No such luck for me-a few third place tussles is all I have to show for this year. Oh well.
To The Games!
Broncos/Chargers:
L.A.’s other, other team blew out all four tires last week and have no one but themselves and the run D to blame for being 8-7. They remind me of Cincy so much-great talent at the skill spots but the coach is dealing with significant flaws elsewhere, hence the inconsistency. Denver is severely under-manned at wr (and qb) so they’ve no choice but to run Gordon and Williams through a porous Chargers D.
Texans/Niners:
Trey Lance, come on down! God, we love shiny new-ish things, don’t we? I’d say his timing couldn’t be better, what with playing Houston but lo and behold-they’re winners of two straight. Still, it’s probably beyond their skillset to win on the road vs a team clinging desperately to a wild card birthing. Let’s see what Davis Mills comes up with…
Cards/Cowboys:
“Kingsbury has a lot of trouble finishing” is what his wife says to her buddies after a third mimosa and also what the numbers bear out. After the first 7 games of the year his Cards have a record of 15-5-1-the rest of the way they’re 8-18. The reason this year could be a spate of injuries and Kyler’s not-whelming play since his ankle owie. As for Dallas, yes, they’ve won 4 in a row but I think that last week’s evisceration of TEAM really has them believing they’re unstoppable.
Panthers/Saints:
Carolina has been outscored by 80(!) points over their 5 game losing streak and appear to be playing out the string. And really, what else can they do when they enter a game knowing that they’ll get vastly inferior qb play guaranteed. Speaking of, was Ian Book’s display the worst qb-ing we’ve seen this year? Hill isn’t the answer but he nears competency for short stretches.
Lions/Seahawks:
Detroit has run off a few wins but I’m sure their handful of fans are complaining about the falling draft spot. I mean, it’s in their veins to complain, right? With Goff doubtful Boyle gets a chance at another win vs a Seahawks team that will have their first losing season since 2011. First one to 17 points wins?
Get at it.
If McCarthy had any guts, (he doesn’t), he should have pulled his team off the field after that non-call on the fumble.
That was, in fact a fumble, on a play that should have been blown dead for delay of game.
NFL officials or The Aristocrats…YOU make the call!
Hey, so long as I gets my iced cream. – Cap’n B.B., Arlington, TX
He needed to be in the refs face and on the verge of a stroke after that, but instead he looks bored.
it’s over. Dallas needs to rest everyone next week.
While he needs the rest more, Prescott could use some work. He’s been Jekyll and Hyde for weeks now.
51-29 would have to be Scorinami, yeah?
Nope.
well, fuck all the shit. 51-36?
Yes!
That was the Most Lions Play EVAR
Not sure, but I THINK Balmer and PIT need Jaguras to beat the Humps, or they’re out. So, that will be a Saturday game.
Dallas still has life. Let’s hope Willow throws an INT here.
I can’t imagine he’s going to throw it at this point.
Or…that.
https://twitter.com/DennisDepew2/status/1477772595575410689
oh God. I laughed so hard. HERE I COME, hell.
WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
[runs through clubhouse wearing nothing but a Raiders bandana wrapped around his wing-wang and FANHOOD RESTORED written on his butt-cheeks with a Sharpie marker]
Some of the more astute readers might remember that this was supposed to be based on the Raiders making the playoffs, but gutting out three huge wins down the stretch to clinch only their second winning season in 20 years is enough for me. If the NFL can change their rules after 90% of the season is in the books, then so can I.
Dakota Jeebus’ rusty Q1 still cost them the game, so indirect poetic justice.
Nice to have you back!
Horatio: (changing the channel) We have got to start locking the doors around here.
.
The only Qards fan I know lives in TX, so he REALLY hates the N-GCp. So, he is as happy drunk as humanly possible right now.
Might want to check on him.
I bet DAL never gets the ball back.
HIPPO FINALLY GETS A PREDICION RIGHT
(They actually did get the ball back, though)
The race for playoff spots continues:
Another DK down for BfC
And you in our 7th place thriller!
