Wumbo Wednesday With Weaselo: Congressional Mad Libs!

In a move that shocks either nobody or everybody, New York Congressman George Santos turned himself in as the Justice Department this morning and is facing 13 charges: seven counts of wire fraud, three counts of money laundering, one count of theft of public funds, and two counts of lying to the House.

I find this amazing, as after all, if what we’ve heard from the man is true, he’s lived multiple lifetimes. And if it’s not true, then it’s basically like one of these:

(Swaths of this selection have come from his campaign website and from Wikipedia.)

1. Plural noun
2. Location
3. Noun
4. Female relative
5. Date
6. Country
7. Competition
8. Game
9. Crime charge
10. City
11. College
12. Sport
13. Broadway musical

George Santos is the son of –––(1)–––, who grew up in a basement apartment in –––(2)——. Both his mother and father legally immigrated to the United States in search of the American dream, where they began their family on the foundations of life, liberty, and the pursuit of –––(3)–––. George’s drive, commitment and determination were inspired by the legacy set and left by his –––(4)–––. She gave up everything to provide for George and her family and was at the World Trade Center on –––(5)–––.

Santos moved to –––(6)–––, where his mother was at the time, around 2008 and lived there until 2011. Two former acquaintances said that he competed as a drag queen in –––(7)––– in 2008. While Santos lived in Brazil, an acquaintance paid him and his mother to play –––(8)–––, which was illegal gambling. He left Brazil, in part because he was under investigation for –––(9)––– and moved to –––(10)–––. Somewhere before moving, or after, or even during, Santos attended –––(11)––––, and was a star player on their –––(12)––– team. After college, Santos managed to become a Broadway producer for the musical –––(13)–––. The lead producer denied that Santos was involved with the show and the musical’s playbills did not contain his name. From there he was predominantly in the world of finance and charitable organizations, where he definitely did not embezzle things regarding animal rescue organizations or covid funds.

The crazy thing is that I could seriously go on for another several paragraphs, but I don’t want to compile all this bullshit and you’ve got 13 examples. All I know is:

Okay, no it isn’t, because this shit is eternal. But at the least my district will be slightly less of a laughingstock. This is all Suozzi’s fault for trying to primary for governor and not running for re-election.

Other news!
-NFL scheduled things are trickling out. Among them, some primetime and other games:
*Fulham Jags playing TWO games in London, 10/1 (vs. ATL and 10/8 vs. BUF)
*Gotta get down on Black Friday: MIA-NYJ, 3 PM 11/24
*I saw two teams come playing ball on Christmas Day, on Christmas Day: NYG-PHI
*CIN-KC on New Year’s Eve

–Bob Huggins taking a $1M pay cut.

Sports!
Stanley’s Cup
BOBROBSKY! And Friends vs. THE LEAFENING RETURNS? (FLA vs. TOR, Panthers lead 3-0) (ESPN, 7:00)
Knight Gold vs. Black Gold (VGK vs. EDM, Golden Knights lead 2-1) (ESPN, 9:30)

They’re Playing Bas…ket…baaaaall
Pat the Rat and Co. vs. Knicks in… 7? (MIA vs. NYK, Heat lead 3-1) (7:30, TNT)
The Wall vs. Holey Moley (LAL vs. GSW, Lakers lead 3-1) (10:00, TNT)

I should probably write up the Beat. No salt there impending or anything!