Your “Let’s Tie A Bow on 2020” Superb Owl Open Thread

Let’s wipe the slate clean the way Andy Reid uses lettuce as a napkin to wipe his mouth during a meal and then eats said napkin/lettuce afterwards. Look, it’s a form of recycling and he’s trying his best.

Well, all of our pleading, begging, crying, complaining, caterwauling, gnashing and swearing has come down to this-the likeable dude vs. the mangy old faux-vitamin seller. Damn, by the time we get to the second half it’ll be past Brady’s bedtime! But anyway, you dropped by here to interact with the lovely folks that inhabit the site, make dick jokes and say goodbye to another footed ball season so I’ll just throw some giblets out there (Petey King calls them nuggets and nuggets are gross) and we’ll be on our way.

TO THE (LAST) GAME!

Chiefs/Bucs:

-Shoutout to K.C.’s DC who goes by the name of “Spags”. He was the one who devised the Giants extraordinary upset of the undefeated ’07 Pats (remember, Tabula?) with heavy pressure from the defensive line. This time around he doesn’t have talent there but he does have some in the secondary. So he’s come up with a dime package that uses 6(!) db’s. He runs that D 44% of the time as opposed to the league average of 10%. Wherever the playmakers are, he plays to their strengths and finds a way to be effective. Much respect to that fella.

-Bucs dl Vita Vea was one of only two interior lineman that had a 20%+ pass rush success rate before he went down with an injury. This matters because…

-After losing Eric Fisher in the AFC Title Game, the Chiefs now only have one offensive lineman that they started week 1 with. (center Austin Reiter)

-Cb Carlton Davis had a nightmare last evening. It involved re-living his week 12 debacle vs. Tyreek Hill when he gave up 203 yards receiving in a little over 15 minutes. Since Mahomes became the starter Hill has 19 TD’s on passes thrown over 20 yards-that’s 6 more than the next guy.

-A difference maker goes by the name of Honey Badger-during the win over the Browns he allowed -5 yards receiving and an interception on 6 targets.

-The Bucs D has allowed the least number of rushing TD’s in the entire league at a measly 12. Dalvin Cook was the only dude that ran for over 100 yards against them and he barely accomplished it at 102.

-In all of Patty’s playoff games he has 21 TD’s combined and only 2 INT’s. Tom Brady sucks dog’s balls on a regular basis.

Scritch that itch in the comments.

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The Maestro

Wow. He got stuffed harder than Piper Perri on that Blacked.com video.

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t know what that means and I will not be googling it to find out.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Prude/racist

SonOfSpam

I think it might have something to do with lovemaking.

Sharkbait

He’s not in.

SonOfSpam

-Deanna Favre, complaining to no one in particular

Old School Zero

–video replay review of all of my sex tapes

Doktor Zymm

Who’s 50 on the Buccs? I want him to get a TD

Mr. Ayo

TB is almost there.

Petronel

Tevita Tuliʻakiʻono Tuipulotu Mosese Vaʻhae Fehoko Faletau Vea

Doktor Zymm

Yes! Now I triple want him to score!

Gumbygirl

That must have been a bitch to bubble in on the SAT’s.

Last edited 3 years ago by Gumbygirl
SonOfSpam

lol yeah he took the SAT

Gumbygirl

He took the jock one, where you get 900 points for showing up.

hippofant

I think Vea fucked up the block on the 4th down there. He should’ve driven his man into the end-zone, not stand in between two defenders and try to split the difference.

Petronel

Vita Vea is…kinda huge

The Maestro

Not sure which Bucs lineman is wearing cleats that look like OG color scheme Jordan 1s, but they’re sick as hell.

Senor Weaselo

Watch the sneak!

Mr. Ayo

FATMAN DROP!

Senor Weaselo

NO FAT GUY TOUCHDOWN FOR YOU.

Gatoraids

Haig handled that ball like it is as a war crime

SonOfSpam

Nice.

(Ran into the huddle, “I’m in charge now!”)

Viva La Tabula Raza

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Mike Vrabel cackles

Redshirt

This is my fault for betting on the Chiefs.

Gumbygirl

Fucking Brady
Doesn’t he realize I hate him?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Uh-oh. Hope this doesn’t get out of hand too early.

Mr. Ayo

The Chefs were down 24 last year and still won. It’s early.

hippofant

Geoff Schwartz totally predicted that would happen on the Athletic podcast this week.

Horatio Cornblower

The Chiefs with a late hit there, something they likely learned from their qualified-by-nepotism linebackers coach, Britt Reid, who was out late after taking Adderall and consuming “2 or 3” drinks, and hit another car, resulting in life-threatening injuries to a 5-year-old.

Old School Zero

doing great work here, boss. Good hustle, keep it up!

hippofant

(Listen, I know we all love Andy, cuz he’s fat and jolly and whatever, but Garrett Reid died of a heroin overdose, so all this is making me wonder about Andy Reid the father just a little here.)

Horatio Cornblower

Just absolute garbage. I think he took maybe a month off when both his kids got arrested for heroin-related issues, then went and took the KC job.

yeah right

Christ I hate Tom Brady.

Dunstan

“Me, too, my son.” — Christ

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Lulz

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Me, too

–Jesus Christ

SonOfSpam

One of them new-fangled prayers

Viva La Tabula Raza

Yeah, he’s my boy!
—Satan

Doktor Zymm

Say what you will about Drake, he’s done very well for a duck

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Oh, NOW the Chiefs have no problem with kicking…” – Kareem Hunt, watching angrily at home

Senor Weaselo

Fucking balls.

