Your “And Away We Go” Thursday Night Preseason Football Open Thread

A Jackie Gleason reference? WTF? Anyhoo, I’m amped. Are you amped? It might have something to do with the Giants playing and the coaches installing an offense that doesn’t embrace the 80’s (more about that in a hot second) and the fact that all three of their preseason games are nationally televised. I’m really just happy to see football and hang out with you degenerates. So close that “Up Close Nasal Insertions” video and pay attention.

To The Games!

Giants/Pats:

-We got starters playing! Well, one team anyway.

-Several reports out of camp indicate that the passing aspect of this offense has quite a ways to go. More complex than any player has heretofore seen, Coach The Ball and OC Kafka (any nickname suggestions are welcome) have seen tons of miscommunications, wrong routes and puzzling mis-throws.

-For this reason I’d ignore any buzz you’ve heard about Kadarius. He’s participated in all of four of eleven practices. Maybe use him in best ball or DFS but for a regular draft, I’d stay clear. He reeks of Boom or Bust with an emphasis on the latter.

-The Pats are in mourning because James White passed away, er, ‘retired’ today.

-The only way that qb Bailey Zappe’s name could be cooler is if the ‘e’ at the end was pronounced as the French are want to do.

-Will Belichick have whiffed on yet another wr in this past draft? [Tyquan Thornton shuffles his feet nervously]

Titans/Ravens:

-Qb-wise Tennessee will first give us Logan Woodside, who no doubt is a preppie that drinks spritzers and idly waits to join his dad’s venture capital firm. His gf’s name is Buffy. That is not her nickname.

-More names? Okay then. We should see a Titans wr called Racey McMath [googles his 40 time, sees he ran a 4.34 on his Pro Day] and there goes that stupid joke. Damnit! Good luck to him-the wr group doesn’t seem all that imposing outside of chronically injured and very soon-to-be over the hill Robert Woods.

-Beware The Huntley-this dude scored 4 TD’s in a preseason-er last year and then did the same in wk 14 vs the Packers.

It’s all you now. Maybe a bit more of me as well…

 

 

 

 

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Horatio Cornblower

Where’s the cocktail of the week? It’s nearly 11:00 am and I’m still sober!

LemonJello

“Mr. Kiem, this is an elementary school drop off line.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The great Wordle heater continues!

Wordle 419 3/6

🟩⬜⬜🟨⬜
🟩🟨🟨⬜⬜
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

Horatio Cornblower

My Wordle streak continues as well, in that I have never played it.

Mr. Ayo

Ribbot should lose for being a total coward in this fight with Deep Six.

Mr. Ayo

And Karma caught the last train to the coast.

BC Dick

Of course I pick the Als to beat the Bombers last week in Montreal and they go ahead and do it in Winnipeg instead. Ridiculous.

Gumbygirl

Really? Shit. I thought this one was a no-brainer. Oh well, c’est la guerre! Gumby and I went to Weinerschnitzel yesterday; it wasn’t one of these cool retro drive through ones. There’s still one of those in San Bernardino. But hey, tube meat!

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TheRevanchist

Wienerschnitzel usually brings out a pastrami dog once or twice a year. This year, nothing. I have some serious emotional attachments to this particular menu item. It’s the best thing they have ever made. A few times every week, I check to see if it’s back on the menu. And it’s just disappointing to see it’s not.

Gumbygirl

I know they have them after Christmas, like around January? I’m pretty sure it’s just a limited time thing, like McRib.

Mr. Ayo

Never been. Quite a gap in my gastro life experiences.

2Pack

I called it. Guarantees it in fact.

Doktor Zymm

My renewed passport arrived today! I’m celebrating by looking at pictures of the laksa I’m gonna eat when I’m in Singapore a couple weeks from now.

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Dunstan

I did a three-day layover in Singapore on my round-the-world trip because I had to stop there anyway. Wasn’t expecting much, but it was a pleasant surprise. Only downsides are that it’s an expensive town for drinking, and really hot and humid.

Doktor Zymm

Apparently my hotel has a decent happy hour in the afternoons, so that should help moderate the booze cost. There’s also a craft distillery and beer tour I’m contemplating.

