Rookies, camp bodies and practice squadders, Oh My! I’ll take it as long as the big fellas smash into other big fellas or slightly smaller fellas. We’ve got ourselves two games being played at the same time because why wouldn’t the NFL throw a doubleheader at a football-starved audience? Yeah, I know, there’s one coming up Friday. But Damnit!, tonight isn’t tomorrow and won’t be for another, you know, ‘x’ number of hours.
I must admit that I’m not remotely up to speed on the goings-on around the league. [$$$ signs flash in the eyeballs of all the fantasy dudes that will be playing against me] So let’s take a wee look.
In Get Them In There And Outta There Right Quick! News
-You can expect to see the likes of Jalen Hurts, Justin Fields, Zach Smith and Trey Lance to get a few series of play this weekend.
It Sure Does Help Being An Innately Authoritarian Organization
-The NFL Network is crowing about the fact that 91% of all players have nanobots coursing through their veins. Uh, I mean, have been vaccinated at least once. Cole Beasley doesn’t believe these numbers and would like to have more info to pretend to read.
To The Games!
Team/Pats:
-RumoUr monkeys contend that Macaroon Jones is catching up to Cameroon Newton. What does that even mean? Has Jones discovered a cutting edge fur hat store? Can I get this in possum and tie a red sash around it, please Expect to see both play but the highlight of the game should be the interviews afterwards.
-Washington identified the dross that was the wr’s behind McLaurin and went out and signed Curtis Samuel and drafted Dyami Brown in the third. I sure don’t like it when teams I like to shit on address obvious needs. I WANT THEM TO CONTINUE TO BE STUPID IN THEIR PERSONNEL DECISIONS. Is that too much to ask?
Pitt/Philly:
-Welcome to The Waddle Battle of Pennsylvania! Didn’t the Stillborns play just last week? Najee Harris is said to be playing again. Tomlin will run him into the ground, won’t he? I’m thinking Harris crashes and burns around week 12-if he doesn’t fall victim to a stress injury. We’re going to see a ton of those, aren’t we?
-Did the Eagles do enough in the draft to improve on their 26th ranked O and 20th ranked D? Has Devonta Smith reached the hallowed 180 pound mark? Will Hurts be able to hold the fort until Philly trades for DeShaun Watson? So many questions.
Have at it in the comments. For those lurkers out there, now’s the time to jump in with both feet and say something; after all, it’s just an exhibition game, not the real thing.
Would rather it be Bumblebee Man, but this works too.
LioUns v Stampeders is on if you want to see football with guys that care. Maybe you will get our vanilla commercials!
Bland commercials? Or commercials for Canadian vanilla?
Does Canadian vanilla exist? Is it better than American vanilla?
Too cold for vanilla trees but fingers crossed with global warming we will be Mexico North soon!
Looks ok to me…
I would like the NFL to know that instead of watching preseason games I’m watching Making the Cut featuring Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn. That’s about as diametrically opposed to watching football as you can get, I think.
Aren’t there mask-y sports bar in a liberal city like Madison?
If they lose to Brentford I am going to be so moderately annoyed.
I wonder if this Montez dude is related to a famous 19th century Montez. She was a real piece of work.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lola_Montez
I’ve just been reading a biography of her!
She was something else, certainly had some interesting romantic romps. Interesting novel with her as significant character: Royal Flash, George MacDonald Fraser. Be aware that it is written in the vernacular of the 19th century, so racism abounds, as it did in those days. Well, these days too, for that matter.
How the hellfire is Haskins 14 of 16 passing?
Wow, it is always impressive when a website totally fucks itself up and takes a big leap towards being completely unusable, and the Solar4America ice rinks page has done just that! It no longer recognizes my old account, won’t let me make a new account because it says one already exists, and won’t let me change my password because it says the account doesn’t exist. I made a new account with a different email – which required me to input both a phone and a mobile phone, defaults to displaying my name and phone number to everyone who has access to some ‘directory’, and then it is like 10 clicks to register for a public skate, they warned me that I might not qualify as an adult, and then the schedule is sorted by the time of the session, you select the week that you want to register for that time, then the day within the week, then you add it to your cart.
