“LET THE BELLS RING, LET THE BANNERS FLY!” It’s Your Thursday Night Football Open Thread

Sorry Ravens rb Gub Dedwards, this does not apply to you. That’s shitty, what your ACL did to you earlier today.

So I hope you’ve got an extra special beverage and your very favourite snackie for the opener. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? We powered through with the help of the Euros, the Copas, the CONCACAFFEINATED and the Olympics among other thingies. But the time for speculating is done. (I’m kidding, we’re just getting started)

Thought I Had While Hiking-

Brady doesn’t seem completely unlikeable anymore. Whaa? I mean, I haven’t by any means done a 180 on the guy but now I don’t reflexively wretch when I see his visage. This gives you an idea of the extent of the pall that Belichick’s curmudgeonly arrogance casts over the Pats franchise. I don’t buy into any of that ‘Brady showed up Belichick’ nonsense. The former is just a damn good football player that has always put in the work and should be respected for that.

TO THE GAME!

Cowboys/Bucs:

-some prop bets that may interest you-

Zeke 53.5 rushing yds (meh)

Brady 306.5 passing (too high?)

A. Brown 4.5 catches (who knows who will have the hot hand?)

-Much has been made of the Bucs returning all starters but I think that injuries might take a toll this year. As for much being made on tudder side, far too many folks think that DAK! and the gang are going to pick up exactly where they left off before he went down. I say ‘Nope’. They’re going to be good, sure, but I think it’ll be a while before they hit their stride. If they fix the D, they’ll crush the latter half of the sked.

-Speaking of that D, all eyez are on one Anthony Brown at left cb. He’ll be picked on by opponents until he wracks up some int’s/collapses under the pressure.

-This is where Brady is going to go methinks. He has that habit of probing weak spots early on and then seems to go away from that player but then comes right back at him over the course of two, three or four consecutive sets of downs.

-Are you picking the Bucs for your Survivor Pool?

Well, that’s it. Those folks that have been on the sidelines, “WELCOME BACK, WE MISSED YOU!” To others that have thought about dick jokery, (joke dickery?) climb on board, it’s gonna be a great ride.

5 5 votes
Article Rating

Leave a Reply

Subscribe
Notify of
525 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Redshirt

So, did everyone forget about Antonio Brown being accused of sexual assault?

jjfozz

“Look into my eyes, AB is innocent.” NFL Security Team

Anthony In TX

Chris Brown’s last album went platinum. Donald Trump was president.

The US has made it abundantly clear that they really don’t care if you’re an irredeemable piece of shit, as long as you do or say something they like.

Last edited 4 years ago by Anthony In TX
Spur

not Dan Quinn

Mother Puncher

I’m going to regret laughing at the guy in my FF league that reached for Gronk in the 6th round

Sharkbait

Instead, laugh at the guy in my league who kept Mike Evans for $130.

Horatio Cornblower

I was pissed when someone got him in our draft a couple of picks before I had him slotted.

Barring an injury I think he’s going to put up monster stats.

jjfozz

WATCHING THIS GAME IS LIKE DECIDING WHAT YOU LIKE BETTER: CANCER OR AIDS

Horatio Cornblower

Well, cancer killed Rush Limbaugh, so I have to say it has a decided advantage right now.

Brocky

I’m trying to think of a scumbag celebrity to die of aids, and i’ve got nothing

ArmedandHammered

Kissenger.

Brocky

bugaboo sounds like one of those terms that is doomed to be lost because of political correctness

Recovery Whiskey

Oliver Wendell Jones nods in agreement

Mother Puncher

Like the song Cotton Eyed Joe or Salt Life bumper stickers. I don’t know why they’re racist, but they are.

Horatio Cornblower

This game could use more completions to Mike Evans, just saying for no particular reason.

Brocky

I’m in full football mode right now!

I just punched a toddler wearing a dallas shirt

ArmedandHammered

He had it coming, being dressed like that.

Mother Puncher

If that toddler was female then you truly are in NFL mode right now

jjfozz

DIE IN A FUCKING SMELTING ACCIDENT BAKER! YOU SHIT SUCKING PIECE OF DICK

Mother Puncher

I know liking things is frowned upon around here, but I like those ads

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, I don’t mind Baker.

Mother Puncher

I’ll take them over the state farm ads or anything with Peyton

Viva La Tabula Raza

Saw my first Eli Hot Sauce ad of the season the other day. I reckon I’ll be seeing Peyton and Paisley soon.

