Hey look – it’s night three of [DFO] Hate Week!

Now that COVID been exposed as a government lie, I was actually able to venture out into the world this year. I got to England in the summer where I saw – on consecutive nights – Ed Sheeran, Adele, and the Rolling Stones. (I also caught COVID, but choose to ignore that fact because it ruins the narrative.)

I also got down to Seattle for a couple of games late in the year, and I even managed to get out to Green Bay to see them beat the Cowboys.

It was wonderful being able to access other places again. The drive up to Green Bay was incredible – I’d forgotten about the sights along the highway.

As a Canadian city dweller, I still find it shocking when I drive in rural America and see the dichotomy in the population. The signs above are along I-41 between Milwaukee and Appleton. The competing billboards above seem like they could find common ground with a condom ad, because who doesn’t love responsible partying? And if legal weed is your reason for driving to the U-P, then kudos to you but watch out for the driving checks on the inbound lanes. Methinks the Wisconsin State Patrol has hard-ons for busting modern hippies.

At least it’s a break from all the gun ads, especially the ones “proudly made in Wisconsin”

Today’s Hate Week topic: Conspiracies.

It’s all a natural outcome of the pandemic and the online culture we now exist in. But this kind of bullshit has been around forever.

WHY, WHEN I WAS A KID…

Conspiracy theories used to be passed by word of mouth, meaning someone had to look you in the eye when telling you the story. Being a child of the 80s, the ones I remember involve Rod Stewart & bodily fluids or Richard Gere & little critters. Modern examples are about Prince or Marilyn Manson having ribs removed for auto-fellatory purposes. Don’t forget that every time someone famous dies it not because of age or cancer, but that they’re removed because of what they know. There were also chain letters, but most of those were more pyramid schemes asking for money to be sent up because you would reap the benefits of furthering the chain.

Of course, the internet has given more people more options for spreading more bullshit. Chain-letter emails were one of the first scams. And we’ve all gotten that email from a relative that looks like it’s been forwarded a dozen times before it gets to them, and then to you. And it’s filled with stuff like this:

These were from an uncle in Texas back when Barry O was President. (Before you ask – yes, he was West Point & a Vietnam Vet.) He sent them as part of his birthday wishes to me, because I committed the sin of supporting Justin Trudeau over professional asshole Stephen Harper. (I also found out he died when my emails to him kept bouncing back, because his daughter apparently doesn’t ‘talk to communists’ so never bothered to tell me he passed.) He never went full “birther”, but went right to the edge.

In Canada, at least once a year someone drags out the “Justin is Fidel’s son” one – something that’s been covered on this site before.

As we all know, the Trump presidency brought us many things, including giving this lunatic fringe the power to have their theories taken seriously at the highest levels of power. QAnon coalesced these morons around outlandish theories continuously repeated inside online echo chambers. Of course, they are simply “questioning” the establishment and doing their “research”.

I believe Patton Oswalt said it best:

“You’ve gotta respect everyone’s beliefs.” No, you don’t. That’s what gets us in trouble. Look, you have to acknowledge everyone’s beliefs, and then you have to reserve the right to go: “That is fucking stupid. Are you kidding me?” I acknowledge that you believe that, that’s great, but I’m not going to respect it. I have an uncle that believes he saw Sasquatch. We do not believe him, nor do we respect him!”

Thanks to both Fox News and MSNBC, both sides have equal voice in promoting their lunacy, to often tragic ends. I still get a kick out of how John Podesta’s offhanded reference to take out pizza in a WikiLeaks transcript led to “Pizzagate”.

[Oh, as an aside – “you people” need to come up with a different naming system for your scandals. “-gate” has been officially overused for the last 20 years. Sort that shit out before Kissinger dies, will you?]

Of course, coming from that was the “secret state / deep state” conspiracy, which culminated in January 6th & Ashli Babbit’s last-ever game of peek-a-boo.

