TGIF! Hope everyone had a productive week of blackmailing their colleagues with slide deck presentations.

Survival – Personal Edition

Let’s learn how to jump from a moving car! This is useful in emergency situations like being kidnapped, car jacked, brake failure, or argument with a partner. (No offense, Chris Henry)

• Seriously, this is a last resort. Modern cars are very safe in accidents. Although not so much if another occupant has a gun or knife. And no, I’m not padding my word count by repeating stuff.
• First thing, pull the parking brake. Or, engage it with the button or toggle switch on newer cars. This probably won’t stop the car, but at least it will slow it some. We want as little bodily damage as possible here, so slower is better.
• Open the car door and prop it open with your foot. We’re not leaping out the window as that drop will only cause further injury.
• Get as low as you can in the car, then leap away and toward the rear of the car. When you jump you will still be moving as fast as the car, so the idea here is to not get run over by the rear tires.
• Tuck. That means put your chin to your chest, and fold in your arms and legs. This will protect your neck and limbs.
• Oh wait, let’s go back. Before you leap, try to pick out a soft landing. Avoid trees, curbs, and rocks and these are hard stops that can be fatal. Minimize pavement as that will remove a lot of skin and could break several bones.
• When you land, let your body roll and keep your head and limbs tucked. Once you stop, assess your extremities for injury before trying to get up.

Congrats, you did it! Make sure to look back at your exploding vehicle as it careens off that cliff or smashes into that wall. And remember to look into the camera and say your line: “That was quite the car-tastrophe!”

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Survival – Species Edition

Time to put the sexy in Friday!

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!