In a move that shocks either nobody or everybody, New York Congressman George Santos turned himself in as the Justice Department this morning and is facing 13 charges: seven counts of wire fraud, three counts of money laundering, one count of theft of public funds, and two counts of lying to the House.
I find this amazing, as after all, if what we’ve heard from the man is true, he’s lived multiple lifetimes. And if it’s not true, then it’s basically like one of these:
(Swaths of this selection have come from his campaign website and from Wikipedia.)
- Plural noun
- Location
- Noun
- Female relative
- Date
- Country
- Competition
- Game
- Crime charge
- City
- College
- Sport
- Broadway musical
George Santos is the son of –––(1)–––, who grew up in a basement apartment in –––(2)——. Both his mother and father legally immigrated to the United States in search of the American dream, where they began their family on the foundations of life, liberty, and the pursuit of –––(3)–––. George’s drive, commitment and determination were inspired by the legacy set and left by his –––(4)–––. She gave up everything to provide for George and her family and was at the World Trade Center on –––(5)–––.
Santos moved to –––(6)–––, where his mother was at the time, around 2008 and lived there until 2011. Two former acquaintances said that he competed as a drag queen in –––(7)––– in 2008. While Santos lived in Brazil, an acquaintance paid him and his mother to play –––(8)–––, which was illegal gambling. He left Brazil, in part because he was under investigation for –––(9)––– and moved to –––(10)–––. Somewhere before moving, or after, or even during, Santos attended –––(11)––––, and was a star player on their –––(12)––– team. After college, Santos managed to become a Broadway producer for the musical –––(13)–––. The lead producer denied that Santos was involved with the show and the musical’s playbills did not contain his name. From there he was predominantly in the world of finance and charitable organizations, where he definitely did not embezzle things regarding animal rescue organizations or covid funds.
The crazy thing is that I could seriously go on for another several paragraphs, but I don’t want to compile all this bullshit and you’ve got 13 examples. All I know is:
Okay, no it isn’t, because this shit is eternal. But at the least my district will be slightly less of a laughingstock. This is all Suozzi’s fault for trying to primary for governor and not running for re-election.
Other news!
-NFL scheduled things are trickling out. Among them, some primetime and other games:
*Fulham Jags playing TWO games in London, 10/1 (vs. ATL and 10/8 vs. BUF)
*Gotta get down on Black Friday: MIA-NYJ, 3 PM 11/24
*I saw two teams come playing ball on Christmas Day, on Christmas Day: NYG-PHI
*CIN-KC on New Year’s Eve
–Bob Huggins taking a $1M pay cut.
Sports!
Stanley’s Cup
BOBROBSKY! And Friends vs. THE LEAFENING RETURNS? (FLA vs. TOR, Panthers lead 3-0) (ESPN, 7:00)
Knight Gold vs. Black Gold (VGK vs. EDM, Golden Knights lead 2-1) (ESPN, 9:30)
They’re Playing Bas…ket…baaaaall
Pat the Rat and Co. vs. Knicks in… 7? (MIA vs. NYK, Heat lead 3-1) (7:30, TNT)
The Wall vs. Holey Moley (LAL vs. GSW, Lakers lead 3-1) (10:00, TNT)
I should probably write up the Beat. No salt there impending or anything!
I’ve been drinking, and the level of drunkenness of other passengers in this terminal makes me look like an observant Mormon.
I’m gonna go read, goodnight my darling dears!. This one seems like it was made for DFO
Pretty sure it just says anal and has nothing to do with Canada, where people live a lonely life of drinking Molson and staring at the moose population a little too hard.
Anal or doggy-style are preferred in Canada, because that way the moose can watch the hockey game, too.
Hawkey fight!
That was so, sooooooooo fucking stoopid. Pieterangelo just got himself suspended for the remainder of the series, at least.
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [starts playing what he thinks is our current episode]
DR. MRS. DEADLY: [after two minutes of recap] We haven’t seen this yet.
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [starts playing previous episode]
DR. MRS. DEADLY: We’ve already seen this.
