“LET THE BELLS RING, LET THE BANNERS FLY!” It’s Your Thursday Night Football Open Thread

Sorry Ravens rb Gub Dedwards, this does not apply to you. That’s shitty, what your ACL did to you earlier today.

So I hope you’ve got an extra special beverage and your very favourite snackie for the opener. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? We powered through with the help of the Euros, the Copas, the CONCACAFFEINATED and the Olympics among other thingies. But the time for speculating is done. (I’m kidding, we’re just getting started)

Thought I Had While Hiking-

Brady doesn’t seem completely unlikeable anymore. Whaa? I mean, I haven’t by any means done a 180 on the guy but now I don’t reflexively wretch when I see his visage. This gives you an idea of the extent of the pall that Belichick’s curmudgeonly arrogance casts over the Pats franchise. I don’t buy into any of that ‘Brady showed up Belichick’ nonsense. The former is just a damn good football player that has always put in the work and should be respected for that.

TO THE GAME!

Cowboys/Bucs:

-some prop bets that may interest you-

Zeke 53.5 rushing yds (meh)

Brady 306.5 passing (too high?)

A. Brown 4.5 catches (who knows who will have the hot hand?)

-Much has been made of the Bucs returning all starters but I think that injuries might take a toll this year. As for much being made on tudder side, far too many folks think that DAK! and the gang are going to pick up exactly where they left off before he went down. I say ‘Nope’. They’re going to be good, sure, but I think it’ll be a while before they hit their stride. If they fix the D, they’ll crush the latter half of the sked.

-Speaking of that D, all eyez are on one Anthony Brown at left cb. He’ll be picked on by opponents until he wracks up some int’s/collapses under the pressure.

-This is where Brady is going to go methinks. He has that habit of probing weak spots early on and then seems to go away from that player but then comes right back at him over the course of two, three or four consecutive sets of downs.

-Are you picking the Bucs for your Survivor Pool?

Well, that’s it. Those folks that have been on the sidelines, “WELCOME BACK, WE MISSED YOU!” To others that have thought about dick jokery, (joke dickery?) climb on board, it’s gonna be a great ride.

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King Hippo

Horny Fourny, still 2 yards and a cloud of dust. Like late-stage Eddie George.

Horatio Cornblower

How is he on the ‘Chicago’ songbook?

ArmedandHammered

Did all of this gender confusion start just after the Korean boy bands became internationally famous?

Recovery Whiskey

Asking the important questions

ArmedandHammered

Well, usually kids want to be like their idols, and that group makes Ziggy Stardust look like Mach Man Randy Savage.

Spur

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Gatoraids

Aaron Rodgers must have Elliot on his fantasy team

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah. She’s on mine too.comment image

Oh, you meant football.

Never mind.

Dunstan

I’ve been streaming Scrubs this year, and I’m amused by how many different ways they try to come up with to make her flawed:

“She’s clumsy!”
“She always says the wrong thing!”
“She’s neurotic!”

none of which stick, because she is delightful, and way too good for that douchey lead character (who is the reason I never watched the show when it was originally airing).


King Hippo

FOUR total BLEERGHs on last TWO punts.

Recovery Whiskey

Dallas is punting in Anger

hippofant

I gotta say, Pinion’s gotta be an early contender for best player in thr league.

Brocky

So they’re just gonna not bring up mahomes’s injury?

I get not making excuses but jesus christ

King Hippo

and missing, what, 2 or 3 starting OL?

Recovery Whiskey

Is that Young Guns referee?

ArmedandHammered

I have to pull for Dallas tonight just to shut up a friend who insists Brady will be going 17-0 on his way to the SB.

Horatio Cornblower

Part of me wants to see that, just so Masshole Sports Radio just fucking implodes.

Part of me would like to see Tom Brady have to be taken off the field on several different stretchers.

Like Nigeria, I am a land of contrasts.

Redshirt

Both can happen. Just wait for the Super Bowl for the latter.

King Hippo

So much BLEERGH, so little time.

