Tonight, we crown a JV NFL shempion. Neither side is even evil, which makes for a nice change of paces. All in on the Bloodeyes, of course. Because HAIL ENTROPY (and the Hypnotoad). But first, some items of note.
The Producers-ish 500s front office fired the first A-AM shot, firing Hobo Lovie Smith for having the temerity to win Week 18. I absolutely loved how he clearly gave no fucks, and went out HIS WAY, middle fingers waving in the Texan air.
Next on the chopping block? Noted White Devil Koach Kliff Kingsbury. The Qards’ 4-13 skid mark was too much even for Qards’ management not to notice (Bill Bidwill’s sexuality aside, obvs). Who knows what they do with the 4th overall pick, or with their next head coach. I’m sure it will be hilarious, though.
Sean Payton is rumoUred to be playing footsie with the red-hot Donks. I am not particularly interested, because (i) ZERO interest in forfeiting even MOAR draft capital for a plausibly-burnt out has been; (ii) Ejiro Evero is a much cooler dude (and name); and (iii) Jesus, just look at that disgusting, fat fuck.
Now, to the main event!
TCU (+13) v. Georgia (7:30, ESPN in many flavoUrs)
Blood. FOAR. The. Bloodeyes GODS!! Sonny Dykes and TCU are the quintessential American “underdog” story. Dykes got run out of Cal-Berkley for fuck’s sake. I can remember mentioning his name for my Wolven Sort, but so long ago and can’t remember which coaching search it was (and also maybe I am just imagining this). Daywalker extraordinaire Max Duggan didn’t even win the QB1 role coming into the season. I mean, you couldn’t make this shit up, even for a franchise as untethered in FITBAW reality as “Friday Night Lights.”
On the other sideline? Welcome, my son. To the machine. Kirby Smart is like a less evil, but possibly even more competent, Nick Saban. Stetson Bennett IV will no doubt be Grumblelord’s focus on Draft weekend, because The Legend of White Mac might just not be overseer-enough.
But I still have questions. The blowout everyone expects COULD happen, but I think them thar Froggies got more than just a puncher’s chance. For one, they are legitimately good (NFL talent at almost every level), and the most physical “Air Raid” team you will ever see. They also run a 3-3-5 defense, a novelty in the B1G and SEC (completely so for B1G, just mostly in SEC play). I read on The Athletic how Michigan was seemingly flummoxed by this. Sure, I expect Kirby Smart to be better prepared than Lesser Harbs. But it’s still an issue.
Secondly, UGA doesn’t have the scariest offensive skill position players on earth. Especially if their mostrously large human TE is out or limited (ankle owie). If just “power in the trenches” were enough, the Wolverines would be in SoCal to make the Dawgs.
I think we are getting a good one tonight. Famous last words, I know.
We have turned off this game and turned on “Old Enough”.
The Matt Gaetz documentary?
that would have a “not” in the title
The Queen’s Gambit here; the third time for me.
Is Brock Bowers just a whiter version of Travis Kelce?
If the second half is as completely oppressive throughout as the first, they might have to change their name to Texas Jewish University.
/Wasn’t sure how to go with it but it’s the best I gots
“Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.”
Me, taking a page out of Hippo’s book
That Mercedes “all electric” thing was terrible.
Did anyone else get a “Michels for governor” ad just now?
Every now and then we get a Bob’s Discount Furniture, an official sponsor of the Washington Commies. In Yinzburgh.
Bob is creepy.
Are Rod and Todd ready to celebrate Diamond of the Diamond and Silk duo?
(No cause of death yet, unless one can die from shamelessness)
She was hospitalized for COVID around Thanksgiving – not sure if it actually led to her death but Rod and Todd are at Defcon 3 right now.
Woman who did everything she could to die of Covid-19, who was hospitalized in critical condition over a month ago with Covid-19, has unexpectedly died. Of what, we may never know. It’s a mystery.
Good evening, degenerates. I see I’ve stumbled into a boat race.
I haven’t seen dogs tear up their opponent like this since Mike Vick’s last “house party.”
Do you think when Eli Manning heard that song in the Taco Bell commercial (you know the “never gonna say it to my face…” one) he immediately ran out and bought that band’s album?
Where’s the Sim to End button?
With the over please.
Mid-Level Teams: “Extend the playoffs!”
(Georgia destroys TCU from the DNA up)
Mid-Level Teams: “Nevermind. We’re good.”
Oh, that’s not what he wanted to cook.
This game is over. Off to watch… Something.
Even my mother-in-law has turned her nose up at this game.
