s almost like nobody deserves to win the NFC East.
I’m suggested for years that if a division doesn’t produce at least 1 team with a .500 record then that should become a wildcard slot. the highest seeded wildcard team gets a home playoff game
But a sub .500 team in the playoffs is the wildest of cards!
Or at least the division winner should lose home advantage. Wichita, here we come!
BARK BARK BARK
Matt Barkley is in
thats ROCKING
He’s still in the NFL?
/ball goes right through Evan Engram’s hands for INT as was foretold by yours truly and Hippo.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_asNhzXq72w
Goddamnit Giants DON’T FUCK UP MY DREAM OF A 6-10 PLAYOFF TEAM!
Brokeback taking a rest, LOLfins has hope!
Josh Norman just crushed it. Poor LOLfins.
Why are all these starters still playing in meaningless games for playoff-bound teams?
Because the Ginger Hammer uses the tears of someone blowing out an ACL on a meaningless play and missing the playoffs as lube for his Satanic orgies with Jerruh and Danny-boi Snyder 😀
I know, why are the Giants still playing Daniel Jones? Doesn’t make any sense at all!
In all fairness, the Giants don’t make sense in general so it’s kinda par for the course
Sling is apparently having some sort of outage. Not cool.
That’s the beauty of modern technologies, lol – they work fine 99% of the time, but as soon as you actually have 5 grand on the line … I mean something to watch and it goes kaputt 😀
Kudos to the Bills coaching staff-stepping on the throat of the Fins and grinding is exactly what a good team aspiring to be great does.
Greetings, fellow degenerates.
Salutations
You sound just like my quantum state.
I’m uncertain about that.
Are you sure you are not entangled?
found a funny:
gentle reminder that we brush our hair with teeth on a stick and brush our teeth with hair on a stick
That joke must kill with the Luddites. When I die. I’ll leave you my sonicare toothbrush.
luddites bristle at yor suggestion, they just use a chewed up stick
Uh, anyone else here see WW84, ’cause I gotta ask.. it it me, or was the bloody rape thing completely ignored by the bloody plot?
From what I understand, completely ignored, but hey, its rape of a man, so no big deal.
tbh, for me that goes straight into existential horror (regardless of the genders involved), because of the equally unpalatable options of A) someone getting yeeted outta his own body, because a half-god is still hung up on the first guy she ever… “met” … and who was only in her life for like a week (7 decades ago)
or B) that same someone’s having his life usurped (for the same reasons) and is being dragged into dangerous situations against his will
Also, as pointed out by a thing on YT, the implications of her standing idle while WW2, the Indo-China wars and countless of genocides happen is … delightful
I don’t know about WW84, but, Gal Gadot is going to play Cleopatra, and I’m already at half mast.
Given the laughably wooden performance she gave in WW84, you can make do with a couple of pictures an’ the old college try 😀
All the same to me.
yer welcome
I thought she was ok to pretty good, but the plot was just SO bad that nothing was going to save it.
Honestly, the saving grace for both WW movies are Chris Pine and the villains (though Kristen Wiig’s character could’ve been a bit more fleshed out). The odd thing is, Gal Gadot appears to be charismatic IRL and good/fun in decidedly dumb movies like Fast 5/6, but unless a miracle happens – I just don’t see her carrying a movie as the focal point… Basically – she’ll do an Emilia Clarke, but minus the original nudity 😀
Haven’t seen WW84 yet, but I thought the villain was the weakest part of the first film.
THESE MIAMI DOLPHINS, I CALL THEM NICOLE BROWN SIMPSON AND RON GOLDMAN, BECAUSE THEY’RE GETTING MURDERED BY BUFFALO BILLS.
Mason Rudolph has one word to describe this season:
N*****
The holidays are traditionally a tough time for Rudolph.
If Pittsburgh isnt knocking an Ohio team out of the playoffs, do they even really exist?
as easy as it is to make fun of the Bengals and browns, the NFL would not be complete without all 31 teams
Brokeback QB continuing to lasso more TDs. Aaron Rodgers hopes that they can meet serendipitously on the slopes of the Grand Teton after the season is over.
The best thing I can say at halftime of the Steelers/ Brownies game is that I was afraid it would be much worse.
At this point, if the Lolphins are shitting the bed, they might as well take Allen’s head while leaving
Fuck week 17.
-woman talking to her abortion doctor
Take your +1 and head back over to the women’s shelter to console that poor lady.
dolphins sure could use some Fitzmagic right now.
Christ, what a throw to Pettis for the Giantsdown. This is why I hesitate to give up on old Dimesy.
