Boris’s Conference Championship DFS Writeup…AND ALSO TOM BRADY CAN’T HURT US ANYMORE RETIREMENT THREAD

Hey all. This is likely my last post of the season. I do dabble in PGA and NHL DFS but I don’t know nearly enough about PGA to impart any sort of wisdom, and NHL contests typically suck in terms of entries and payouts, so I have not been able to sustain any sort of consistent winnings there.

I want to thank everyone again for the opportunity to join the community. I have really enjoyed writing during the season, and in many ways I have become a better DFS player, though there is more room to grow. While I cannot wait for the next NFL season, a respite from the grind is something I am looking forward to.

There’s only 2 games on the slate (obviously) which sort of hinders our ability to “get different.” However, there may be a way or 2 to get a little different. I would recommend taking a couple stances and maybe even having 100% exposure to a few players and then stacking up your preferred QB with 2 to 4 of his teammates. The triple stack with a TE is typically less owned, but let’s take a closer look at the players….

 

Cincinnati Bengals @ Coin-Toss Winning Kansas City Chiefs

KC -7

O/U 54.5

Joe Burrow – $6600 and the Bengals have turned into a full on passing offense over their last 4 games. Burrow has put up stat lines of 525/4, 446/4, 244/2, 348/0, or DK point outings of 41.1, 37.8, 17.6 and 16.4. While the last two are concerning, the 37.8 came against these same Chiefs. Cincinnati’s early-down pass rate over the last 4 is 60.7% which is higher than the rest of the season of 51.0%. The likely game script, based on the spread and point total, is one where Burrow and the Bengals have to throw to stay in the game. If we dive into the numbers more, KC uses a high number of Cover 1, and Burrow is statistically the 2nd best QB this past season when facing Cover 1. When KC used Cover 2 vs Burrow in Week 17, Burrow went 10 for 12 with over 100 yards and a TD. The 3rd coverage scheme KC uses is Cover 6, and Burrow was the 6th best QB against that coverage this past year. Like Tennessee last week, KC’s best bet is going to be to try and get to him as much as possible. Burrow, out of every QB to ever make it this far in the playoffs, has taken the most sacks (62). The 5 previous QBs to enter the conference title game with 50 or more sacks all lost, and 4 of them saw their teams fail to score an offensive TD. That’s some tough history to overcome, but Burrow has shown the ability to overcome adversity, is on a role, and has a great matchup. IMO Burrow is about to become the 6th QB to play in a Super Bowl in his 2nd year as a Pro. (Since you asked, the other 5 are Marino, Brady Roethlisomething, RW3, and Kaepernick.)

Joe Mixon – $6800 is the most expensive RB on the board. Over his last 4 Mixon is averaging 70% of snaps, 21 opportunities and 100 total yards. It’s the 6.5 targets a game that have me interested as there are paths to Mixon doing well regardless of the game script. There’s only going to be about 6 viable RBs this week, so Mixon should come with ownership, the highest on the slate at the position likely. He may just be necessary though as the likelihood that he ends up in the optimal lineup is high considering the opportunity he has in this offense right now. KC is also giving up 4.6 yards per attempt and the 4th most receptions to RBs. If you think 2 other RBs outscore him, and that’s certainly possible, then he makes for a solid game theory fade.

Ja’Marr Chase – $6700 and Tee Higgins – $5700. Chase has been on a friggin tear, reaching 100 or more yards in each of his last 4 games (excluding Week 18 when the Bengals didn’t really play). Over the final month of the season, no team allowed more fantasy points to outside WRs than the Chiefs. While you should not expect a repeat performance from Week 17, another 100 yard game could definitely be in store for Chase who is averaging 10 targets per game. Higgins should not be priced this low considering his role in this offense. Like Chase, he is an outside WR who gets to play against this defense too. Higgins was heavily featured in the first half vs Tennessee, receiving 9 total targets for 7 catches and 96 yards. Throw in a TD and 4 more yards and he’s that close to being in the winning lineup. Here’s the deal with the Chiefs outside CBs though. One is Fenton and one is Ward. Fenton is Pro Football Focus’s #3 overall CB. Ward, however, over the last 8 weeks is allowing the 6th most fantasy points against. He predominantly plays on the left side, which is the side Chase played a few weeks ago when he abused Ward and sent him home with nightmares. I would expect the Chiefs to attempt to figure out a way to keep Chase grounded, but this secondary couldn’t keep Gabe Davis from running a train on them. During the last few drives of that game, the Chiefs used Nickel and Dime prevent defenses, which prevented scoring about as well as drinking one’s own urine prevents Covid. The point? The additional CBs behind Ward and Fenton are not good and will likely not be helpful in obvious passing situations. Chase is the primary add here for me (just like Diggs was last week and that didn’t really work out so you have been warned) but Higgins should not be ignored in the event that the Chiefs find a way to take Chase out, because then Higgins becomes the likely focal point of the Bengals passing attack.

