Oy, I hope you didn’t wake up early and console yourself with “hey, at least there will be Lesser Footy to keep me company.” But just think, this time next year, we will all be enjoying The World Cup That Slave LaboUr Built!
Michigan (-1.5) at Paedo State (Noon, ABC)
Will the rough week for Coaches Named Harbaugh continue? I am glad there are other, “should be competitive” fixtures to watch instead. One needs to be able to find a rooting interest.
Oklahoma (-5.5) at Baylor (Noon, Fox)
Oy, another rough one for finding a rooting interest. But JV WKRP could sure use a Steerfuckers North loss, so BayBay wears the unlikely white hat yet again.
Mississippi State (+5.5) at Auburn (Noon, ESPN)
Not exactly high stakes here, but should be interest. Cowbells have placement kicker issues, which cost them dearly last week. Dread Pirate Mike Leach shouldn’t believe in FGs, anyway.
Georgia (-20) at Tennessee (3:30, CBS)
Perhaps rivalry feelings allow the Vols to hang around for a quarter? But also, perhaps not.
Purdue (+21) at Ohio State (3:30, ABC)
For those of y’all thinking Purdue Pete might witness a repeat upset? That Cancer Boy is ded now. Wager accordingly.
South Cakalaky (-1) at Missouri (4:00, SECN)
A showdown for minor bowl eligibility! Chickens are fresh off a pantsing of Florida Men, so perhaps a letdown awaits. No, it’s not a great window.
Sideline reportress Kate George is doing her very best Erin Andrews impression during the Purdue/OSU game.
Best day ever – the GOOD pizza place is back in town and delivering to me address. Estimated delivery time? 69 minutes!
Nice.
The GOOD pizza place is back in town
Let me guess-it flunked out of the community college two towns over, smokes way too much dope and got an ex-girlfriend pregnant?
so long as that dirty little WHORE brings the goods amirite??
You are down 17-42. Why are you trash talking?!
BLEERGH going into the medical tent at OSU.
https://twitter.com/Danaiolos/status/1459435541041139717
I think it’s safe to rule out a Purdue upset now.
Them chances died with Cancer Boy, done told y’all.
Fucking Cancer Boy. You can’t count on them to do the right thing.
Picked up Pat FriarJohn from the Steelers in every league I could, hoping he’s the breakout tight end that Tonyan ended up being last year.
Send me $1 or I’ll pick him up and ensure he doesn’t.
He’s not.
I’m guessing your interview at The Children’s Make-A-Wish Foundation is still being talked about ten years later.
I’m the world’s worst suicide prevention hotline operator.
Come on, TN, you’re not gonna beat #1 by punting on 4th and 1.
The NFL just issued one of their biggest fines for a single play in years – try to guess which player it was on! (Note: there was no flag throw on the play, and this happened three weeks ago).
https://twitter.com/i/status/1459597021992701953
How the hell can anyone not come up with a better football league? Have the same game play but cut out the idiotic rules from the get off my lawn crowd and the non-sequeiter fines ( they have no relation to the game played) and you should be printing money.
“Shit, we’re not gonna make our fiscal 3rd quarter numbers. Anybody got any quick revenue ideas?”
Well he could always appeal to a neutral fact-fin…Oh.
Oh dear.
At this point, a player could drunkenly steal a bus full of nuns and drive it over a pier onto an endangered coral reef and I’m convinced he’ll only be fined $5k.
“That coral reef had it coming!”
-Jacques Cousteau, on a bender
I’d cut off my own pecker before watching Brady’s “Man in the Arena”
I’m not sure why it would come to that, but this is the correct choice.
I am keen to be prepared for all eventualities.
Hippo: https://gfycat.com/tintedlimpingiberianlynx
“I’m sharpening my knife” — Lorena Bobbit
I’d like to see the NFL change to DPI being a 15 yard penalty instead of spot foul.
Maybe make it a max of 15 yards, and a spot foul if shorter.
And also a TOUCHDOWN SEAHAWKS!
I’ve got some bad news for you Robert Woods owners…
They should be used to it by now, and can at least cut him.
Rams look like psychics now taking OBJ.
I’m pretty sure they knew something. I’d be surprised if this really happened on Friday.
That wouldn’t surprise me.
Now I feel less bad having Stafford, Kupp, OBJ, and Higbee. NO RUNNING, ONLY PASS.
1940s film noir private investigator on the OU sideline.
Florida is approaching Michigan levels of fall-from-gracitude with this performance against Samford. Under .500 FCS team, Samford.
They scored 70! (so far) What’s the problem?
Gumby and I took conversational Italian at Samford. It’s a really pretty campus.
So how do you say, “What the hell you lookin’ at?” in Italian?
Ehi, sto venendo qui!
Fuck if I know! I said we took it, didn’t say we were good at it!
Che diavolo stai guardando?