Dunstan

Cool. The Botanical Gardens are pretty impressive, just don’t be dumb like me and see them in the middle of the afternoon. I have never enjoyed a nonalcoholic drink more than the limeade I got that day.

Gumbygirl

You need to go be a mysterious spy at the Raffles bar. We are counting on you. Lives depend on it!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My nephew is in Singapore right now!

Don T

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Mr. Ayo

Wish I made it to that sick Red Rock performance.

SonOfSpam

He performed with Nine Inch Nails

Gumbygirl

.

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SonOfSpam

Tremendous

SonOfSpam

So is DeShaun Watson.

Don T

But an A+ in narcissism. Rickey Henderson ain’t got nothing on AB.

Don T

Throwing rocks at UPS? A man after Doc Zymm’s heart!

Sharkbait

I was too busy pretending to watch pre season football, but did I just see Fox CGI Harry Cary into the field of dreams game?

WCS

He was so good announcing the very first baseball game ever.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBU5e2HqcrA

Dunstan

I couldn’t figure out if that was old footage, CGI, or an impersonator, and decided I didn’t want to know.

SonOfSpam

No, he’s back.

ALL HAIL ZOMBIE HARRY CAREY DRUNK UNDEAD ACCIDENTAL RACIST!

Senor Weaselo

Whoever came up with this should commit Harry Carey, I mean hara-kiri.

Mr. Ayo

I heard it was going to happen and intentionally missed it.

I’m sure it was great.

Gumbygirl

Gumby and I still sing Harry’s number 1 hit 🎶”Jody, Jody Davis
Catcher without no fear!”🎵

Redshirt

Me: “You know, this game isn’t that bad. Its a nice scenery, plus its nice seeing the Reds throwback uniforms.”

Voice in My Head: “If they are so good, they should bring back the pinstripe uniforms from the ’90s.”

Me: “You shut your whore mouth!”

Last edited 2 years ago by Redshirt
Dunstan

Blue Bombers tied with Alouettes in the 3rd quarter…

Gumbygirl

Oh well, I was good last week! 4-0 baybee! Like Nostradamus, or at least Jeanne Dixon. [ youngins’ saying “who?” ]

Dunstan

I don’t really enjoy John Smoltz as a baseball commentator; he tends to be a little too “get off my lawn, this isn’t how we did it in my day.” But his tribute to his dad, who died today, was pretty good. And I respect the decision to go ahead and do the game. I hadn’t noticed anything off about him until now, so that’s some serious professionalism.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I like Smoltz okay.

Sharkbait

Me: Barring some kind of catastrophic fuckup, the gmen are gonna win this game

Mrs. Sharkbait: Shut up SHUT UP!

2Pack

I hate it when that happens. Or they linger real long bent over in front of you… in their low cut tops… totally interrupting your thoughts.

Redshirt

God Bless, Reds Twitter. With the Reds team in the shitter, its the only thing that’s kept me sane this NFL offseason.

Corn Reporter on Twitter: “If this was truly a Field of Dreams, Adam Dunn would come walking out of the RF corn like Hacksaw Jim Duggan and sock a 5-run homer right here” / Twitter

Senor Weaselo

Well they already had Griffey.

Redshirt

They had two Ken Griffeys, Johnny Bench and Barry Larkin. Part of me was hoping they’d take the field. Even Ken Griffey Sr. would be an upgrade.

Sharkbait

Oof.

SonOfSpam

You smooth fuck you.

Dunstan

A lot of serial killers are fueled by sexual frustration.

SonOfSpam

HA HA WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT’S SILLY HA HA

WCS

“Teacher says, ‘Everytime Scotchy gets blueballs, a hobo’s life ends horrifically!'”

Redshirt

You can’t spell “bloodlust” without “lust”!

Game Time Decision

Glad to see that I’m not the only one who never got it when someone was flirting with me until wayyyyyyy to late

My now wife, had to kiss me before I got the hint that she was into me before we started dating

Last edited 2 years ago by Game Time Decision
WCS

So, you’re the reverse Link?

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Horatio Cornblower

Mrs. Cornblower had to walk up to me (in a bar, of course), and say “you should buy me a drink”

She was nice enough to not begin that sentence with “Hey Stupid”, but it was implied.