I hate David Spade but this is funny and also completely plausible.
Also something I’ve seen several people tweet before him.
Dallas is scared of these Cards
Our processed-ham-headed pal turned into Alex Smith so gradually…
It’s like if you recorded one of Andy Reid’s dreams and played it in reverse.
In the youtube comments of the Costanza quitting tweet, someone already made an AB joke 2 years ago, went back in and updated it.
Point of Order – that Costanza bit was based on a real life Larry David story. He quit writing for SNL after his sketch got cut, then showed up like nothing happened on Monday. But unlike Costanza, it worked for LD.
“garbage eclair” was also real Larry David
It depends on how you leave. If you leave with grace or quietly, there’s a chance it can be undone. I knew somebody that got upset and left, but they didn’t make a scene. Their boss called them back, had a talk with them, and they were back at work the next day.
When you pull a Constanza/AB, there is no take backs.
Bengals have changed their Twitter name to “z – Cincinnati Bengals”. Nice touch.
z – Cincinnati Bengals (@Bengals) / Twitter
Also, Denver ain’t gonna win getting 3 and giving away 7 if my maths is right.
“Ain’t Gonna Win Getting 3 and Giving Away 7” may as well be the title of my autobiography.
So
Assuming Chargers hang on, we have NE with 10 wins already clinching a wild card, leaving two spaces open. There will be three teams with 9 wins; one is Indy, playing at J-Ville. So Indy will have 10 wins and a playoff spot. The other two teams? Chargers and Raiders, playing each other for the last playoff spot. There’s your Sunday Nite game.
That assumption…is mighty safe.
WATCH: Eagles fans nearly fall on Jalen Hurts after railing collapses at FedEx Field – CBSSports.com
FedEx Field needs to be condemned.
Dan Snyder needs to be deported. To a different galaxy.
Put him on the same rocket with Urban Meyer and fire it into the sun
Poor sun.
Yeah, I don’t need their remains being blown back towards Earth in some massive solar flare.
Pluto is a much better target.
So close
At least he didn’t get showered with sewage!
500’s v Niners is nawt good football.
Really sticking your neck out on that one.
–Mike Glennon
They have replacement refs in that one too.
I benched Wilson for Taysom Hill
Kind of kicking myself now…😬
I need one of DJ, DK, or Deebo to fucking do something.
Totally should have named my team D’s Nuts
You got your DK td.
Woohoo
My opponent had Joe Burrows at QB, I have Dak!
From that you can guess how my championship game is going.
Flutter ball to Westley for the TD!
You are waaaaay ahead of me.
https://twitter.com/AreYouMyPal/status/1477760019319824387
‘Shirtless Antonio Brown’ is a redundant phrase at this point. And will be moving forward.
Florida man takes off shirt, quits job.
Seriously though, the PA needs to reach out and get him some help
The NFLPA? Reach out? Help?
I saw that earlier, laughed my ass off.
Sheeeesh
Not really the rite kind of Rocking imo
Fooking Ekeler. You can’t dance behind the line of scrimmage against a dominant run D.
Denver is….not good
CBS scroll isn’t showing any Giants stats from the game.
They aren’t set up to show negative or irrational numbers.
Derpyderpydonks.
Smart move by the Chargers there to take the points and go up by four scores.
100% correct, 10-nil is clearly insurmountable for the present-week Donks.
The fuck was that Hippo?
Only hope Dallas is for Kingsbury to insist on throwing the ball
“Sam Darnold is 5/5 and Taysom Hill is 4/5.”
-update from the sports section of The End Times Tribune
First one to 2 wins in Santa Clara
C’mon, Deebo!
Wife and kid have been napping for almost 3 hours now. I should wake them, I am not going to, but I should.
Eh, if there a housefire, the flames’ll wake ’em up in time.
Just claim you were also napping. Problem solved!
She knows I am watching football. I am in the final of my $$$ lge
RYPIEN is in the match, this is NOT a Donks WOO drill!!
Mark Rypien is still in the league?!
