To The Games!
Cards/Panthers:
Woe is you if this is your only offering on this slate. CMC is listed as “Dicey” but should play. (Can we please have some alternate injury designations? How about ‘Probable’ being, “Likely Gonna Go” or ‘Questionable’ being, “That’s a big 50-50, good buddy!”) No doubt Kliffo and Matt have a side bet as to who lasts longer-loser pays the bill (and stiffs the server) at Buffalo Wild Wings.
Pats/Packers:
With Macadamia Jones out, outer Boston turns to vet Brian Hoyer, who has lost his last 11 starts. Perhaps his 3.6 completed air yards per game since 2018 has something to do with that. It’s always and forever about Qaron of course but Green Bay’s D has stepped up, allowing a mere 15 points per tilt so far.
Broncos/Raiders:
The AFC West was supposed to be the rootenist, tootenist division that the NFL ever saw and then the Raiders hired McDaniel, who didn’t get the email. A Raider win would muddy the water a bit but I’d much rather they sink up to their chin, especially if it’s because Russell Magic finally manifests itself again.
/this post is well short of the self-imposed 250 words limit that writers on this site like to adhere to but Jeebuz, there’s not very much going on in this slate’s offering
//after my hospital stay I was put on a 6 pill regimen that would cause Hippo to be all kinds of jelly (14 words to go. Oops, now 11, I mean 7)
Make love in the comments or something
SHAN’KHLOR, hear our prayer and do your thing in Green Bay.
So one of my friends joined a suicide league this week, apparently everyone lost in the first 3 weeks so they restarted. I advised him not to pick the Packers (where most people were going) and recommended Dallas or Philly, wonder who he went with?
Sounds like a Great Minds Think A Hike! League
Attempted coal fire wings in the backyard pizza oven. olive oil, rosemary and sea salt. I think theres something there for sure.
I need to design our backyard kitchen. Im a bad cook so my only contribution is I know I want some breeze blocks I salvaged from the wall project to be incorporated into the chimnea stack.
Nantz has to shill for MRSA Dreamboat’s game…while Extra Time is in progress in front of his stupid nose
He can’t help himself. The NFL chip in his head tells him what to say/do.
Unlike Kyler Murray study hall, Nantz can meet his contract obligations.
.
Ten yards is a bridge too far for Zappe
Closeted homosexual Patriots fans right now…
Okay, there are officially many things I don’t understand about the AFC West.
Denver’s new coach might be a Darnold.
LOOPHOLE ALERT
C’mon Kharr Ah Deene in Wisconsin! Bring us the tie!
HAAH ROODGERS!
ALL HAIL MOST GLORIOUS TIE POTENTIAL!
In. Com. Plete!
Did anyone else think the Raiders scored that tuddy too quickly? There’s still time for Russ to COOK! And plenty of time for the Raiders to… Raider.
I suspect they have to take them as they find them, they have nae the sophistication to do timings
The Raiders are not good enough to get cute like that – if a touchdown is available, they MUST take it.
My Freezer Vodka RBs who aren’t Jonathan Taylor are killing it this week. Which is good, cause JTT did fuckall.
GB didn’t know the fair catch free kick rule? Because that was ideal.
I assume there are lots of things they don’t know about in suburban Wisconsin
Your assumptions are no doubt correct.
This Doubs kid seems okay, too bad Rodgers is gonna haze him with Goop! products after this game
Aaron Rodgers is gonna become The Joker after that sequence.
This replay review, I call it Aaron Rodgers, because it has no shot!
Oh, so THAT’S how the Raiders are gonna screw this up!
Broncos facing 1st and 30 from their own 20?
Three plays later they score a touchdown.
That’s My Raiders!
It’s DangeRuss out there!
Do you think the Broncos open FA visits with a note that there’s only two other teams in the league who get to face the Raiders TWICE a year?
This is what happens when you let a Baker cook.
Man the Panthers are really bad.
DO I HEAR THE CROWD CHANTING?!
I DO! I DO!
::Holds Mic over Carolina crowd::
“TOUCH OF DOWNS! TOUCH OF DOWNS!
TOUCH OF DOWNS! TOUCH OF DOWNS!”
Broncos punting from their one — we have a potential butt punt situation!
BUTT BUTT BUTT!
The Butt Punt was featured in the Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me news quiz this week!
Did Paula get it right?
THIS MATT RHULE I CALL HIM CHADWICK BOSEMAN BECAUSE THIS ONE DEAD PANTHER!
So what are we going with? AFC Meh-st? AFC Worst? AFC Midwest? AFC Distressed?
IS BAKER TOO SHORT TO PLAY QB IN THE NFL?!
THE NEEDLE POINTS TO MAYBE
I’m not sure Baker Mayfield is very good, guys.
He has a very specific, niche talent of surviving on the Browns and making them appear like merely a tepid mess instead of the hot mess they always have been
He led the Browns to a playoff WIN. Not just the playoffs, but a WIN.
DO NOT DISPARAGE THIS MAN.
The Browns.
The Cleveland Browns. A playoff win.
I mean come on.
Didn’t they have like 40 starters on 1st round rookie deals that year?
Afternoon, dick- and pussy-weeds.
Spent the last three hours dealing with a broken steam cleaner and an insolent indoor bike trainer, and while I’ve only fixed 1/2 problems (the bike trainer) at least I’ve done enough work today (and entertained my parents sufficiently for lunch) that I have EARNED this beer.
What was up with the bike?
Is a indoor bike trainer a Peloton?
No, no, it’s just a little thing that goes around your rear wheel so that you can turn your regular bike into a stationary bike.
