Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
My children taught me the true meaning of unconditional love [in bed].
Yvonne Pierre
Going to take the high road and not mention anything that you perverts thought of. That’s exactly why we can’t have nice things.
For these quotes, I’ve come the the end of the random list that I was using, so anyone have thoughts on if this should be continued or not? Let me know below. Not like anyone reads these ramblings, y’all just skip to the start of the comments, I get it.
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
What could go wrong?
BugEyedBoo
Breaking: web pile on in progress
Don T
Sorry, but I can’t change. You knew my weakness was the classics!
Don T
So, Boston basketball is more hateable than Dallas hockey, but which city is more hateable overall?
Brocky
Wait, seriously? That’s not even close!
ballsofsteelandfury
Humor me?
Brocky
I have been to both Boston and Dallas multiple times. I have friends that live in both cities.
Here’s the defining factor:
If you have a hot girl in your bedroom, which accent would you prefer she speak with?
ballsofsteelandfury
STICK IT IN ME YOU FAHCKIN’ FAHCK!! MAKE ME THINK YOUAH MAHKY FAHCKIN MAHK!!
Yeah, I kind of see your point.
Horatio Cornblower
Okay, now the DFO Website Security Gremlins are getting mean.
Redshirt
I told everyone it was a mistake to put Señor in charge of the captcha, but no one wanted to listen.
Horatio Cornblower
somehow that vote was carried by Maestro, Senor and YR’s bass playing grand-kid.
Game Time Decision
I have to apologize for contributing to this; I let Bob Kraft proxy vote for me and he’s got this weird thing for pianists.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Took the day off for our 41st [ congrats that’s fucking awsome]. Made it rain all over town for Wifeys dresses, accessories and shoes. Homeboy got nuthin. Nice cake tonight but a load of nuthin else. Funny thing is, I’m totally cool with it. Spent all day telling them I don’t want anything, really. I have everything I need and want. I’m simply enjoying giving back now. Can’t beat the feeling.
2Pack
Headed to Florida on Thursday to help my parents move into their new house. If there’s a news story about a phantom shitter striking the Mar-A-Lago grounds, I was here in the clubhouse the whole time.
LemonJello
WTH is going on in BC?
Mounties in North Vancouver thwarted a toothpaste theft last Friday, seizing two duffle bags and one wagon's worth of product. https://t.co/7N1TusJVAB
— CTV News Vancouver (@CTVVancouver) May 29, 2023
Mr. Ayo
This was clearly an attempted plot by the Cavity Creeps!
Doktor Zymm
They fight midget horses don’t they.
2Pack
Diet Matt Gaetz?
WCS
I believe this question has already been settled rather unequivocally.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
BeefReeferLives
I have to get up at the very buttcrack of dawn tomorrow, ugh. Toodles, my poodles!
Gumbygirl
Obligatory!
Senor Weaselo
Just saw this posted in reply to some fever brained rant by a blue-checked fool. Probably old hat to most of you, but I LOL’ed.
BeefReeferLives
btw, in my first date with my Ex-wife, we got mugged and went through an attempted carjacking. Memorable!
Don T
Y’know, I feel like of all things that should’ve been a sign…
Senor Weaselo
1) Goddammit, Carlton. No dance for you.
2) Getting old continues to suck ass – somehow, I managed to trip and fall getting out of the car. Managed to wedge my elbow between garage cement and my left side. Knocked the wind out of me a bit, didn’t hear a crunch but wondered if I broke a rib or two. But not pissing or puking blood so I reckon I can save myself an embarrassing ER visit. As always, FML.
King Hippo
Oh no, poor Hippo! Getting old is not for sissies.
Gumbygirl
“Seriously, is there anything worse than coming back from vacation to a messy house?”
Yes. Yes there is…
BeefReeferLives
How the fuck you doing boys (and girls?)
If y’all remember, a few weeks ago i went on a pretty sweet male bonding experience that was my buddy’s bachelor party. It involved firearms. Said buddy is getting married tomorrow and we’ve effectively taken over this tavern.
I may or may not be intoxicated. I may or may not be sharing a story of why there’s a persistent rumor of me having supernatural powers related to a scar I have. I may or may not have compared the Dallas cowboys to that weird shit I took on Thursday
Brocky
We’re moving my daughter into her new apartment tomorrow morning. Wife is getting the truck at 9:30. She just went to bed while announcing she’s not feeling well. Son is here but drunk. Daughter just got home from a friend’s house. I’m on my 3rd beer.
Tomorrow’s move is going to go forward with the same precision shown at (waves vaguely at various military disasters) that thing.
