Is everybody enjoying the slow transition to Fall weather? I know I sure am. Heat and being a fat fuck don’t go together too well. But sitting around watching glorious footy? That’s a bingo.
How weird is this? Both Manchester teams in the “up with the roosters slot.” The marquee being Man City and Chelski (7:30, NBCSN). Pep is as back to the wall as he’s been in the Northwest, and “changing of the guard” talking points will be in the air. Should make for a fine morning watch. Or, you can watch along with irritable, sleep deprived Wakey on Peacock (Men Untied v. Aston Villa). Worth waking up for, no matter your fixture preference.
Only one broadcast offering in the 10:00 window, and it’s Leicester/Burnley (NBCSN). That’s pretty gross. You can see Everton’s further descent into Very Disappointing land, home to the ded-fookin-last Trashbirds. Or maybe Leeds/Hammers, if you want an actually entertaining match. YMMV.
Ignore the Spotlight Dance (Bees on Shite, 12:30, NBC), but please don’t forget Sunday’s tasty North London Derby (11:30, NBCSN). It’s good hatred, that one.
Notre Dame (+6.5) v. Wisconsin (Stade du Bearistocrats!, Noon, Fox)
I have no idea why Bucky Badger is favoUred at all. I will ML bet the Irish, and hope to lose my bet. Shall we call this the Overweight White Ethnics Derby?
Missouri (-1.5) at Boston College (Noon, ESPN)
When this here fixture was scheduled, bet nobody expected these to have one loss combined. The A-C-C is A-S-S has two remaining unbeatens heading into this last September weekend – Boston College and Wake Forest. So, uh…yeah. Mizzou would also be a good excuse to humblebrag about the resurgence of the playoff-bound #BFIB – but that just wouldn’t be The Right Way.
SMU (+9.5) at TCU (Noon, FS1)
Will there be Blood FOAR the Bloodeyes God? No? Bet the Ponies, especially ML.
Texas Tech (+9) at Texas (Noon, ABC)
Steerfuckers South will win this, perhaps convincingly. Guns Up! just ain’t very good, but that won’t stop the THEIR BACK!!!!1111 bandwagon from filling back up. Because sports journalists are lazy, you see.
Boise State (-9) at Utah State (Noon, CBS)
Noted both for being CBS national, and for the ridicuous local kickoff time. Get your naps in, Team Secular Big Love State!
Texas A&M (-4.5) at Arkansas (3:30, CBS)
Pig Sooey are 3-0! Don’t bet on them finishing the day 4-0, even if I still harboUr doubts about Jimbo’s bunch.
Clemson (-10) at NC State (3:30, ESPN)
SIGH. Hippo is already looking forward to his depression nap.
Iowa State (-7) at Baylor (3:30, Fox)
BayBay is another surprise unbeaten, and they actually have a rapist’spuncher’s chance of getting to October that way. Sleeper game of the day.
Hippo, prepping for Wolven Sort vs. Son of Clem (artist’s conception):
oh, indeed!
chuh, chuh.
I never watched House, but here’s how every episode went in my head:
(some health disaster)
House: “grumble grumble pithy quip”
(House falls down)
(House performs medical miracle)
(Pizza Hut commercial)
I was hoping it was Hospital Blackadder. It was not.
UConn takes a commanding lead, 3-0, over Wyoming.
You guys are doing great!
https://twitter.com/NeillOstrout/status/1441845536286339075
Seriously, why does UConn even have a football program?
Kelly just faced more consequences for unsportsmanlike conduct than he did for killing a kid.
No review of the Fightin’ Horatios vs. Wyoming?
The line is -30.5 Wyoming.
The only reason I can think of to take UConn and the points is that Wyoming team flew into Hartford and might be confused being around so many people and tall buildings.
TCU has a wretched defense, even by Big Twaaaaalllllve standards
Yeesh.
Watching my nephews play high school Texas football a couple of years ago, when even the victory formation was in shotgun, really hammered home how long it’s been since I played, when our triple option was nigh unstoppable because defenses hadn’t really learned it yet.
Boston College has a defender with the first name Shitta.
Bowling Green on the verge of ROWING THE BOAT back to Ohio with the win over Minnysnowta.
Isn’t BG in Kenfucky?
Classic coastal elitism on display, not knowing there’s a BG in both Kentucky and Ohio. And California I think. And probably 6 other states.
But, am I “elite”? Or just another sad Flacco?