We bought a super cheap one in the winter and just got around to setting it up so that Lady Maestro can rehab her torn ACL… and let me tell ya, it was cheap for a reason. What a fucking pain in the ass. If she was home to help me, it would’ve been easier, so instead, I just used a lot of new curse words to help power through.
How hard could it be if some lady with a bad leg can fix it?
I thought it was this guy:
/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/250?cb=20211002202307
1st and goal from the 1 that leads to a field goal?
That’s My Raiders!
/real talk though that missed facemask was a travesty and is pretty typical of the WWNFL.
“Well they sure as hell ain’t MY Raiders!”
– Brian Kelly, boarding a train out of Louisiana
I like Kliff Kingsbury because he thinks the forward pass rule is really just insurance so he can still run screens without an accidental violation.
Got my shirt. I’m having a drink and watching this at a yuppie bar place before going dinner shopping.
I never could have done this a year ago. So glad I fired all those people.
watching Raiders or Qards??
It doesn’t matter. It’s MY FREE TIME again!
Gamblor blessed me while not watching. Is it a sign? IS IT?
that’s a definite MAYBE
Feels weird rooting for the Pats, but Rodgers can go to several circles of Dante’s hell simultaneously
Just drank a glass of carrot-ginger juice, now I feel like a beacon of good health.
/will end up binging 2 orders of wings for MNF
Squeeze an orange in there and that’s my favorite juice, especially if there’s enough ginger to make your eyes water!
oh man, what if BLOOD ORANGES were in season??
Oooh!
Side note, I love how blood oranges and beets make my kitchen look like a vegetarian murder scene
And pomegranates! Don’t forget about those!
You know, I bet blood orange – pomegranate – beet juice would be delicious!
Let Russ Prepare a Crock Pot Roast
Let Russ Co-Author a Microwave Cookbook
Let Russ Assemble a Salad at Whole Foods
I can’t do italics on my phone!
This stupid blog.
That’s clearly a delay of game penalty, but tone faiiiiirrrrr to the refs, trying to remember which team to screw in a game involving Green Bay and New England is very difficult.
Qards’ OL just got ejected for trucking a ref.
I do believe a Packer just got penalized for teabagging someone, and if that phrase doesn’t get Buddy Cole in here I don’t know what will.
oh, HONEY!
That was a fantastic massage. Apparently it is my middle back that is super tight rather than my upper back and shoulder. It’s tugging on my shoulder blades/upper back/neck and that’s why they feel tight despite constant stretching. Anyway, she dug her elbow in there and now I feel multiple inches taller. Gotta play around with my posture and see if I can manage not to screw it up again.
My mom always warned me about my slouching. Then again, it allowed me to find my true love, vicuprofen.
The nuns used to yell at me for slouching, and worse- shuffling my feet. Pretty sure I’m headed to hell for wearing out my shoes prematurely.
I blame the nuns for ruining your budding cross-country skiing career!
ESKIMO SISTA!!!!
/also am a foot shuffler
//my school teacher mom must have thought I was some sort of daemon
I may now sexually idenity as Pat Surtain II
I blame Melvin Gordon for the election results in Italy and Sweden, as well as Ron Assdick Johnson rising YET AGAIN from the political grave.
https://twitter.com/GeorgeStoia/status/1576697066344140800
My immediate thought, off course, is “there goes my FF comeback” because I am a horrible person.
You’d better believe I will finish my #MandatoryFourteen on mute, once RedZone signs off.
BOOOOOOOOOOne?
Actual Right-Libertarians May Appear Even Creepier In Person
Is Nantz OK? He’s been wrong about the action on the field on 2 of the last 3 plays.
I bet Q-aaron INSISTS that those sweep plays include the forward pass element.
I may need to stop going into booze stores for a while.
Good idea.
Beer is cheaper at the grocery store anyway.
I haven’t bought beer in a while, just stocking the bar.
But I am going to change that with at least one brewery visit next weekend.
I do need to replenish my bourbon/whiskey supply.
I honestly don’t want to count how many bottles of whiskey i currently have.
Which means I’ll probably do that later tonight.
Craft distillery time?
Just had some mushroom ravioli with pine nuts, sage, and gorgonzola cheese. I’d like to say it was my cooking, but those are just damn tasty ingredients it would be hard to fuck up. Fall does have some kick-ass flavours.
That sounds amazeballs
A glass of Syrah helps, too….
I am making that this week, believe it!
Do you have leftovers? I’ll be right over
Emo Carr has YPA under 5, and he’s beating us. KILL ME NOW.
I am considering doing billable work.
Consider doing billable work (0.4); correspondence re considering billable work (0.3); conference call re working on a Sunday (0.5); reject idea and watch football and drink (5.5)
Every Clubhouse Attorney Loves This
“Drinking time to ponder strategy previously authorized by client”
That’s the ever-present Outline open issues (0.5).
I have an appellate argument Tuesday that I was going to use today to do some prep for, but I’ve now decided that’s what Monday’s for.
In person, or video?
In person.
Ah, so you’ll have to wear pants. I mean, I presume.
I really don’t know why male lawyers don’t all get kilts, they’re formal
“Everything’s on the brief. It’s got an index and everything. Thank you.”
I won at the trial level so right now my argument is “Your honor, I won. Why should I have to change anything? He’s the one who sucks!”
I once stepped up to the podium as the appellant and I think I had just stated my appearance when I was asked “counsel, why are we even here?” It did not get better from there.
Sometimes you get the bear, and sometimes…
Because I make poor life decisions, Your Honor…
Been there, and you can’t just say “because someone is paying me to make an argument that we all know is dumb as hell”