Mother Puncher

How great would it be if Linebackers being able to wear single digits is what finally stopped Brady

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s so wonderful to see all the familiar faces turning up. We made it through the offseason, people. We made it.

WELCOME BACK!

Sharkbait

Wooo! Bar is open!

King Hippo

I have missed all y’all Seasonal Imaginary Friends

Recovery Whiskey

Salut. Y’all make the NFL worth it.

Mother Puncher

Feels like the FSU ND game last weekend. Hoping both teams lose and blow up

Horatio Cornblower

It’s like me going to church on Easter and Xmas Eve.

Just kidding. I don’t go to church.

Anthony In TX

That was one good effect of COVID.

It gave me and Mrs. In TX an excuse to get out of church at Christmas and Easter.

Brocky

I’m sick of drew brees already and he’s not even playing

Gatoraids

He’s going on the Peyton retirement commercial blitz

JustStopDude

Lowes tools are basically on par with Harbor Freight shit.

Mother Puncher

My Cobalt vices are flimsy as shit

Viva La Tabula Raza

Didn’t they buy Craftsman? Or did they buy it and turn it in to shit?

JimU

Go football!
comment image?1593198228
comment image

Mother Puncher

HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN BOYS. Glad to see WordPress is as impossible to login to as ever

jjfozz

Glad it wasn’t just me

Recovery Whiskey

Took me 3 tries to get in.

jjfozz

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!

Horatio Cornblower

“False start, by the entire offensive line…”

Ladies and gentlemen, your 2021 Dallas Cowboys.

jjfozz

any word on Gumby’s husband?

Petronel

Hello to all and sundry.

Fuck the Boyz.

‘That is all.

jjfozz

also, getting into this website is harder than getting into a prom queen’s bra

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

Brocky

comment image

Brocky

great minds eh

ArmedandHammered

After the first login, just hit refresh and you will not have to login again.

borisnow

Zeke looks better than I anticipated

Horatio Cornblower

“Mike McCarthy is an offensive guru”

Who had 5 minutes into the first game before Al needed to be cut off?

Spur

CeeDee seems very chill

Sharkbait

CeeDee needs to catch some balls

jjfozz

After todays ravens news, the baltimore inner harbor has about two thousand more bodies floating in it

goddamn what in fuck is going on

i’m sacrificing a crabcake, pint of budweiser, and a pair of purple camo pants to the football gods

also, i drafted gus edwards

fuck the world

fuck the universe

fuck tom brady

JustStopDude

No Natty boh and you call yourself a Ravens fan?

jjfozz

I don’t drink Natty Boh in protest because it’s not brewed in Baltimore and it’s been co opted by fuckface doofus asshole hipsters who i hate

Redshirt

I picked Baltimore in the Suicide Pool. My bad.

Recovery Whiskey

That coffin corner punt really helped Dallas’ offense stats

King Hippo

What the fresh hell is this, N-GCp calling offensive plays well??

Viva La Tabula Raza

No more ginger head coach on sideline

Brocky

….who has two thumbs and started the Tampa defense?

Smithchez

I gotta say, it’s really nice to see other offenses do the whole “I don’t know, just fuckin run it up the middle” on short yardage downs and know that it’s entirely possible the Jets won’t do that occasionally.

Recovery Whiskey

Welcome back. I hate Dallas and I hate Brady. Love football. Go Scotch.

Anthony In TX

I think it needs to be said: this is a pretty solid uniform matchup.

Horatio Cornblower

Need Bucco Bruce and the creamsicles back.

Anthony In TX

Oh, for sure. Those will probably be back next year, since the NFL is ditching the one-helmet rule. But for now, they look pretty solid across the board.

hippofant

I can’t believe how unimpressed those cheerleaders look at that coffin corner punt. Do they even understand special teams?!

Brocky

comment image?resize=640%2C423&ssl=1

King Hippo

Thanks to Rev. Mayhem, for taking me into starting Coop

Horatio Cornblower

My decision to start Dak! Dak! Dak! pays off.

My decision to start the TB defense, eh, not so much.

Redshirt

Holy shit! Nice Coffin Corner Punt!

Gatoraids

Sunday will be Kirk cousins university Ivermectin League

blaxabbath

Gronk may be the man to turn the Arizona program around.

Gatoraids

Did they lose their top party school ranking

Redshirt

Oh, these weird ass numbers are going to be fun! They should’ve let the DL wear any number so we could’ve seen a fat DT wearing #1.

Anthony In TX

Fat boys wearing single digits has always been one of my favorite aspects of college football.