Vacuum: /braces for two hours of work
As long as he doesn’t try to correct her vacuuming method, Rikki should live another week.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=1s1uoRwoEL8&themeRefresh=1
So who just permanently fucked their own brand harder, Bud Light or CNN? All I know is American boardrooms are populated with some dumb fucks.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AKN1Q5SjbeI&pp=ygUkZ2VvcmdlIGNhcmxpbiBzb21lIHBlb3BsZSBhcmUgc3R1cGlk
Probably Bud Light, for letting slip the secret that if you drink enough of their beer it will turn your testicles into a vagina and vice versa. Sadly for many of their former customers, the effect is delayed and irreversible.
Evening
I am never moving from this spot. You’re my favorite, Brocky. Don’t tell the others.
Keep in mind, I just post the images of the pooches, they aren’t mine. As if I would ever own a pug
laughs in shih tzu ownedship
It is exactly what I needed tonight.
Get that gif a soundtrack!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TB4gJ7shVD0
Donald Trump, at one point, in his defense of the Carroll accusations, said “she’s not my type [I’m paraphrasing].”
I don’t think “not my type” is a sound legal defense to sexual assault, but please note that I am not a lawyer. Lawyers, feel free to offer an expert opinion.
Just saw the saddest Budweiser ad ever. Just begging the redhats to come back.
That may have been the fugliest shmatte Vanna White has worn since the 80’s. Looked like a Hefty bag with glitter on it. Kind of impressively hideous.
Only way I’d watch Trump on TV is if they loaded him and Meatball Ron up on PCP, then had them re-create the “2 Girls, 1 Cup” scene. Live and in HD.
Trump prefers urine to feces.
Source: Putin, V.
Maybe they could make tinkle freezie pops, then roller skate while eating them? That’d also be pretty kewl.
I’d watch if his head explodes, like that guy in Scanners. Fuck, I’d pay per view that!
God bless google
Flaming gasbag. Appropriate.
Trump’s projected giant lead for the republican presidential nomination is stupefying…
But if you remember that anyone who votes Republican is a stupid amoral narcissist, it’s a little easier to fathom.
Who are you calling “amoral”?!
Sorry, I meant “felching” and I regret the error.
Apology accepted.
I miss Mitt Romney (weird thing to say)
No competition. DeSantis is a joke and no Republican has the guts to speak up.
Someone needs to convince Biden to call it a career. Absent a grown up in the GOP room, we need an electable mainstream Democrat to run.
So, we’re screwed.
I’m rooting for DeSantis to win the nomination. Then Biden can pull out and let someone younger win.
You keep saying that, but who? I think Kamala Harris was being groomed to run in *this* upcoming election, but it’s become obvious that she won’t be getting the starting job now, if ever. Whitmer looks good on paper, but the sad reality is that there are still too many Americans remaining alive that would never vote for anyone other than a white Christian male. If you could point to a John Edwards type with a high enough profile we might be talking, but I don’t think anyone like that currently exists.
Newsom wants the job. Let him have it.
It’s mostly name recognition this early on
I too am also catching up on this CNN thing; can you beliieve OJ thought he could outrun them in a Bronco!?
Just caught up on the CNN thing (Aaron Rupar on Twitter does yeoman’s work)
Fuck CNN with Trump’s tiny cock.
Rejoice, ppls of Canadia! Your Mapplethorpe Leafs are bringing their bullwhips back across the border!!
I don’t remember the episode where they went to Hoth.
the extended cut of that “Booze Cruise” episode
In other news, Bob Huggins was punished by WV by being suspended for three games, his contract being reduced to a year by year contract for one million less dollars.
It is a great day for humanity, as homophobia has been dealt a fatal blow and will no longer be a problem.
Glenn Beck said racism died in 2009. He’s trustworthy, too, right?
You could make an argument that racism died with Rush Limbaugh in 2021. Mainly because Rush was so very racist that when he kicked off, bam, there goes like 55% of all of the racism in the world right there.
If I understand this correctly, if the Leafs win, they’ve won the Stanley Cup, right? Their fans seem awfully excited.
The scoreline update says “Objects on Ice” – I am hoping someone emptied a box of live rats?
The Sabres aren’t playing so it’s probably not a dildo
A box of LIVE dildoes? JUST IMAGINE
Sabre…dildo…this gives me an idea…
SEE!!! Another example of Disney gay-ifying our CHILDRENS!!! – Ron D., Tallahassee, FL
Those look gently used
“Dildos? Who they think they are? A bunch of Catholic f(feed cuts to static)” – Bob H., WV
Reminds me of that Blake Edwards – John Ritter movie. It was great and a long time ago.