A company named Solar4America is probably owned by Exxon/Mobil or Shell Oil.
Solar4America is the sponsor, the city of San Jose ‘owns’ the rink
I got my solar approval from the local utility today. Just waiting for them to swap out the meter and I’M READY FOR THE FUTURE!
They are going to stuff you in a rocket and shoot you into the sun. “THERE’S your solar, libtard!!!”
Could be worse, could be Solar Winds
I hate that. I’ve been locked out of sites before that I never got back into.
That sounds awful. Whoever designed that needs to be shot.
Also, to be fair, do any of us here qualify as “adults”?
Well, they really just warned me that I had to be born before 2018, even though they required me to input my birthday to register, and probably not that many 3 year olds could navigate their shitty interfaces
Well, there’s piano prodigies and math prodigies and violin prodigies, so why not computer prodigies going forward?
More like NO-lar4America, amirite?
Carrey had actually done more in the NFL than I expected. Figured he’d be in the CFL by now.
He played at ASU but good for him and die.
Between the diet and the day after the shot flu, I’m beat. This boring football with grown men on TV trying to cheerlead this exhibition is just what I need.
It is very soothing when nothing matters. Sometimes a little ennui is just what the doctor ordered.
I first saw that Philly player’s name of Goedert as Boebert and was all “fuck, there’s more than one?!?!”
MJD seems like a nice enough guy, but he’s both proclaimed Jalen Hurts as THE guy in Philly, and the Redacteds as “championship contenders” this halftime show.
SO he is drunk AND high?
Which championship? Is there a championship in being dysfunctional jackanapes?
Perhaps there is a cancer-based alternative bracket?
I love the word jackanape.
inorite???
Though on further reflection, it sounds like a terrible job description.
oh, that is GOOD
Oh, now I’m giggling. I’m glad I came back from the future to read this!
Some kind of sexual misconduct league? Mario Cuomo is slotted to be the commissioner.
His deputy will be Matt Gaetz.
Head shots?
Pats fans ready to throw a parade for Mac Jones and are probably already calling for him to start in place of….. you know.
The Quarterback is near!!!
The tall guy?
You just can’t ignore that 5.5 YPA. Wud b NAWT FAYUH obvs
I will be like one of those old KSK bots that repeatedly posted make money quick schemes.
Once again cuz I totally gapped on posting it earlier. Last year we had over 20 regular futbol participants. I think Spam won as is custom.
https://fantasy.espn.com/games/english-premier-league-pickem-2021/group?id=5015c670-ada1-4413-93aa-9b4a4abb1e20&joining=true
I so want to be in the 1% that say Norwich beats Liverpool. But my gamble is already on Spurs beating City
I want to predict a Friday Night Most Glorious Draw
Youngest Fozz has just asked me the 4 millionth fucking question of the day.
If all four million are the same fucking question, you may be in trouble.
Do you feel like you are no longer elastic at all?
Hey Spam, why/how does Andrew Heaney suck so much?
He’s a fly ball pitcher in Yankee Stadium, which doesn’t work.
And apparently doesn’t play well in a cornfield in Iowa, either.
Gentlemints, how’s it hanging?
YARN | – Fletcher. How’s it hangin’ ? – Short, shriveled and always to the left. | Liar Liar (1997) | Video clips by quotes | d6ef7fd6 | 紗 (getyarn.io)
Hey, there’s ladies here too!
Having a lovely cider from https://creekandgully.com/ What is everyone else imbibing?
Fiji water. I feel shame.
Ooh la la fancy water.
It’s the delicious taste of humanity working against its own interests, yum!