Horatio Cornblower

“Me too!”

J. Sandusky

clint greasewood

The Cowboys go 6-10 and get the kickoff game against the defending Super Bowl champions. Last time my team went 6-10 we drafted EJ Emanuel.

blaxabbath

This is how banners are made.

Horatio Cornblower

We’re 8-year-old Vietnamese kids?

Brocky

Banner!

Anthony In TX

Look at banner, Michael!

Spur

All i know is that the Cowboys cant go 8-8 anymore.

Redshirt

8-8-1?

Smithchez

With this creepy biology shit they’re doing with injuries now, we’re maybe five years away from these broadcasts using the actual corpse of a former player.

“Now Jim, right here….sorry, gotta get around the shotgun hole…you can see where he might have torn the lat”

Horatio Cornblower

Junior would have wanted it that way.

Horatio Cornblower

If you started Leonard Fournette, congratulations, you are leading your FF game.

Redshirt

“Stop the game! I won!” – D. Trump

rockingdog

NFL season is here! Thats ROCKING!!!!!

I’ve got Fournette as my RB2 so hopefully he gets a TD and some yardsss
comment image

Anthony In TX

I was curious as to whether I had missed a new euphemism for outdoor sex

King Hippo

#metoo

/Spirit Animals ONCE MOAR

blaxabbath

I love that BA got his ring in TB just to reaffirm how fucking inept the Cardinals front office is.

Brocky

I’m still mad the bears didn’t hire him when they had the chance

Brocky

Greg writes “game over” in his notebook

Brocky

Am I doing this right?

Anthony In TX

Not enough Gs at the end of “Gregggggggg”

Gatoraids

Xerox of fated

blaxabbath

Michelle need to cover up those arms tonight and start wearing sunscreen and get a boob job.

Brocky

Start the damn game. I need to justify drinking

Redshirt

With the world as it is today, you’d need to justify not drinking.

Anthony In TX

I mean, I guess we have to do 9/11 stuff, but do we, like, have to have to do 9/11 stuff? So much of it just feels so fucking tacky and/or jingoistic.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I’m going to dance on Osama Bin Laden’s grave!” – Jesus, Son of Man

King Hippo

Just have a live shot of Obama, saying how my ass taste, OBL??

Anthony In TX

Preferably in a tan suit.

Anthony In TX

Good point. I just feel like there’s gotta be a better way to honor the victims and the first responders without getting all “rah-rah ‘Merica go-go GI Joe we’re the best stars n’ stripes these colors don’t run freedom ain’t free” like it always seems to be.

hippofant

Hey hey, do you all remember when we invaded Afghanistan to find Bin Laden and we paid Pakistan hundreds of billions of dollars to help us, and then it turned out that Bin Laden was in Pakistan the whole time?

Also Pakistan was funding the Taliban that we were fighting in Afghanistan too?

hippofant

Oh, AND we’re still selling billions of armaments to Saudi Arabia, which is where Bin Laden and most of the 9/11 bombers came from, and is why they were mad at the US because the US has troops stationed in Saudi Arabia?

How about that? Is that jingoistic enough?

Gatoraids

Least they let Tillman rest…for now

Anthony In TX

Wait until Sunday when the Cards play. Almost guaranteed they’ll drag his corpse out for a full public display.

Viva La Tabula Raza

My financial advisor did his service as an intel officer for Air Force Special Ops (AFSOC). He was on duty in-country the night Tillman was killed. Pretty much everyone involved knew some slippery shit went down.

Dunstan

I want Fernandez to win, but I have always been a fan of Sexy Beast Sabalenka.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sabalenka is quite the powerhouse.

blaxabbath

Oh thank God they just put a national weather alert over Chris and Al.

And now stupid people are gonna have to get the shot and, this, be OWNED by a DULY-ELECTED President? 2021 might just be alright here.

Smithchez

What’s up, jerks

King Hippo

J-E-S-T winning 7+ games this season?

Smithchez

Oh absolutely. They’ll get blown out by Darnold on Sunday, win their next ten games, and then Zach Wilson will be raptured to mormon heaven, which Goodell will deem a non-football event, forcing us to pay the remainder of his contract to whichever blasphemous relatives/Jetblue executives remain.

Spur

Sweet just got a Thunderstorm warning for LV area.

Horatio Cornblower

Got blasted out of bed at 3:45 am for a tornado warning today.

Didn’t even have the common decency to wreck the trailer our neighbors have in their backyward.

525
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x