Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope your well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t.  

I’m writing this while in a company wide Town hall today, so will be even more brief than usual. We started the week with a pick your favoUrite Simpsons episode, and that went about how you thought it would.  Tuesday had a great string of air plane pron, but too many for me to pick just one.  We also got a somewhat live blog of Rev’s crazy neighboUrs.  We continued with the lessor footy previews and I cannot get enough of them.  And the thing that sticks out to me the most this week is that the Request line was a little darker in songs from musicians that are no longer with this and we went nuts.  Almost 250 comments, which is very on brand for us to be all over something like that.  This is why I will continue coming back here, and my PO says I need to, to complete my community service, for the crazy that we all are.

As a reminder, this post will cover comments made up to and through the Saturday Night Open Thread. Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post. Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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A Timmy’s employee that works the drive-thru has been telling me bad, punny jokes like “Why do ducks wear diapers? So they can cover up their butt quack.” This morning the joke was “What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?” She made a gagging sound. Wowzers!
scotchnaut

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Oh hell no. No, no, nopey no!

Gumbygirl

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Miss ya, buddy.

Great write-up, Don. Gracias.

WCS

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As mentioned before, Low Commander, TwBS and I were the three fucking musketeers for the regular DFO get togethers. I spent countless hours with that man.

Second to last time I got together with him was at Rock N Brews in my old hometown in El Segundo. He sent me a text saying he was waiting at the bar.

I get there, find a spot at the bar with an empty seat and with a pack of Marlboro Lights and an NC State baseball cap.

Bartender says “Can I help you find someone?”

“Nope. He’s sitting right here. I’m sure he’ll be right back.”

And he was.

That time.

A truly incredible friend, stupid fun to have drinks with and always had a positive outlook on life. As long as you stayed away from talking about his exes.

A true friend.

And a warm, wonderful human being.

Love ya indeed.
yeah right

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A hearty “fuck you” to Tony LaRussa, who just said he was ok with the Minnesota Twins throwing at one of his players, because said player committed the grave crime of hitting a home run in the previous game and hurting the fee-fees of the Twins by making them lose 16-5 instead of 15-5.

Maybe I’d be more willing to hear shit about the “unwritten rules” if LaRussa could manage to follow actual written laws like “don’t drive drunk.”
Dunstan

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So in this evening’s chapter in “What’s Mrs. Cornblower Got Up Her Sleeve This Time?” I had to stop working earlier than I anticipated because they’re leveling the elementary school my kids went to and the rose bush that was planted in memory of her murdered friend is going to go with it.

Anyway, now there’s a hole at the elementary school and we have a new rose bush.

I don’t have high hopes for its survival, (the main root broke off in my hand with the barest of tugs), but it’s the principal of the thing.

And with that, I believe I have earned one (1) or two (2) weekday beers.
Horatio Cornblower

the main root broke off in my hand with the barest of tugs

What is a Pornhub search term?
Beerguyrob

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For the first time since the pandemic started, I’ve got the place to myself for the night/weekend.

I’m so fucking excited.
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Scotch and no pants as is custom.
litre_cola

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Okay. Anytime an athlete thanks Jesus Christ, I tune out completely. I would hope He has better things to do than help some dude win a wrestling match.

Brick Meathook

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(earlier this week)

Me: “Hey! They’re showing the Bengals-Steelers Monday Night Football game from last year! What a minute…#14? That’s from 2019! Well, it could be worse.”

NFL Network: “…and here’s the ending to the 2015 Wild Card Game the Bengals won and then lost.”

Me: “That’s bad but expected.”

NFL Network: “…and here’s security camera footage of the Applebees where you’re High School Crush told you that she thinks you two should be Just Friends.”

Me: “Okay, that’s a bit uncalled for.”

NFL Network: “…and here’s you at the age of 14, when your mother confronts you over your Internet History that one time you forgot to clear it.”

Me: “Oh, come on!”
Redshirt

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New York turns Trump Org. investigation into a criminal investigation. Trump responds in his blog (yes, sadly and hilariously he has a blog), with a 67 line rambling post.

In poker parlance, this is known as a “tell”.
Redshirt

He’ll be dead by the time this gets to court, if it ever does-this is all theatre for us to consume to make us feel as though we’re progressing through a ‘dark’ period of history.

/feeling extra cynical today!
scotchnaut

“He’ll be dead by the time this gets to court…”

What a shame.

Redshirt

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If you had given me 50 guesses on which country the band that did “Cotton Eye Joe” was from, I don’t think I would have guessed Sweden. I suppose you just don’t expect Swedes to commit war crimes like that.
Dunstan

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Sweden’s favorite candy bar

Viva La Tabula Raza

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Don T

When did Jeffrey Dahmer dump his last boyfriend?

About eight hours after eating him.
SonOfSpam

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Dunstan
May 20, 2021 9:02 pm
THIS MONTREAL POWER PLAY, I CALL IT DUNSTAN, BECAUSE IT JUST CAN’T SCORE NO MATTER HOW MANY CHANCES IT GETS.

Apparently being up a man was the problem.
Sharkbait

THIS TORONTO POWER PLAY, I CALL IT “WOMEN OF THE 19TH CENTURY,” BECAUSE THEY LET BYRON SCORE
Dunstan

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Don T

I love it when Trump only PRETENDS to throw the ball, and McCarthy races off and then stops, confused. That never gets old.
Dunstan

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Less than 48 hours before I leave for the Maldives. Got my travel test earlier today. Nasal swabs are ticklish in a non-fun way
Doktor Zymm

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I would like to see the Wieliczka salt mines [in Poland]

Horatio Cornblower

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I have to go, goodnight everyone, it has been fun today! Have a safe and wonderful trip Zym!