Senor Weaselo

(Not that Balls.)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Benwa

Petronel

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

That punt is not gonna help Redshirt’s MVP bet

hippofant

Okay military aviation nerds, on that fly-by, it was a B2 in the middle, and a B1-B on the right. What was on the left? A long-body fighter of some sort? Or was it some garbage E-8 or something? Bugging me.

Mr. Ayo

B52

hippofant

I legitimately just blanked on those even existing any more.

Part of me wants to go, “Wtf, the USAF still has those?” And the other part of me knows, “Of course they still have those, what were they going to do, replace them with B2s?”

Brick Meathook

B-52s are scheduled to remain in service until the 2050s, making it a 100 year old design.

hippofant

At some point, you might as well just fly a 747 and chuck a bomb out an open door.

yeah right

Calling Brick Meathook!

Brick Meathook

I didn’t see it but I’ll say B-52

clint greasewood

B-52

herodotus450

comment image?w=640&h=481

SonOfSpam

A biplane. It’ll fuck two kinds of other planes.

SonOfSpam

A B12, also called Riboflavin.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Last edited 3 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
Senor Weaselo

Once again, Drake sucks.

Old School Zero

what the fuck is this shit?

SonOfSpam

-Najeh Davenport’s hamper

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m just crying with happiness that you’ve come back home

Also onions

SonOfSpam

Goddammit, I chuckled at Drake From State Farm. Kill me.

WCS

I don’t know what Dexcom is, but, as likely future adult-onset diabetes patient, that’s intriguing.

Gumbygirl

I think their site just crashed.

rockingdog
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I had to ask Lady BFC “is that a Jonas brother?” Just put me out to pasture.

rockingdog

YOOOOO

first TD in the game is BRADY TO GRONK

thats ROCKING!
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Senor Weaselo

The epitome of white people dancing.

Viva La Tabula Raza

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TheRevanchist

No one has ever said he was a good dancer

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Montana and Rice would be a good name for a terrible mexican steakhouse.

Old School Zero

“montana rice” is what off the grid separatist accelerationists mail to the local land management officials

yeah right

Chipotle: “We swear we won’t poison you a third time.”

Gatoraids

Chipotle offering a free roll of charmin with every purchase

Senor Weaselo

Couldn’t get it past JPP’s outstretched stubs.

Old School Zero

JPP getting a finger on it, a true triumph of the spirit

Horatio Cornblower

Good thing that pass was to JPP’s left

SonOfSpam

Why didn’t JPP catch that?

Oh, right.

Doktor Zymm

When he shoplifts it’s only a 3-finger discount

Fronkenshteen

AWRIGHT MAHOMES! LET’S FART OUT A BOTTLE OF…KETCHUP POINTS…ON MY…BET STEAK…JUST SCORE A HUNDRED POINTS, GODDAMMIT!!

SonOfSpam

A Dr. Galawiekicz sighting! (No chance that’s spelt rightly)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He said hi to my dog one time outside a coffee shop near me. Knew it was him cause he was driving a very nice car.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I liked him in Justified.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t think there’s a single thing he’s been in where I haven’t enjoyed his character.

Brocky

I haven’t seen this much mediocrity get celebrated since the teen choice awards

Old School Zero

This is the Ready Player One of super bowl beer commercials

TheRevanchist

Even though it’s the wrong team, it’s Gronk! He should have come to KC.

SonOfSpam

Balls got screwed over by Jimmy L for the 1st quarter prize.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wow Gronk was wider open than Bibi Jones that night

Doktor Zymm

So who had the gronk bet?

Gatoraids

The Valtrex company

Redshirt

Me.

Senor Weaselo

Fuck you, Nantz.

Petronel

GRONKDOWN

Fronkenshteen

Fuckit. I need points.

Doktor Zymm

Shit, lucky that wasn’t called as facemask

Senor Weaselo

Well the defensive holding penalty did as intended.

Horatio Cornblower

There’s 6 DB’s on the field for the Chiefs, and one DB on the sideline. The former are defensive backs and the latter is a douchebag, Britt Reid, who got in his car while under the influence of Adderall and alcohol and hit another car, resulting in life-threatening injuries to a 5-year-old child.

Brocky

don’t quote me, but i think britt is still in the hospital

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah but that’s just because he’s trying to steal drugs.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, apparently for related issues. Which I’m going to guess is a combination of the police wanting access to his blood and his being suicidal with guilt over having gotten into his car while under the influence of Adderall and alcohol and hit another car, resulting in life-threatening injuries to a 5-year-old child.

hippofant

JFC, it was on a HIGHWAY RAMP. And it was already the SHIELD CAR that got called in and was blocking for the disabled car.

How completely fucking fucked do you have to be to plow through a shield car on a highway onramp?

Horatio Cornblower

Well, see the thing is, when you’ve had a couple of drinks, and you’ve taken Adderall, and you’ve gotten behind the wheel of the car, you’re way past the ‘gee, how did that happen’ portion of the evening.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If you hear Brady yell “Antonio Brown” at the line it’s an audible to a comeback route.

Dunstan

I don’t want to know what route a “Hines Ward” is

Old School Zero

KC needs to turn on the juice. After January 6th, we can’t let Arians take the Super Bowl, too.