I’d rather drink toilet water, just on principle.
https://www.newuniversity.org/2021/03/10/the-dark-secret-of-fiji-water/
Sooooo, Nestle water it is going forward!
Tag-teaming a red cab and Bacardi Limon/Cherry Coke Zero. Drinking only wine dehydrates me too much, plus tonight is a non-edible night.
Another cocktail experiment: mezcal, ginger liqueur, grapefruit liqueur, caramom syrup, and lime juice. (It’s mostly mezcal and lime, so not overly sweet.)
Jesus, how do you keep track? When I make a rum and coke, I often space out and forget whether I added rum. Better pour some in there just in case
Well, it’s the start of today’s drinking. Later on I get lazy.
Sounds like my rum & Cokes 😅
I had a Fentiman’s Ginger Beer when I woke up from my nap. Generic grocery store bottled water now.
It’s 88 degrees at almost 9p, fuck August in the swampass fuckhole
Why dilute it any more than the ice does?
A protein shake. For now. Still at work. Should probably leave.
I’m having an insouciant little sativa from 2020 called White Buffalo. Herbal, with earthy notes.
I hope that’s not named after the Nugent song. Though it’s a pretty good song, coming from a right wing asshole.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMZwS0ZonEU
I doubt it. Nobody wants to be associated with that idiot.
I loved him in my youth. We didn’t have internet to spread shit far and wide, so I had no idea what his politics were. 40-45 years ago I probably wouldn’t have given a rat’s ass anyway.
40-45 years ago Ted was more concerned with adopting and fucking teenagers than he was with politics.
Well, he did go to his draft board physical with his pants full of shit so he could avoid service, so he was getting into true Republican form even back in the 60s.
How many of those stupid motherfuckers in the stands will be dead by Columbus Day?
Here’s the latest entry on Misleading Story Titles.
Instagram ‘really sorry’ for censoring nipple on film poster (nypost.com)
EDIT: That was supposed to say Penelope Cruz. That was the joke.
Grumblelord’s half-wit mullet headed spawn. Yeesh.
The “I Don’t Care How I Look” doesn’t fall far from the tree.
It’s the “look at me, I don’t care that you hate me” smug. He has a very punchable face.
“What a pussy.”
—Britt Reid
Joe Flacco may have lost his fastball.
Getting cut by the Donks might have been one’s first clue.
Did he look under his navy blue couch?
It’s become, uh, flaccid?
2nd & 11 PIT 36
10:26
J.Flacco pass complete to PIT 36. Catch made by J.Reagor at PIT 36. Gain of 7 yards. Tackled by PIT at PIT 29.
Preseason, where you have to earn your name as well as a roster spot.
minorleagueguy.jpg (620×465) (cbsistatic.com)
I am eagerly watching an exhibition between two squadrons I can’t stand (for historical reasons, I don’t have much a problem with the current rosters). The NFL may be terrible, but it’s also somehow nigh-perfect.
It looks like all NFL on Saturday from 6AM till midnight (first two games look to be rebroadcast from the previous night.
I guess I need to go to the liquor store tomorrow instead of Saturday.
It seems like sommet Grumblelord would do, target a UDFA placement kicker from a cold weather climate (with an outdoor stadium).
Bob’s Furniture! I feel like I’m up home!
Reds have a 12-2 lead in the 9th. Let’s see how the bullpen blows this one.
(puts $20 on fifty-two balls followed by a balk)
Steelers looking like garbage except for their punter who is literally punting better than he ever has before because everyone it raving about his heir-apparent.
Years ago, I think it was the Bears, they were so proud of having the best punter in the NFL. Real nice, best punter because you couldn’t get a fucking first down.
Oh, good a Punter Controversy.
Seriously, next to Long Snapper, Punter is an important position everyone forgets about. If your offense doesn’t move the ball, you need someone who will ensure the other team starts at their 35 yard line and not your 35 yard line.