So it’s no real surprise that sports fans have always believed that some power or other is against them. (Or, if you’re a Canucks fan, just keeps you miserable.) The most recent examples came to light thanks to Damar Hamlin’s injury. The number of people quick to jump on the “vaccine did it” bandwagon was not shocking, but the number of people willing to publicly go on record about it was.

Most of them read like this,

https://twitter.com/jtruthmedia2/status/1619695794696880129

even though it’s clearly him in the video. Just perusing the internet about this, I found links purporting to expose this “lie” related to Hamlin’s

• ears
• hands
• skin colour / tattoos
  • Blacks saying he’s too white; whites saying he’s too black
  • That they’re different now
• mobility
• voice

You can find more about this lunacy at Forbes, which seems to be the sanest place for collecting this nonsense. Barron’s has a fairly balanced article talking about how it’s directly linked to QAnon & other conspiracy promotions – “The beliefs are often not actually rooted in evidence, but instead are formed by dodging evidence.”

Of course, it doesn’t help when your (until Saturday night) reigning NFL MVP believes he’s being targeted by “Big Pharma” over his vaccine beliefs. This gives some measure of ‘credibility’ to those who think the grander plan is to have us all replaced by lizard-people.

“There’s heroes and villains in sports and entertainment, and I think because of my stance on COVID and maybe some other things, I’ve been cast as the villain,” Rodgers said.

We saw it in the NFL on Championship weekend: There was the usual pregame injury update, presided over by a very sweaty Jay Glazer,

but while he was performing his Jolly Chimp routine, the internet was abuzz with rumours about the key Sunday starters:

• Hurts is hurt
• Hurts isn’t hurt – the Eagles were faking it
• Jimmy G’s coming back
• Jimmy G’s doesn’t want to risk getting hurt
• Mahomes is fine
• Mahomes is in a wheelchair
• What will Joe Burrow wear?

And, of course, there was postgame:

Many, many people of course go straight to the conspiracy when their team doesn’t win – like the NFL cares who is in the game so long as they make their money. But whether it’s eustress or distress, people ‘need’ the conspiracy theory in order to process what happened to their team. And because officiating is still bound by human capabilities, there are easy figures to assign blame in all circumstances.

I did enjoy this one, though.

WWFL … #NFLRigged pic.twitter.com/seGyGGl6Hb

— FORTY (@Throwback420) January 31, 2023

This is par for the course these days. As we all know, nothing just “happens” anymore. There are constant nefarious forces at work looking to introduce MOAR misery into our lives. Plus, God takes sides.

About 3 in 10 US adults say they believe prayer can play a role in determining who wins a sporting event, and a similar percentage say God plays a role, according to a new poll from The Associated Press-NORC Center for Public Affairs Research. According to their results, among fans of professional sports, 23% say they have prayed about the outcome of a contest. Religious background plays a factor: 35% of evangelical Christian fans say they have done so, compared with 21% of fans of other (Christian & other) religious faiths. But professional sports fans don’t have to believe to pray – the poll also shows that 15% of nonreligious fans say they too have prayed for the outcome of a game. Mostly, I just feel like Homer here –

At least Arian Foster had the right idea to lean into the conspiracy & spur one of his own.

Of course, this drove certain sectors of the internet completely nuts. (He better not get sick this week, or the anti-vaxxers will be all over him trying to get him to ingest beaver semen or some such thing.) More hilariously, this led guys from the league to have fun with Arian Foster’s “claims” that the NFL is, indeed, rigged:

At the end of the day, that’s all the respect these conspiracy theorists deserve – mocking, and none. And there’s only one thing left to say to them –

Tonight’s sports:

• NHL:
  • Canucks at Rangers – 8:00pm | Sportsnet
  • Wild at Stars – 8:30pm | TNT
• NBA:
  • 76ers at Celtics – 7:30pm | ESPN / Sportsnet1
  • Spurs at Raptors – 7:30pm | TSN
  • Mavs at Clippers – 10:00pm | ESPN / Sportsnet1
• Wrasslin’:
  • AEW Dynamite – 8:00pm | TBS / TSN2

Please enjoy discussing all the conspiracies you know down in the comments.