Horatio Cornblower

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First beer of the season. Is it good? Much like the Dallas secondary, almost certainly not. Is it an adventure that I am all in on, despite knowing I’m making a mistake, much like continuing to root for Dallas? Absolutely.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Dr. Mrs. Deadly, Esq. (ret) hates Chris Evert the way I hate Joe Buck. It’s rather glorious to witness.

Dunstan

My crush on Chrissie is still going strong 30+ years in.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I always liked the German girl who sounded like she was getting the high hard one from John Holmes every time she hit the ball,

King Hippo

Wasn’t that Swiss Miss Martina Hingis?

ballsofsteelandfury

I believe that was Monica Seles, no?

Mr. Ayo

Oh man, I love her

Dunstan

Not sure who you’re thinking of. Steffi Graf wasn’t particularly known for grunting. Monica Seles was Yugoslavian-turned-American

ArmedandHammered

Why, at least she p.ayed the sport she is covering.

Recovery Whiskey

She really was insufferable

Mother Puncher

I had the TV on mute. Is the main character of Ordinary Joe named Joe? Kill me

TheRevanchist

Tuck rule. Hahaha!!!

Brocky

Alright that T-mobile commercial was actually pretty funny

Mother Puncher

The fact that Gronk can’t grow facial hair makes me feel OK that I can’t grow facial hair

King Hippo

hey, it just means I only have to shave every other day

Mother Puncher

I’m a teacher so I have a mask on all day. Once a week at most.

Redshirt

I remember when I tried to grow my beard out for the first time in High School. Between that at the acne scars, I looked like a burn victim.

Viva La Tabula Raza

His beard gets sanded off by the girls’ thighs.
Huh-huh, 69.

Horatio Cornblower

How does Brady not lose that ball?

Because it’s deflated so he can grip it better. We’ve been over this, Cris.

Mother Puncher

TUCK RULE LOL IT MAKES NO SENSE BUT TUCK RULE

ballsofsteelandfury

Shawn’s dad makes fun of him for not working out, right?

Viva La Tabula Raza

The one thing about heightened participation here during the is that it is impossible to keep up.

Spur

Did Nibbles just fall off his server power wheel?

Redshirt

No, but I think the wheel needs some oil.

Redshirt

There’s our NFL Commissioner. Not wearing a mask or social distancing.

You know what you have to do, COVID-19.

Gatoraids

The box is circulating a 20percent regenron mixture

Gatoraids

Let’s go meteor

ballsofsteelandfury

Aim for the booth!

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

How am I rooting for Dallas? Did I have a stroke?

ArmedandHammered

First game giddiness.

clint greasewood

I rooting for a sinkhole.

Brocky

You feel safe in the knowledge that dallas woulnd’t make the playoffs anyways

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

I CALL THIS FOOTBALL SEASON THE MCRIB AS I WANT IT EVEN THOUGH ITS NOT GOOD FOR ME AND ITS ONLY HERE FOR A LIMITED TIME

jjfozz

Pizza Hut’s “tomato sauce” should be collected and shot into the sun.

Senor Weaselo

HAPPY FOOTBALL!

I know I didn’t do a Marble League Rolldown this year, so here it is:

I believe the final event (marblocross) is tomorrow. 11 of the 16 teams are mathematically still in it, with the Raspberry Racers currently in position to become the second two-time champ.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How is Team Galactic doing?

Senor Weaselo

Didn’t even qualify, and they weren’t even the biggest shocker there, as neither did the Oceanics (who were part of the perfect attendance club dating back to 2016) and the Midnight Wisps (the first former champs to miss out). Especially the Wisps, considering they went from potentially winning it all to missing out on the championship podium and the auto-qualifier, to missing out altogether.

Mr. Ayo

#MoMoStrong

jjfozz

Windows 11 commercial. What the fuck

hippofant

Remember y’all, skip every other version of Windows!

Spur

Windows ME for life!