It is fun when a team has no punter and therefore ALWAYS goes for it on 4th though
or has some random special teamer give it a go
I remember when the Bengals got rid of Lee Johnson after he badmouthed the organization. The next week you can tell the difference between an above average punter and some random guy they dragged off a soccer field.
Was it the kicker? Also fun when they try to have a dual purpose kicker/punter to save a roster spot
They did draft a Kicker/Punter one year just for that idea. They had him play one game. Rumor was he did so bad, he was crying after the game. Or that could’ve been him seeing him in a Bengals uniform. Uncertain.
Tom Tupa says hello.
Or Doug Flutie drop-kicking one through the goalposts.
Is that a Rouge?
It was his last game as a pro, what, 10 or 15 years ago? I think it was an extra point, but could have been a field goal?
Pats fans so happy to see a white qb.
Now they can chant MacaROOOOOONNN instead of…that rhyming word
They’ll be saving that rhyming word for their living rooms.
Not ALL Pats fans are fucking racist assholes, just most of them.
Touchdown Quez Watkins! He is my favoUrite Watkins
Don Shula?? My guess was Tom Landry.
That was my guess, quickly shot down by Shula. Fuck that Shula guy. I’ve hated him since he was coach of the Unitas Bmore Colts.
Nice to know that we are both on Hank Hill’s side, at least.
Everyone associated with the 70s/80s LOLfins seems a real cunt.
Ouch. Hope that doesn’t include the folks in the stands. Then again, I am a cunt.
#MeToo
Well, you are what you eat.
Agreed. The story goes that Mike Brown hired Dave Shula partially because of his last name. It was between him and some guy named Bill Cowher. That wasn’t a decision that haunted the franchise or anything.
porter-cowher-whodey.wmv – YouTube
Ryan Leaf snickers quietly.
Somehow YouTubeTV is showing two NFL Network channels for both games. I can’t get one Reds game past Opening Day, but I get four teams I couldn’t give a flying feather about?!
Flacco’s still around?!
Better then Mr Touchy from the 500s
“Patriouts strike first!”
It’s a fucking field goal, not a hail Mary TD.
Pats called for holding on a big play? I LOVE THE NEW NFL!
It will be TB getting the non-calls this year, because Brady.
Oh, come on. They have an outfield fence in the Field of Dreams game?! Come on, they should’ve had no fence like the movie and have a ball hit into the corn in play.
The Field of Dream game should be limited to 1920’s medical treatment, too. Rash from sliding? Leeches. Strained hamstring? Leeches. Concussion from a hit by pitch? Hoo boy, that’s a leeching.
I’m still sore they don’t have them playing the Reds since it was Cincinnati that Chicago threw the 1919 Series to. Everyone talks about the Black Sox, but they forget that it gave the Cincinnati Reds a tarnished championship.
I think they wanted to watch people to watch the game, and Reds-White Sox would only appeal to baseball nerds.
So yes, I would be watching it.
First “Nailed it!” of the preseason?
Fitz signed to be a starter for the first time ever at 38? It’s not too late for me! [checks own age] Shit, it’s too late.
I forgot about Boston Scott. I tried to forget about all of last year tbh.
I just assume he is a cross between a boston terrier and a scottish terrier and leave it at that
Way less racist than my idea.
He looks like a very good boy!
Or a guy from Dundee who got too drunk and forgot to get off the boat in Halifax and it carried on to Southey
Some variation of that is probably how my bog-trotting ancestors got to NYC from the auld sod.
Didn’t he play well at the end of the season a few years ago and was one of them ‘sneaky sleepers’?
First time in 2021 that one can say Achtung! JUDON!!
Holy cats, Logan Thomas is STILL in the League??
/also, this Masshole duo really ain’t half bad
Seems like The Shield has made an effoUrt to spread out the kickoff times for these exhibitions, give the ppls MOAR CONTENT. Hippo approves.