Apple translate says:
What the hell are you watching?
DING DING DING!
Close enough!
At the very least you must have learned the word for ‘shine box’, right?
We just wanted to be able to order in restaurants without looking like total rubes. We took an amazing trip to Italy for our 25th anniversary. It will be the 39th on Friday.
Roughing the fucking snapper?
That does make sense, sadly. If not, they can overload the long snapper as soon as he longsnaps with his head looking backwards.
Dartmouth up by 6 against Georgetown.
I’m not sure a program has fallen farther than Georgetown.
We’re up ONE at home to goddamned toothpaste (Colgate), 12 minutes to play. But at least Patrick Ewing isn’t our coach.
Hoyas have now tied it up, but my point holds. Georgetown was an absolute terror during my formative years and now they’re barely worth thinking about.
At least Syracuse has an obnoxious, nose-picking coach I can hate. Georgetown isn’t even that interesting.
St. John’s has even rebounded a little bit. Georgetown is approaching DePaul-calibre irrelevance.
This is my fear when The Nose Picker-In-Chief finally calls it a day.
This is my hope after Coach K retires
Bama has brought in the cheerleaders to clean up vs New Mexico State.
My Wolven buddy from undergrad is at the game, with his freshman daughter. He described it as “my first real college football game.”
Crap, Qaaron cleared Covid.
There’s always polio
Wait, you guys still have that?
-FDR
“Horse polio? I’ve heard good things!”
-Q. Rodgers, Wisconsin
This is all setting up for JV WKRP to be even more upset at being left out of the playoffs.
This doesn’t clear a path for Cincinnati, but it does eliminate some painfully obvious backup plans if one of the top 4 loses.
town to town, up and down the diiiiiiiial
Defensive Coordinators – still the only people on the planet who “dial up” stuff.
You’d think there’d be an app for a blitz by now. smh…
Thanks to Mike Brown, the Bengals Defense still “Pony Expresses up” stuff.
Guessing Dread Pirate Mike Leach gave one hell of a halftime talk.
Rooting for Penn State feels wrong. Stupid playoffs.
I’m going to lean into those slapping sounds-after all, it is Michigan they’re playing.
We continue, away from Classical for a time when I actually started to listen to not-Classical music.
8. ELP-Tarkus
Fun fact: I was close to being named Keith, for Keith Emerson.
https://youtu.be/QQ1Zo6faTQY
9. Barber-Violin Concerto, 2nd mvmt
Okay, still Classical, but falls into the same time of teenage years. Out of the concertos I haven’t played, it’s my favorite strictly for this movement. Senorita Weaselo has played this concerto. Ask her about the 3rd movement!
https://youtu.be/nuETejnmkX4
10. Ben Folds-Rockin’ the Suburbs
Fun fact: I watched “Over the Hedge” because Ben Folds did the music for it. I can say things were lost from comic to screen.
https://youtu.be/34u_3Z9_LUw
11. King Crimson-Epitaph
Got into ELP, started backtracking.
https://youtu.be/vXrpFxHfppI
12. UK-Rondezvous 6:02
Continued to backtrack, but at least in this case I saw them live too. Padre Weaselo has met Eddie Jobson, he’s cool.
https://youtu.be/1XG-tZRdTzQ
Fun fact: I was named Monty, for Monty Got A Raw Deal.
hmmmm, seems strange to me smgdh
WVU’s offense couldn’t score on a horny Prom date with a purse full of Viagra.
In KoreshLand, we have a replay review as to whether Steerfuckers North will have 4th and 35 or 4th and 24.
JV NFL BLITZ!
<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>Bears Justin Fields says his pup Uno is having trouble adjusting to the cold, & will buy him a coat<br><br>SPIEGS: You ok being a guy with a dog with a coat? You alright being a dog-coat person Justin?<br><br>JUSTIN: "I don't mind it. It's for the dog. Just making sure my man stays warm."</p>— Mark Grote (@markgrotesports) <a href=”https://twitter.com/markgrotesports/status/1459255612852813827?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw”>November 12, 2021</a></blockquote> <script async src=”https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js” charset=”utf-8″></script>
Best reply: “I let my dog suffer in the cold without a jacket so people don’t think I’m gay.”
You’ve got to worry about what the other dogs think, though. As Norm Macdonald said, them’s mean streets if you’re a weiner dog in a cardigan.
First sentence reads like the dog will buy Fields a coat.
Recommended reading:
https://theathletic.com/2935126/2021/11/13/the-marshall-islands-the-last-country-on-earth-without-a-football-team/
(first little bit below)
The United Nations recognises 195 countries and 194 of those play football.
From San Marino to South Sudan, Vanuatu to the Vatican City, all the nations on Earth have played an international fixture, except one — the Marshall Islands.