Is it Texas day or something? Every one of their hateful teams seems to have a network tv appearance today. (Sorry Anthony!)
It’s all good. As a leftist hippie dipshit antifa libtard, I fully understand and accept the derision that my state has earned.
Hashtag not all Texans, but definitely also hashtag too many Texans.
A touch of Wiscy dick in Chicago.
Saved by JV BLEERGH??
Looking 2-fer-2 in GAMBLOR WOO!!!!!
SMU is absolutely skull-fucking the Bloodeyes. Which is pretty damn gross, when you think about it.
Don’t knock what you haven’t tried.
My nephew is a Pony freshman, hopefully went to the game and will get in a drunken brawl.
the blood WOULD kind of lube up the socket…
These are fantastic.
https://twitter.com/Wes_nship/status/1441383414511202308?s=20
“I want the big fat white guys to win!”
“Sir, you’re going to have to be more specific.”
Wiscy better get a TD out this turnover.
I knew they’d only get the field goal.
-4 on the drive, essentially
Wonder how many OTs this shitshow would go for? I guess someone eventually misses their FG.
I am watching ND/Wiscy. 100% like eyeballing a big car carsh, not wanting to miss the bodies.
How bad are the Bastard Man Small Bears? Yesterday, they had to let a position player pitch. With September rosters. With an extra player available, for the doubleheader. Which are only 7 innings, mind.
4th string qb for Notre Dame. Moving the ball!
They seem to only run one pass route, so easy to stay up to speed.
I know everyone was worried, so let me relieve same. My cable box fixed itself midway through my shame pizza.
Never doubt the power of pepperoni.
oh, chuh chuh. The comformt-foodiest of processed meats.
Can I ask if there’s cheese on the pizza?
CHRIST ON HIS THRONE NO.
/thin crust, double pepperoni, double Eye-tie sausage, banana peppers
//coupon was 5-topping large
Just wondered how that worked, though trying to be careful not to inflame the sandwich wars.
I should get a $2 rebate, given that’s what they charge for EXTRA cheese. Perhaps there will be an episode on that in the next Curb Your Enthusiasm run.
The Ghost of MAC and the Ghost of Urban Meyer combining to put Bowling Green up on Minnesota at the start of the 4th quarter.
Lookit SMU, marketing themselves as JV Non-Gendered Cowpersons!
fucking fuck, had to try a non-Ulysses play. Dumbasses.
Signs of life in Wisconsin… or Chicago…
Football talking guy: “This is a pivotal moment for this Miss St. defense.”
/Qb has all day to throw
//Blown coverage allows a wide open LSU touchdown pass.
Welp, guess I can turn this game off.
Watch ND/Wiscy, it’s boring but it’s tied!
If you’re looking for something fun to do
My word, these Bees are just like the Boers. No matter what you do, you just can’t get rid of them!
PRAISE BEESUS!!!!
My high school used the Notre Dame fight song as ours. Here are the lyrics:
“Cheers, cheers, for old Ligonier
You bring the whiskey, I’ll bring the beer.
Send the freshmen out for gin,
And don’t let the sober sophomores in!
Oh baby, we never stumble, we never fall.
We sober up on wood alcohol
While our trusty faculty
lies drunk on the ballroom floor!”
I graduated in 1978. I can’t remember what I had for dinner last night, but I remember that shit!
It’s hard to top Tom Lehrer:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3J04FRsesBQ
He was le tits, that Tom Lehrer!
We have Utah State doinkage.
Current Wiscy QB must be all like if I throw this game, maybe ND lets me transfer portal there too!
Even though I has moneys on ND, I wanted that to be incomplete. But it’s a good call on the pitch. TD.
Hey! I can log in again. Hammers stole 3 points today, huh? Bielsa got rope-a-doped by Moyes. How’s everyone’s GAMBLOR action today?
Union Berlin came through for the Proletariat in the closing minutes. JV NFL bets is still pending, but nae drawing ded.
Why is the site so prejudiced against us? It must be because we’re so handsome-yeah, that’s gotta be it. [scratches belly button, sniffs finger]
LSU QB’s Max Johnson: where did he get that fake name from and where can I buy one.
Not as good as Max Power
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSVms6cT9nk&ab_channel=fortchick
Boise on the 2. Meathead Utah State coach not happy.
Notre Dame qb Jack Coan asks, “What is the sound of one hand fapping?”.