Redshirt

BOOO! Worse than Goodell! BOOO!

JimU

Another odd Jackie Gleason fact: actor Jason Patric is his grandson!

WCS

Also, Lorraine Baines and family could watch him while they ate in 1955!

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Mr. Ayo

About as useful!

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Dunstan

The Jackie Gleason reference reminds me of one of the best features that Modern Drunkard Magazine ever did: their Clash of the Tightest fictional drinking contest between 16 legendary boozers.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Brendan Behan?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ha! Topical!

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JimU

No André the Giant? That tournament is invalid!

Gumbygirl

I would have replaced Dean Martin with someone else. Maybe Oliver Reed? Or Harry Nilsson!

Dunstan

They definitely should have run a sequel. I don’t think the web site has been updated in years, though I just saw now that there is an active Twitter account

Dunstan

Yeah, Dino faked it most of the time.

2Pack

I had read that too. It was part of his act.

Dunstan

In my 20s, my thinking was “Sinatra was the coolest guy in the Rat Pack, because the other guys all called him ‘the Chairman’ and Dino passed up some partying to do his own thing.”

Now I kind of think Dino may have been the coolest for the exact same reasons.

Last edited 2 years ago by Dunstan
SonOfSpam

Dino was absolutely the coolest, and that is not an insult to Sinatra.

Senor Weaselo

Wade Boggs and his beers?

2Pack

Boris Yeltsen for your international entrant.

JimU

How bad a coach is Charlie Weis if Belichick didn’t hire him back? He probably doesn’t need the money since he conned Norte Dame and Kansas out of tens of millions of dollars.

Redshirt

You gotta love the incompetence of preseason football. Its the most innocent form of sports stupidity.

Sharkbait

Bailey Zappe looks like Zapp Brannigan in the pocket so far.

SonOfSpam

Sexy?

Sharkbait

I was going for half assed leader. Cannot make a judgement based on looks yet.

WCS

I bet he doesn’t suffer from sexlexia, though.

BugEyedBoo

I’m watching Press Your Luck. It’s just a little more highbrow than Ow! My Balls! Elizabeth Banks does clean up nice, though.

Dunstan

Love Elizabeth Banks.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Hate all other kinds of banks.” – Warren Sapp

Dunstan

The judges would also have accepted “Ron Paul”.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And another 3 – that’s two 2’s, two 3’s, and a 4 in five day. I’m on the greatest Wordle heater of my life!

SonOfSpam

Is there any way you can turn this Wordle run into extra sex or floor-steaming?

ballsofsteelandfury

Floor-steaming is code for sex on the carpet in the Rikki household.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Input is too short”? Who does WordPress think I am, Brett Favre?

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Gumbygirl

That little Bob is creepy as fuck. Here’s our terrifying Chuckie doll to sell you a couch, seems like a bad marketing plan to me! We have them out here too.

Redshirt

I’m still at work. Have the Giants had another intrasquad brawl yet?

SonOfSpam

They will if Golladay drops another pass.

JimU

Brian Hoyer has been in the league so long he backed up Sid Luckman.

Sharkbait

Backup QB is up there in the best sports jobs. The best is obviously bullpen catcher.

SonOfSpam

Wanted to watch a porn called “Feel The Reams” but instead I’m watching baseball in a cornfield. GET TO THE REAMING.

Redshirt

Pretend you’re a Reds fan. Then you feel like you’ve been reamed every game.

Last edited 2 years ago by Redshirt
SonOfSpam

Hey you got a WS title in 1990, and I’m sure you’re old enough to remember that.

herodotus450

Same thing happened to me when I loaded up “How To Rub Your Balls To Generate More DPs in the Three Hole” smh thanks alot CONGRESS.

Senor Weaselo
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Heh heh, speaking of cornfields…

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Don T

OC Kafka –> Coach Roach

WCS

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Senor Weaselo

Well, the (single-serve) chicken breasts I had defrosting had a hole in them and are now garbage. And leaky.

Man, it sucks not actually being able to cook because how busy you were for a solid month or three, then realizing a bunch of the meat’s gone bad.

WCS

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Senor Weaselo

No, that was before I moved here. Have you seen dark red ketchup? Because I have.