Tyler Boyd – $4200 showed just how TD dependent he has been last week as he only got 3 targets for 2 grabs and 17 yards. He has a nice price decrease going into the AFC Championship. He’s probably owned the least out of the 3 Bengals wideouts and gets a soft matchup in the slot against CB Sneed who has allowed 50 or more yards against in 4 of his last 6 games.

CJ Uzomah – $3400 has been relied upon much more since the playoffs started. While it’s only 2 games, he’s averaging 7 targets, 6.5 grabs, 67.5 yards, and .5 TDs. At $3400 that sounds lovely, especially in Burrow triple and 2 TE stacks, but I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks so. The Chief defense isn’t necessarily one to target with a TE, but they also haven’t really played anyone with an exceptional TE. I’m not saying that Uzomah is one, but based on his recent usage, he isn’t someone who should have a particularly hard matchup on Sunday.

 

Patrick Mahomes – $7400 is in play. I’m really not sure what else needs to be said. There’s the possibility that maybe KC has 2 or 3 rushing TDs, or someone like Kelce throws a TD pass again, thus limiting Mahomes’s ceiling, but this man will be throwing the ball. The Bengals defense has stepped up, but Mahomes is different than Carr and Tannehill. Now that Allen is out, Mahomes has the highest rushing upside for a QB as well.

Tyreek Hill – $7000 saw zero deep targets against the Bills, but that was no matter as he still has the talent to take an underneath cut route 63 yards to the endzone. Even if a team’s defense schemes around him, he can still make you pay. The Bengals will take that deep play away from Hill in this matchup as well. That being said, the Bengals secondary ranks top 10 in most yards after the catch allowed, which is kind of Hill’s specialty.

Travis Kelce – $6500. The Bengals, on the season, rank top 6 in receptions, receiving yards, and fantasy points allowed to TEs. I’ve talked up Kelce ad nauseam all season and anyone who even casually watches football knows how much he factors into this offense. Kelce will probably be the most owned TE.

Jerick McKinnon – $5100 / CEH – $5300 / Darrel Williams – $4200. I honestly believe that whomever gets this backfield right is going to win the day. McKinnon was 2% owned 2 weeks ago, was 27% owned last weekend, and will likely see a dip in ownership now that CEH got a good amount of the handoffs (7 of 17) and was more effective with them than McKinnon. Additionally, Cam Akers, the now clear RB1 for LA, is priced less so I’m hoping that many are going to go there. McKinnon, however, still saw 70% of the snaps, got 10 carries, and ran 38! routes for 7 targets and 5 grabs for 54 yards. If you believe that the Chiefs will pass on the Bengals, which I do, then it looks like McKinnon is the play as he is the one receiving the passing down work. However…like we saw with Cam Akers last week, the Divisional round could have been the warmup act for CEH as he begins to assume more of the RB1 role, which comes with more snaps, handoffs, routes, and targets. Williams has been limited at practice this week, including on Friday. He’ll likely suit up. Overall, when he looks his best, he has been featured in both the run and passing game. I’m past the point of being surprised by this backfield, so if Williams somehow reassumes his RB1 role, he will win you the slate. It’s unlikely to happen, but I’ll have a few lineups just in case.

Byron Pringle – $4300 continues to see a healthy workload. Last week he played 76% of the snaps and ran 43 routes. While that didn’t translate to more than 7 targets, 5 grabs, 29 yards, and a score, an opportunity like that in this offense shouldn’t be ignored. Even at 7 targets last week, he was tied for 3rd on the team.

Mecole Hardman – $4000 was nice enough to prove me right last week when he took a jet sweep to the house. Beyond one explosive play, his usage was mildly troubling as he only received 1 passing target. Hardman also only played 41% of the snaps. Hardman is the direct understudy of Tyreek Hill, so unless Hill gets injured, Hardman’s ceiling is significantly limited.

