The Greatest of HippoShame (and Early Footy Thread)

I don’t know how to soften the blow, so I will just rip the bandages off.   With great sadness and mental anguish, Hippo is no longer a BlackBerry user.

Tried everything I could.  Got a replacement device off New Egg, but it would only text and gmail (AT&T wouldn’t support it for phone calls, it couldn’t download BlackBerry work – irony of ironies).  No matter, says I.  I got a Samsung Galaxy tablet.  Yes, I have the stupid virtual keyboard, but it’s large enough to deal.  Plus, I still text on my BlackBerry.  The tablet also had a “phone” app, which SHOULD allow me to make and receive calls on my existing cell number.  And after much tribulation, I got it working.  It even accessed my work contacts to display and look up callers, etc.

Problem is…it logs out ALL THE GODDAMNED TIME.  At least every 2-3 days, without warning (ie, I only knew when I got a kid text saying they tried to call, or I tried to make a rare outgoing call on my own initiative).  EVEN THAT, I could deal with – except (i) the re-logging in process is a huge pain in the ass, with several steps “for security;” and (ii) even after jumping through said hoops…it would randomly refuse to connect, for hours or even days at a time.

YES, I was that comically attached to my BlackBerry, and YES it took that much bullshit to get me off the train.

Anyway, I have a simple Samsung Galaxy phone now,  It’s fine, I just dread having to text now.  The “tablet practice” eased the transition, but I still don’t like it.  But FFS, even with adult kids – I need to be reachable by phone in emergencies.  Plus, I use it quite a bit for work, and still am remote like 95% of the time.  I could tell I was being ridiculous.

Anyway, FUCK Apple forever, and FUCK AT&T for no longer supporting BlackBerry.  To the fixtures!

North London Derby/Blood Feud (FOAR teh Blood Gods??) is well worth waking up for (7:30, USA), especially when it’s a showdown between the two challengers to the City of Men throne.  Spurs have looked shit-hot since incorporating Richarlison more regularly, and the King’s Afrikan Water Pistols are finally, fully on board with Handsome Mikel’s system.  These sides have very few weaknesses, and should give us quite the treat for our morning coffee or seven.

Palace host Chelski in the 10:00 window (USA), while I have to stream a dire Saints/Still Disappointing But At Least with Pickford Back tilt (Peacock).  Mighty Whitey hosting the Bonesaws is likely a smarter option for the neutral.

Rum Ham and Wolves don’t get the full Spotlight Dance treatment (12:30, USA), but neither can honestly say they deserve any better.  A flipping option when JV NFL bores you.

Fuckers have put the Manchester Derby (9:00 Sunday, Peacock) behind the paywall – but whatevs.  We will ALL have our teevee boxes on NFLN for mandatory London game duty.  NO EXCUSES.  Leeds/Villa is boring, but televised and bleeding into RedZone hours (11:30, USA).  BLECH.

It would be trite to say that the loser of Monday Night Footy (3:00, USA) is getting sacked, but few associated with Un-Foxy Footy or the Robins Hood would disagree.  They’ll both surely get sent packing before the Slave LaboUr World Cup break.

Kenfucky (+7) at Ole Miss (Noon, ESPN)

Let’s be honest – nobody knows whether either of these early-season undefeateds are for real.  I would say “hey, at least the Blue Moons beat Florida in The Swamp” – but Vegas seems strong for Johnny Reb.  So now, my interest in piqued.

Okiehoma (-6.5) at TCU (Noon, ABC)

I would have liked Sonny Dykes’ Bloodeyes Gang to put a scare into Steerfuckers North…if they weren’t coming into this one very, very angry.  Still, who knows.  Maybe Boomer Sooner will just suck?

Purdue (+12.5) at Minnesota (Noon, ESPN2)

Gophers have been way better than expected, but how will they deal with the weight of those new expectations?  This week provides a good test, as a legitimate Top 15/20 team should handle Purdue Pete at home.

Alabama (-17) at Arkansas (3:30, CBS)

This would have been set up as game of the week, but Pig Sooey lost late to Bonfire Cult.  They could still put a scare into the Tide.  We shall see.

Iowa State (-3) at Kansas (3:30, ESPN2)

Conrpone State has done absolutely nothing to deserve road favoUrite status against America’s Newest Underdog.  Does the bubble burst in Lawrence?  I would bet NOT.  Rock, chalk, yada yada.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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WCS

Pilld Hippo is Pilld

litre_cola

Tonight I am siding with Indiana because Scott Frost should be fired and the Hoosiers need to make it so.

Horatio Cornblower

UConn beats Fresno State 19-14.

There is officially one FBS team demonstrably worse than UConn, something UConn has not been able to say for nearly three years.

Horatio Cornblower

UConn…wins?

1:31 to go, Fresno State WR drops a 4th and 13, (that went 20+ yards), that hit him right in the hands.

UConn just needs 1 first down, and to not fumble, and this will be their first FBS game since 2019.

I would not wager on them doing any of this.

litre_cola

Who is the Fresno St alum here? I want to say Revanchrist?

litre_cola

HIPPO CHECK YER DAMN NEW PHONE! I HAVE GAMBLOR Q’s!!!

Horatio Cornblower

UConn is up 5 with 2:20 to go.

I’m so confused.

WCS

FSU had first-and-ten at Wake’s 12 or so, and now it’s 4th and 26 (JV NFL BLITZ!) with a punt.

