Welcome to Night Two of the festival of loathing we like to call “[DFO] Hate Week”.

Oh, I’m sorry. That’s clearly not enough hate. Let’s see what I can find…

Oh yeah. That’s the stuff.

Anyways – I’m your host, Beerguyrob, and I’m touched so many people came by yesterday to give me their best wishes:

The love – it truly fills my heart.

I spent the last few months of 2022 helping negotiate a Collective Agreement. The great thing about union leadership is that you have a chance to leave a legacy behind. Since I’m not all that socialist, my legacy is an agreement that helps the people I work with keep doing it within the confines of the programs they love. There is a level of job security that wasn’t entertained before, and fair compensation for providing the services we do.

The bad thing is that you learn WAY TOO MUCH about the people you work with. I’ve been to enough grievance meetings that I cannot believe what some people consider acceptable in the workplace. I tend to think I’m pretty casual about “the rules”, and yet I’m constantly gobsmacked at what some folks are willing to do on the job & then are confused about why they are in trouble. And when trouble comes around and “I’m calling the union!” doesn’t absolve them of the consequences of their actions, the sense of betrayal is palpable – even though what they did is clearly defined in either a Collective Agreement, labour law, or the Criminal Code. I guess when you live up your own ass for too long you don’t notice the smell anymore. The union can’t grieve that away.

If you read yesterday’s Hate Week entry, you know it centred around that most self-centered of NFL people, Roger Goodell the Quarterback.

But who feeds that ego? Who are the ones who allow those heads to balloon?

For one: Bored sportswriters.

Let’s start with the King.

“Oops, I was just having lunch…”

No, not that windbag. This one – the blowhard from the banner.

Adam Schefter

Last year, there was the discovery that in 2011 he emailed the [Redacteds] GM at the time to allow him to provide edits to a story Schefter was doing on them. This year, there were dual embarrassments. First, there was his Dwayne Haskins tweet, where he shit-talked a kid who just died

and was socially shamed / forced to apologize lest he lose his precious access to key players.

There was also his charming 1:00 AM defence of the Browns as they prepared to get Deshaun Watson back,

This was a universally derided tweet, and seemed to have been written by a team PR department, not a supposedly “independent journalist”. First off, what was the process that went into crafting this missive well-after the witching hour?

Also, what were the signs of progress? Is he congratulating the (alleged) rapist for no longer (allegedly) raping? That’s damning with the faintest of praise. It’s like being asked to stop flashing your junk in public and arrogantly stating

The quote tweets are worth your time, as a good number of them are higher quality writers dragging him for carrying the Browns’ water for them. Being a conduit for management will always be part of his legacy.

Then there’s Columbia grad Ian Rapoport.

A paid NFL Network shill, I couldn’t remember why he turns me off – but then I completely forgot about his bio:

NFL Network Insider Ian Rapoport has covered the league since 2009, previously serving as Patriots beat reporter for the Boston Herald for three seasons. Now based in New York City, he also has covered the Alabama Crimson Tide for the Birmingham News and Mississippi State for the Jackson Clarion-Ledger.

It’s hard to believe Starkville was the least obsequious of his three stops.

He’s got his own sources and agenda, and working for the Network means he is the preferred source when people want to drop accurate info about a situation. He seems to be where players go to make their cases.

Now, it turns out I talked these fine folks/whores last year at this same time, so I don’t want to relive that word salad because there’s so much more to discuss. But I have to bring them up because they just can’t stop making the stories also about themselves.

For example, this past week they got into what “The Spun by Sports Illustrated“* called a “Source off” about when & how Sean Payton got hired by the Broncos. Rapoport said that the Broncos tried to hire DeMeco Ryans first, but when he turned them down that’s when they threw the money & draft picks at the Saints. Schefter then came back stating that the Broncos haven’t talked to Ryans in weeks, and that their plan was Payton all along.

This appears to be true to their form – Rapoport is on the side of the employee, and Schefter is on the side of the employer. Rapoport’s material defends both coaches for getting what they wanted – Ryans a new deal in Texas; Payton a deal in Denver – while making out Broncos management to be incompetent boobs who have now overpaid for talent two years in a row. Schefter’s info makes it sound like the Broncos always had this winning strategy in place, and that Ryans – and his supporters – were using the threat of the Broncos to up his price.