And for the second time in history, I have replaced the bulb in my projector without causing any explosions! And I didn’t even lose any additional tiny screws!
How many explosions during past attempts?
Well, remember where Krakatoa used to be…
Also none! Same as the number of glass shards in my eye!
Much like contact lenses, I use projector lamps far past the manufacturer recommendation. Apparently this last one was over 6000 hours and they’re only supposed to go for 2000
(preceding “joke” assumes that your apartment is in outer space)
I’m glad I locked in a Kuiper Belt lease before it gentrified
I’ve locked down the recipe for an Italian Greyhound:
1 part gin
1 part Campari
1 part sweet vermouth
1 part grapefruit juice
Stir over ice, strain into a rocks glass with a single large ice cube. Garnish with grapefruit peel.
Funnier outcome – Leafs swept, or Leafs forcing a Game 7 to choke at home?
Get em out and watch the meltdown.
Yes!
Another game 7 loss? I’m good with that
Was doing good but the CNN lady’ stopped fact checking. I think they cut her mic. On the other hand, Trump did accidentally said something truthful and that got a laugh.
Going to watch something more cheerful, like Number Johnny Five being destroyed in Short Circuit 2 or Artax’s death in Neverending Story.
Changing the channel is the only appropriate course of action.
How about throwing TV against the wall?
Only if that orange turd’s face was between you and the wall.
One might think effectuating an early May sweep within the confines of the World’s Largest Outdoor Urinal would be a nigh-impossible task.
But then again, I guess u ain’t teh #BFIB imogodbless
UPDATE – GODFUCKINGDAMNIT
I got this right away. Commence guessing, youngsters!
Some kind of breakfast cereal?
Wu-Tang Bran ain’t nuthin’ to fuck with!
I love this.
I kind of want to pitch that to the remaining living Wu-men
No, that’s old Ford logo.
That is both sides of the middle of the 45 that played American Pie.
You’re almost right.
No wait, you are right. I read that wrong! It is a 33 to 45 adapter, and certainly would have been in the American pie single. It was a big innovation when they came up with built in ones in turntables.
45 to 33, math sux!
I do now because my Mom is sitting next to me.
I hated when I would break them and try to piece them together.
They were cheaply made.
Ninja star
Oh I got one of them sittin’ over there. Fun fact, if you take the wick out of a votive candle so it can go over the spindle, that works just as well because the diameter is apparently the same! I didn’t have one with my parent’s old record player, but one came with my new one (direct drive!)
What if you don’t know what it is?
I know.
45 rpm
Yup.
25 minutes in. Current IQ: 105 and steadily dropping. Many years of Bengals seasons have prepared me to endure this.
Why are you doing this to yourself?
One of us has to watch this and I’m the Daywalker in our group. I’m doing y’all a favour.
Poop!
Leafs screw up a 4 on 1. As was foretold by everyone in the Hockeyworld.
Alright. Time to tune into CNN for the latest Trump Clusterfuck.
He’s already defiant but his posture is less Presidential and more caught stealing dad’s porno magazine.
O/U him walking off stage: 25 minutes
Please don’t do that.
Henry Ruggs is goin’ to jail!
/not for very long, though, considering the fact that he murdered someone.
https://apnews.com/article/raiders-ruggs-nfl-fatal-dui-vegas-4f4fdd413e0f483ce07146be7ddde9a9
The Browns are already offering him $47 million guaranteed
Did George Santos make bail in time to take his place in the starting lineup for the Knicks?
Not only that, he’s dropping the ceremonial first puck in Edmonton later tonight.
Wow, that’s going to be a tight turnaround. I guess he’ll be piloting an F-35 there and back to make it in time?
He’s flown the space shuttle twice, so no biggie.
F-35, don’t be silly. He’s going to teleport.
Wasn’t he that English guy everyone made a big deal about last Saturday?
https://twitter.com/Bengals/status/1656265783989751810?cxt=HHwWhMC-xZG9nvwtAAAA
/wanders into clubhouse with half-empty bottle of Dalwhinnie and autographed Daniel Alfredsson jersey worn backwards
“Is this where the Leafs hate watch party is at?” [glugs from the bottle]