Redshirt

“Senator, you’re no Jack Kennedy” (’88 VP Debate) – YouTube

Senator = Windows 11
Jack Kennedy = Windows 95

hippofant

1:37 left in the 1st quarter of the first game is when I finally broke down and asked the empty room around me, aloud, “what the fuck is Collingsworth talking about?”

ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve had the game on mute.

THE MORE YOU KNOW

hippofant

“Blake Jarwin is really the vertical threat in this offense.”

borisnow

which CB is down?

Sharkbait

Unsure.

borisnow

so useful

Spur

CeeDee Nuts 1st TD of the year.
Alright!

jjfozz

In the midst of the shit fountain I was bathing in this evening, I forgot to wish death on every cowboy fan ever

Dunstan

Being a Cowboys fan is already a fate worse than death.

Sharkbait

Also applies to Dallas.

clint greasewood

I didn’t believe Subway could get anyone worse for a spokesperson, then they hire Tom Brady.

Recovery Whiskey

Pedo or Patriot

Brocky

Brady kisses his children on the mouth. Just sayin

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I was about to make a joke about how at least Jared kissed girls on the mouth but heterosexual pedos are NOT better people than homosexual ones. They’re all scum.

herodotus450

It’s OK everyone, we don’t have to watch football! I brought enough gazpacho mid-round Womens US Tennis Open matches for everyone!

rockingdog

Found a funny;

me: do you sell ducks?

him: yes, but they’re going quick

me: ok I’ll take one

[later]
duck: quick
me: I see

King Hippo

Still think DAL is 50/50 to win this. Lamb’s dropsie just broke their rhythm, but gameplan looks good.

King Hippo

Indeed. He ain’t gimpy at all.

Mr. Ayo

King Hippo nails it!

Spur

Dak’s Balls of Strength

Smithchez

So what are our odds on former NFL players turning Senator in the next 10 years? I feel like Brady (R-Florida) and Brees (R-Louisiana) are locks, but there’s also the distinct possibility of Marshawn Lynch (Gofuckyourself – Nevada). I’m sure I’m missing some obvious ones.

Redshirt

Not sure about 10 years, but I can see Joe Burrow (??-Louisiana), or (??-Ohio) if he pulls off the miracle.

Dunstan

Brees sure. I don’t Brady gives a shit about anything other than football. Although I suppose in retirement he could get bored and need some kind of competition.

Brocky

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King Hippo

MOAR DAK TO COOP NOW

Sharkbait

You spelled Lamb wrong

King Hippo

THERE YOU GO!

Horatio Cornblower

I would rather spend two hours listening to John Mulaney give a serious and heart-rending talk about his stays in rehab and decision to leave his wife than spend 5 minutes listening to Kevin Hart scream jokes.

jjfozz

Anyone else had enough of Kevin Hart?

Anthony In TX

Ehhh, he doesn’t really bother me all that much. He’s probably over-exposed, but I still think he’s pretty funny.

ArmedandHammered

Yep. About as funny as Jimmy Fallon.

Petronel

….how much did they spend on getting all these people for this truck commercial? (Was it really necessary?)

…aaaaand the Subway ad makes up for it.

Recovery Whiskey

WordPress failing to load avatars for anyone else?

clint greasewood

yep

ballsofsteelandfury

Yup. If you refresh, they show up. It’s weird.

Anthony In TX

Yeah, avatars are blank pretty far down for me.

Spur

yeah, my fully nude Barbara Palvin Avatar is not loading

Anthony In TX

TIL who Barbara Palvin is. Great googly moogly.

Thank you.

Mother Puncher

Sorry I didn’t visit much over the off-season. Did any other commenters die this year?

King Hippo

Nope, we made unauthorized death against Clubhouse roolz

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If so, they never told us.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I died, but my spirit is haunting the internet, so it’s like I am still alive. Like Jeff Bridges in TRON.

Spur

yeah, football is back. back to normal

King Hippo

Maybe I will start marking up that lease after all

jjfozz

Brady has an “active supporter” damn I just had a regulation jockstrap when i played

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