Now, this could be all just a difference in who knew what & when, but because these two have a history together there is always a little one-upmanship. This resulted in each one trying to out-confirm the other about the validity of their sources. But let me get this straight – the news is about the news that each of them tried to break this news before the other? I’ll leave this answer to Norm,

As the above shows, in efforts to keep earning a paycheque (proper spelling – FUCK YOU! spellcheck), NFL writers of all sorts have to constantly churn out content. It doesn’t have to be GOOD content, so much that it’s content. As such, people like Schefter & Rapoport are easily swayed by the obviously planted story, because it can give them material for days. I bet these guys are LIVID Brady ‘retired’, because it’s robbed them of many different angles to parlay leading up to Free Agency (March 15th) and the Draft (April 27th).

Besides, there’s real news to write about, if they feel like being “real journalists”,

Man, where did this story go? This should be front of mind for everyone asking the Eagles coaches about “team chemistry”, but I guess since it happened in Ohio in 2019 to a “reserve lineman” there’s going to be a tight leash on those types of questions. Mind you, we only got to hear about Britt Reid for a few hours before the NFL quietly had it buried leading up to the game. (Hey – today is the second anniversary of that incident. I wonder if that’s going to be on TV?) Then he got his plea deal – over the parents’ objections – just after the start of the season, so that got lost in the noise. So I’m guessing we don’t hear about Sills again until he gets Epstein’d in custody or Senator Vance finds a way to Hillbilly Elegy these charges out of existence.

Because who wants to be the one to ruin Super Bowl week, baby?! That’s not a good narrative!

Next up are the podcasts, of which there are plenty. In the old days, you had to have a reporter in your pocket if you wanted to get a story out. But not any more, and that’s a fact that has caused consternation

to many a ‘traditional hack & hackette’ who rely on “sources” to validate what they report. These days, podcasts seem to be the place where players & teams will drop hints or actual accusations about their intentions.

Let’s have a look at the top of the pops, if you will.

“Thanks Beerguy. Now, I’d first like to say…”

Fuck off, Peter!

First up, Joe Rogan.

I’m sure this has been asked before, but how did the fifth-funniest cast member on “Newsradio” transform his online presence from a show about jokes, pot & MMA into the go-to location for athlete “scientists” to spout off about their current cleansing regimen? My guess is that Alex Jones became way too toxic, and even places like ESPN were beginning to push back on some of the spouted lunacy. Guys like Rodgers are so used to getting fluffed that they don’t even chance going somewhere that might question their narrative.

Next comes Pat McAfee.

who at least played in the league & has a reputation that would qualify him for a podcast. Everything is a fucking occasion with this guy. It doesn’t help that his on-field reputation has morphed into a secondary vocation yelling even louder than he already does.

Working with AJ Hawk is likely what helped lure Rodgers away from Joe Rogan. He’s also getting paid $120 million over four years by Fanduel for the podcast & gambling sponsorship. The WWE exposure also helps draw in the views, so during the season if players want to get a message out there are worse places to go.

Let’s not forget the content mills – sites that exist to generate outrage at their #HAWTTAEKS because that’s what gets the clicks.

I’m not going to go through all of them, because none of us need that level of aggravation. But I will look at three of the more prominent ones.

First up is Barstool, mostly because of its reach.

It’s just fucking garbage. The feed on the right refreshes every 10 seconds, guaranteeing that there is fresh grist for the commenting mill. These days, their site is more about lifestyle than accurate content. Just check out the cesspool that is their Twitter feed – it’s “The Chive” for stupider people. They currently do not have anything official planned for this year’s Super Bowl, but that’s likely because they will undoubtedly have some kind of guerilla gathering due to the fact that Goodell is still steamed that Dave Portnoy snuck into Super Bowl LIII & was thrown out by NFL Security. As of this moment, one of their contributors is arguing with a Franciscan college about Pigs-In-A-Blanket, so that tells you the current level of discourse over there.

Next is ProFootballFocus, or PFT. Just look at this GeoCities-esque nonsense,

It’s just missing some flashing letters. Each of these front-page stories is five short-paragraphs in length, designed to give just enough information without letting people linger too long and…

“Beerguy?”

Yes Peter?

“Can I speak now? I do work there.”

Sure. I don’t think that’s a prob-

“Can I bring Mike? He knows lots too!”

I suppose, but don’t make me regr-

“Can I plug my podcast?”

GODFUCKINGDAMMIT! NO! FUCK OFF – JESUS, I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN!

“Aww man; you used to be cool…”

GO TO HELL, OLD MAN! GET THE FUCK OFF OF MY PAGE!