Gumbygirl

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I think Mazzy Star and Rick Astley are some sort of related. They’re both far too small for their voices.
Doktor Zymm

Both are certified stage 5 clingers.

One’s never going to give you up while the other is fading into you.
Mr. Ayo

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I don’t understand how there’s three (3) hockey games on and I’m only able to watch a studio show.

This is obviously the result of the international disgrace Gary Bettman.
Mr. Ayo

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tWBS tribute theme?
BrettFavresColonoscopy

JFC, another Spur burner account!
Mr. Ayo

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We have four seasons in Southern California:

Thanksgiving to March 1: Bring a hoodie just in case, still wearing shorts
March 1 to June 30: It’s perfect outside, no one wears socks
July 1 to Labor Day: (shrug) It’s a dry heat, no one wears pants
Labor Day to Thanksgiving: Everything is on fire
SonOfSpam

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Summer = Leafs fans try to figure out what went wrong last spring
Fall = Leafs fans convince themselves this is the year
Winter = Leafs fans insufferable
Spring = Leafs crap out in the playoffs again

It’s a beautiful cycle.
Dunstan

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/Speaking of music-related thingy’s

About ten days ago (quite recently anyway) I was yakking with a young ‘un about inventory levels when “Love In An Elevator” by Aerosmith began playing on the radio in the back of the warehouse

Me: “God, I hate Aerosmith, they really suck.”

Young Fella: [raises eyebrows] “Really?”

Me: [realizes he’s a fan of the band, says with a straight face] “Well, actually, ‘Stairway To Heaven’ is a pretty good song.”

Young Fella: “Uh…”

/Judging by his facial features I hit the sweet spot right between, “Is my boss fucking with me?” and “My boss is so fucking dumb”.

//did I mention that I love fucking with people?
scotchnaut

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It sounds like the HBO folks are going to expand my house’s role in their project. This might be the last time I get to talk about it because once I sign the paperwork I will probably be under NDA.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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So, let’s play a game called “Guess that team!”:

Former NFL OL and assistant coach Eugene Chung, who is Korean, says he was told he was “not the right minority” while interviewing for an NFL coaching job this offseason.

So DFOers, GUESS. THAT TEAM!”
Wakezilla

Who are, the Lions?
Beerguyrob

FACK YOU
WCS

Actually, the Patriots owner is very fond of Asians.
Dunstan

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Why does the NHL love shooting itself in the dick so much? The Ice Bombers are breaking every rule imaginable to stop the Ice Maple Redacteds’ McDavid and the refs aren’t calling anything.

Whether it’s the Ice Argos or Ice Als, people will want to tune in to watch McDavid take either team on. Fucking unbelievable.

No wonder the NFL and NBA are levels ahead of the NHL.

Imagine Tom Brady handing the ball off and when he’s out of the play, players tackle him and there’s no penalty. You probably can’t even imagine that without those players getting suspended.

Why yes, I did pick McDavid in the first round of my playoffs pool. Why do you ask?
Wakezilla

Getting rid of Don Cherry is domino #1 I think, in eliminating the nonsense attitude that “playoff hockey” has to be different and tough for some reason. Call penalties you fuckheads!
herodotus450

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Peep don’t play

Gumbygirl

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Self portrait:

Brick Meathook

This is me

Gumbygirl

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one hectolitre = 100 litres

We stop trying to invade Canada for a measly 209 years and this is what happens.
herodotus450

Hai! 100 Litres? Let’s gooooooo.
litre_cola

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BTW, congratulations to Mr. Son Of Spam for winning yet ANOTHER Gently Used Fleshlight.

Spammy won the English Premier League Pickem Contest today. He placed in the 99.8th percentile and #221 overall FOR THE ENTIRE ESPN CONTEST!

THAT’S GOOD HUSTLE!!

Seriously, that’s unbelievably good. I came in second a full 9 picks behind him.

Well done good sir! Next time I see you, a drink’s on me.
ballsofsteelandfury

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So the new Duchess and I just got through an entire week in a foreign land together for the first time and still like each other. I think this relationship might be going the distance,
Col. Duke LaCross

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Oh my God was that amazing. I can’t wait to listen to Edmonton sports radio tomorrow morning. Stick it right in my veins.
litre_cola

The Edmonton Maple Oilers
Sharkbait

“Gord, isn’t it obvious that the Oilers need to tank for a couple more seasons and get a couple more lottery picks? I’ll take my answer off the air.”
Dunstan

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The Oilers have just spent the last three minutes blowing a three goal lead. You just hate to see it.
Beerguyrob

litre_cola

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Here’s a kick-ass pipe organ. The craftsmanship everywhere was pretty incredible. I was talking to the organist and we both thought it was probably made in Germany because that’s a very German thing to be good at. He found a nameplate beneath the keyboard and it was actually made in Dallas.

Brick Meathook

“YEE-HAW! IT’S JUST LIKE I WAS TELLING ROBERT KRAFT THE OTHER DAY, AIN’T NO BETTER PLACE TO GET YOUR ORGAN WORKED ON THAN DALLAS!”
Dunstan

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My favorite part of Ovechkin’s game is when, instead of backchecking, he goes for a line change.
herodotus450

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I’m just killing an hour until I take off for my last Rec league soccer game of the year.

I went with the wife yesterday to some park thing where people had a bounce house for the kids and picked up in n out (a new one just opened by us so I guess that is a thing to try new fast food branches?) and drink. I mostly sat on the periphery and drank. Weather was nice though. All I really want at this point is to watch my wife bs with her new mom friends while the kid runs around safely and if I can get a buzz there and it isn’t further than down the street, that’s a 5-start event.
blaxabbath

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

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