Honestly, I thought about having the whole post be the banner image/gif. Then I thought about bringing back my other kind of bear gimmick (not that one). Then I took a nap. Then I decided I would just say the following:
We knew this team would suck. In the season preview, I predicted a floor of 4-13 and a ceiling of 8-9. Here they stand at the bye week, 3-10, firmly ensconced in last place in the division, and not a whole lot of relief the rest of the way out, closing against the Iggles, Bills, Lions, and Vikes. Also, having a bye week 14 sucks almost as their offensive line. Oh and a 6 game losing streak in process. Don’t worry, though, I’m sure that can be fixed through a first year coach forcing everyone to spend the whole bye week in the film room. That banner image is getting more and more appropriate…
Maybe all the Bears are already hibernating?
Looks like this bear is awake! Spotted this morning in Bartlett Cove, a dusting of snow overnight made these tracks noticeable. Even in winter, stay bear aware when traveling through bear country. https://t.co/Tqh5VWYSsZ pic.twitter.com/LAQpwJPupT
— Glacier Bay NP (@GlacierBayNPS) November 26, 2022
:sigh: If it weren’t for the word count minimum, this post would be over. What else can we say about this team that you haven’t thought about your most recent painful bowel movement?
Justin Fields has been electric on the ground, and the coaching staff hasn’t really given him much of a chance to show what else he can do. And in the meantime, most of us are worried they’re going to get him killed out there. The coaching staff plans to “tinker” with the running game to take pressure off of him. I remain dubious, and if they’re going to slackoff for whatever jackoff will be there at the 2nd or 3rd pick next year, maybe don’t get the QB killed ad interim.
I’m too lazy to find an update source / this team isn’t worth me doing more than quick googling, so entering LAST week, the Bears ranked:
- 19th in points per game
- 32nd in passing yards per game
- 1st in rushing yards per game (someone fact check that)
- 24th in total offensive yards per game
- 7th in 3rd down conversions (that also feels wrong)
- 13th in red zone scoring
- 31st in sacks allowed
- 20th in turnovers
- 27th in points allowed
- 12th in passing yards allowed
- 27th in rushing yards allowed
- 20th in total yards allowed
- 31st in 3rd down conversions against
- 27th in red zone defense
- 32nd in sacks
- 10th in forced turnovers
You know what that isn’t? A winning team.
Not a whole lot else to say, so….bring back trampoline bear?
Better luck next year to Bears everywhere.
[…] staff hasn’t really given him much of a chance to show what else he can do.” And then at the bye, I wrote “Justin Fields has been electric on the ground, and the coaching staff hasn’t […]
Hate to sound like a total homer, but this feels like the first GM/Coach combination that I can remember that seem to have something resembling a plan. I always figured this season would be pain, but it was always gonna be a “see what we’ve got” while stripping it to the studs. Next year there’s a whole compliment of draft picks, and (as long as he survives this season) a luxury to trade down the #2 for more picks. Plus what may end up being an NFL record in cap-space next year.
A couple guys, Teven Jenkins at RG, Braxton Jones at LT, Brisker at FS, Gordon at CB, UDFA in Sanborn at Will LB, and Fields have been major positives, and seem like the kind of guys that get you a decent foundation since their play has been pretty good despite the circumstances. They just need to learn how to finish. I just wish they’d have found a way to keep Roquan, but it seemed like he had a foot out the door from the start of the season. So at least they got something for him.
I know, not very funny. But christ, for the first time since 1988, it feels like there’s a plan and some hope.
Hey, the more insight the better. I’d welcome an actual substantive assessment of the Bears post if it means I don’t have to write it!
I love that this whole thing is like “it’s a proven fact that getting hope will hurt you down the road,” and the resident Bears fan is like, “okay yeah yeah no hope BUT check out these pieces I’m getting really excited about…”
I wonder if Virginia Halas McCaskey looks at this team and thinks, “Boy I wish my kids had as much foresight as Ted Cruz’s 14 year old daughter.”?
Well this seems bad for The Shield https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/35205965/snyder-permitted-participated-washington-commanders-toxic-culture-nfl-aided-cover-up
Absolutely shocked at this news. Gobsmacked, if you will.
/Goodell makes dismissive wanking motion
//DeShaun Watson inches forward
///Bob Kraft does the same but can’t cover the same distance
Exactly why Coach Flores should push the NFL to their limits. You know their internal investigation was going to find “nothing”.
“NFL officials “were acting like they were doing something,” Maloney told ESPN. “Then they turn around and fix it so she can’t talk. Her report is never going to be made public, yet she was supposed to be hired to address it. The hypocrisy. The coordinated effort to hide what they acknowledged….. The NFL chose to bury Ms. Wilkinson’s findings and whitewash the misconduct it uncovered,” the committee’s report says. “Rather than seek real accountability, the NFL aligned its legal interests with Mr. Snyder’s, failed to curtail his abusive tactics, and buried the investigation’s findings.”
Gee. Kinda reminds me of another incident where Rog & the NFL were perfectly aware of the fuckery going on yet whitewashed and covered up (or burned) the evidence..
I, for one, am SHOCKED that an organization whose chairman got his broadcasting and law degrees at
Kyle Rittenhouse StateArizona State University before falling up in the family business is somehow unable to put it all together.This thread is depressing and needs some spicing up.
Listen, not every post can be House of Pain.
https://doorfliesopen.com/tag/house-of-pain/
Marika does not judge. She comforts.
That would require me to write some more, and also to eat the ghost pepper ramen that’s been in my pantry the last several months, and also a specific hot sauce that I’ve been meaning to try.
In conclusion, yes.
If you got a running QB, run him.
Like the Bears, I hit the wrong button and gave this post a 4 instead of a 5. I think that’s appropriate.
I gave it a 5 to balance, I know the Fat Finger Struggle Is Real.
/also, sommet about fist fucking the dog. In the asshole.
It gets greasy sometimes…
– ballsofsteelandfury, doing damage control after having drunkenly slapped the ass of his girlfriend’s sister at Thanksgiving
I have a really funny story about accidental anal but I’m afraid of Hippo judging me WASPily really harshly.
If we’re talking WASPily, wouldn’t that be Young Rikki?
I’m more of a WASC, actually.
Let’s not get to arguing about which hole is the wrong hole.
Navy men nod in unison
TOO LATE is already dun smgdh
Indeed
…Do we want to hear the story?