Wumbo Wednesday With Weaselo: The True Nadir

Well, for anyone who watched, that was a bit of an eh game at least in the middle innings. The 8th and 9th were interesting though. For anyone who didn’t, the NL beat the AL 3-2 in the All-Star Game in Seattle last night on the strength of an 8th inning Elias Díaz home run. Who’s Elias Díaz? That’s a good question, but he apparently plays for the Rockies. Rocktober’s back baby, for one night only! Which was last night.

I kicked around some ideas for what to do this week before deciding on none of them, yayyyyy. In fairness half of you don’t want me to talk about how each team is doing at the All-Star Break, apart from mocking both New York teams who would both be out of the playoffs as of now. And fewer of you would want me to do a watch of the best game I’ve ever been to, but have never seen on TV, the 2008 All-Star Game. You know, the Yankee Stadium one that went 15 innings, as opposed to the Home Run Derby tiebreaker the broadcasters were hoping for last night.

And then, I heard the news today. Oh boy.

First, the NFL news: Break out your tinfoil hats and your ayahuasca, cause the Jets are gonna be on Hard Knocks! This will either be the most interesting or most boring season of the show, and there will be no middle ground. Unless Zaslav cancels it and removes all the other seasons for a tax write-off. But that paled in comparison to the irksome news, where the Yankees are joining the sleeve ad patch brigade thanks (dripping sarcasm) to Starr Insurance, through 2031.

As you can imagine, Yankee fans and MLB fans responded well to this news of one of the flagship franchises and most iconic uniforms in all of sports succumbing to this trend of North American sports emulating the rest of the world:

Yeah, darkest timeline, felt goatee time.

This seems especially cruel considering the quote a week or two earlier that the Yankees wouldn’t be considering the City Connect line of uniforms at this point in time.

The jersey ad will cost Starr somewhere between $20-25M per year, or approximately 0.6 Aaron Judges, and asks the question, “Oh boy, what fuckery is Hal gonna do next?”

Anyway, fuck it, what’s on tonight?

Las Vegas Summer League Action!
Raptors vs. Pistons (in progress, ESPN2)

Gold Cup Semis
Teddy Roosevelt Trophy (United States vs. Panama, 7:30, FS1)
Drugs of All Nations (Jamaica vs. Mexico, 10:30, FS1)

I don’t even have a Lowratio to kick. Or a The Cheat.

5 4 votes
Article Rating
Senor Weaselo
Senor Weaselo plays the violin. He tucks it right under his chin. When he isn't doing that, he enjoys watching his teams (Yankees, Jets, Knicks, and Rangers), trying to ingest enough capsaicin to make himself breathe fire (it hasn't happened yet), and scheming to acquire the Bryant Park zamboni.
Subscribe
Notify of
80 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
WCS

I loathe Danny Boy so, so much. Karma’s always keeping tabs.

2Pack

We had a rough hail storm last night but the veggie gardens cover net took it like a champ. Had to retie 2 (of 6) guide lines this morning and it knocked over 3 pepper plants which I stood back up and tied off better. But looks like it weathered that storm.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

OH MY GOD SUGAR RUSH IS BACK!

Oh, wait. It’s a Mexican version. I guess that’s cool too. I miss the original flavor, though.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So I ended up having lemon drops. The second one is ginger-enhanced. It’s basically a test to see how much of a hangover I get from vodka. Wish me luck!

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Brick, did you go into the photo reading room at the Library of Congress and look at the Stereographs? Totally up your alley.

Brick Meathook

Photo research is my main game, BFC!

Brick Meathook

Hallways of Washington DC

comment image
comment image
comment image

Last edited 1 year ago by Brick Meathook
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Top one looks like it could be EEOB.

Brick Meathook

Bottom one is Dew Drop Inn

Brick Meathook

Top two are Library of Congress

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Oh you took the tunnel from the Madison building to the Jefferson building?

Brick Meathook

Jefferson building to Adams building through the tunnels. A/C all the way on a hot high noon day. Ate at Burrito Bros.

Last edited 1 year ago by Brick Meathook
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Shit, it’s Wednesday? Guess I should start working on tomorrow night’s open thread at some point…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah man, get it together.

[composes a message about how Request Line will be just a little late this week; saves to “drafts”]

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s a true GOLAZO

ballsofsteelandfury

México is not fucking around here

Mr. Ayo

I haven’t seen a B side this bad since REM

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

(not an implication that this song is bad, because nothing by Iggy is bad, just that it fits the whole “b-side” thing)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44aFzU_ZRF0

Mr. Ayo

B side request line?

2Pack

Excellent idea.

Horatio Cornblower

Noriega’s Revenge.

SonOfSpam

For when we embargo’d Clearasil?

ballsofsteelandfury

MOAR like Pulisuck!

Mr. Ayo

Watching on Roku, and the sound is delayed just right that the whistle blows right as every kick is taken. Very odd.

Horatio Cornblower

Nice save by Turner, but that was also one of the worst penalty kicks I’ve ever seen.

ballsofsteelandfury

It was horrible

SonOfSpam

(knows nothing about sockher)

I hate that hesitation thing so I’m glad Turner saved it

Horatio Cornblower

Turner seems to have left his ESP in the locker room.

Mr. Ayo

Great timing!

What a shit try.

Mr. Ayo
ArmedandHammered

Sounds more fun than any other political fundraiser of which I have heard.