#ProvenVeteran
#SuperbowlMVP
I think we also called up Timmy Smith for backfield depth.
He’s pretty awesome, that Timmy!
My stupid thumb put Donks +6.5 in a parlay. I did NOT mean to do that. FUCK. sry Hippo, but your Everton did me in this morning as you are aware.
Did yew ask mah advice on them first? NOOOOOOOOO!!!!
I was high from my SecsiMexi Beisbol win.
As a Bengals fan, I apologize for Vontaze Burfict ruining Antonio Brown for that hit in the 2015 playoffs. Unless I’m mistaken, I think he only got crazy after his brain got imploded on the Bengals midfield logo.
Not the craziest (how apropos) theory I’ve ever heard.
Guys. Guys. Ah am not sure Horse Cock Lock is gon’ be the answer at quartered back.
Can I interest you in a slightly undervaccinated Paxton Lynch, most recently employed as a third-stringer with the Saskatchewan Roughriders of the Canadian Football League?
It’s funny, we somehow managed to go even shittier with Brock Lobster, followed by QuarterPax, followed by HCL. Be hard to do that on purpose, fuck’s sake.
Maybe Donkey Teeth should just come back and play QB himself, at this rate.
Then they can send him to the glue factory.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJvnj0BZ7qE&ab_channel=UncleBen%27s
Found a funny;
Men pick their favorite sports team when they’re like 11 and let it make them upset for the rest of their life
Good thing we don’t know anybody like that! Nope, nosireee!
Two. I picked mine at age TWO.
I consider mine a birth defect. I need a telethon!
Reminds me of this beautiful piece of literature from many years ago.
.
Have to tell my brother he’s not a man, which I will do gladly. He’s never seen a bandwagon he hasn’t jumped on.
Reddit’s saying AB was 11 catches from a 333K incentive bonus, 55 yards from another bonus, and 3 TD from a 3rd bonus. Arians then benched him because he was on a snap count.
Soooo yeah.
If true and he was benched due to greed reasons, I take back my criticism for AB and give him credit for not going the Full Monty.
But, it’s not exactly like ARIANS had to pay these bonuses out of his own pocket? I still no get it.
Brown was injured – questionable this game with an ankle – and it was the fucking Jets.
Arians doesn’t strike me as that type.
It’s Reddit, for fuck sakes!
It’s AB for fuck sakes!
https://twitter.com/BucSidelineGuy/status/1477735692658741254?t=IEwpI_NG-SH_MBj98kvczg&s=19
Tampa seems like a well-run franchise and Arians is a forthright coach. I think AB would have been told pre-game that he was on a snap count-not mid-game.
Saquon did enough to be cromulent but I really need Deebo to go off (and Ekeler to knock it off)
Congrats to Don T, Redshirt, and anyone else whose team punched their ticket today!
Don’t forget!
Just ask about the knee already!
2021 NFL Playoff Machine – Simulate Matchups and Scenarios – ESPN
Titans #1 seed if they win next week
Chiefs #1 seed if they win and TEN and CIN lose next week
Bengals #1 seed if they win and TEN and KC lose next week
Patriots #1 seed if they win and TEN, KC, CIN and BUF lose next week
Buffalo can’t be #1 seed due to tiebreaker.
“I’ll get to it when I get to it!”
Dr. Seuss, author of ‘Hands, Hands, Finger Thumb’.
Hands,Hands,Finger Thumb: The Jason Pierre Paul Story.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHw5qXpPOmg&ab
He really needs help. He is not well.
Oh my, Donks. Oh my, indeed.
I’m convinced Derek Carr wears eyeliner, but my wife says no. I’m pretty sure he’s Goth 24/7.
He wears kohl
His knowledge of Robert Smith is second to only our very own BallsofSteel.
I think he just has double lashes. It’s pretty rare. Elizabeth Taylor had them too.
I cannot believe I have to root for the ‘boys here! What a fucking world.
Firing Up QB Taysom Hill today.
Hopefully he is Rockingggg at home vs dem kitty cats.
Goooo Football!!! 🏈