Welp, what do we got for today? Apart from disproportionate Knicks hype, as of course, is tradition.
This gives a slight sigh of relief after an absolutely awful showing from the Rangers apart from their goalie. As, of course, is also tradition. No Quit in New York?
Yeah, it’s not good when I say “Welp, gotta rely on the Knicks now.” We know how that’s gone the last most of my life.
Yeah, definitely a different vibe when the Knicks are good. The Yankees are perennial, the Rangers letting down their goalie is eternal, the Giants and Jets don’t play for another four months, but there’s a weird optimistic hype with the Knicks being good and not being also-rans or at least playoff cannon fodder. Which is cool and all, especially because this Knicks team is still in the pleasant surprise category (see: 2017 Yankees, 2021-22 Rangers). So it’ll remain optimism around the team until the next regular-season losing streak. Which, hey, won’t be until November!
Okay, news. Last night had the good stuff, with the fifth-year options. But important stuff happened today too! Like…
–Randall Cobb to the Jets on a 1-year deal.
–Mahomes arrested… yeah, it’s Patrick’s brother. Again. The charge is aggravated sexual battery.
In AFL Beat news…
–Tasmania will join the AFL as the 19th team in 2028!
What’s for sports?
AHL Calder Cup Playoffs! (Division semifinals, best of 5)
Providence vs. Hartford, 7:00 (Wolfpack lead 2-0)
Charlotte vs. Hershey, 7:00 (Bears lead 2-0)
Toronto vs. Utica (Series tied 1-1)
Rockford vs. Texas (Stars lead 2-0)
Manitoba vs. Milwaukee (Series tied 1-1)
Calgary vs. Abbotsford (Wranglers lead 2-0)
Colorado vs. Coachella Valley (Eagles lead 2-1)
*Gets call from above* Oh fine… fuckers.
Stanley Cup Second Round Action
Senor’s Continuous Persona 5 bits vs. Canes Man (NJ vs. CAR, Game 1) (7:00, ESPN)
McJesus and Pals vs. The Knights of Au (EDM vs. VGK, Game 1) (9:30, ESPN)
Almost time to follow basketball!
Infinite Process vs. Basketball P*ts (PHI vs. BOS, Game 2, 76ers lead 1-0) (8:00, TNT)
Lastly, a legend has passed. Peter Good, best known for designing the Hartford Whalers logo, passed away last night. For him, only one thing to do:
In the meantime, talk amongst your friends, and fuck the Devils, go Canes for this one round only (sorry Horatio). (Rooting interests are Panthers-Oilers/Knights, as one of my friends is from Vegas, but also it would be considered about damn time for McDavid.)
So apparently, if you have one player who scores 4 goals, you lose in these playoffs. Interesting.
Wait, why am I in the title?
That’s called being “bannered”. Happens when you make a joke in a comment that is far more stupid and funny than other comments.
The funny thing is that it’s been up for almost a week already and he’s just now noticing.
It’s chilly in here. What the fuck, SoCal? My sister in law is in South Dakota, it was 15⁰ warmer there today than here. I’m going to go take a hot bath. Here’s some porn.
I was genuinely shocked this afternoon when we walked the dog and I was wearing long sleeves and pants and I was still chilly. It’s SoCal, and it’s May!
I dig it. 60s is perfect for me.
/Looks for Scotchy.
// Doesn’t see him around
69 is optimal.
Didn’t see this mentioned earlier, but if it was, feel free to mock me mercilessly
Looks like Mr. $ 230,000,000 ain’t out of the woods yet!!! (from yesterday)
“To this point, there has been no civil suit make it to trial but that is in jeopardy of changing.
Lauren Baxley, a licensed massage therapist, has accused Watson of improperly exposing himself to her and causing his genitals to touch her during a massage session in June 2020, when Watson was playing for the Houston Texans at the time.
“Today we filed a motion to put Lauren Baxley’s case on the trial docket, in the Houston court where it was originally filed,” attorney Tony Buzbee said.
“All other victims in the Deshaun Watson litigation that this firm represented have settled their claims. Ms. Baxley, to her credit, has refused, and wants a public trial. I intend to help give her that. She is entitled to have a trial on her claims; I will proudly present her case. Ms. Baxley has a strong case, and I encourage the internet trolls to take note as we proceed.”
https://www.si.com/nfl/browns/news/browns-deshaun-watson-may-have-first-case-go-to-trial
Can we send her money
Oh, I’m thinking (& hoping) that Ms. Braxley will have PLENTY of money in a while…
\ Artist’s rendition:
Sbocking! [ not shocking ]
Did the Oileurs think the game was over when they tied it?
Draisaitl continues to be a cheat code.
Might need the Contra code.
Game Genie
Ice Raiders ain’t care though.