Anyways.

Finally, just look at this shit from Deadspin, filed within hours of Dreamboat’s retirement announcement:

At least they had the originality to at least be snarky about it,

although, they forgot to add another Green Bay QB classic – ripping off state welfare programs for the benefit of your daughter. But still, at least eight times a day you can find people purposely trying to be “edgy”, not realizing that they come across as the people they hate.

Good thing we’re different.

[By the way, let’s take a moment to reflect on how fucking 

nu-Deadspin still is. It’s been three years since the staff were told to stick to sports, and the cowards running the scab one still refuse to turn the comments back on. We all clown on Adam Schefter & Peter King, but they at least accept & respond to comments. Current Deadspin is so fucking tough they still can’t take criticism from people. It makes their backbiting seem absolutely clownish by comparison.

At least Gawker had the good sense to die, albeit not by its own hand.

Update: Again.]

For the final entrants to our discussion about narrative, there are the random lunatics who put shit out into the ether hoping to get any form of traction they can for what-I-hope-they-realize is a terrible idea. It just seems anyone with a keyboard and an audience to feed can just shit out random ideas to get their precious looks & likes.

Exhibit A: This fucking guy

We should retire the number 12 for every team in the NFL. 🐐

— Taylor Lewan (@TaylorLewan77) February 1, 2023

First off, how is Ryan Tannehill supposed to take this? Terrell Owens thinks that’s weak sauce.

Y’always gotta stick up for your boy, my man.

Exhibit B means revisiting this nugget from yesterday:

I could not find ways to mute that video fast enough. Luckily, I missed this when it first happened because I have a fucking life & was at work at the time. But of all the talking heads Canadian TV imports during the day to fill the airwaves – This Just In, Pardon the Interruption, Around the Horn – First Take is just the fucking worst, and it’s because of the combination of vacuous blather and lack of volume control. If you went to church in the 80s or remember Sam Kinison, you know the type – quiet talker, until the point needs to be made, and then… BOOM! VOLUME UP TO 15 BECAUSE JESUS FUCKING CHRIST MUST PROCLAIM THE TRUTH THROUGH ME!!11!1!

For those of you who’ve forgotten, here’s the master at work on first first SNL appearance, setting the standard for a bunch of imitators & showing Malcolm Jamal Warner the words Bill Cosby forbade from the set.

THANK GOD this will not come to pass. But you know what did? A fucking podcast appearance that spilled the beans on his immediate future. Hint – it wasn’t on his:

Honestly, I’d be surprised if he didn’t violate some sort of contract about exclusivity around career announcements with Sirius. Of course, he’s too busy trying out for Playgirl

to probably be bothered.

Man, how did this fucking dork end up here two days in a row. He’s retired. I THOUGHT I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FORGETTING ABOUT HIM!

Tonight’s sports:

• NHL:
  • Oilers at Red Wings – 7:00pm | Sportsnet / ESPN+ / Hulu
• NBA:
  • Suns at Nets – 7:30pm | TNT /
  • Hawks at Pelicans – 7:30pm | TSN
  • Thunder at Lakers – 10:00pm | TNT /
• NCAA:
  • Men’s Basketball:
    • Marquette vs. Connecticut – 6:30pm | FS1
    • North Carolina vs. Wake Forest – 7:00pm | ESPN / TSN2
    • Auburn vs. Texas A&M – 7:00pm | ESPN2
    • St. John’s vs. Butler – 8:30pm | FS1
    • Arkansas vs. Kentucky – 9:00pm | ESPN / TSN2
    • Maryland vs. Michigan State – 9:00pm | ESPN2
  • Women’s Hockey:
    • Beanpot – Harvard vs. Boston College – 7:30pm | TSN5 / ESPN+

I’m sure there are plenty of hateable people I have missed so far, so please discuss and destroy in the comments.

LATE UPDATE: (Jesus – what the fuck is the deal with everyone coming out with shit after I’ve put the post to bed?!)

It appears His Majesty The Family Nullifier is going to be taking a four-day weekend to decide his future.

When he emerges from his “darkness retreat”, he will be Adam Warlock clear about the direction of his career. Retirement is on the table, as is being traded to another team. At present, Draftkings has the favourite as the Raiders, something Rodgers noticed from the crowd when he was winning the Am portion of the Pebble Beach Pro-Am last weekend,

“…people want[ ] me to get traded to their team, and the Raiders fans were probably the most vocal and the most numerous.”

For the fucking love of Pete…