Puebla game is on no?
Was offered a “too good to pass up” deal on a whole halibut. So now I’ve got a three pound goofy-looking fish in my oven, along with some duck fat potatoes, and will be sauteeing some broccolini and making a tarragon sauce. Then I guess I’ll be experimenting with uses for leftover fish for the rest of the week. Halibut croquettes? Sure, why not. Halibut chowder? Sounds about right for these rainy nights.
OR! Just eat 3 pounds of halibut tonight.
Andy Reid likes the cut of your jib, sir.
Halibut tacos would be excellent
Fish pie. And chowdah!
A Jets fan who hates Qaaron just sat down at the bar!
A Jets fan hates everything and everyone, especially themselves.
He grew up in Florida and lives in Chicago now, so he might have built up some immunity. He wants Carr to go to the Jets
I would love to see Carr go to the Jets. It would be great to see him succeed there, but equally entertaining to see him fall into the “when you’re a Jet you’re a Jet for life” vortex.
THESE GUYS THE GEORGIA BULLDOGS I CALL THEM THE ROMAN EMPEROR DIOCLETIAN BECAUSE THEY ARE SLAUGHTERING THE CHRISTIANS.
Yeah, it’s “mute button and book” time, and only because I caffeinated. Heavily.
What booky book?
“Prisoners of the Castle” (about escapes from Colditz prison in WWII). Is pretty good.
Jawja ran the same play three out of four times. That’s Hypnotoad-esque.
Andy Reid keeps hearing Herbstreit talk about a “sugar huddle” and wants to implement one in KC. RIGHT. NOW.
DeMeco Ryans needs to take the Chargers job should it open up. Cards and Texans are hell holes. Donks are attached to a dead man for the next 2 years. Sean Payton is not taking any job until he knows Double J isnt firing McCarthy.
Apropos to Brick’s rain comment below, when I was in Arizona all the weatherfolks were asking for rain and when it did finally come the first thing mentioned was ‘flash washouts’. Coming from a place where intense rain just gets absorbed into the ground (for the most part) this was weird to me.
have to go for it
Aaaaaaand Ladd McConkey was just described as both “gritty” and a “lunchpail kid” in the same sentence. Just say Caucasian, guys. We can already do the math.
Bill Belichick has already submitted his draft card.
There’s only one true Conkey.
SoFi has a roof but is an open-air stadium. Los Angeles is about to get walloped with rain.
Let’s see how good the drainage is at this brand new facility.
FLOOD FLOOD FLOOD FLOOD
I remember the construction being delayed by the rain over a significantly less wet winter than this one. Let’s see if they planned!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3QBVPFw4mA
…and you thought Global Warming was all bad.
I’ve never been to TX, but I has an imaginary #BFIB pal down there (long time sim league commish). He says that UT alums/fans are insufferable, and that TAMU are very cult-y.
But says Guns Up!! and Bloodeyes folks are generally ok, and he feels good for when they succeed, as a local neutral (he went to Illinois).
Even Texas’ mom is embarrassed by Texas’ arrogance.
Yes, even for Texans, TAMU people are very weird.
what time did this game start?
Guess, since they couldn’t tailgate the fans and teams decided to start the game early
Time is a meaningless construct.
As is the true meaning of sandwich.
“And keeps ticking, ticking, ticking into the futurrrrrrrre…. But it also tends to repeat itself!”
-Steve Miller, after reading Nietzsche
they said 7:30, kicked off 7:45
Folks
No one is supposed to be that wide open.
advertisers want folks awake for Q2, at minimum
At least outside a couple particular genres of porn
I’ve tried six different angles (ha!) at a joke referencing a speculum and I just can’t do it.
There is nothing funny about a speculum, trust me.
Specky the speculum
Horny Toads clean up after a fumble. Sigh. If only that happened at orgies.
Woo! $10 buffalo chicken wrap with sweet potato fries time!
I am jelly, Other Hippo SUPER JELLY
I’ve really missed living 425 ft from a good neighborhood bar that serves decent bar food. This was possibly the best part of living in Chicago full time
You appear to be talking yourself into moving back!
It’s a great place part-time. Not sure I could do it full time again, at least not if I need to leave the block regularly
The thing I hate about buffalo chicken wraps is that the resto can’t be bothered to lean either way and make their protein wraps all buffalo or all chicken. Pick an animal and stick with it!
/I’d make a great restaurant critic
Damn, it’s 14-0 already.
/waits for comment to be true
I may have talked Litre out of a UGA wager, ATS.