Demarcus Robinson – $3800 also only saw 1 target, but played 64% of the snaps. There’s only 1 football, a limited number of targets to go around, and plenty of mouths to feed so going here is probably a prayer, but it might have a better opportunity of being heard than Hardman.

 

San Francisco 49ers @ LA Rams 

Rams (who haven’t beaten the Niners in their last 6 games) -3.5

O/U 45.5

I can tell you right now that I am not interested in Jimmy G – $5400. The 49ers do not run many plays right now, and haven’t for awhile. They will attempt to beat the Rams, something they have become pretty good at,

with good defense and a slow plodding run game. Garoppolo just doesn’t have the ceiling that Mahomes, Burrow and even Stafford have. Jimmy G could throw 3 TDs this Sunday and still not be the highest scoring QB.

Elijah Mitchell – $5900 has posted 7 straight outings with 20 or more touches. Against the Rams this season, Mitchell has put up stat lines of 27-91-0 and 21-85-0, playing on 53% of the offensive snaps in each outing. While that initially doesn’t sound good, he’s hit the 70% mark in both playoff games this postseason. If Mitchell, despite his usage, does not get into the endzone though, well then he might only put up 9.1 DK points despite achieving 91 rush yards as he is not featured in the passing game. He, along with Mixon, should be the most owned RBs.

Deebo Samuel – $7200 is averaging nearly 8 rush attempts and 4 receptions per game over his last 6. Samuel continues to be efficient with that usage as he is averaging 115.8 total yards per game and has reached the end zone in 4 of those games. In Week 10, Deebo went for 5-36-1 rushing and 5-97-1 receiving for 30.3 DK points. In Week 18, he went for 8-45-1 rushing and 4-95-0 receiving for 29 DK points. While he was hobbling at the end of last game, when Wednesday’s practice reports came out, Deebo was not on the injury report.

George Kittle – $5000 has 5 or more receptions and/or 100 or more yards in his last 8 games vs the Rams. He had 5 grabs in each game this season. The Rams have given up the 10th most receptions to TEs.

Brandon Aiyuk – $5000 intrigues me because he got a grand total of zero

fantasy points last weekend vs Green Bay. Prior to that game, Aiyuk had eclipsed 11.5 DK points in 4 straight, and in 7 of his last 9. Because of his disappearing act last week, his ownership could be lower. Last time out against the Rams Aiyuk had 7 targets for 6 grabs and 107 yards. If he were to catch a TD in this game, well, that could win you the slate.

Jauan Jennings – $3200 is also going to make my player pool. As with Aiyuk, the entire SF passing attack took a back seat in the tundra of Wisconsin. Prior to that he was becoming a bigger part of the offense. He’ll be even lower owned than Aiyuk, so same thing applies…a TD might be enough to win the slate.

 

Matthew Stafford – $6300 is not going to make it for me this week either has I have to draw lines somewhere. In 2 games vs SF this season, Stafford averaged 15.65 DK points. The 49ers are a pass-funnel defense, but they have been playing better lately. I do actually think Stafford goes beyond 15.65 points, but north of 30 is not likely here when you consider the projected pace of the game.

Cooper Kupp – $8800 is in play despite that. Stafford could throw for 250 yards and Kupp could have half of it. He put up 29.6 and 26.2 DK points against this team in their 2 meetings this year and simply has to be considered if you can afford him. The 49er secondary has been making life difficult of late for WRs, but Kupp is a little different because of his slot presence. He’ll go up against slot CB Williams who is allowing 77% of passes thrown his way to be completed. Kupp gets roughly 11 targets a game, so a 7+ reception game is on the table for him yet again.

Cam Akers – $5000 has seen his role in this offense increase each week. He played 81% of the offensive snaps and drew 90% of the RB touches against Tampa. He had 24 rush attempts, ran 24 routes, and had 3 targets. However, he’s only averaging about 2.3 yards per carry since he’s been back, and the 49ers, whose front seven is quite good, is averaging 2.7 yards allowed per carry. We just saw Aaron Jones find success against this defense in the passing game as he had 9 receptions and over 100 yards. Akers is the receiving back in this offense right now, so that could bail him out. He did fumble twice in the last game though, so I am curious if he is one more away from the bench since Sony Michel – $4600 has a grand total of 1 fumble on the season. In fact, if looking for a way to get different, “Akers gets benched for fumbling,” is an unlikely strategy for a DFS player this weekend. Also, Akers could come in with double the ownership of McKinnon, so simply from a game theory perspective, I like McKinnon more. Akers missed practice on Friday but is not on the injury report so just be vigilant here.

