That’s right, fuckos. It’s nut-cuttin’ time. Perhaps we shall get extra time and/or pennos to add to the suspense. It’s been a fun tournament, so hopes are high.
But remember, kids, never ever have hope.
Wales v. Denmark – in Amsterdam (Noon, ESPN)
Emotional favoUrites Denmark get kinda sorta home pitch for this? Seems an easier trip than from Wales, and what Welshman would want to leave his best sheep behind for such a nervy affair? Still, this is a very even matchup. Danes could run out of juice at any moment, though they surely have the best keeper if we’uns level after 120.
Italy v. Austria – in London (3:00, ABC)
Tasty affair, this. I expected – based on nothing in particular – the Fightin’ Fuhrers to be a dreadful watch. But they were pretty attack-minded in the group stage. Sphincters get mighty tight in knockout play, though. But I wouldn’t count on shutting the Mussolini Men out. Though I still harboUr my lingering doubts as to their staying power. Phrasing. I look forward to your Blitz jokes, which obvs must continue this coming Tuesday.
Come laugh at DFO’s Prediction Pool.
There it is. Achey as fuck but the beers and tequila make bed comfy. I didnt know certain muscles could hurt for no reason. I do now.
Important travel update: my cousin who works for the NFL legal office is here. Gonna ply with her booze and see what dirt I can get on Goodell.
Get her to admit that his office 40 time was a fraud!
Ze Austrians will not go down that easily.
NOT DEAD YET!
I was going to make a joke comparing the Austrian defense to a famous Austrian porn star but then I did a quick Google search and oh boy the pickings are SLIM!
Like curvy girls anyway. Smh.
“The Italian defense is now tighter than the back end of an altar boy in The Vatican!”
-Soccer announcer, Sky Italia
I’ma confused. Does that mean it’s tight or not?
“The great thing about altar boys is, I get older, they stay the same age.” — Cardinal Wooderson
Some jokes are “open” to interpretation.
That was the most homoerotic goal celebration I’ve ever seen.
THANKS CARL NASSIB!
not that it will matter, but pretty bitchin’ save there
Which European Euros participant does NOT yodel Seven Nation Army after a soccer point? Because I’mma rootin’ fer yeeewww
Careful now, Italy… you’ve seen what happens when you piss off Austria…
‘Wide open Italian’ is not what I expected, tbh.
I mean, you shoot 10 kids out of there in 9 years, see wha happen
well, that’ll be that. You tried, singing Von Trapp family
Is this game going to go to pennes?
Nyet.
I predicted same, so it could nae happen
Maybe not
Just crossed off ‘impetuous’ on my English Announcer Bingo card. [crosses fingers] C’mon, ‘untenable’! That’ll give me a score right down the middle!
I can’t think of many stupider concepts for a show than Celebrity Dating Game. I mean, aren’t half of the celebrity “relationships” fake already?
Wait, I just answered my own question. People are totally going to eat that shit up, aren’t they? Publicists are already rubbing their hands with glee.
I napped from like 3-8:30 yesterday, so I am trying to just stay awake until sun sets. Naturally, I’ve also had a pill or four. Things might about to get weird in my brain.
My new speakers just arrived. I hope the neighbors like Pantera and Alice In Chains at 02:30.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1pRZauWIAo
Tell them you asked Satan, and he said it was ok.
As we await Extra Time, here is Hippo’s favoUrite story of his favoUrite Eye-Tie (Jim Valvano, obvs) speaking of his mixed marriage:
Pam took one look at my nose, and assumed I was Jewish. I saw that her last name ended in a vowel, and assumed she was Italian.
Who knew the Austrians were so good on defense?
quite the all or nothing ppls, it would seem