Horatio Cornblower
Why is my bad idea radar going off?
yeah right
Probably because there’s a sleeper sofa involved that my son, (who has never been involved in an actual move), is convinced will be no problem at all.
Oh you sweet, dumb, summer child.
Horatio Cornblower
Commercial during the Yankees game: “When you’re a Fab, Fit, Fun member you get to choose whatever comes in your box every season.”
Horatio Cornblower
There’s a Ben Shapiro book sitting by the controls of the jetbridge for my ORD-SFO flight 😂
Doktor Zymm
You know it won’t be about the female orgasm, that’s for sure.
King Hippo
Book pages are so dry they might spontaneously combust.
SonOfSpam
A lot of women come through a jetbridge, but nawt a lot of women cum through a jetbridge
Doktor Zymm
I may have mentioned earlier that I was going alcohol-free quite soon. Well, yesterday our internet provider went kaput and the office staff had to handwrite all of our delivery orders. No worries-it was probably in the range of +/- 400 invoices.
/knee-deep in scotch, thank you very much
scotchnaut
Finished the move. Had to take a door off the hinges for the sleeper sofa and we couldn’t get the box spring to the bedroom due to the stairs being at an insane pitch and a low ceiling. Left it downstairs with a challenge to the landlord, who loves this sort of thing and is undoubtedly going to find a way to get it up the stairs.
Back sore, knee tweaked, so basically it’s a day that ends in ‘y’
Horatio Cornblower
[desperately searches the stands for any good-looking fan, Man City or otherwise]
-several cameramen at the moment
scotchnaut
Horatio Cornblower
They’re Peppy and De Bruyne,
Yes, Peppy and De Bruyne
One is a genius
The others passes are insane.
They’re Peppy, Peppy and De Bruyne, Bruyne, Bruyne…
scotchnaut
I’m rather fond of early June. The weather has finally turned but its not unbearably hot like July or August. Its a popular time for weddings and birthdays for a reason, plus my birthday is in a week.
Also, coincidentally I’m at a wedding reception now. I decided to go against the suggested dress code of semi casual, and decided on a relatively bold color choice.
Brocky
This is my buddy Glen from Tronna. He almost always wears his CBC ballcap and he’s been on YT for quite some time. He makes recipes directly from old cookbooks on Sundays. Since Covid hit (and the cost of grocery items skyrocketed) he talks a lot about “methods” of cooking that allow folks to improvise dinners with the ingredients they have in the fridge or what’s on sale. Take a drink every time he whips out his bag. (of milk)
scotchnaut
Wimpy BugEye story. A friend of mine made mild chili (wasn’t good, wasn’t bad, perfectly ok) for a company picnic, and bought Dave’s Insanity Sauce to spice up the chili. This was back before there were things like actual hot sauce stores and Scoville unit bragging rights. So I make a bowl of chili and douse it like it was tabasco or Frank’s Red Hot. I took a bite and I thought I was going to die. Nose running, me trying to put the fire out, and somewhere along the way I had a little bit go down the wrong pipe. Tears, snot, coughing up a lung; the whole nine yards. I dumped out the bowl, and put some more chili in the bowl more as an experiment rather than craving more pain chili. Using just the goop on the sides actually bought the heat down to a reasonable level.
BugEyedBoo
Similar story but mine involves “Da Bomb” Hot sauce. The only sauce that’s been featured on every episode of Hot Ones.
At work, doing the “I’m a manly man” shit with my employees and had a couple of bites. It’s crazy, ridiculous hot shit no doubt but I can handle that. Everyone there is dying from the heat.
Then?
I had to take a piss.
You know what happened next.
The only thing that saved me was a handicap stall in the men’s room that had a sink in it.
Yes, I was washing my junk in the sink at work while everyone in the break room was falling out laughing.
yeah right
Miami pulled it out!
scotchnaut
Mr. Ayo
Excited to announce that my daughter has moved to her new apartment and we are officially empty-nesters.
Also the cat got out and night and I think the washing machine just gave up the ghost, so God giveth with one hand and taketh with the other.
Horatio Cornblower
Is The Dwarf taking over her room?
ballsofsteelandfury
If he fixes the washing machine he can have mine.
Horatio Cornblower
Dwarf: “Oh my. I was trying to fix the washing machine and I got stuck. Little help, Horatio?”
Horatio: [unzips pants] “I’m not gonna lie-I never get tired of this.”
scotchnaut
“little help”
That’s beautiful.
ballsofsteelandfury
I am absolutely never going to be able to run for office.