OBJ – $5100 could return the value we need this week too. Though they have been better, the 49ers have allowed the 10th most fantasy points to WRs this year. OBJ’s target share may not come close to Kupp, but he’s been productive in the endzone, scoring TDs in 6 of his last 9 games.

Tyler Higbee – $3700 continues to run a ton of routes and is averaging 7 targets a game over his last 5. If we think 7 targets might be good enough for Uzomah or Pringle, then it could be good enough for Higbee too. Against SF in Week 8 he put up 23.5 DK points but needed to find the endzone twice to do it.

Van Jefferson – $3900 is the forgotten man in this offense right now as OBJ has basically usurped his target share. However, every now and again the Rams take a deep shot to Jefferson. Should he catch a long one for a TD, against a suspect Niner secondary, then he likely makes the winning lineup.

Bonus Thought: Darrell Henderson – $4500 is likely to be activated from IR. McVay’s backfield has been a near constant source of frustration for me for some time now. Regardless of said frustration, I simply need to follow the numbers here. The likelihood of Henderson coming into this game and immediately supplanting both Michel and Akers is small. Additionally, even if he does, it’s not like the 49ers are susceptible against the run. I am not playing a $4500 Henderson when I can get Higbee, Jefferson, Boyd, Uzomah, Pringle, Robinson….hell even Juszczyk – $4100 is someone I’ll play over Henderson.

 

Where I’m at

QB – Mahomes and Burrow.

RB – A mix of CEH and McKinnon with a side of Williams will dominate my lineups. Mitchell, Michel, Akers, and Mixon will find their way into my lineups.

WR – Most of my lineups will have 2 or 3 from the KC/Bengals game. Each of my lineups will have a secondary WR (or Higbee) or 2 from the SF/LA game. Kupp is a priority.

TE – stack with QB so that likely means Kelce or Uzomah will be in all of my lineups. I do like Higbee though.

DST – All of them.

Bonus Unsolicited Super Bowl Prediction

Bengals vs 49ers

 

5 3 votes
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borisnow
Boris had a friend in his high school freshmen English class once mistakenly call him Boris, and the name has somehow stuck ever since. He attempts to teach high school English, aspires to write and somehow make a ton of money in DFS.
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Doktor Zymm

I AM READY
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Brocky

More bonus wrestling ladies! Beth Phoenix and Maryse!

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scotchnaut

Espn scroll is reduced to listing the qb’s drafted before Brady. Hey, Tee Martin, why didn’t you have a Hall of Fame career? Stupid loser!

herodotus450

“Patriots blew it 6 times before drafting HoF quarteredback”

scotchnaut

I’ve posted tunes from Horsegirl before. I’m too old to know whether they’re good, bad, trite, or whatever but I like the very little output they’ve put in.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tsip3FReatE&list=RDVDo0ENx51uM&index=2&ab_channel=Horsegirl

Senor Weaselo

Cocoa of the night: MarieBelle’s Spiced Aztec Dark Chocolate. It’s spicy and it’s dark chocolate.

Do not buttchug.

Doktor Zymm

Wasn’t “Cocoa of the night” one of the songs in Phantom of the Opera?

herodotus450

Turn your face away from the garish light of day
Turn your thoughts away from cold, unffeeling light,
And douse yourself in cocoa of the night

Doktor Zymm

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herodotus450

Oh, they havent changed the sign since 1781

Brocky

Bonus women’s wrestling! Becky lynch vs doudrop:

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Last edited 2 years ago by Brocky
ballsofsteelandfury

Love how the fishnet lost the battle against those inner thighs.

Doktor Zymm

They don’t use the same quality fishnet for tights as they do for catching actual fish

Brocky

I’ve got some friends into making their own costumes, they legit have gone to get actual fishing nets. Better material

scotchnaut

I’m reading City of Thieves, an absurd story about two guys trying to find a dozen eggs in Leningrad in WW2. It’s funnier and darkier than you could ever imagine.