Maybe he just needs a bit longer, since he played at Duke he wasn’t really playing college ball, more like high school 1.5.
T’udder things about him is that he’s had 3 different OC’s the last 3 years and he’s never played behind a competent o-line.
I think those circumstances are under rated 9r mainly only given lip service, because “players are pros and should be able to handle these types of changes”, but constantly being under a stream of incompetent coaching has got to seriously retard a players growth.
“Couldn’t agree more. It rubs off on you.”
-Unfrozen Caveman QB
Sam Darnold frowns at the use of “the r-word” and then resumes eating paste and dry macaroni.
G’evenin’ lads and lasses, how’re ya this fine arse eve so far?
[Dimes has free play]
[throws 5 yards downfield]
Fuck, just imagine How Very Monday tomorrow will feel. I need #ThirdPill.
I feel the same way, I started dreading tomorrow last night. Retirement is hopefully only 5 years away, not sure i can hold out that long.
I could manage 5 years, if I cashed out my 401k then shot myself when it ran out!
The other issue is my work provides fantastic health insurance my wife does not want to lose, she may make me work an extra 10 years.
I could go in 10, due to being #olddad I have 15 to go.
I could not last that long. Looked at SS statement and I started working at 14 and have always worked at least 20 hours per week, so 40 years straight. So fucking tired.
What a return! McKenzie wants the Kamara record!
He is a great talent that has been used as an gadget guy on fookin’ end-arounds for the most part. He’s far quicker and more explosive than Beasley and that’s not a criticism of the latter.
He was originally with the Donks, but fumbled like SEVEN TIMES his first year returning kicks.
I see Andy Dalton hasn’t lost his Playoff Touch.
Wakey Reacts Reasonably (RARE non-Ole edition)
You can nae stop Streling Shepard, you can only hope to contain him. I mean, if you’re lacking in gender.
Time to transition to baseball mode…dear God.
You must be in XTC right now.
/I finally got this
Did a small child whisper in your ear?
One of the advantages of watching Canadia regional broadcasts is that if you need an oil change in British Columbia, a buncha dudes with bad haircuts have your back, no matter where you are in the province.
Wife is from Salmon Arm. You aren’t wrong.
LOLfins are kind of poopy. Good thing The Giraffe can still open a playoff back door!
They’re melting down
Is it bad of me, that I want someone to tackle Tom Brady in the mid section so hard, he curls up like an overcooked shrimp and remains that way for the rest of the decade?
Artist’s Concept:
I would love to see this happen, especially if it was down the capital steps.
Not at all.
I would never stop cumming.
What the fuck? Dolphins defense looking like the 2019 defense with all the embarrassing missed tackles
Really hoping for a backdoor cover in the TB game. – A. Brown’s bible study partner.
I remember picking Ameer Abdullah in the fourth round before his rookie season and yelling, “Y’ALL STOOPID!!” for letting him fall to me. I also took NYG RB David Wilson in the the second round, and Kenbrell Tompkins in the sixth.
I have had Sunday ticket this year and I’m just now noticing HULU is in a standoff with right-wing terrorist organization Sinclair Broadcast Company. We got the freaking playoff next week.
Is Tee Higgins ok or is he fucked?
Fucked. Hammy tore to bits.
Forever? Asking for a keeper league
It’s a re-injury of that hamstring. But he’s still questionable to return, so I may. have been a bit over dramatic there.
Hope he’ll be okay for next week.
[cries in Redshirt]
Afternoon, gentlefuckers.
Jesus Christ, Baker! You have a free shot on the QB and you veer to the right? The fuck is wrong with you!
Of course the Bills get a touchdown the next play
Antonio Brown TD! How great when good things happen to fucking scumbags.
The NFL in a nutshell
Republican party in a nutshell.
“Hey, that statement needs to be more inclusive!”
-Kamala Harris
Who among us hasn’t jerked off on the back of our bible study partner?
I mean blessed is he who comes in the name of teh Lord amirite??
Damn it. It’s not even noon and you’ve won for the day.
I think this is my first ever double digit comment. SO PROUD.
Will make his subsequent fuck up and fall (the 4th or 5th) even sweeter.
Happy New Year, gentlemen and others. I see that those uncivilized Browns are running roughshod over my personal steel mill workers. 2021 is off to a terrible start!
I can’t help but feel schadenfreude just based on your username
I do very much like that your first comment on a post is usually ‘in character’.
Men of industry (the Steelers) will bring Africa out of poverty, not a rebellion that is led by a Baker.
Tourette’s-ey McBugeyes proving that he can lay down to the fucking patriots as well as any college coach that replaces him is our going away present.