I mean, I couldn’t before this, but I definitely can’t now.
Horatio Cornblower
I assumed narcotics were involved. That’s why I didn’t say anything.
ballsofsteelandfury
Please let me reiterate:
Happy? What
Don T
Serious question: When is a good time to visit the PR?
I’m talking few tourists and fewer hurricanes.
Kind of want to get some PR sand in my toes.
Would love to meet you in person Stagger Lee.
yeah right
You didn’t ask me but I feel compelled to tell you when is the best time to visit northern Ontario. The answer is late August/early September. The tractor-pulling contests are in full swing and demolition derby drivers are really feeling their oats. The wrist-wrestlers really start to shine when the sun starts to fade. Gump McStuffin outa Smooth Rock Falls has won the heavyweight division three years running!
scotchnaut
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
Not Cool: There’s a fire somewhat close to where I work and an employee’s cottage is directly in it’s path.
Cool: A fire bomber plane grabbed some water from our lake yesterday.
MOAR tidbits:
Having finished in just 14th place in the Premier League this season, West Ham have become the lowest-placed team ever to win a European trophy. Inter Milan had previously held that distinction:
From The Athletic:
There have now been three 90th-minute winning goals in major European finals. All three have been scored by English teams:
TODAY IS SO FUN!
https://twitter.com/PopBase/status/1666529409262829569
I have long been pushing the idea that Jimmy Pesto’s should be replaced by a sushi restaurant opened by the guy from the Hawk and Chick episode.
Does this mean Trev now runs Pesto’s?
Trev will be so lonely, yo. They should have Pesto in federal prison, let the guy phone in his lines collect from the pokey’s pay phone.
Moyesy has a happy! Fronk has a boner??
90th minute winner? That’s the stuff! Yeah, nice to see that Scot beam!
Yankees game and Phillies game have both been postponed,.
THANKS TREWDOH.
PPD – Nation’s hat on fire
Stupid America Junior.
https://twitter.com/thejasonkirk/status/1666441834728398849
This Zooropa NIT finale sure is a spicy meatball. Perhaps the Bosa brothers could sponsor next season?
Holy smokes:
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-indictment-espionage-prosecution-charges-b2353397.html
Like Al Capone for tax evasion, busting Trump for one of the zillions of lies under oath is appropriate.
The details will be super interesting.
Also the crying.
This part:
Mr Meadows has already given evidence before the grand jury and is said to be cooperating with the investigation into his former boss. It is understood that the former North Carolina congressman will plead guilty to several federal charges as part of a deal for which he has already received limited immunity in exchange for his testimony.
Meadows going rat would be the funniest thing EVAR.
Is he still eligible for capital punishment?
This morning I promised my dog that if she ever caught a rabbit, I would cook it for her. I sure hope I never have to make good on that promise.
/dog happily brings home dead, bloated skunk
She’s already tried to catch a skunk before. She, uh, did not succeed.
Don’t ever make that promise to a cat.
Despite her age (14), all this rain has made for a very fine year for hunting for Lily.
GTD
Armed and hammered
LLL
/triggered
/too soon
Rum Ham supporters reacting reasonably?
Season premiere tonight WOO
What were they throwing? Didn’t look like rum or ham.
Y’know, I think we’ve all felt like doing this after being on the line arguing with the cable company rep, but the cartel boys over-reacted just a bit in this case IMHO.
“Human remains found in 45 bags discovered in a suburb of Guadalajara belong to call center workers who went missing in May, Mexican authorities have confirmed.”
https://www.cnn.com/2023/06/06/americas/mexico-confirms-call-center-workers-body-parts-bags-intl-latam-hnk/
“Yes, Mr. Escobar, I realize that I called during your dinner hour, but I can save you hundreds on your data plan!!”
If I’m on the jury the killers are walking out free men.
If they were scammers, I’ll bring the popcorn.
I probably acquit Mr. Escobar’s crew on almost anything, but agreed 100% in these circumstances
Fahrenheit 45C – the temperature when syrup burns, eh?
“Oh no! Mrs. Butterworth’s gonna have me legs broke, eh!?”
Anyone working on anything good? I am drowning and exhausted over here. Good stuff but just the fucking details of the work….
Is someone getting sued by someone else in here? Have any of you dfo lawyers ever faced off in the legal arena?
I will not litigate under pain of catapult. Been on nightmare lease negotiation calls all day.
Nickel summary- I hate my job but pretty sure I’d hate living in a cardboard box MOAR
The Dr. Mrs. used to do litigation. It was pretty smart of me to marry someone who argues for a living, I must say.