/would rec

Mr. Ayo

Great rec.

LOFTY rec.

Last edited 2 years ago by Mr. Ayo
Doktor Zymm

I dig it; Kindle edition purchased and in queue as travel reading for Argentina/Antarctica

Doktor Zymm

Recommended for You Based on ‘City of Thieves: A Novel’:
Handbook of PTSD, Third Edition: Science and Practice 3rd Edition, Kindle Edition

scotchnaut

That’s hilarious! But not in a good way.

SonOfSpam

“Darkier” sounds like how Republicans will describe the Supreme Court in a few months.

herodotus450

Ah yes here it is, City of Thieves: “in a modern mega-city built around dragons, Drakopolis…”

Brocky

BALLS YOU DIDNT LIKE THE PCITURE OF NATALYA YOURE GOING TO HURT HER FEELINGS!

ballsofsteelandfury

Wait, where is she?

ballsofsteelandfury

Can’t like what I can’t see…

Brocky

The “forbidden one” I edited it.

ballsofsteelandfury

She got her +1 and then some.

So glad you edited it.

Brocky

#30. Shayna baysler!!

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I didn’t forget anyone. I just listed 27th twice

Brocky

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ballsofsteelandfury

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Last edited 2 years ago by ballsofsteelandfury
Doktor Zymm

I should go replay Shenmue so I can pet the kitten. I always have trouble finding the second bar where I’m supposed to hang out with sailors.
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Brick Meathook

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Brocky

#26 Lita

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Brocky

#27 mighty Molly

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Brocky

#27 ronda rousey. Funny typo

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Last edited 2 years ago by Brocky
Brocky

#29 shotzi!!

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I forgot someone…

ballsofsteelandfury

Good Golly Miss

SonOfSpam

Props to Brocky for doing all the posting with one hand.

Brocky

#21 Alicia fox

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Brocky

#22. Nikki A.S.H.

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Brocky

#23 summer Rae!

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Brocky

#24 nikki bella!

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Brocky

#25 Sarah Logan

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Brocky

#16 rhea Ripley!

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More than halfway done!

Brocky

#17 Charlotte flair!

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Brocky

#18 Ivory!!

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Brocky

19. Brie bella(the one on the left)

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Brocky

20 Mickie James

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Brocky

#9 dana Brooke

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Brocky

#10 Michelle mccool

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Brocky

11. Sonya Deville!

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Brocky

#12 Natalya

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Last edited 2 years ago by Brocky
ballsofsteelandfury

Forbidden!

Brocky

The url or my actions?

Entrants are every 90 seconds so I don’t have much time

Brocky

#15. Carmella

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I know I’ve used this picture before but I just love it so much!!

ballsofsteelandfury

The url!

Your actions are extremely welcome!

Brocky

#13 Cameron!

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Brocky

14. Naomi!

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Brick Meathook

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Doktor Zymm

I can honestly say that I’m at a point in my life where I really like most of my socks. The alpaca socks I got recently really round out my sock drawer.

Brocky

#6 liv Morgan

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Brocky

#7 zelina vega

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Brocky

#8 bianca Bellaire!

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Last edited 2 years ago by Brocky
rockingdog

Found a funny;

centaur: I broke my arm

doctor: it’s okay I can fix it

centaur: I broke my leg too

doctor: *cocks rifle*

Brocky

Women’s royal rumble match! Expecting pics!

Brocky

Expect pics
#1 sasha banks

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#2. Melina!!

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Brocky

#3 taming

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Brocky

#4 Kelly Kelly

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Brocky

#5 aliyah. Who I literally know nothing about

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herodotus450

Sure Mike Babcock wasn’t winning as a head coach, and all those other things, but did they really have to banish him to Saskatoon!?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Say what you want about Matt Millen for what he did to the Lions, but he’ll always hold a special place in my heart for what he did to this member of the Patriots front office.

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Brocky

He’s always been a real interesting dude outside of his tenure as gm. I don’t blame him, he never should have been in that position to begin with

herodotus450

MappleThorpe Leafs still haven’t learned to play defense and give up two quick goals, you love to see it.

scotchnaut

Relying on a goalie to play lights out when push comes to shove has been a thing that has run through several front offices. Might be why they’ve never progressed to the Finals despite having good teams on and off for 30 years.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Earlier tonight the Dr. Mrs. had a bag disintegrate on her and got dog poop on her hand. How long do I have to wait before making jokes, or can I never make jokes at all?

