Did you catch that amazing one-hander by Danny Dimes? Probably the 2nd-best ever by a Giant-the only one better was Jason Seahorn snagging a prime Angie Harmon. Nobody gonna top that.
Fallout:
-Finally, some positive news out of Chi Town! Coach Nagy got himself the #NuAids. If he’s not able to go next week the STC will give it a try. His name? That’s right, Peter Pumpkinhead.
-More blessings for lousy teams/players come in the form of an injury to Zach Wilson. Seriously, I think all these rookie/soph qb’s that are struggling need to have a sit for at least a week. Most will be fine, I just think the learning curve is too great for most of them. Doesn’t help that they have to deal with blitz packages up the ying yang while learning the basics.
-Ertz seems to like his new surroundings in Arizonny, saying something about ‘the grass is so much greener, though there is a distinct lack of batteries here’.
-The Bucs are going to cruise the rest of the way. Aside from the Bills, every other team on the sked has a losing record. Yay!
-Now here’s team that is going to have to earn it. Cincy has the Browns twice, the Raiders, the Chargers, and the Ravens again. Pitt is in there as well and although shitty, you can’t look past a divisional foe.
-Maybe Pitts is special? He’s the first rookie te to have back-to-back 100 yard games since the year of our Rozelle, 1970.
To The Game!
Saints/Seahawks:
-New Orleans’ wr corps has been found, umm, wanting. It says something that Payton is ruing the loss of special teamer/5th option Deonte Harris and looking forward to the return of the very average Tre’Quan Smith.
-I feel sorry for all those folks out there with Metcalf and Lockett. Those Geno-centric reasons why you’ve had to lower your expectations? They aren’t low enough.
-If you don’t follow Seattle but are aware that their D stinks, let me toss a number at you. Prior to last week they gave up 450+ yards four weeks in a row. Last week there were some signs of improvement though. They surrendered a mere 345 to the one-dimensional Steelers attack.
Let’s do this!
Here’s something to keep in mind, just in case.
Safe to say Charmslinger job is secured.
Drew Brees really brings the personality to these things, doesn’t he?
He is a total stiff.
Can the Seahawks take the safety and then try to recover an onside kick on the ensuing free kick?
Better odds than what they did.
The Bengals tried that some years ago. I didn’t see it, but the Bengals Radio Guys sounded like they were laughing and crying at the seeing the punter attempt to Onside Punt.
4th and 28?
NFL BLITZ!
4th and 28? BLITZ!
Left way too much time for, um, Geno?
To get sacked multiple times?
TOO MUCH TIME. For Geno to probably throw a pick.
Or just get repeatedly sacked like a fucking loser.
This game belongs on Thursday night.
This game belongs in the pre-season
This game belongs in a flaming dumpster outside of an abortion clinic, if we’re being honest.
Oh, sorry Mrs. Hasselbeck, didn’t see you there.
If this game was a fetus, Mrs. Hasselbeck would even abort it.
This game is also worth 10 grand in Texas.
Lord
WTF 99.
Come on tie!
New balls search term.
Fuck you BLEERGH. Whistle him down if you don’t want those hits.
What kind of wacko gives away a free car to a coworker?
Such a deeply weird company.
Was just talking about that to Mrs. Sharkbait. They’ll give away a car but pay their employees jack shit.
C’mon, man: if they paid their employees they couldn’t afford to give away one (1) free car a year.
And who paid the taxes on it?
So the winner has to pay. Then the coworker would also have to pay to register the car.
So the idiots probably combined to both pay taxes on a new car.
Correct. Its considered income. Much like if you win decently big at the casino or in lottery. Also, its the same for the people who win prices in game shows.
What Happens When You Win a Car on ‘The Price Is Right’? (distractify.com)
Nailed It!
–B. Walsh
So a friend invited me to a halloween bonfire. It was cold as hell today, so I remembered a piece of wisdom about how those zip up onesies are good for inclement weather
Don’t judge me. It was only $35 and i’ve never seen this particular one before
“Does SHE come with the costume?”
Oh you!
Sexy Gizmo!
Fun fact, this was seemingly the only costume featuring a female model which didn’t show gratuitous amounts of leg.
As a 30 something year old Male shopping alone in a costume shop, I kept expecting to turn the corner and see matt gaetz or something
I may as well enjoy this week, just in case they lay an egg in New York Adjacent.
afa26f93-dc12-45d2-a84d-dfa22238ed84-knec211025.jpg (660×495) (gannett-cdn.com)
The Seattle running back with the dreads runs into his lineman on basically every other play. It’s like a Predator and George of the Jungle had a baby.
The Buttfumble is the godfather in this scenario.
Sudden Change, Eli
SUDDEN CHANGE!!!
Peyton calling it “man to man” while talking to Sue Bird… no very espn-itically correct of him.
Sue countered with “Bobby Wagner coming in hard.”
Also misquoting the go-to line from The Outsiders. It’s “Stay gold, Pony-boy“, not “Stay gold, Johnny”, and I know this because my daughter is more committed to that movie and book than literally anything else. I told her about his error and her reply was “football is for nerds”
Announcers so determined to talk about Adams to the point where they feature him missing a tackle.
East Coast Narratives like East Coast Players.
My taek on Matt Hasselbeck ring of honour.