Adam Gase is furiously taking notes.

scotchnaut

I don’t follow Duke football of course. (I mean, who would?) Are they completely winless or did they beat up on Southwest Banana Fruit Gum State last week?

WCS

Michael Irvin is coked up higher than a flag on the Fourth of July and calling the offense for FSU.

herodotus450

“Coach, you call everything a cut route!”

Horatio Cornblower

Watching the UConn and Fresno State offenses is like watching two special ed buses crash into each other.

Repeatedly.

scotchnaut

/Score Update

Sillycuse leading Wagner by 7. Final score to be determined late Monday night after all the cycles have been completed.

Horatio Cornblower

Is the Syracuse secondary playing a 2-3 zone no matter what?

scotchnaut

“I prefer to call it ‘The Danger Zone’, myself.”

-K. Loggins, assistant coach, Syracuse

WCS

I forgot SHAN’KLOR graduated from Florida State in the 80s. Must be Homecoming Weekend in Tallahassee.

scotchnaut

No matter what happens today, the “Player Of The Day” across all sports is Leandro Trossard.

WCS

Same reason this bony, blonde bird thinks it can act.

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Horatio Cornblower

Dee, you bitch.

Col. Duke LaCross

Good point.

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herodotus450

Somebody’s never had bad cuttlefish

Gumbygirl

Pig Sooey? More like Pig Phooey, amirite?

Horatio Cornblower

UConn down by one and successfully executing the victory formation “take a knee” play to end the game.

Baby steps like these are what National Championships are made of.

scotchnaut

I don’t know what you expected, having hired Joe Judge as a “Quality Control Consultant”.

Horatio Cornblower

I know UConn’s QB is a starting QB pressed into service because of injuries, but even taking that into account holy shit, he is terrible.

Horatio Cornblower

And yes, I am fully aware that I am one of 37 people watching this game on TV, none of whom are here.

WCS

Remember when UConn had to start their fifth-string QB because the literal black plague ran through the locker room?

Horatio’s PTSD and Pepperidge Farms remember.

scotchnaut

a.) is the game out of reach?

b.) did the starter get injured?

c.) is a little girl saying “why not both?”

Gatoraids

Aaron Judge

scotchnaut

Aaron Judge played basketball in high school. People forget that.

Horatio Cornblower

He was offered a college football scholarship…is something I’ve heard 92 times in the past week.

Doktor Zymm

I should check if I need any weird vaccines for Madagascar

WCS

Malaria and rabies, but, don’t tell Eli. He’s afraid of shots.

scotchnaut

/Wife is bingeing “Handmaid’s Tale”

So of course I’ve been texting her about new laws passed by the Doug Ford government whereby women aren’t allowed to drive themselves to election stations without the express written permission of their husbands.

Horatio Cornblower

‘A Year Of Living Dangerouslyier’

by S. Naut

Doktor Zymm

What a depressing thing to binge

scotchnaut

/a verbatim quote when she first told me

Me: “I’ve read the book. Don’t do this.”

Horatio Cornblower

“Lucky”-Lea Michele

scotchnaut

“If the veins on your wrists are flush and easily accessible, might I suggest a sharp object and the last three chapters of “1984”?

-A Suicide Sommelier

WCS

SAFETY DUNCE IN KERESHLAND

scotchnaut

/watching an old hockey video

Apparently in the late ’70’s the Rangers had a “Mafia Line” consisting of Don Maloney, Don Murdoch and Phil Esposito. The nickname was personally approved by none other than Carmine Galante!*

*he was murdered less than a year later-some call it a coincidence but I’m not one of them

Gumbygirl

Don Murdoch was hawt, as I recall.

scotchnaut

Was he Ron Greschner hawt though?

scotchnaut

I hate to beat a dead UConn football team but has Judge set the record yet?

scotchnaut

We know it won’t last, unlike Horatio’s new, sexy waterproof boots!

scotchnaut

Bama/Arky hasn’t gone to commercial yet but there has been two Papa John’s intrusions during gameplay already.

scotchnaut

I’m just lucky my stupid dogs are outside right now, otherwise there would have been a bark-ocalypse X2.

herodotus450

Best stat they could come up with for Rutgers QedB is “started last 2 games”

Gatoraids

CSI: Aaron Judge

Horatio Cornblower

Chicago Aaron Judge

Redshirt

If anything, this game’s gets Oklahoma used to being SEC’s bitch.

scotchnaut

Minny couldn’t handle the heady heights of 21st in the country.

herodotus450

More like CANTuckey amirite?

scotchnaut

That was a great catch that was negated.

Redshirt

Maybe Boomer Sooner will just suck?”

Copy of Spaceballs Mega Maid “From suck to blow!” – YouTube

Redshirt

Missed Targetting call in UK-Ole Miss. In one week, football safety has been set back 30 years.

blaxabbath

“Here’s hoping it’s twice that for abortion safety!”

-Marsha Blackburn

WCS

I didn’t know Lea Michele was on Modern Family:

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herodotus450

If Oklahoma keeps this up they’re gonna import a whole new team of players and relocate the existing ones to North Dakota.

herodotus450

If I wanted to watch Baseball, espn, I’d be fucking watching baseball.

Gatoraids

If I wanted to watch baseball I wouldnt even do that I’d watch the Naked Gun again instead.

scotchnaut

If I was watching baseball there would be a gun pointed at my noggin.