Gumbygirl

I wouldn’t.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

No upside to that.

Horatio Cornblower

My wife, just now: “Oh my god, Tom Brady, from that baseball team you like, is gonna retire’

Me: “First of all…”

Horatio Cornblower

/To be clear, she is stoned and trolling, but that was pretty good

scotchnaut
Horatio Cornblower

Me: What the hell are you doing?

Wife: Smoking a bong and blowing the smoke up the chimney.

Me: That’s what I thought, but I had to ask.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You married a good woman

Horatio Cornblower

I very clearly outkicked my coverage.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“People like you are a scourge upon society.” – Britt Reid’s insurance carrier

scotchnaut

I’ve had more than a few conversations with various folks about the long term effects on the mental health of kids that are going through this Covid mess.

Well, my youngest nephew tested positive early yesterday. His older brother, having spent the previous day with his grandmother, has locked himself in his bedroom and is completely convinced that he is responsible for eventually killing his ‘Gramma’. He’s refusing food and drink and can’t stop crying.

My SIL is a yeller (banging on the door hasn’t worked out yet, duh) so everything is a fucking shit show.

Doktor Zymm

Wow, that really sucks. Hope it gets resolved with the minimum of additional trauma. There’s gonna be a huge demand for therapists once this generation gets to college and can take some control of their own care.

Horatio Cornblower

What Zymm said. That’s fucked up.

Game Time Decision

There’s already a huge demand for therapists.

Horatio Cornblower

My daughter’s majoring in psychology and was going to go into that field but is now convinced she’d need 8 different therapists herself if she did.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hang in there, man. It’s only his fault if he was an asshole.

herodotus450

I for one am celebrating by breaking out the fancy salt. These crystals are as big as your head!

Senor Weaselo

Shit, I just finished my Reaper salt!

Doktor Zymm

Mississippi’s new anti-CRT bill forbids teaching specified tenants. The landlords are at it again!! *shakes fist*
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herodotus450

So it’s true, that no good obummer really did institute shania law smhgh

Doktor Zymm

I thought it was Shakira law
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herodotus450

Thine hips shall not bear false witness against thoust neighbor

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s ass, provided that thou not livst next to Shakira.

Sharkbait

I definitely was the inspiration for other people to start shoving/snowblowing. I apologize to those individuals for making them do work.

Horatio Cornblower

I was getting ready to use the snowblower my wife and kids got me for Xmas, (a real monkey’s paw kind of gift), and then a friend of mine showed up with a plow and knocked the driveway out in about 3 minutes.

scotchnaut

Espn is doing ‘Notable Moments’ for Dreamboat-there are some moments not mentioned.

-left pregnant wife
-paid Mo Lewis to try to end Drew Bledsoe’s career
-continues to hawk TB12 crap to his fanbase
-initially backed Donald Trump
-has been strangely quiet about it ever since
-was suspended by the league
-can’t catch a ball when it really matters
-advocated for noted nutball Antonio Brown
-Shilled for UGG boots
-his brand/business took nearly $1,000,000 in PPE program money
-just couldn’t get it done when playing against the Giants

/keep adding to the list please…

herodotus450

-Was probably complicit in his alma mater’s recent sexual abuse scandal

scotchnaut

Brady rhymes with Larry, ppl forget that

Game Time Decision

Hates strawberries, like wtf
The whole super shady trainer thing with bonus illegal drugs

Last edited 2 years ago by Game Time Decision
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

To be fair, Moynahan and he were never married and broke up before she knew she was pregnant.

scotchnaut

You’re going to be fair with respect to Brady? I thought I knew you, Rikki. smh…

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, I’m pretty sure that was a classic “one more for the road” situations gone wrong.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Sure, everybody’s all smiles and understanding when Tom Brady does it…” – Britt Reid

Doktor Zymm

His $200 nutrition manual recommends avoiding iodized salt, which, if followed, would result in large swathes of the country developing goiters.

Gumbygirl

There was an old man who owned a candy store where we grew up that had a huge one. That’s something that doesn’t ever need to make a comeback.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

This

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Doktor Zymm

Thanks Boris! I had always been put off by the advertising strategies of the daily fantasy sites, but after reading your columns it seems like something I might actually enjoy. Probably will give it a go next season.