Buffalo : Don Beebee
New England : Scott Zolak
NYJ : Rich Kotite
Miami: Pennington
Cleveland : The douchebag qb from Notre Dame
Baltimore : The guy who took the fall for Ray Lewis
Cinci: Akili Smith
Pittsburgh: Bubby Brister
SD: The Chicken
Denver: Tebow of course
Raiders: Tuasopopo
KC Jeremy Maclin
Tennesee: Buddy Ryan
Jacsonville: Fuck Tony Khan sign
There is no team in Houston
Indy: Mike Vanderjagt.
Philly: Kevin Kolb
Cowboys: The Italian backup guy
NYG: Jared Lorenzen
WFT: RGIII
GB: Mark Chmura
Det Ty Detmer
Chicago: Cutler
Minny: Ragnar
Sea Hasselbeck obv
SF: Ty Detmer
Arizona Seth Joyner
Rammit: Vince Ferragamo
TB: Blaine Gabbert
Atl: The dude that went with the hooker sb eve.
Saints: Dez Bryant
Carolina: Rae Carruth.
Cutler but unironically. He deserved better
Yeah if we’re going Hasselbeckian it’s Jim Miller or Mike Tomczak
Cutler is #1 total Bears passing yards and its not close.
Philly should be Vince Papale, but Mark Whalberg shows up for the ceremony.
I’ll accept the Akili Smith pick, but I could think of others more “worthy” than Akili. He had a poor work ethic, but he was also screwed by the agent and poor coaching.
Ex Calgary Stampeder!
Dan Devine’s dog for packers
Hasselbeck had almost 30,000 passing for Seattle. Maybe its not Troy Aikman but we like our Above Averages here. Any review of Seattle sports team history (Soccer not included) would quickly show why.
Also on the list obviously, Harold Baines.
Kickers! Am I right?
My wife is leaving me for a week tomorrow, heading to Vegas and California for a wedding and family visit. I have to “work” and cannot go.
Nonetheless, this is going to be my first time living by my big boy self since I had my own apartment in law school for about a month before she moved in. No wife, no kids, just me, a cat, a dog, my extremely limited cooking skills, and a gas stove.
This…will not end well.
“Lying in your own excrement for 48 hours straight is underrated.”
-Jim Tomsula
I remembered when I was in my mid-20s and out of college living at home so I could pay down my Student Loans before I move out. My entire family left for a weeklong Christian Rock Festival, so I had the whole house to myself.
They may’ve been closer to God, but I was closer to Heaven.
Sounds like a staycation to me!
I recommend pre-scheduling a cleaning service for the day prior to her return
I just told her “I’m telling you now, this place is going to be a goddamn disaster when you get back.”
I would pay good money for a free week.
Hang in there 18-23 more years.
Many years ago, I went home for my sister’s wedding and left Gumby alone for a week. The house was suspiciously clean when I came back. That was his plan to distract me from the fact that he and his asshole navy buddies had broken every chair in the house drunk wrasslin’.
What would you have said years ago if I told you that Peyton and Eli Manning would be the best part of Monday Night Football?
Why does the Addams Family have such staying power in Hollywood? Fucking show wasn’t even funny.
They did it in the 1990s when everything was being remade or tossed at the wall. The 1990s had great actors and was well written, especially Raul Julia and Christina Ricci. Everyone else is trying to recapture that magic.
Nailed It!
— B. Walsh
I turned into Manning Night Football only to hear how Peyton had specific instructions for the Equpment Staff on how to handle his balls.
After Brady leaves #Obviously
Isn’t that how he got in trouble at Tennessee?
Geno sucks!
UCONN TWITTER ASSEMB….Oh, Geno Smith. Yeah, you’re right. Carry on.
Notice how that neither Eli nor Peyton mentions Elizabeth Hasselbeck? It’s because one of their wives (won’t say which) had a miscarriage and Elizabeth showed up at their house with picketers insisting that it was basically the same as an abortion and she was now going to hell.
Wow. I was totally making that up but it’s actually a lot more plausible than I realized:
https://variety.com/2019/tv/news/elisabeth-hasselbeck-quit-the-view-listen-fight-barbara-walters-audio-1203180312/
Ha, I posted something below about her before reading your comment.
You are making that up.
If I wasn’t banned for life from r/nfl I’d totally post that on the game thread and try to get it some legs.
Did you try a new email and new name? That’s my plan if I ever get Banhammered out of the Clubhouse.
Hey, this “Mauveshirt” guy seems sort of familiar.
“Notredshirt.”
Sill?
I was pretty sure you were kidding, but she’s such a twat I couldn’t rule it out.
Also, isn’t she married to Tim, Matt’s somehow-less-talented brother?
Make an alt like everyone else has to.
Holy shit for real??
No Republican is that ev…
No Republican would be that heartle…
…plausible.
I love that Eli doesn’t even bother to shave for this.
Eli is delightful
Olivia was busy this afternoon and you know how she feels about Eli playing with razors.
Congratulations Matt on being in the Seattle Ring of Honour. You were my favourite coach.
-Trent Green
I’m sure Matt Hasselbeck is a decent guy, nice family man and all, but if he is in your team’s Ring of Honor then your team should not have a Ring of Honor.
Kevin Kolb is waiting for the call from Jeffrey Lurie.
He’s more of a Nook of Notables guy. It’s on the second floor, by the smoothie stand.
Just checking, does DFW airport E gate still have that store that had big giant displays of Aikman, Irvin and Smith … I last saw in 2018 it was still there.
Fuck that guy and his sister-in-law with a rusty dildo