I had forgotten why I was high on SMU, then I saw the name on my score page. Running back Ulysses Bentley IV.
He drives a Civic
Brave Ulysses.
https://youtu.be/J2CCfxiQ5QY
That’s the fella.
Looking like UGA will cover that 35-point spread away to Vanderbilt. In the first QUARTER.
No longer an exaggeration – UGA up 35-nil, 3 and change left in Q1
I think the Boise/Utah State will be more entertaining but announcer Aaron Taylor’s voice is so deep and manly, my testicles keep retracting back up into my groin area.* So hate-watching Notre Dame it shall be.
*and it’s a long way at my age
My daily rant is that my cable provideUr is making me enter my “Parental Control” PIN every goddamned time I flip channels, though I am only watching sportsball. AND I don’t even have Parental Controls activated.
/so I have Overweight White Ethnics Derby on teevee, Mizzou/BC on work laptop, DFO/Footy Manager on home laptop
//no bandwidth FOAR masturbation
The struggle is real.
I just ordered shame pizza, feel like I ordered it from said ordeal
Hehe, Irish qb trips over his lineman on 3rd down forcing kicker back a bunch of yards and the fella missed the field goal.
Is the type of fixture you’d expect where both starting QBs are Wisconsin products.
Not watching football this weekend. Spending time with non-imaginary friends in real world. Reevaluating actions in life that led to this negative situation.
They smell different, they talk loud: what’s to like?
WHORE!!!
You know we’re going to talk about you behind your back, right?
And some might say Fronk’s Hammers boner grew THREE SIZES that day…
Hee!
Vardy has two for Leicester, one for Boo-urnley. Does he get Hat Trick credit? Discuss amongst yourselves.
Comintern FC WOO!!!!!!!
Wrexham is up 0 – 1. Still early.
Vardy scores a deft header…into the wrong net, tho
Call the Fashion Police on Norwich, yeesh
I am 1,000,000% in favor of a team having a terribly ugly, garish, out-there change or 3rd kit.
Keep it classy and clever for your 1st kit, but go HAM on the change look.
The Steelers’ bee uni’s approve this message.
Today is the day, friends.
After working nearly 10 years (off and on) in retail and 4-1/2 in leasing, today marks my last weekend to clock in. They officially close the sale on the property where I work October 1st and I start my new job October 4th.
My last Saturday having to get up, get dressed, and trudge in. I can’t tell y’all what a relief it is to finally have weekends with my family.
I assume by “family” you mean “imaginary friends at the Clubhouse”
but srsly, HUZZAH
Was that not obvious? Mea culpa.
Yikes. I worked in kitchens for ages and whenever someone would start bitching about the work I’d remind them they could go work retail. That would shut them right up. Glad you’re moving on out (and up?).
Definitely up!
It’s a raise, better hours, and in my career path. I’m ecstatic about starting!
From working a corner to heading up his own crew, inshallah!
Man City really need that W-gotta keep pace with Brighton Hove and Albion in the standings.
I’m sure Man City is relieved. You don’t want to stand underneath seagulls for too long!
HOLY CATS, that set piece winner by Villa. Bananapuddings.
Mendy (the one not in prison) is the MotM, absolutely kept Chelski in it.
Jesus LIVES!
Jesus…SAVED off the line!
/cracker of a match, this half
Me and the Mrs caught a little BC Lions v SSK Roughriders in the hotel room before bed. I love you Canadians. I’ve never met one I didn’t like. You talk funny. And everything up north is just endearing.
But my basic training had a platoon that was the Roughriders and that was because it was like all the ultra rural and dumb urban kids and then the CFL has them too and I just don’t get what I am missing because I think it’s about the stupidest name ever and just sounds like the CMT version of ‘cool motorcycle gang guys’.
“Rough Riders” worked out fine for me.
—Ted Roosevelt.
“Me too.”
– Mrs. Roosevelt
be funny if that was the nickname of Eleanor’s favoUrite dildo
‘Walk softly and carry a big stick”
-Edith Roosevelt
That gal Alice was a piece of work.
Apparently she died in childbirth, so being the sensitive gentleman I am, I made the dildo joke about Edith.
Not Alice the wife, Alice the daughter. She was a bag of cats! Teddy said, paraphrasing here. ” I can run the country or I can keep Alice in line. I cannot do both!”
Bully
2nd-favoUrite dildo
Beat me to it.
I don’t care if you intended for that to be a euphemism, because it absolutely is in my head.