In other news, I am unreasonably annoyed with how many of the books Amazon lists as history are about the last 5 or 6 years. That’s not history, that’s current affairs dammit.

Sharkbait

First pass through with the snowblower. About 18″ in MA

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Last edited 2 years ago by Sharkbait
King Hippo

Snap, that’s like FOUR AND A HALF Favres!

scotchnaut

“18” in MA” is my favorite incest video.

Horatio Cornblower

“Do you have anything, you know a little, uh, how do I put this, a little, um….”

Matt Gaetz, talking to the clerk while making a ‘lower,lower’ motion

Gumbygirl

These were great Boris. Now, don’t be a butthead and abandon us in the off season, like Some People!

King Hippo

I think I am going to leave this up as the Open Saturday Night thread. It’s just so nice that MRSA Dreamboat is gone.

Gumbygirl
SonOfSpam

Thanks for all you’ve done this season Boris; you’re probably my favorite non-vodka Russian.

scotchnaut

You forgot to add “Don’t tell the others”.

-Groznygirl

litre_cola

Groznygirl better get back in the apartment if she knows what is good for her – Chechnyan Male

Redshirt

(a furious Putin scribbles “Spam’s son” on a list of those to a Russian Re-Education Camp)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You spelled “shirtless” wrong.

scotchnaut

“A furious shirtless Putin danced and pranced footloose with a goose and a moose. Isn’t that obtuse?”

-first line from Dr. Seuss’s unpublished, “And To Think That I Saw It On Tverskaya Street!”

King Hippo

I’d like to commission a painting, of Catherine the Great being mounted by…a mount. While Putin licks its butthole.

That couldn’t possibly lead to my poisoning and/or decapitation!

Senor Weaselo

“Oh good, I’m safe!” -Vodka Drunkenski, name since changed

Redshirt

So Tommy Boy’s retired? Tommy Boy’s not retired? I haven’t seen any more indecisive silence since I asked my parents if they were proud of me.

Game Time Decision

I’m in
I’m out
I’m in
I’m out

-R Perot

Horatio Cornblower

Brett Favre, keeping a bored Deanna informed

Senor Weaselo

Well, the snow looks like it’s stopped. Still not going out, fuck that noise.

Gumbygirl

Sensible Senor.

Col. Duke LaCross

Any tips for putting together a decent Captain Showdown lineup?

Thanks again Boris. You’ve helped tremendously this season!

Col. Duke LaCross

Shit! Sorry, not sure how that one slipped by me. Thanks dude!

Last edited 2 years ago by Col. Duke LaCross
scotchnaut

White dude on this Baylor basketball team has a mullet that is “Picket Fence Play” in front and “Rainbow Three Pointer” in the back.

scotchnaut

Thanks for doing this Boris. I learned as much about DFS as I did about burner accounts-perhaps more.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My actual favorite Tom Brady memory:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8S_O9jtvhfI

PaulyDunks

Great year of writeups! Look forward to reading more again next season!

scotchnaut

Pump the brakes for a bit

I’ll take, “When looking back, what was Britt Reid’s driving instructor’s most regrettable oversight?”, for $600, Ghost Alex.

ballsofsteelandfury

Thanks for writing these this year! I’ve learned a lot and maybe I’ll dip my toes in next year.

Great job!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You’ll do a season wrap-up, won’t you? You can summarize some of your biggest victories and lessons learned.

Last edited 2 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
waterbug

Great coverage this season! Appreciate all the work put in.

King Hippo

We’ve thoroughly enjoyed your writings. Don’t be a stranger in the comments! What about the NCAA hoopsball tournament?

King Hippo

Then you’ll LOVE the level of analysis at DFO, and in our pool.

Sharkbait

Thanks for the memories Tom

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Horatio Cornblower

All they had to do was run up the middle, twice, and they couldn’t fucking do it.

That head coach is now the Cowboys’ defensive coordinator, a fact that fills me with dread.

TheRevanchist

Let’s just take our time here to appreciate Brady who gave us the best 2 decades of football, heartache, and domination that we have never seen the likes of before.

Thanks, Tommy, for everything you did.

Horatio Cornblower

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King Hippo

I’m just glad he’ll have more time at home to french his son.

Gumbygirl

I nearly drowned myself reading this while taking a drink of water!