It’s a country that lies in the coral atolls of the North Pacific between Australia and Hawaii, far past where medieval explorers mapped the edge of the world. Millennia before, the first Marshallese sailors had already named the islands “Ad jolet jen Anij” — “Our blessed inheritance from God”. Split across two island chains — the Ratak, meaning sunrise, and the Ralik, sunset, — 60,000 people call it home.
Their nation is known for tuna production, exotic holidays, but also for more violent events — the United States tested nuclear weapons on its Bikini Atoll between 1946 and 1958. It is known for being more at risk from climate change than any other country in the world. It is not known for football.
The Marshall Islands is not a member of FIFA, has never had a national football team, and does not even operate a domestic league.
Now though, a group of enthusiasts are racing to change that.
They have a long-term plan to play in World Cup qualifiers — but this country formed upon the skeletons of sunken ancient volcanoes faces having its fire extinguished by the rising sea.
“We are! Marshall! Islands!” doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.
So mutant footy players? Will cheer for them
Now I’m curious about the Vatican City football team. Are they nicknamed the Cardinals? Are they really eager to make that first touch? When a player gets redcarded, do they just reassign him to another game on a different field and hope nobody notices?
fucking a, this is SO GOOD
Have we talked about the fact that Gus Johnson has become a parody of himself?
It’s kind of a “We Need To Talk About Kevin” situation.
It’s nice that they teamed him up with one of those Zaboomafoo guys tho.
As we all do, he misses Aqib Talib.
This just appeared in my Twitter TL
https://twitter.com/MattBlakemore/status/1459276224312786944?t=CisWcZv3aBeg01jeDyD2yw&s=19
The screaming is unrelated though, it’s because of hte drapes.
Stupid sexy cocktail…
And now we move into a bit of the “important Classical bones-making” section of the playlist.
4. Bach-Violin Concerto No. 1 in A Minor
Playing this got me into the music festival that would arguably be the most important summer of my life. I met my teacher throughout middle and high school and my teacher throughout grad school.
https://youtu.be/A4bUCMV2oCE
5. Kreisler-Praeludium & Allegro
The first piece I then worked on with that teacher, and then played in a master class a few months later.
https://youtu.be/NBvjFhwCZAE
6. Mendelssohn-Violin Concerto, 1st mvmt
As I grew, I finally started playing the big boy pieces, and at long last, won my youth orchestra’s concerto competition to play with the orchestra.
https://youtu.be/lBG_ulM6RGE
7. Wieniawski-Scherzo Tarentelle
What’s cooler than playing with orchestra? How about the Garden? Twice? And that first one at a Knicks game? All eyes on me, and source of the Eli Manning story.
https://youtu.be/4c4x1UqyTWA
I love me some Bach!
And Happy Birthday to you Senor!
I am so proud – WolvenSpawn just texted me, totally unprompted “scared for the game tn”
yahoo sprots now reputably reports that it’s 17-1 Clemson, this is not a drill either
More than a little insulted that Hippo did not include the Fightin’ Horatios line against Clemson.
It’s Clemson -41, which is probably less than what the men’s basketball team, (currently up by 20) is going to beat Coppin State by today.
I would take Clemson and the points. True, it’s currently 10-7 Clemson but remember, the Johnstown dam was holding up just fine until it kept raining.
I checked for the Moneyline, one could nae even bet it.
/also I am mad at management for hiring Jim Mora ahead of youse
I was in the running until they found about a bunch of problematic comments on some shady blog.
No idea what they were talking about.
Not even for UConn?
I got sent to the gulag (girl scout camp) one summer when my parents cruelly abandoned me. It was somewhere in the same general area as Johnstown, and they sent us on a Bataanesque death march to the place where the dam failed. I truly did not give a fuck about the grisly death of 2,000 people, 80 or so years previously. It was the only hot sunny day we had in that entire miserable experience, and we weren’t at the pool!
Is the only thing worse than a CVS a CVS in a Target?
My cat just caught a bird! I’m actually pleased about this because she is getting old and has been slowing down. Nice to see that SHE’S STILL GOT IT!
I discourage my cat from killing birds. I’m sure he listens.
You should feel shame, you have no right to tell a cat how to be a cat. (or do anything, really)
You spelled awesome wrong!
.
UConn 7, Clemson 3. THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Someone check on Horatio!
Wait, basketball season has already started?
Ball is life, ppl forget that.
“True ‘dat.” – Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend.
3. Part of me was a stickler and said “Album stuff only,” but screw it, it’s my playlist. I could pick anything from this, but here’s the medley for the one video game character I’ve stuck by forever.
Except Skylanders. Fuck that noise.
https://youtu.be/L7Rqf4s8KQ0
Sweet Jeebus…
Hey, basketball beat Pitt last night!
Cripes.
Pitt has really hit the skids of late. I suspect Capel is on borrowed time. Hope Duke hires him to replace Rat-Boy.