/Hippo also takes another pill
First new episode of Titans done. Without giving spoilers, they’re pulling some Last Jedi stuff by disregarding the Source Bible. While I am nervous how this will work, at least they are doing this with a series on a Streaming Channel that some people watch and not f****** Star Wars which almost everyone has some emotional connection too.
At least I am confident Titans will continue on with the story and take it new directions, instead of panicking and CTRL+Z’ing hard like Rise of Skywalker did.
Don T: “What the fuck is Redshirt talking about?”
To be fair, Don T says that so much, its practically a catchphrase.
Weird. Battle of Pennsylvania is blacked out here in San Antonio. Good thing I don’t give a fuck about either of those teams.
SPOILER: Biden won it in extras, but Trump is protesting the game. Apparently, he got a lead in the Top of the 4th and felt the game should’ve been called on account of tweet.
Trump felt the same way when Atlanta was up 28-3.
hee hee, assistant coach swearing picked up on ref’s mic
In totes unsurpising news, Cam Newton is still ded.
Physically or brain?
yes
Nice job, Cam.
ESPN FUTBOL PICKEM LEAGUE LINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
https://fantasy.espn.com/games/english-premier-league-pickem-2021/group?id=5015c670-ada1-4413-93aa-9b4a4abb1e20&joining=true
I’m gonna pick the lowest % for everything and see how I do!
I tried this last year but gave up. I couldn’t keep up with all the mid-week games and then the damn tournaments in the middle of the season.
This gonna be Sully and House-O on the commentary? Will they tell us what is fayuh and NAWT fayuh??
What teevee channel is this here tilt gonna be on?
NFL Network for the Wash/Pats. I can’t find the other one-might be a local thingy?
To the pirate stream machine!
Looks that way (I pulled up the NFL.com schedule page). Good news is we get a live double dip tomorrow night, and Vikes/Donks is live on NFLN Sabado WOO!!!
Saturday is going to feel like the summer programming desert has finally ended, especially with the Premier League bukkake.
Once again, ESPN+ is good for absolutely nothing.
I think Balls got to watch Canadian futbol on ESPN2+ yesterday or something!
Lesser Footy Cups, also the cupcake games of one’s favoUrite JV squadron
Has the NFL fallen so far that it can’t sell the TV rights to a preseason game between two teams with rabid fanbases!?
Pretty sure the overnight ratings in NEng, PA, and MD/VA/DC for NFL Network should be decent, at least.
The NFL Network is showing the Steelers/ Iggles after the other game. At least they are here in SoCal. Doubleheader!
But it’s being played now? Hope they stop showing the score in the crawler.
On DirecTV NFL Network, 212. For the PA tilt, 212-a(lternate).
OH FUCK IT”S THAT ZOLAK ASSHOLE!!!!!
OH CHRIST THAT SMART IVY LEAGUE GUY MOVED FROM THE AFC EAST TO THE NFC EAST!!!
Tony Esposito passed away. He was a much better goalie than Dryden during the Summit Series. His GAA was 1.5 better and his save% was .882 compared to Dryden’s .838.
/I hated the Habs/Dryden so much I was cheering for the Soviets to score more during that first game 7-3 drubbing that the Canadian team suffered.
Phil Esposito on the coloUr commentary in Tampa is something special.
I always thought he was a bit of a joke as a GM for the Rangers and Lightning.
/the wiki says he made more trades in 3 years with NY than the Canucks did during all of the 80’s
He is basically a drunk, aggravated fan with a microphone
I’m a Habs fan, but I was just saying to some friends yesterday that Tony O seriously outplayed Dryden in that series. I have the DVDs of that series, it’s a fun watch. Amazing how much the game has changed.
Given my limited mobility due to medical issues, and what appears to be the insanity of flying during the covid, I reckon the closest I’ll get to re-visiting the ancestral homeland (Foxboro is the next town over from my hometown) in this lifetime is watching Pats home games.
MASSHOLE!!!
SLIPPY JAGOFF YINZER!!!