FOUR goals!
He’s pulling a Pavelski!
This is superb news.
If they’re not The Devils then why bother?
Oh trust me, everyone in Australia is saying “Fuck Warner Bros if they try to sue!”
WOO HOO! CELTICS RAWHK!
Too bad the Chiefs let Jackson Mahomes hang around the team so much; obviously, Andy Reid treated him like a son.
When I saw “sexual battery” in the headline I was worried it was Rex Grossman, because he’s well-known for his motor in that department.
Book Rec Time:
There were a few of us that liked Perdido Street Station a while back. Iron Council swims in that same universe and 150 pages in, it’s worth a read. I sorta compare this world to the Blood Meridian environment. All the characters swim in a completely amoral pool of existence. Arbitrary deaths occur here and there. Just like here in the “real” world.
/btw, don’t bother reading The Scar, total waste of time
The AHL sold out when the River Rats left Albany MAN
This ice raiders vs ice elks is going to be the matchup of this round. So excited.
Full Game 7, and three of them go to overtime(s).
Oh God yes, please.
Who does the Krakers match up better against?
Neither. Pipe dream to think they’ll get that far anyway.
Korean BBQ today, dear Glod that was a lot of food
I just ordered pizza and wings. Conveniently, the pizza place here in Riverside sends me a coup for 50% off a large pie. Okeydoke, I’m in! I have a spanking new vape, a nice dog and a couple of cats to keep me company. And yinz too. Gumbygirl is chill.
We did an all-you-can-eat place one time. It was obscene.
That’s how you do it, otherwise it adds up quick.
Man I’m on a flight home right now. Watched some ad so get 20mins off wifi. This traveling east shit is weak. I’ve been up since about 4:30a AZ time and will arrive at my house around midnight. I’ve got to power through this flight without sleep or I’m doomed when I get home.
Thought you should know.
Duly noted
“I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU!”
-S Bimmons
I hate to quote the Bible, put your trust on narcotics.
From The Gospel of St. Hippo
THESE CAROLINA HURRICANES I CALL THEM THE REAPER BECAUSE AKIRA AND CREW HAD TO RETREAT FROM THE PUNISHMENT HE WAS TAKING.
Keepin’ that Brass Bonanza spirit alive!
(hides in terror from Horatio)
Brass Bonanza is what I call the floor beneath Lt. Michael Byrd.
I’m referring to this btw
Definitely not the Akira I am thinking about
“Ha ha, right there with you buddy!” – Hunter Renfrow, not actually on the same page
As I said, I’ve been making terrible Persona 5 jokes all series since they put him in.
Here’s another bananas play that wasn’t a game winner. It’s a back of the net to the opposing blue line saucer pass that results in the cheekiest of goals.
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=ericksson+sauser+pass
I like this theme:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0cqjQpEkXI
I absolutely shit you not-a supplier rep sent me this video earlier today. Enjoy.
https://rumble.com/v2kq10u-if-i-were-the-devil-a-warning-to-america-from-1965.html
Buut… you’re Canadiaun..?
SoUrry
Damn, sorry, I meant to send you this one instead
https://rumble.com/v2lw93c-do-black-womens-vagina-stink-this-woman-says-yes-and-another-says-its-becau.html
I need to go bleach my brain now, thanks?
There isn’t enough THC in the solar system to undo that.
I don’t really care about any Halls of Fame, let alone the Rock one, but I’m still a little bitter that Warren Zevon didn’t make it in.
Listen, ELP isn’t in, prog rock gets basically no love, so fuck ’em.
THIS GUY DUNSTAN, I CALL HIM THE LOMBARDI TROPHY, BECAUSE HE AIN’T EVER GOING TO CLEVELAND
To be fair, the Cleveland HoF loaned Rick Wakeman’s hair dryer to RuPaul’s Drag Race.
They’re not in? Damn. Jann Wenner sucks, it’s probably a vendetta thing. Pissy bitch.
It should have been the Pop Music HoF. Who doesn’t love Willie Nelson? And how it is rock?
Damn it, New Jersey.
God I love that Whalers logo.
-Herman Melville
It is perfection.
2028? Why so soon?
https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/antonio-brown-owned-arena-football-team-mired-in-controversy-following-missed-payments-suspensions/
AB’s legal council when asked for comment (artist’s rendition).
Your fave team-do you have a great play that occurred in-game but wasn’t a game-winner? I submit Sherman Douglas’ through-the-legs football pass to a streaking Stevie Thompson.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9oYwJkQlLI&ab_channel=senorpalmer
Oh, I rarely have to worry about Raiders plays being game-winners.
For their opponents!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMQZ0uLYC4Q
Let’s ride!
So happy to see the AFL news in the post!