They lost to the fucking Citadel. How is that even possible?
Time to sit back, and watch Cousinfuckers get crushed by… Sunflower fuckers?
(Help me out here, Hippo)
Unded Bill Snyders obvs
Also, as a devoted supporter and fellow royalty…The King of Track Suits would have to agree to preside over your nuptuals, yes??
Only 136 more Herman Cain Award recipients to go before Texas overtakes California. HOOK ‘EM HORNS!
Senorita Weaselo’s at work, so I’ve been sitting in my car curating the “Senor Weaselo 30 for 30 playlist,” so here goes from the beginning:
We start with stuff Padre Weaselo played in the car when I was young and remember the songs. So honorable mention to Luis Miguel but I don’t know the songs:
1. Gipsy Kings-Volare
https://youtu.be/D_TGGgkCLD8
2. Pat Metheny Group-Praise (which is apparently YouTube Premium only? Bullshit, but then here’s a cover.)
https://youtu.be/yDHYfUUhxxw
Premier League may be off for an international break, but League One is just getting warmed up
https://twitter.com/FootballlForAll/status/1459553830387990528
Fuckin’ Jagerbombs…
https://youtu.be/Q5QJ9i_o5vo
Sunderland in the house!
Lane Kiffin appearance? You know what that means…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TvJy2Ot48M
I had no idea how funny that was.
I assume it’s a segment at the Krusty Komedy Klassic, live from the Apollo Theater?
Nothing to see here, just President Biden letting it slip that his vaccine booster shot turned him into one of the X-Men.
Missing the word “League” means a lot here. Now please ignore Bannon getting indicted, which we will not talk about at all!
Forgot to mention, with Villa hiring Slippy G, and Watford likely hiring Tory Cunt Frank Lampard, the Prem is about to get much douchebag-ier after the break.
Looks like everyone in Mississippi is bundled up for freezing weather, so I’m assuming it’s 62.
Morning. I’m dehydrated and my feet hurt. Good thing next weekend is the one where I’m walking 60 miles.
Only 940 to go! Ba-da-da-la-da!! – The Proclaimers, Glasgow, SCO
Pfft. Wuss.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otXGqU4LBEI
Remember, in the mountains, NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU MOAN. Or it makes a nice echo, and everyone can hear you moan, I don’t know, I haven’t done the science involved.
Aren’t you a professional musician? Shouldn’t you know things like this?
RIKKI’S BRAIN: Man, waking up without a hangover feels so nice. I wish I could feel this way *every* morning.
RIKKI’S CONSCIENCE: You can! All you need to do is…
RIKKI’S ID: [hurriedly silences RIKKI’S CONSCIENCE with a big slug of breakfast bourbon]
RIKKI’S RAIDERS: Yum! That bourbon was tasty! Let’s do 8 more shots and go for a ride!
RIKKI’s RAIDERS: Got anything that tops out above 150 mph, let’s take that one!
Don’t forget to bring your guns, everyone!!
Richie, did you bring enough guns for eve…
What am I talking about? Of course Richie brought enough guns for everyone.
/insert Homer punching his liver gif
Boy do we sux this year… C series… here we come. Paulo Rossi is spinning in his grave, and Roberto Baggio is in hiding, I know this because he lives in my comune (no kidding). But the girls help, lots of eye candy around here, numbs the pain.
I am totes gambling on Serie C right now!!
Robur Siena GOLAZO WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Litre was good enough to send me this book, which focused on a team in Serie C
Really good read, but I will absolutely never attend an Italian Lesser Footy game unless I am accompanied by a rifle platoon.
I bought and read off Litre’s recommend. Cosenza are in Serie B now, though.
Good for them. They seemed like a decent bunch.
Really enjoyed their insane, de-frocked priest.
Yeah you want at least a squad sized element with you.
Come on you Cockerels!
/Famiglia Weaselo’s local team would be SSC Bari unless there is a team in Rutigliano proper
I reckoned y’all for Ararat Armenia!
Madre Weaselo’s side of the family is Italian, my cousins mostly root for Juve. No idea what Romanian footy team Grandpa Weaselo roots for, if at all. Similarly I doubt my grandmother had an Armenian footy team to root for.
As for me, I just root against Liverpool because fuck the Sawx.
LIKE ALL GOOD PEOPLES SHOULD!
“I just root against Liverpool because fuck the Sawx.”
That’s sound reasoning.
SSC Bari should rename themselves SSC Bari Weiss and relocate to Austin.
I didn’t know Rihanna played goalie…
She does look like fun huh Buddy
The one on the left gives me bunny boiler vibes…
YUP. So she is Hippo’s favoUrite.
Getting an Alyson Hannigan vibe from her.
This one time, at soccer camp…
https://www.theonion.com/fcc-okays-nudity-on-tv-if-it-s-alyson-hannigan-1819594697