Horatio Cornblower

I have no idea who any of these people are, but they do seem like people who should consider touring the Titanic in a submersible of extremely questionable design.

ArmedandHammered

I just imagined people locked into a small tube, deep underwater having been served beans and cabbage beforehand.

Horatio Cornblower

Implosion, explosion, let’s call the whole thing off!

ArmedandHammered

If they all had flatulence they may survived by farting enough to equalize the pressure.

Brick Meathook

In high school I was tangentially exposed to Robert Kennedy’s 20 children and they were all rich drug addict fuck ups.

ArmedandHammered

It IS the Kennedy family, they are just keeping the family traditions alive.

Brick Meathook

I was just a drug addict fuck up

Gumbygirl

That deserves a fucking Pulitzer.

Horatio Cornblower

I missed the US goal because Mrs. Horatio made strawberry shortcake.

On the one hand, I missed a dramatic tying goal. On the other, more important hand, strawberry shortcake!

Mr. Ayo

Is that her pet name for Lowratio?

Last edited 1 year ago by Mr. Ayo
Horatio Cornblower

No, I’m pretty sure she called it that because it involved strawberries and shortca…

Oh goddammit, now I’m doing it!

ArmedandHammered

So does Lowratio get a short stack of strawberry shortcake?

Horatio Cornblower

We’re not savages, of course he does.

ArmedandHammered

For when she has him wear the red gingham frock and hat?

Horatio Cornblower

Tolkien plays for the USA?

comment image

Explains all the last minute comebacks, anyway

Brick Meathook

I just to reassure Balls that I am not a lazy writer and that I’m doing research in the Library of Congress and I even got a library card for this. Balls, sir, I am on the job.

ballsofsteelandfury

Excellent!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hey I got my library of Congress reading room card this week, too!

Brick Meathook

We both have LOC cards and the same Hollywood scrotum waxer. We are both cut from the same chunk of wood.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’d be nice to have a cold beer right now but I can’t (because I drank them all) so I gotta figure out something else to drink.

Mr. Ayo

How about the salty tears of the losers of the USMNT?

Last edited 1 year ago by Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Nevermind.

ballsofsteelandfury

That goal was like in fucking slow motion too.

Mr. Ayo

I never see that no bounce volley work. Twas lovely.

Horatio Cornblower

Well-timed, sir; do it again.

ballsofsteelandfury

Not yet

SonOfSpam

Extra time for US/Panama in the Whale’s Vagina!

ArmedandHammered

My wife just told me that the NBA is making “flopping” a technical foul and that they will be emphasizing enforcement. Christian Lightner throws himself to the ground in disgust.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Why the fuck is Alcaraz (the 1-seed) playing the 3 seed in the semifinal, while the 2-seed (Djokovic) plays the 8-seed? Tennis seeding is so stupid and pointless.

Mr. Ayo

Seeding as I understand it is based on world rankings, which draw on the entire previous year of matches to calculate. As a result, there may be blind sports for newly competitive players.

On the ladies side, we have several Russian/Belarus players that were either excluded from events or excluded from earning ranking points over the past year. And, of course, Svitlona who was unranked because she was preggers for most of the past year.

On mens side, the 4 seed, Rudd, was upset in the 2nd round. Otherwise, Joker has beaten all contenders on his side of the bracket. And let’s not forget Uewald, the upstart American who nearly knocked off the 3 seed to get to the semis.

What I’m saying is, upsets are great. Enjoy the spectacle. And fuck Joker with a hot spit.

herodotus450

preggers

All in favor of banning Mr. Ayo from the clubhouse for life say aye!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Nay!” – Philip Rivers

ArmedandHammered

“Neigh” – John Elway

Horatio Cornblower

“nah, fuck that.”

-Antonio Cromartie

ballsofsteelandfury

What’s wrong with preggers?

Mr. Ayo

Right? I could have gone with bun in the oven, knocked up, with child, prego, in the family way, expecting, or child bearing.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I thought it was pretty tragic the way that Hurkacz blew *both* of those first two tiebreakers. Djokovic is like the Patriots right now, he always seems to catch breaks right when he needs them most and then takes full advantage of them because, you know, he’s arguably the best there’s ever been.

EDIT: I don’t mean the right now Patriots, I mean peak Patriots.

Last edited 1 year ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Game Time Decision

Tennis scoring is also stoooopid

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think it’s fine, except that 30-30 should be called “deuce” too, because it’s effectively the same thing.

SonOfSpam

So you wanna make the deuce threshold lower? Drop the deuce?

Doktor Zymm

I’m not dehydrated, I’m just drinking the exact amount of water my body needs and therefore saving myself the trouble of using the toilet

WCS

comment image

Last edited 1 year ago by WCS
Game Time Decision

That’s just being efficient

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also every time you *do* pee you should drink a fresh beer to replace the fluid you just lost.

Brick Meathook

Got my new Library of Congress library card today, which has got to be the Mt Olympus of library cards. I can just waltz into the main reading room, pull a reference book off an alcove shelf and plop down in a desk and peruse it in the refrigerated 65ºF comfort against the tropical swelter of a D.C. summer. Tourists aren’t allowed in “researcher” areas because they are just plebes who probably can’t read anyway and would just spoil the books with their filthy unwashed hands.

Photography is not allowed in the main reading room so here’s a photo:

comment image

Mr. Ayo

You are a scholar and a hero. Thank you for your service.

Last edited 1 year ago by Mr. Ayo
WCS

comment image
comment image