Just had to tell someone we would not mediate the case on their terms because my client wasn’t the one crossing the street against a red light while having heroin and cocaine in their system.
Britt Reid’s on house arrest?
This guy’s much better than ol’ Britt; he only did massive damage to himself.
Also just found out that my assistant scheduled two depositions for the first morning after I get back from a week off in July.
Suffice it to say those are being rescheduled with a quickness.
Mystery crash on a customer’s system that works on my test system. And mine’s a VM so yes, I would send them my system.
Search your Mexi-channels for the big Rum Ham/Fiorentina match! Fronk, your nerves holding up a’ight?
Ooops. So Lizzy Holmes has apparently escaped from prison, and is at it again….
“A biotechnology company selling a $949 blood test that it bills as a “first of its kind” to detect cancer said it incorrectly informed about 400 customers that they might have the disease.”
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/grail-cancer-test-mistake-letter/
I was happy with my result:
“You’ve tested positive for sexy!”
Best thousand bucks I ever spent.
Spenser’s Gifts you’ve done it again!
They threw in an F.B.I.* for free!
*Female Body Inspector
I’ve been working through some backed-up projects and just noticed that it’s not even 2 pm and I have 35 pieces of new mail.
This can’t be good.
This is not dark fur or shadow, this is the result of the dog playing in the mulch right after I put it down.
I’m sorry you had to put your dog down.
He seems so lively in your pic…
/s
It’s a she. And she’s lazy until about 9 pm, then she goes crazy.
Sounds like a toddler.
That’s about when my old man cat does his “come inside for 5 minutes then demand to go right back out” routine. They must have been born under the same crazy moon.
Just got my pronoun fail. I suck at Engleese.
It’s like a magnet for those furry little bastards.
https://twitter.com/the_ironsheik/status/1666462933604265990?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Etweet
Ah shit, that’s too bad.
He did have an extraordinarily long life for a professional wrestler.
The Pirates are down 7-0 to the A’s. The A’s have the bases loaded and the Pirates have just walked the last two runs in. There is one out in the first inning.
Yankees game might get postponed due to Canadia Cookouts.
Live shot from Canada
Wouldn’t surprise me. It’s supposed to be really bad today.
Obviously the pirates are lost today. They tried to get us to board but we were having none of it.
That’s so Pirates…
They’re in first place!
They will be mathematically eliminated by the all star break, like they have been every season since the 90’s, and even then they didn’t win anything in the post season. They are the imaginary team I used to root for when I was a child. The Hartford Whalers of baseball!
I would have thought that Pirates and Whalers would be mortal enemies.
Whoever wins that division with 75 wins will no doubt make the Dirt Owl
With the new balanced schedule, the top four teams don’t get to beat up on the Cards.
The fine print on our Devil Magick contract must have come due
Of course they are!
https://twitter.com/Win98Tech/status/1666449877226737666
Apparently my not being able to see the Sun is Doug Ford’s fault.
It’s time we picked up where we left off in 1812.
Or for a more recent example, the last 30 seasons of the NHL.
fuck Doug Ford with one of his tiny fucking toy snow shovels. What a POS.
He’s set us back decades on so many things. All to line the pockets of his already wealthy friends. Makes me mad how bad it is and he continues to be
Nepotism? Corruption? IN POLITICS?!
All day I was just thinking it gon’ rain (thanks, Ollie Williams and Black-u-weather)
Messi picked Miami!
MLS is basically a “walking footy” league, so makes sense
The logistics should be interesting. Audi Field in D.C. is TINY.
Breaking: Messi has more integrity than the PGA.
he better not be woke
I like the quote and the (in bed) beginning. Perhaps you could spice it up by taking known quotes and warping them to fit the DFO crowd… Example:
‘Spare the rod and spoil the dwarf’ (in bed)
Nice double entendre, too!
You people make me sick.
& that’s why you keep coming back…
Huh. I could have sworn that was a Woody Allen quote.
Great wrap up as usual GTD. Need Yeah Right to tell me how to cook seagull. My window here is limited.
Grandson cat suggests “tartar” but YMMV
prob cooks like a quail or guineafowl
Well then I’m gonna doll up this volley ball I found, name her Marika, and get a fire started.
Not really related, but I would 100% start watching Survivor again if you were a contestant. Do it for your trans-Atlantic imaginary friends!
Survivor would be a moderately difficult field problem for me. Teamed with Marika and I’d likely nawt return. I’d figure out a way to make her omelets.
I’ve heard seagull eggs are kinda gamey….