In summation, NEVAR listen to Hippo.
If yinz can’t trust a sentient, talking semi-aquatic mammal with an opioid addiction then who can yinz trust?
I disagree with your allegation of sentience, but I will defend to the death your right to say it
Yep, didn’t bet that, bet props instead.
Seven safeties in one half! Incredible!
They might get a couple safeties.
Woah, two safety dances ahead?
This will be fun!
Damn, I won the billion dollar jackpot.
/waits for comment to be true
*scribbles Game Over in notebook*
Oh, it’s going to be one of those* National Championships.
*reserves the right to change this opinion
Andy Dalton is from TCU. I’m rooting for them, but I can never fully trust a team that makes Andy Dalton their quarterback.
Quickest move by a Bennett since they told Tony they were almost outta coke.
I’m going with the alphabet team-something that folks that have graduated from the University of Georgia are not familiar with.
Lissen here pup. I went to Georgia. I know all of the alphabet, especially the letters F and U!
(Just kidding Scotchy, please don’t murder me, you’re my favourite, mmmkay?)
was tWBS’ vet skool, too!
Ok, but do you know the correct order of the alphabet?
If I sing it!
I’m so screwed if I have do the alphabet backwardsas part of those roadside sobritey checks. Can barely do it forwards
uh, NOT the penalty – it was missing on the 1st down “go” route, which was a perfect call
BLEERGH makes her presence felt early tonight.
I like stetson 3+tds, McHonkey td, and the over 64.5.
This is one of those nights where i’d put $50 ML on the Hypnotoads, and it’d be 28-nil at the end of Q1
Wait, the national championship game is in LA???
I can tell y’all that there was no hype about this all week long. I had no idea and neither did most of LA.
I didn’t know it until yesterday and then only by chance – I even had to deduce it and look it up to confirm.
Are they mentioning that Los Angeles is about to get smacked with that Biblical rainstorm that is currently in Santa Barbara?
So is Georgia benefiting from a fantastic recruiting cycle (or two, or three) like LSU a few years back?
They’re not going anywhere for a while.
Much like Lea Michelle with a map in her hands.
It seems like they are stacking classes like when Bama started to really flex
will y’all motherfuckers PLAY already! Moving the start time to a saner hour is no good unless PLAY ACTUALLY BEGINS
Hey! Those booster provided benefits aren’t going to pay for themselves! The ad revenue gods must be sated.
I like the Dawgs to cover so please bet the Horny Toads if you wanna make crypto bank.
Wait, there is still a Space Force?
Yeah but now it’s woke because of Biden so we’re not gonna colonize Mars unless they give consent smh
I can’r recall whether I remembered to take #ThirdPill. So this may or may not be a 4-pill Monday after all.
/Bangles cover begins
Walk like a Pillgyptian!
He’s going to Liverpool to do nothing.
(cut to Hippo staring at an Eternal Flame while outside it’s a Hazy Shade of Winter)
I really want to walk over to the bar for dinner while watching the game, but I’m stuck here waiting for Amazon to show up so I can tell them the security code for delivering my overpriced wellness monies watch. At least I got a bunch of painting done today! I’ll put the second coat on tomorrow then only the hall where I have to sand the stupid wall will remain
POSSIBLY TRUE STORY – Lee Corso hasn’t pooped since 2019
He should probably hang it up. It looks to be straining on him. Although with some people once they quit their gigs that they love, they die. So maybe he is one of those.
He should have quit 15 years ago after his third stroke, but he knows he’s worm food 15 minutes after that.
Yeah, there was a guy in my office like that. Showed up in a suit and tie daily, just to check his mail, basically. Barely even still sentient.
I watched the pregame while cooking. I think Saban wants Pat McAffey dead, McAffey knows this and tries to push Satan’s buttons.
#TeamSaban on this front
If you’re able to, check out the Montreal Canadiens special blue kits on display tonight. wtf…
Wow, those are something.
Just go pastel purple if you want to enrage your fanbase.
So we have a Stetson Bennett iV, and a Ladd McConkey on Georgia. Where the hell is Colt Cootchknuckle Jr?
/Did just bet On McHonkey to score though.
Cootchknuckle was my college band’s name!
90% of Canadian garage bands also have this name.
Remaining 10% – Syrup & Apologies
And how many channels will this game be on?
Up in The Canada? Just four.
Yes.
In the bar I’m in, none.
Are ye in the Gulag? Blink twice FOAR YES
Looks to me like 11 in your country.
Yet still no “Fresh Snapper” feed on the UGA sideline smh